So, when is enough, enough-high risk pregnancy?

[golfgal]

Bed rest doesn't mean high risk for mom, it normally means that they're trying to prevent premature labor. Where'd you get that she's risking her life? If there is truly a choice, then this is her choice. It works both ways, boys and girls. I know several families with 5 and 6 and even 7 kids and none of them "risked" their lives having that many pregnancies. You can risk your life having one or two kids. What exactly is irresponsible about it if they can take care of them? I'll ask again, where does it say anywhere that she is risking her life?

I said that in my first post. The mom does have some medical issues when she is pregnant and has ended up in the hospital on multiple occasions with each pregnancy.

 

[golfgal]

Is it that she already has so many children, or that she has been on bed rest before that concerns you? I was on bed rest for 4 months with my (only) daughter. We would like to have another child in a few years... Does that make us bad parents?

I really don't care how many kids they have, the issue is would you take the chance to leave your children motherless knowing that you have a history of high risk pregnancies and health issues that could kill you.

 

[bdcp]

I said that in my first post. The mom does have some medical issues when she is pregnant and has ended up in the hospital on multiple occasions with each pregnancy.

Um, no you didn't. You just said she ends up on bed rest. That doesn't mean she's risking her life. Some women are on bedrest for first and second pregnancies too. Not your place to judge. If you don't want to help with meals and kids, then don't. Did they ask for money?

 

[pls5286]

No. If I should choose to have another child, the pregnancy would be very high risk. My last pregnancy was very high risk, but I did not know this at the time I became pregnant. I spent a month on home bed rest and a month on hospital bed rest and delivered a 2 lb 9 oz baby at 32 weeks. I had surgery twice while pregnant.

My DF and his ex lost a child in NICU.

Neither of us want to undergo the NICU experience again, and our kids need me here. The risks are not worth it. No common kids together for us.

 

[bdcp]

I really don't care how many kids they have, the issue is would you take the chance to leave your children motherless knowing that you have a history of high risk pregnancies and health issues that could kill you.

High risk doesn't mean the mom's life is at risk and if she has "medical issues", I wish the OP would give the facts instead of just her opinion which is obviously that she doesn't like the fact that this family wants to have a large family which really is no one's business.

 

[DMRick]

If help was asked for (I assume that means meals and running around the other kids, maybe helping with light housekeeping) I would give it if I could..doesn't matter what the reason was. It's what our church outreach does. They don't put a limit on the reasons (and then cut you off, at say 3 kids, or 2 cancer episodes, or 1 death in the family). Everyone is welcome to say sorry, can't help this time.

 

[Hannathy]

High risk doesn't mean the mom's life is at risk and if she has "medical issues", I wish the OP would give the facts instead of just her opinion which is obviously that she doesn't like the fact that this family wants to have a large family which really is no one's business.

Well I disagree when you begin begging for help via a mass email then it does become others business. If you handle it on your own then yes it is your business but when you involves others it becomes their business.

 

[Reddy]

I wonder what kind of help the family is wanting??
go to the store for them (so they aren't getting theother kids out )
or wanting stuff they can't afford since they have so many kids

really it is what is actually want or if I would help or not - errands I would do but if they are looking for a free ticket (or try to get Kate +8 show) I wouldn't get close

I guess I'm saying - what is in the heart of the asker

 

[golfgal]

I just got an email from someone from our old town (through a mass email for an old church group). He was announcing that they are expecting child #8. He is also asking for help because she is on bed rest, AGAIN. The only child she has not been on bed rest is their first. I just can't imagine risking my life, and the life of an unborn child, leaving my 7 other children motherless. Would you do this if this were you?

Um, no you didn't. You just said she ends up on bed rest. That doesn't mean she's risking her life. Some women are on bedrest for first and second pregnancies too. Not your place to judge. If you don't want to help with meals and kids, then don't. Did they ask for money?

Um, yes, I am pretty sure I did say something about risking the life of a mother. Again, this particular mom has ended up in the hospital for some serious complications with several of her pregnancies. The issue is not how many kids they have but how many high risk pregnancies she has had.

Who peed on your cheerios today .

 

[LaurenLC]

I really don't care how many kids they have, the issue is would you take the chance to leave your children motherless knowing that you have a history of high risk pregnancies and health issues that could kill you.

You take a chance that you could leave your child motherless every time you get in a car to go somewhere, that doesn't mean you sit at home and stare at each other.

You have no right to judge anyone for their choices. If you can't be supportive, then I'd keep my mouth shut.

 

[golfgal]

I wonder what kind of help the family is wanting??
go to the store for them (so they aren't getting theother kids out )
or wanting stuff they can't afford since they have so many kids

really it is what is actually want or if I would help or not - errands I would do but if they are looking for a free ticket (or try to get Kate +8 show) I wouldn't get close

I guess I'm saying - what is in the heart of the asker

I have no issue with them asking for help-I just put that in there because that is how I found out about the pregnancy. They are asking for help bringing their kids places (religion class, etc.) and asking for visitors for the mom-nothing outrageous at all. We can't help because we now live 3 hours away.

 

[palavra]

I had an anticipated high risk pregnancy with my daughter. I also lost two babies before my daughter's birth. Even though I knew I would have issues,I chose to try to have a child because that is the what my husband and I wanted. I ended up on bed rest at 10 weeks for a couple of weeks due to high blood pressure. I also had three hospitalizations due to pre-eclampsia. My daughter was born weighing 4.7 pounds nearly 6 weeks early. Would I do it all again? In a heartbeat! I did get pregnant again a few years ago, but we lost that one at nearly 12 weeks.

I find it incredibly sad that other women would make judgments on the choices this family has made. No one is forcing you to help them. Just close the email and ignore it. But they have every right to make the choices that they deem to be correct for their family.

