So, when is enough, enough-high risk pregnancy?

[rie'smom]

All I can say is, please, please don't stop posting on this thread people! My husband an I are getting quite a kick out of some of these responses about "too many kids", what number of children you should stop helping at, and so on.(hey who can blame us, the state of the union is on and all the kids are asleep, so its a slow night)

I think a lot of people really do have an issue with the number of children this family has but just don't want to come out and admit that, because really how can you argue something that's someone elses business? Oh, I know how.....you make it your business because they're asking YOU for help....so now you're allowed to make a judgment call on the number of children they have.

Does a mother with 1 child deserve help? Should she not have any more children if she needs help with that first? Because that might pretty much limit us all to 1 child. "well, honey, I dont know, we had to have Beth across the street take little Casey to dance recital that one time we both worked late...lets not have more kids"

As for OPs question, though I disagree with many of the points of view here as far as other things go, my answer would have to be no, I would not have more children if I knew another pregnancy would be life threatening. My last pregnancy was difficult, cared not to repeat that or take the chance of leaving my children motherless, and got my tubes tied.

And the very last thing I will say is this- just because *YOU* (general you, not directing it towards anyone in particular) cant imagine, cant handle, cant even possibly fathom having 8 children, caring and loving for 8 children, paying for 8 children.....doesn't mean *I* cant.

and yeah, they're all in my signature, count them up. Theirs EIGHT of them.

Well, you're irresponsible and a terrible parent-just kidding I think it's absolutely great that you can handle the job! It would be so great if everyone on the thread was at the dinner table. There would be some red faces.

 

[golfgal]

Why is this or your post in the OP a problem for you? People are free to make their own decisions. Does everyone always agree with everything you do? Doubt it. Does it stop you from doing it? Doubt it
The world would be a much nicer place if we all minded our own business.

Well, considering I wouldn't have even known they were pregnant if THEY hadn't sent out the email, I guess THEY made it my business

 

[Hannathy]

Well, you're irresponsible and a terrible parent-just kidding I think it's absolutely great that you can handle the job! It would be so great if everyone on the thread was at the dinner table. There would be some red faces.

exactly she isn't sending out a mass email asking for the community to do her job.
I personally don't care how many kids a couple has as long as you aren't asking me to care for them or pay for them. My face wouldn't be red.

I do think it is irresponsible to leave children motherless when you have a choice and it isn't an accident or UNPREVENTABLE illness.

 

[disfan07]

I dont think it is the NUMBER of children, so much as the fact that they KNOWINGLY put the moms life at risk and could possibly leave the children motherless.

Yes, all pregnancies are risky and there are no guarantees but after 6 pregnancies that all included bedrest and high risk, I think it is kind of selfish. It's liek they just cant be happy with what they have.

My doctor has 2 kids. She had the first one and was put on bed rest but the main reason for her was supposedly because she just tried to do too much. Between teaching and the clinic and being on-call, her body just gave out about 10 weeks early. Her doctor gave her the all clear to have another and she had her second one last year. She was put on bed rest again. 12 weeks early. She was told that having a 3rd one would be high risk and put her on bed rest again and possibly major complications for her and her child. As much as she wanted a 3rd she knows shes done. Its not worth her life or her kids not having a mother.

As for OPs question, though I disagree with many of the points of view here as far as other things go, my answer would have to be no, I would not have more children if I knew another pregnancy would be life threatening. My last pregnancy was difficult, cared not to repeat that or take the chance of leaving my children motherless, and got my tubes tied.

But I think that is the point (or at least my point). If you KNOW that another pregnancy would be difficult, or high risk or life threatening than it is selfish (IMO) to continue. If you have 8 kids and all pregnancies were easy, complication free, not high risk, etc and you want more, as long as you can personally handle them and afford them, by all means, go ahead. But to get pregnant KNOWING that it is life threatening is wrong

 

[MindyLuvsMickey]

My first pregnancy was a breeze. I ended up pregnant again two weeks prior to my husband's previously scheduled vasectomy. Definitely not planned or intended, as I knew I had some health issues that could be serious.

It was extremely high risk for multiple reasons. I was on bed rest for 13 LONG weeks. I love my son to pieces and wouldn't trade him for the world but there is no way that I would ever put myself or my family through that again. It was time counsuming and costly even with insurance.

