Sleepovers

[mjkacmom]

As much as I hate sleepovers (because of the cranky kid factor), he really doesn't have much say as to how much sleep he gets. Dd9 went on a sleepover at her bff's for the first time, and they stayed up all night long (even though dd and another friend begged to go to sleep). When bff had a slumber birthday party, both dd and the other friend asked to be able to go to the party, and picked up late, and not sleep over.

Dd9 has a friend sleeping over tomorrow night, and they will be told that if they're not sleeping by 11, I will call her gf's mom (whom I'm friends with), to pick her up (we have NYE the next night). Dd14 slept over her gf's house last night, with a bunch of other girls, but if she's tired, she'll just go nap, and not be miserable around me. Ds12 - if he goes to a slumber party, I KNOW he won't get any sleep, because his friends are up all night.

 

[mjkacmom]

Question for those that have a regimented bedtime set for a sleepover - why?
In all seriousness why can they not just stay up, have fun and get to sleep earlier the next night?

Do you have kids who go to sleepovers? My kids are miserable the next day. Which is fine, if we have nothing going on. However, most of the time, we have games, birthday parties, family gatherings... It's no fun dealing with extremely cranky kids all day, at least not for me.

 

[golfgal]

Do you have kids who go to sleepovers? My kids are miserable the next day. Which is fine, if we have nothing going on. However, most of the time, we have games, birthday parties, family gatherings... It's no fun dealing with extremely cranky kids all day, at least not for me.

I just tell DD that if she wants a sleep over she is NOT allowed to be cranky the next day. If she is, no more sleepovers for a while. That has solved the problems. If she feels cranky, she goes to her room and veges there for a while. She knows we won't put up with it and whether she can handle the sleepover or not. Simple solution.

 

[shortbun]

Yah, unreasonable and unenforcable. You just can't set bedtime at someone else's home. Sleepovers mean late bedtimes. I've refused more than a couple or gone to get my son late if he had plans the next day. We had two boys stay here last night. They are 14 and 15. I told them to come upstairs at midnight but I know they were awake and watching tv pretty late. They are still sleeping. I imagine they will sleep until 1 or 2.
Sleepovers are best planned on the 1st night of a 3 day weekend or during a longer school break like holiday breaks or summer vacation.

 

[Angelhalo]

The whole point of a sleepover is staying up late and being silly.

 

[mjkacmom]

I just tell DD that if she wants a sleep over she is NOT allowed to be cranky the next day. If she is, no more sleepovers for a while. That has solved the problems. If she feels cranky, she goes to her room and veges there for a while. She knows we won't put up with it and whether she can handle the sleepover or not. Simple solution.

And that's exactly what I do with dd14 - she will be tired and cranky today, but not around me - she knows the rule. However, ds12 had been to sleepovers, and then had to face a bunch of games the next day. I also do not feel comfortable leaving dd9 home alone all day, if she's tired from a sleepover (and since ds plays on about 4 teams each season, that play Saturdays and Sundays, he doesn't have many weekends with nothing going on).

 

[MomofKatie]

Do you have kids who go to sleepovers? My kids are miserable the next day. Which is fine, if we have nothing going on. However, most of the time, we have games, birthday parties, family gatherings... It's no fun dealing with extremely cranky kids all day, at least not for me.

DD isn't allowed on sleepovers when there is a big activity the next day (she plays travel team soccer, so most Friday night sleepovers are out). This works well for us- she can have fun with friends, but knows if there is a game or other activity the next day, she needs to stay home and get rest.

 

[design_mom]

Question for those that have a regimented bedtime set for a sleepover - why?
In all seriousness why can they not just stay up, have fun and get to sleep earlier the next night?

We have "lights out" at 11pm, but they can stay up talking if they want. (They're rarely awake more than a 1/2 hour after lights out.)

Usually, we have *something* going on the next day so the kids need *some* sleep. Chances are they won't have the opportunity to veg out in their rooms all day and they hate going to bed early even if they're desperately tired. My DS goes to bed at 8:30 on school nights. Being allowed to stay up till 11pm-midnight is still "really late" and is a treat. They are happy and I am happy because they still get *some* sleep and are easier to deal with the next day.

When the kids are 14-15 years old, I probably won't have the same "lights out" rule. But DS is 10 and the OP's child is 9. That's different. (And, of course, I don't have control when they're at someone else's house... but so far, DS's friends' parents seem to be pretty much on the same page.)

 

[mjkacmom]

DD isn't allowed on sleepovers when there is a big activity the next day (she plays travel team soccer, so most Friday night sleepovers are out). This works well for us- she can have fun with friends, but knows if there is a game or other activity the next day, she needs to stay home and get rest.

The problem is, when one has a bunch of siblings, they have to be out and about, even if they have no activities of their own, and can get very whiney if they're tired.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I actually like the day after sleepovers. DD is exhausted and ends up laying on the couch all day zoning. I run around and do everything I need to at the house and then grab my book and zone on the couch with her. And she's usually in bed quite early the following night.

 

[elainesj]

depends on what kind of sleepover it is.

I have a dd10 and a ds8 and when we have sleepovers here, I usually get them in bed by 10pm or so and asleep by 11/12. most of our sleepovers aren't for major slumber parties - so I do enforce sleep. this means if there's too much talking after 30 mins to 1 hour, they'll be split up so they can sleep.