BTW, other than ADHD, my daughter is a perfectly healthy little girl and I'm not doing so bad myself

 

[Scurvy]

My only problem with it is that they are asking for help. When they could probably have anticipated that this would happen again.

I agree. I can't understand choosing to have another child, knowing it was more likely than not that they would end up in this situation again, if you can't do it all on your own. If you have to ask for help from other people, then I do not think you ought to be having another child.

Personally, I can't imagine having that many children or having repeated high risk pregnancies, but that ought to just be the couple's business and so it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. It becomes everyone else's business, however, when they ask everyone else to help them with it.

 

[golfgal]

I had an anticipated high risk pregnancy with my daughter. I also lost two babies before my daughter's birth. Even though I knew I would have issues,I chose to try to have a child because that is the what my husband and I wanted. I ended up on bed rest at 10 weeks for a couple of weeks due to high blood pressure. I also had three hospitalizations due to pre-eclampsia. My daughter was born weighing 4.7 pounds nearly 6 weeks early. Would I do it all again? In a heartbeat! I did get pregnant again a few years ago, but we lost that one at nearly 12 weeks.

I find it incredibly sad that other women would make judgments on the choices this family has made. No one is forcing you to help them. Just close the email and ignore it. But they have every right to make the choices that they deem to be correct for their family.

BTW, other than ADHD, my daughter is a perfectly healthy little girl and I'm not doing so bad myself

Well, I am sorry that I don't feel like you should take the chance of leaving your other children motherless when you KNOW you will have issues with another pregnancy. I guess I see that as a selfish decision on your part. I am sure your DD is just fine and would love not growing up with a mother. Is that what you REALLY want for her??

 

[Reddy]

I have no issue with them asking for help-I just put that in there because that is how I found out about the pregnancy. They are asking for help bringing their kids places (religion class, etc.) and asking for visitors for the mom-nothing outrageous at all. We can't help because we now live 3 hours away.

taking kids to church - I would do that (not living 3 hours away) but I don't have a problem with that kind of help

there is a group here that if one is sick - they need money (goes to the ER for a asprin) nothing else helps them & if you dont give then you are bad. Always drama with them.

 

[krcit]

Well, I am sorry that I don't feel like you should take the chance of leaving your other children motherless when you KNOW you will have issues with another pregnancy. I guess I see that as a selfish decision on your part. I am sure your DD is just fine and would love not growing up with a mother. Is that what you REALLY want for her??

Wow.

 

[palavra]

Well, I am sorry that I don't feel like you should take the chance of leaving your other children motherless when you KNOW you will have issues with another pregnancy. I guess I see that as a selfish decision on your part. I am sure your DD is just fine and would love not growing up with a mother. Is that what you REALLY want for her??

As someone else has so wisely said already, there are no guarantees in this world. Every time you get in a car, you are potentially risking your life. Does that mean you should never drive?

I feel blessed to have had my daughter. Her presence has changed our lives for the better in tremendous ways. I was not able to have another child, but, yes, I would have gone through it again if my pregnancy had continued. You have no idea what her doctors have told her. I had one OB who told me that I would be fine to have another baby and another who advised against it. I guess if doctor's can't even agree, it really isn't up to us to make judgments here either. Perhaps she struggles during a pregnancy, but the issues aren't life threatening at all. Some women just have difficult pregnancies.

Please don't assume that you know all the facts or that this family has made this decision lightly.

Oh, and I am 44 years old. I think I can safely say that my daughter is going to be an only child.

 

[brittsmum1998]

I have one child. Yes it was high risk delivery. Coma and ICU for weeks after. Would I love another child, of course. I would never risk it.

Please remember, they already have 7 children. They are more than blessed. I too think she is not using common sense. God forbid she dies, she is leaving 7 possibly 8 children w/out a mother. Can you imagine how that 8th child will feel if something does happen.

I may think differently if they had one child maybe two but 7? Quit while you're ahead.

 

[Just*the*ten*of*us]

All I can say is, please, please don't stop posting on this thread people! My husband an I are getting quite a kick out of some of these responses about "too many kids", what number of children you should stop helping at, and so on.(hey who can blame us, the state of the union is on and all the kids are asleep, so its a slow night)

I think a lot of people really do have an issue with the number of children this family has but just don't want to come out and admit that, because really how can you argue something that's someone elses business? Oh, I know how.....you make it your business because they're asking YOU for help....so now you're allowed to make a judgment call on the number of children they have.

Does a mother with 1 child deserve help? Should she not have any more children if she needs help with that first? Because that might pretty much limit us all to 1 child. "well, honey, I dont know, we had to have Beth across the street take little Casey to dance recital that one time we both worked late...lets not have more kids"

As for OPs question, though I disagree with many of the points of view here as far as other things go, my answer would have to be no, I would not have more children if I knew another pregnancy would be life threatening. My last pregnancy was difficult, cared not to repeat that or take the chance of leaving my children motherless, and got my tubes tied.

And the very last thing I will say is this- just because *YOU* (general you, not directing it towards anyone in particular) cant imagine, cant handle, cant even possibly fathom having 8 children, caring and loving for 8 children, paying for 8 children.....doesn't mean *I* cant.

and yeah, they're all in my signature, count them up. Theirs EIGHT of them.

 

[rie'smom]

Well, I am sorry that I don't feel like you should take the chance of leaving your other children motherless when you KNOW you will have issues with another pregnancy. I guess I see that as a selfish decision on your part. I am sure your DD is just fine and would love not growing up with a mother. Is that what you REALLY want for her??

Why is this or your post in the OP a problem for you? People are free to make their own decisions. Does everyone always agree with everything you do? Doubt it. Does it stop you from doing it? Doubt it
The world would be a much nicer place if we all minded our own business.