Snowflake children

[handinpocket]

Well that's one way to look at it. I am sure that most people on here who talk about Snowflakes do like to take care of their own children and make them feel special and loved. They just don't have the expectation that other people will think the children are as special as they do, or that the world should revolve around their children. That's the real difference, in my experience. A typical example of Snowflakey behavior (in my opinion) would be if someone posted a rant about some mean old woman who had told her she should keep her child more quiet when the child was screaming in the grocery store and disturbing others. The poster would of course be terribly offended, and would feel that their perfect child should have every right to exercise her lungs in the store even if it disturbs everyone else. That's Snowflakey. It has nothing to do with loving your child more, or caring for them more, or even being a particularly good parent. It's feeling that your child is the most important person there is, and that the rest of the world should just accept that. At best it is inconsiderate to those around you, and at worst it creates a spoiled child who grows into an adult who doesn't realize that the world doesn't revolve around them.

But of course my child walks at least nine miles at Disney World, so maybe I'm not the best one to ask.

Scenerio: I have no babysitter and HAVE to take the kids to the grocery store. If the little one is acting up and raising hell....no...I'm not taking he/she out, we are going to soldier on and get what we need. If some old woman has the audacity to tell me to take my kid out.....I'm going to tell her to **** off. Seriously, for real.

 

[allison443]

DS10 started out as a frozen embryo. On the fertility boards we called them tot-cicles, not snow flakes.

In that context "snowflake children" are children born from "leftover" frozen embryos that are transferred to infertile couples via embryo adoption. They are born to parents who are not the original donors.

 

[leighe]

Scenerio: I have no babysitter and HAVE to take the kids to the grocery store. If the little one is acting up and raising hell....no...I'm not taking he/she out, we are going to soldier on and get what we need. If some old woman has the audacity to tell me to take my kid out.....I'm going to tell her to **** off. Seriously, for real.

Well then, congratulations. You are raising a snowflake. And if you really use that kind of language to an old lady in a store then you probably were a snowflake too.

Once upon a time children were taught what is appropriate behavior in public and what was not.

 

[Scurvy]

Once upon a time children were taught what is appropriate behavior in public and what was not.

Yes, sadly it seems that more and more often these days that isn't the case.

 

[EMom]

Well then, congratulations. You are raising a snowflake. And if you really use that kind of language to an old lady in a store then you probably were a snowflake too.

Once upon a time children were taught what is appropriate behavior in public and what was not.

My parents' mantra was, "Never embarrass me in public." Those were words to live.....and possibly die.....by.

Each of their four children carried on the tradition. I have found it helps to possess The Evil Eye. Both of my parents had the gift of the evil eye, so I got a double dominant evil eye gene.

BTW, I do think my child is the most special child God every put on the face of this earth. But I am aware not everyone shares that conviction.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

My parents' mantra was, "Never embarrass me in public." Those were words to live.....and possibly die.....by.

Each of their four children carried on the tradition. I have found it helps to possess The Evil Eye. Both of my parents had the gift of the evil eye, so I got a double dominant evil eye gene.

BTW, I do think my child is the most special child God every put on the face of this earth. But I am aware not everyone shares that conviction.

And when The Evil Eye doesn't work, there's always the full name. You know you're in trouble when you get full-named.

 

[handinpocket]

Well then, congratulations. You are raising a snowflake. And if you really use that kind of language to an old lady in a store then you probably were a snowflake too.

Once upon a time children were taught what is appropriate behavior in public and what was not.

If the hypothetical old lady had the nerve to say that to me, she is either riddled with a brain wasting disease or just stupid. It is never good manners to do that. Sometimes toddlers don't have "appropriate behavior". Most people understand that.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

If the hypothetical old lady had the nerve to say that to me, she is either riddled with a brain wasting disease or just stupid. It is never good manners to do that. Sometimes toddlers don't have "appropriate behavior". Most people understand that.

It's never good manners to call someone stupid either.

 

[Scurvy]

Sometimes toddlers don't have "appropriate behavior".

That's true. But fortunately for all of us, good parents do, and they are in charge of the toddlers.

 

[handinpocket]

It's never good manners to call someone stupid either.

Reading comprehension. Calling someone stupid on a message board isn't saying it to their face.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Reading comprehension. Calling someone stupid on a message board isn't saying it to their face.