My husband did follow through with his snippy snippy. I practically begged my OB to do a tubal at the time of delivery, but the hospital refused because of their religious affiliation.

It would be irresponsible for me to risk another pregnancy.

 

[SunnyP4Disney]

That's a crap ton of kids, but I am all about a woman's right to her body and her choices, so I'll let her deal with the consequences. I had a high risk pregnancy with my ONE child, I couldn't imagine doing that again, much less eight times over. I wish her well, but I certainly wouldn't help her...

 

[nathalee81]

I am kind of curious about something.

If people want a large family, why don't more people consider adoption as an option? Especially if there is a health risk during pregnancy?

 

[MistressMerryweather]

They didn't ask help from their community, they sent the email to their church community. OP, if you no longer are a part of that church community and you live 3 hours away, then you should have unsubscribed from their email loop if you didn't intend on participating. You continued making it your business.
Bed rest does not mean risking your life. There are many reasons to be put on bed rest and there are a lot of overzealous doctors out there that side on the overcautious side. If you don't know the exact circumstances of this family then you have no business guessing. How unbelievable to withhold compassion for a family because you disagree with their beliefs and decisions as adults. I'm wondering how many you who replied so rudely in regards to the mother choosing to "die and leave her children" are smokers...or overeaters...or speed when you drive? When you get lung cancer, or high blood pressure/diabetes, or on a respirator because you drove to fast and got in an accident. God forbid anyone help you as you "deal with the consequences". Compassion people, come on. No wonder the world we live in is so cold.

 

[handinpocket]

I am kind of curious about something.

If people want a large family, why don't more people consider adoption as an option? Especially if there is a health risk during pregnancy?

Many people want their own blood children and would not love an adopted child as much as a child of their own. There is nothing wrong with that. Someone else's reproductive lives is none of our business.

 

[3boymthr]

OP - Yup, I would and DID stop. I had three children. All requiring modified bed rest at the end. The first two were classified as high risk because I underwent infertility treatments and they wanted me off my feet for the last month of pregnancy. The third was a surprise (hey, who bothers with birth control when you've been told you can't get pregnant on your own) and not classifed as high risk until I started with all kinds of lovely pregnancy induced health problems at 5 months which led to my liver starting to fail at the end of #3. Luckily I was already within days of my due date when this happened so they just induced me. But as a result of pregnancy #3 I ended up with permanent health problems so I said enough is enough and DH got the ole snippy snippy.

BTW - I do NOT judge her for having 8 kids - I have relatives with large families and don't condemn them. As long as you can afford it go for it. OTH - a cousin has a friend who has a very small chance of having a healthy child because of a rare genetic disorder. She has had multiple pregnancies which resulted in miscarriage and then one which the child was born alive. Her prematurely born newborn infant underwent multiple major surgeries and never had a day of peace or health and died within days of birth as a result of the disease. Due to the nature of the disorder the odds of her having a health child go down with each successive pregnancy (the odds are like 1 in 1,000 that she'll have a healthy child). She was talking about trying to have another child shortly after her newborn died. This woman I DO condemn.

 

[lillygator]

This. If you can't afford to deal with this then you shouldn't be having another child especially when its pretty much expected that this will happen. I could understand if this was kid #1 or #2, but not with #8.

I had an anticipated high risk pregnancy with my daughter. I also lost two babies before my daughter's birth. Even though I knew I would have issues,I chose to try to have a child because that is the what my husband and I wanted. I ended up on bed rest at 10 weeks for a couple of weeks due to high blood pressure. I also had three hospitalizations due to pre-eclampsia. My daughter was born weighing 4.7 pounds nearly 6 weeks early. Would I do it all again? In a heartbeat! I did get pregnant again a few years ago, but we lost that one at nearly 12 weeks.

I find it incredibly sad that other women would make judgments on the choices this family has made. No one is forcing you to help them. Just close the email and ignore it. But they have every right to make the choices that they deem to be correct for their family.

BTW, other than ADHD, my daughter is a perfectly healthy little girl and I'm not doing so bad myself

of course they have the right to thier "choice" but if you choose to have x amount of kids YOU and not anyone else need to be able to provide for them.....................period...no begging emails.....

