So sad...

[JerseyJanice]

George passed away about 4:30 yesterday afternoon with his father and brother at his side. He has joined his mother (who died in 1990 from ovarian cancer at age 52) and sister (who passed away suddenly at the age of 37 in 2004).

We don't know what the arrangements will be since he can not buried on Sunday or Monday. His dad and his brother are at the funeral home now figuring that out.

 

[AnnaS]

Janice, please know we are all thinking of you and the whole family.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Thank you to all of you who replied to this thread. I really do appreciate your kind wishes and support.

George will be waked on Tuesday, 2-4 and 7-9 pm, then buried on Wednesday morning. I had two vacation days to use this year, so I will take them on Tuesday and Wednesday, and stay with the family. My husband and son won't be able to take off both days from work and school, respectively, so they'll come to the wake Tuesday night then take off to come to the funeral and repast on Wednesday.

I'm trying to decide what to do to express our sympathy to George's father and brother (who is like my son's uncle and our cousin). I'm thinking about sending a small floral piece for the wake and funeral and sign it, "Beloved Uncle" from my son at least. I think there should be something like that from the children--George's blood nephew, my kid, and my sister-in-law's two kids. Do I talk to their parents about it or just do it?

Then I want us to do something for the family that isn't a "Dear Cousin" floral arrangement from DH and me. I'm trying to decide between sending a platter of sandwiches as I have an awesome deli to use or a fruit basket. We have to do something.

Honestly, this is a big loss for us. We've buried our grandparents and many aunts/uncles who were old; that's one thing. Theirs were lives to celebrate. OTOH, this man was our contemporary and an excellent uncle to our son and a friend to us both. He was present for most of the major events of our lives--wedding, Christening, First Communion.

I feel so devastated. Losing George is big to me; almost as big as losing my parents, my niece, Lori, and our other cousin, Donna, who was George's sister. My heart is broken.

 

[heatherwillmom]

My thoughts & prayers are with you. I just lost my favorite uncle to pancreatic cancer 3 weeks ago. He was only diagnosed a month before that. He got bad very quickly. Cancer is a horrible disease. Many of the symptoms are so vague that most people dont go to the doctor until it's too late. My uncle had been complaining of indigestion for a few months, but he never told anyone how bad is was.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Since you can't feel another person's pain, you just don't know how bad or not they were hurting. I wonder if he was in denial about his discomfort or if it was vague enough for him not to worry about.

He complained about heartburn/acid reflux since 2006; I'm sure he sought help for it. Now I hear that this is a common symptom in lung cancer patients, but I guess because he was a non-smoker, no doctor thought to look for it?

 

[heatherwillmom]

My uncle didn't drink or smoke either. He was in a lot of pain for the last couple of weeks. The last few days, even though he was on Morphine, he still would cry out at times. This was a tough man who spent time in both the Navy & CIA

 

[heatherwillmom]

By the way, remember to keep reading the posts. The kind words of my "Disboard family" help get me through it. It was nice to be able to talk to someone outside of the family. Many posters had also lost someone to pancreatic cancer & knew what we were going through

 

[JerseyJanice]

By the way, remember to keep reading the posts. The kind words of my "Disboard family" help get me through it. It was nice to be able to talk to someone outside of the family. Many posters had also lost someone to pancreatic cancer & knew what we were going through

I hear what you're saying, and thanks.

You hate to break down in front of your real life friends and family, and lay your heavy emotions on them. Here, it's more anonymous so you can say what you want without worrying about adding to anyone's grief.

Thanks again, everybody.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Something I want to share--

After we buried my 23 year-old niece when she succumbed to leukemia, I figured out the meaning of life. It's to love one another, and nothing more. We are here to love our friends and family. Simple as that.

My niece fought her battle with the Big C for over 10 years; after we lost her, I realized that she kept fighting to stay with us. And that was because she loved us and knew we loved her too. She couldn't bear to leave us, so she put up with the pain and a boatload of medical procedures.

Now that George is gone, I'm realizing something else. We have to make the time to enjoy each other's company. He wanted to take the boys to a Yankee game one day, but it never worked out schedule wise, ticket wise, what-have-you, and so it was an experience they all missed sharing with each other that they will never get back.

If I had a way to go back in time, I'd buy them the tickets myself to go a game.

 

[minniebeth]

After we buried my 23 year-old niece when she succumbed to leukemia, I figured out the meaning of life. It's to love one another, and nothing more. We are here to love our friends and family. Simple as that.

Janice, I am so sorry for your loss. Your words show how dear he was to all of you. I pray that your family will find peace and comfort during this difficult time.
I love your quote about the meaning of life and couldn't agree more.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Thanks again, everybody.

George's obit is in the newspaper today. I showed it to DH, who has been pretty angry and upset this whole week, and he broke down and cried like a little baby after reading it. DS is staying with his cousin (the deceased man's nephew), and I am glad he wasn't around to see his father crying like that.

I talked to George's sister-in-law and she said she would do a "Dear Uncle" flower arrangement from the kids. I offered to put in towards it, but she said no. So DH and I will send Edible Arrangements pieces to both her and her husband (George's brother), and George's dad.

SIL will bring both of the boys here tomorrow morning, then we'll go to my BFF's house for a backyard pool party. Our nephew will stay here tomorrow night. I'm debating on whether to let him stay here Monday night too, but only because I want to send DS to school for at least part of the day on Tuesday. Unfortunately, he missed a lot of days at school this year because of recurring strep throat. If it weren't for that, I'd keep him out on Tuesday. I already called the school to tell them he won't be in on Wednesday since that's the day of the funeral.