Absolutely, it's not the same. But that doesn't mean it's not rude, I think calling someone's child a snowflake, or any example I used earlier is rude, but it's allowed. People are allowed to do rude things, and say rude things on message boards. But being upset at someone for being rude with a response that is equally rude is hypocritical.

 

[leighe]

If the hypothetical old lady had the nerve to say that to me, she is either riddled with a brain wasting disease or just stupid. It is never good manners to do that. Sometimes toddlers don't have "appropriate behavior". Most people understand that.

Well I was always taught that two wrongs don't make a right.

And a toddler never will have "appropriate behavior" if they are allowed to scream in stores with no consequences.

 

[Scurvy]

Absolutely, it's not the same. But that doesn't mean it's not rude, I think calling someone's child a snowflake, or any example I used earlier is rude, but it's allowed. People are allowed to do rude things, and say rude things on message boards. But being upset at someone for being rude with a response that is equally rude is hypocritical.

I don't actually think it would be rude for someone to ask a parent to take their screaming child out of a store because they were disturbing everyone else. I suppose it could be done in a rude way, but it could also be done in a fairly polite way, as a friendly request. Of course, that's actually not what I mentioned in my example, so I hadn't really thought much about it till now. (Reading comprehension? )

And I agree, leighe, children learn appropriate behavior from their parents, usually because of consequences when they are doing something inappropriate.

ETA - I really didn't mean to derail this into an argument about taking loud children out of a store. I know how ugly those can get on here. My point really was that it's the attitude of the parent that determines the whether they are being snowflakes. Everyone spoils their kids occasionally, and everyone's kids misbehave once in a while. But if you think your child is more important than everyone else and that they ought to get special treatment everywhere, that's snowflakey. If you think that they should be allowed to "exercise their lungs" by screaming to their heart's content no matter where they are or cut to the front of the line because they shouldn't have to wait to greet their favorite character, or you think that everyone else should agree that your child is completely perfect and wonderful, well you might be a snowflake parent.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I don't actually think it would be rude for someone to ask a parent to take their screaming child out of a store because they were disturbing everyone else.

I agree, I was just responding to the PPs suggestion of it being rude

(Reading comprehension? )

Who knows... (bragging rights time) I got a 782 on my critical reading portion of the SAT. (bragging over) So I don't think that's the problem.

And I agree, leighe, children learn appropriate behavior from their parents, usually because of consequences when they are doing something inappropriate.

How true it is...

 

[EMom]

Well I was always taught that two wrongs don't make a right.

And a toddler never will have "appropriate behavior" if they are allowed to scream in stores with no consequences.

I never had "back up" for childcare either. No relatives nearby or friends I could trust with the job while I ran errands. Didn't use a babysitter for it either. It was Mommy or nothing. For my own sanity (not to mention that of the other shoppers) I knew I had to teach DD early that you behave, especially in public. That went back to my teaching days......I followed the Barney Fife philosophy of, "Nip it in the bud" so I could avoid BIG discipline problems. Maybe it's because I lack the....um, gift.....of tuning it all out. Nope, I hear it. So I can't let it get out of control.

Unless it's a baby (too young to get the concept) there is always some consequence that you can employ that will get their attention and make them think, "Oh crap, I don't want to make her do THAT ever again." Every child is different and what works for one won't work for another. If my mother ever said, "Stop that or you'll be sorry," I knew without a doubt that if I continued I would indeed be sorry. Act up in a grocery store? What????? Right in front of all the other mamas, so that mine would be forced to correct me? No thanks. I was no glutton for punishment.

I once had a neighbor with several kids who swore by "go psycho every couple of years just for a few minutes because that keeps them in line." Not my first choice, but it worked for her.

 

[Scurvy]

Who knows... (bragging rights time) I got a 782 on my critical reading portion of the SAT. (bragging over) So I don't think that's the problem.

No, I'm thinking your reading comprehension is pretty good!

(My reading comprehension comment definitely wasn't about you. I just found it funny that someone would criticize yours when they had misunderstood my post!)

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

No, I'm thinking your reading comprehension is pretty good!

(My reading comprehension comment definitely wasn't about you. I just found it funny that someone would criticize yours when they had misunderstood my post!)

Lol, I know. But as evident in PPs, directly making fun of someone else... we might need to be careful.