 

[DizBelle]

Why is this or your post in the OP a problem for you? People are free to make their own decisions. Does everyone always agree with everything you do? Doubt it. Does it stop you from doing it? Doubt it
The world would be a much nicer place if we all minded our own business.

The world would be a much nicer place if people thought about how their actions affected others.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

The world would be a much nicer place if people thought about how their actions affected others.

Smoking, overeating and driving over the speed limit are actions that affect others. Do you do none of these? Most people do at least one.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

OP, you "sound" angry about them possibly irresponsibly having 8 children in her high-risk situation. Or annoyed. But something negative is coming through your posts that goes beyond just an opinion.

I think the lady shouldn't be taking any chances with having more children. But I'd help her out if I could and keep my opinion to myself, unless I was emotionally concerned about her. Then maybe I'd have a gentle talk with her. If she still wants to have another child after #8, I'd still help her. Alot of people say they can't understand why or how she could take chances like that but SHE understands her own reasons and we should respect that, especially if they're not depending on the taxpayers to support their family.

 

[nathalee81]

Many people want their own blood children and would not love an adopted child as much as a child of their own. There is nothing wrong with that. Someone else's reproductive lives is none of our business.

No, sorry I really was curious why more people don't adopt. I was just curious about the reasoning.

Wasn't judging anyone.

 

[rie'smom]

The world would be a much nicer place if people thought about how their actions affected others.

Yes and minding one's business is an action.

of course they have the right to thier "choice" but if you choose to have x amount of kids YOU and not anyone else need to be able to provide for them.....................period...no begging emails.....

They were asking their church group for help transporting their kids. Have you never had to ask anyone for help? Do you have a child(ren)? I don't make a habit of asking for help but when my daughter was younger and the only child we had at home, I was sick and had to ask for help. Would it have been better if someone said, " You wanted her, I'm not helping you."
All I can say is thank God I have family and friends who were more than happy to help when I needed them.
BTW, I have been happy to help others who needed me too.

Smoking, overeating and driving over the speed limit are actions that affect others. Do you do none of these? Most people do at least one.

 

[DMRick]

Do you have any idea how expensive that is? My cousins were over $20,000 each. They could prob get kids with physical and mental problems for less money, of course. Of course that could cost more down the road.
That said, I have no idea what their religious beliefs are as far as birth control. Her body, and really her right. Don't want to help the family because you don't like that they are having more children even though there are risks? Then don't. But others might want the opportunity to help.

I think the best thing the OP could do so she wouldn't be bothered by her old church group asking the church family for help for this family, is to get off the old church emailing list. Imagine that..a church list asking for help for one of their members. Maybe the person they are asking help for didn't even ask for the help..maybe someone close to the family in the church decided to be good stewards and just wanted to help and thought others in the church might want to. The OP said she didn't even know the person was pregnant, so maybe she shouldn't be on that email list.

I am kind of curious about something.

If people want a large family, why don't more people consider adoption as an option? Especially if there is a health risk during pregnancy?

 

[MistressMerryweather]

I think the best thing the OP could do so she wouldn't be bothered by her old church group asking the church family for help for this family, is to get off the old church emailing list. Imagine that..a church list asking for help for one of their members. Maybe the person they are asking help for didn't even ask for the help..maybe someone close to the family in the church decided to be good stewards and just wanted to help and thought others in the church might want to. The OP said she didn't even know the person was pregnant, so maybe she shouldn't be on that email list.

 

[Hannathy]

everyone needs the occasional favor BUT when it is repeatedly needed and asked for and taken for granted that it will be given it becomes more. When you start counting on it then it isn't an unavoidable emergency it has become routine and should be planned for or the need for it avoided.

They should have thought about the other 7 kids they have already brought into the world.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

everyone needs the occasional favor BUT when it is repeatedly needed and asked for and taken for granted that it will be given it becomes more. When you start counting on it then it isn't an unavoidable emergency it has become routine and should be planned for or the need for it avoided.

They should have thought about the other 7 kids they have already brought into the world.

I just can't imagine myself saying "no" if even an irresponsible parent asks me to drive her kids to school once in a while. It's not the kid's fault. I don't think the OP said this family takes the help for granted, but even if they did, what about just being kind and helping? It's not like you're supporting them financially.