If I was hosting a slumber party where the emphasis is on partying and all parents involved know their kids are going to be zoned out the next morning...I wouldn't have limits on time.

I can't see insisting on a set bedtime for teens though. When they are little - for sure I enforced some sleep during sleepovers. 9/10 to me is still on the fence and I still usually enforce sleeptimes.

 

[pixiewings71]

DD14 normally stays up all night when she is at a sleepover, that's the thing that kids do. As her parent I expect her to stay up during the following day and do whatever she has to at home. If she has no responsibilities she still has to stay up until at least 8 pm so her sleep schedule isn't all whacked out. DD11 normally goes to bed around 1 or 2 am when at sleepovers. When we have sleepovers here the kids are required to be in their rooms and quiet from 1 am until 10 am, we do that hoping they will sleep but knowing they probably won't. LOL

 

[beachwalk]

The main point of a sleepover is 'staying up later than usual'... that said, I do think we need to be responsible parents and check into the family and the supervision that exists when our child is at someone else's home...

 

[MomofKatie]

The problem is, when one has a bunch of siblings, they have to be out and about, even if they have no activities of their own, and can get very whiney if they're tired.

True- we are a family with an only child, so it is easy to make decisions based on just DD. I can see how it would be harder with more than one.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

when DD has a sleep over - they get the downstairs to themselves (big TV, video games, food) and we just let them go. Only rule is that they have to let us sleep and they quiet down enough by that time - we can put of with the giggles! We make sure the other parents are onboard and they have been so far.

They know when they have to get up and get going the next am, so it is up to them.

the whole point is to stay up late and have fun!!!!

We have had good luck - DD is now old enough to stay home the next day if we have someplace to go. DD usually just zones out, takes a long bath, or naps. She knows there are repercussions for being too miserable after a warning. She also knows that if she has left homework etc - then it needs to be done - no complaints! We are also a one child family.

 

[JVL1018]

My mom never let me go to sleepovers as a child (ok, I was allowed to go to one sleepover a year) and we've not had any sleepovers at my house because DH travels so much for work. DS 9 is sleeping over at a friend's house but the last time he did he stayed up past 1 am. I told him that if he sleeps over he needs to be in bed by 11 so he's not completely zonked the next day. Is that normal/unreasonable for me to ask? His normal bedtime during the school week is 9:30. Thanks!

Part of the fun of sleepovers is staying up late.
My 11 year old daughter was at one last night and they stayed up until 4am and then were up by 8:30am,
She's tired today, but one day won't kill her.
As long as they are quiet and don't keep the parents up, I see nothing wrong with kids staying up late at sleepovers.
When my kids have sleepovers, I let them do whatever until around midnight and then they have to settle down, and by that I mean be quiet, I don't care if they sleep or not, but they better not keep me up.

 

[JessicaR]

Do you have kids who go to sleepovers? My kids are miserable the next day. Which is fine, if we have nothing going on. However, most of the time, we have games, birthday parties, family gatherings... It's no fun dealing with extremely cranky kids all day, at least not for me.

I do and did. My 13 year old still has them but my 17 year old is done. Both boys. For the most part we have them at our house. They dont bother us at all. If we have an important event the next day we wouldnt have a sleep over the night before. The kids sleep till we wake them and have a late brunch and head home in the afternoon usually.

My parents did the same for my sisters and I. Great memories of all the sleepovers!

 

[LondonUnderground]

I'm 14, and when I have sleepovers now, we tend to be asleep by about 2-3am. and then we'll get up about 10-11ish. But I still remember my first sleepover and we stayed up until about 6am running around my friends nan's huuuge house, and we were only about 8 years old
Then the one after that, we did about the same thing LOL. But when I go to one of my friends houses, we always stay up until about 7am. Which is terrible LOL but I've done that and then gone for a day out in London at the British Museum and shopping in Covent Garden the next day, and I left my friends house at about 9am with 1 hour of sleep
But it's because we go to different schools, and we've been friends since we were 2, so we always have a lot to catch up on, haha. But being young, I would feel that if my mum set me a bedtime for a sleepover at anyone elses house, I would feel quite embarrassed, and I would have felt that way even when I was younger.

 

[mdsoccermom]

My kids adore sleepovers. My son is having a friend stay over for NYE and DD is having 3 friends. I don't care about what time they go to sleep when my kids have sleepovers. I just assume they'll be tired the next day.

Our one rule is no sleepovers if they have a soccer game the next day. Both are on travel teams, and we made it clear when they made the teams that they have to take their commitment to them seriously, which means no staying up late the night before. We sometimes make an exception if they have games later in the day. It hasn't been a problem since most of their friends are all on the teams as well.

 

[pixiewings71]

The main point of a sleepover is 'staying up later than usual'... that said, I do think we need to be responsible parents and check into the family and the supervision that exists when our child is at someone else's home...

I've known the families of my girls friends since Kindergarten really. DD14 has a few newer friends she made in middle and high school but all the parents seem to have the same basic rules that we have so no issues there. In fact, most of my kids friends call me Mom. We are all very close to each other.