 

[Scurvy]

Lol, I know. But as evident in PPs, directly making fun of someone else... we might need to be careful.

Well, at this time of night I wouldn't be surprised if everyone had a bit of reading comprehension trouble! I know I keep having to edit my posts because my brain and fingers aren't playing well together.

I think it's sort of inevitable, like when you correct someone's grammar on here - you are immediately required to make a grammatical error. Apparently the same goes for questioning someone's reading comprehension! Which probably means I should sign off soon, because it's my turn next.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well I was always taught that two wrongs don't make a right.

And a toddler never will have "appropriate behavior" if they are allowed to scream in stores with no consequences.

I agree (oh and I also agree with the comment below this that asking someone whose child is causing a disturbance to leave is NOT rude).
We moved a lot when the kids were little. I was always in a new state with no babysitter, no friends and no family around and DH on the road for weeks at a time. I get not being able to do anything without the kids in tow. It really sucked to have to spend a looooong time grocery shopping the couple of times mine were learning how to behave in stores as toddlers. I wheeled the cart to guest services, asked them to keep an eye on it until I could come back with well behaved kids and headed into the parking lot to deal with it. My daughter is stubborn, we sat in a cold car in Indiana for about 45 minutes once. Threw off ym whole schedule. It was miserable for me and for my littler one but that is part of parenting--and in the end i had kids who managed to behave at the store and I did NOT disturb (for more than the time it took me to get out of the store) the innocent shoppers and employees in the store. I think parents have devised all kinds of ways of handling this stuff and mine is not the best or only--but I also think it is unacceptable to make the general public suffer through listening to your child misbehave while you (hypothetical you) ignore it and finish you errand. It is unfair to the public and bad parenting to teach the child that s/he can get away with being poorly behaved.

 

[NMAmy]

helicopter parents have absolutely no idea that their behavior is over the top. In fact, they'll often boast that other parents just don't love their kids as much as they do.

I actually think that many who get wrapped up in criticizing parents of so called "snowflakes" are in reality poor parents themselves, only trying to make themselves feel better for neglecting their own children. You know..... "my, what a good parent I am........ I don't make my child feel special, I don't make them feel loved, I get to focus exclusively on myself...... I don't get them a stroller........ I make them walk 6 miles at Disney........isn't this cool........"

In reality, nobody on an internet board like this knows ONE WHIT about how anybody else parents. And what people do at Disney (the topic of most discussions here) is not necessarily what they do on a daily basis. And to sit in judgement of others based on the tiny tidbits of information visible here is a reflection of THEM.......... not the parents of the so-called "snowflake"............

AMEN to that! I promise you (general you) are not a better parent because you make your child walk commando over the whole blessed WDW parks, you are not a better parent because you make your kid eat foods they don't want or like, you are not a better parent because you make your kids wait in a 3 hour line and if they have to pee....too damned bad.....they can HOLD it and you are not a better parent for living vicariously through your child and making them go to EVERY darn football or band practice over the summer because they signed up for that and there is no room for missing.

Whatever, I think they are just mean. My kids are gonna love the heck out of me because they are speshul little snowflakes and I'm a fun parent that loves them and I don't take life too seriously.

Wow, that didn't take long. There's a huge difference between child neglect and teaching your child to be independent. Our whole goal as parents should be to raise children who can get along without us guiding their every step.

I'm okay with you thinking I was a mean mom. My dd is now almost 20 years old. She's going to college in another state but just spent 8 weeks at home for the summer and we spent lots of time having fun together. There can be a balance. I've taught her how to fend for herself AND how to behave and while she may have thought I was mean at the time, she's certainly gotten over it by now.

I feel being a parent is hard work and it's absolutely not fun and games all the time. Many of us had no backup for grocery store trips, etc, but still would make our little ones behave or leave the store or restaurant. I remember sitting in the car with dd occasionally when dd was young.

And, no, dd did not use a stroller at Disneyland or WDW when she was little. Her first trip was when she was 4. This was long before the DIS boards so, frankly, the idea never entered her mind or mine. We handled it like we did any other outing--moving at her pace and taking breaks. I'm not sure what stroller use has to do with the issue but thought I'd better fess up since it seems to be part and parcel of being a mean and neglectful mother. I mean, I took the kid to WDW--how mean was that?