I'm going to quiz SIL tomorrow to see what they're doing for the repast. I have some suggestions of nearby places that would be good, but if they do it at the house, I'll make a dish and bring it over there.

 

[minniebeth]

Sounds like you are doing a great job keeping things moving forward and helping everyone out with the organization with arrangements. What a gift that is to those around you that need that structure in this time of grief.

I can't imagine how your DH must feel, and even if your DS was around to be with him through the rough patches, I think sometimes it's good for our young adult sons to see their dads' vulnerable moments. Not only does it show the love they have for ones they care deeply about but also it's like they get the permission that men sometimes they feel they need to not always have to be the strong men who keep it all together all the time. I'm not sure if I'm writing it the way I'm meaning to say it, but I think you'll understand what I'm trying to say.

You are wonderfully supportive of your family and remember to take care of yourself through all this as well.

I am from No. New Jersey and still have family in Bergen County, it's my backyard, roots and I just feel connected to you through that! (My brother just made arrangements for my mother to be buried in Paramus, even though she lives in South Jersey now. She is in advanced stages of Parkinson's and is very weak so they went ahead and made arrangements for the future to make things easier down the line.)

Take care and you all remain in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for you loss and that I truly hate Cancer. It takes without care and destroys wonderful people and their families who have to sit by and watch this disease take over their loved one...

I do hope that the next few days go by and everyone can get through this loss as they need to.

I too have learned the meaning of life after losing a loved one and getting a diagnosis myself... I live for today, I take every moment, second and squeeze the most I can from it. I try not to let the little things get to me and just go for the gusto and my other thought is to keep one step ahead of what I refer to as the grim reaper... just go, go, go as much as you can and as often as you can. And spend time with the people that you love and those who get it....and love you back unconditionally..

 

[JerseyJanice]

Thank you, MB and MM (and again, everyone else ).

We took George's nephew to my friend's house yesterday for a pool party barbecue. My friend always throws great parties and yesterday's did not disappoint.

Sadly, my friend's brother-in-law has close to the same illness as George did (stage 4 lung and liver cancer). He was diagnosed over a year ago and been treated with chemo and radiation. A malignancy spread to his brain recently, so they did a round of radiation therapy that doesn't appear to be successful. He lives down the street from my friend's house and didn't feel well enough to come to the party so his brother (my BFF's husband) brought him a plate of food.

MB, George will be buried in George Washington Cemetery in Paramus since that's where his mother and sister are. I guess that's where your mother will be; I can't think of any other large cemetery in Paramus.

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I go to a floral facility on Century Road to help decorate wreaths and grave blankets for the annual H.S. band sale. I was thinking I'll go to GW cemetery afterward since it's right up the road and place blankets on George's and his mother's plots.

I'm pretty sure that the plot George's mother is in was a double, and it's now fully occupied by her and her daughter. I'm guessing that they bought another double plot for George where his father will go since he gave up his spot with his first wife so his daughter could be put there. And I don't know how that man (George's father) can still function after all the tragedy he's been through.

 

[minniebeth]

Janice, yes, my mother will be buried in George Washington Cemetery, it is where my father is buried and her wishes are to be buried with him.

How lucky George is to have your love, even in death, to love him and his mother with grave blankets for the holidays.

I hope George's nephew is doing well, you have been wonderful to him.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's BIL.

I know this is a difficult week for you. You remain in my thoughts and prayers especially in the coming days.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I'm off from work today and tomorrow for the wake and funeral. I have to admit I'm dreading both. I don't expect people to be too worked up today, but tomorrow is going to be horrible. My mother- and sister-in-law really let the tears flow at a funeral. It's going to be awful.

I had a dream last night that we were all at the beach house George's family owns, and I was hugging and holding him and wouldn't let him go. Before all this happened, I probably wouldn't have put him at the top of my list of closest family members, but since we knew it was inevitable that he would be gone, I can't stop thinking about all the times we shared.

Oh, George, I hope you're in a better place now.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I have to change my clothes and go to the wake now. I did a few things this morning, like pick up a new pair of dress pants for my son who I swear grew 2 inches overnight recently. I stopped by Uncle George's house with an Edible Arrangements. He and his wife were supposed to go over to the funeral home at 1:00 to make sure everything is the way they wanted. He said he can't wait for the whole thing to be over; he is exhausted.

He was looking at some of Little George's bills and said he just doesn't understand how this happened. A doctor was actually treating Georgie for COPD, but never saw any lung cancer. How could a nonsmoker have COPD? It's mind-boggling that no cancer was found until he was nearly terminal.

 

[minniecarousel]

JJ - how hard this must be for you & your family! My heart goes out to all of you. We have been spared losing many of our "contemporaries". It IS different than losing older members of the family & older friends. I'll keep good thoughts that you'll get through these two days.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Thank you, Julie.

We got through the wake yesterday, and the funeral is this morning.

I don't know how I'm going to keep any make-up. It's hot and humid here today and I can't stop crying.

 

[AnnaS]

Hang in there Janice. I remember with my brother-in-law a few months ago, you just go through the motions as if there is some force just pushing you against your will. You feel like you are in a fog and it all seems surreal(sp?).

We are all thinking of you - weather has been crazy - we had two feet of snow the morning of my brother-in-law's funeral and we had to all dig ourselves out to get there. I don't know how we made it and thank God we had a snowblower and there was snow on the ground already from the last 18 inches a few days before that. Not as many people came because of it. I would rather take today.

Stay strong