Skimpy Teen Clothing: Opinions?

[NMAmy]

Mind you, I'm a child of the 60's and remember halters and short shorts from the first time they went around, so I'm probably a bit more liberal than younger moms may be.

I agree. This isn't new. I wore hot pants/short shorts and halter tops and hip huggers and cropped shirts during the 60's and 70's when I was a kid so I don't really see anything wrong with it.

Oh, and I also took my dd to Victoria's Secret when she was 15. She was rather well developed and it was the only place we could find well made bras in her size that gave her enough support and were still cute enough for a teenager to want to wear. I buy stuff at VS for myself and I'm a middle aged woman who dresses pretty conservatively. I'm not sure why it's weird for a mom to take her dd to shop there or give someone a gift card for that store.

 

[dreamer17555]

Here is my thoughts about this, was the girl a sweet, respectful teenager? Because I think from her agreeing to change without throwing a fit shows that she is far above your friend's daughter in terms of being emotionally mature.

I dont think it was okay to say anything to her unless she had known the girl and her mother very well. Sure she didn't have to take them to the mall and that was her call but I think that the whole thing was way out of line.

Also don't think that clothing means anything. My best friend in HS had a dad so conservative that she was only allowed to wear her hair in braids or ponytails. By 15 I think she had slept with half the guys in our class. My other good friend dressed showing a lot more skin and wouldn't even Kiss a boy unless they had been dating for three weeks.

Just saying I think the girl in question showed she was very mature and the girl that needs the talking to is the one that threw a hissy fit like a three year old.

-Becca-

 

[NotUrsula]

I wore hot pants/short shorts and halter tops and hip huggers and cropped shirts during the 60's and 70's when I was a kid so I don't really see anything wrong with it.

So did I, and I don't really see anything wrong with those styles of clothing per se; it depends entirely on what fabrics they are made of and whether or not they fit properly. My impression of the OP's implication was that on this particular girl they didn't fit, and that makes all the difference between "young and fun", and looking like you're working the corner. Something made of eyelet with ruffles is also very different than something made of black tissue jersey with stud trim

Halters, in particular, have an entire range of possibilities for cut. A halter shirt that covers the hips and doesn't show cleavage (front or sides) is fine for a kid, IMO, but one that is cut like a string bikini top (with no side coverage and with a plunging neckline) is not. There is also the question of what one is filling the top with -- I could wear just about any halter without showing too much until 6th grade, but after that only those that were high-cut enough to wear with a supportive bra on, because after that I was a DD. There are some shirts that only a flat-chested girl can wear without looking desperate.

PS: I don't think that clothing necessarily is indicative of sexual behaviour, but that's not the topic under discussion, really. What we are discussing here is enforcing a standard of good taste, and that is another topic entirely.

PPS: My only problem with VS as a place to shop is that they don't make supportive bras in my size. Their advertising can be in poor taste, though, and their prices tend to be on the high side. My sister gave me a gift card two years ago and I have yet to be able to use it.

 

[sk!mom]

I agree. This isn't new. I wore hot pants/short shorts and halter tops and hip huggers and cropped shirts during the 60's and 70's when I was a kid so I don't really see anything wrong with it.

Oh, and I also took my dd to Victoria's Secret when she was 15. She was rather well developed and it was the only place we could find well made bras in her size that gave her enough support and were still cute enough for a teenager to want to wear. I buy stuff at VS for myself and I'm a middle aged woman who dresses pretty conservatively. I'm not sure why it's weird for a mom to take her dd to shop there or give someone a gift card for that store.

I agree. My DD and her middle school aged friends love Victoria's Secret Pink collection. The panties they buy there are just brightly colored bikinis. Bras are a rarer purchase there since many of the smaller sizes have push up or very padded cups and we don't want those. Everyone makes their own judgements with regard to their children but I seriously don't understand the general problem some have with VS.

 

[mjkacmom]

Never, in a million years, would I tell another person's child that her outfit was inappropriate, and to go home and change. It is none of my business what someone else's child does. Everyone has their own comfort level on their children's clothing choice, and what is cute vs. too sexual or skimpy - I worry about my children, period.

 

[Aliceacc]

PPS: My only problem with VS as a place to shop is that they don't make supportive bras in my size. ... My sister gave me a gift card two years ago and I have yet to be able to use it.

Some of their sweaters are great!!! As in: I teach in a conservative Catholic High School and wear them to work!

 

[andromedaslove]

I can definately understand letting the daughters friend know that she felt the outfit was inappropriate, and that she needed to change, before she would be allowed to go out in public wiht them. The thing that bothers me the most is that her daughter bought a thong and push up bra from Victoria's Secret and was made to throw them in the trash. At 15 I was wearing Thongs because I hated panty lines and most bras you find nowadays (sp?) are push ups. I liked them especially at 15 because I was very small chested. It seems a wee too controlling if you ask me. JMHO

Dana

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

OP, I would have done exactly as you did. I have one son (he's 10) but lots of nieces. Well, as the nieces have gotten older it's been a tradition that I take them shopping and we go out for a "girls" lunch. Two of my nieces are pre-teen/teens and I inform them BEFORE we go, that no "short shorts" are allowed, no shorts with anything written across the tush are allowed, no shirts with suggestive messages are allowed and they cannot show cleavage!

One of my nieces recently object to my policies and I simply informed her that I was sorry she wouldn't be shopping with me, that we would miss her and perhaps she could come next year. Needless to say, she changed her tune very quickly!

I will add that I give each of the nieces $100 to shop with...but that I have veto power on what they buy! We talk about the cut of things, how things drape or stretch and why that is good or bad, fabric choices, fabric care, etc. We also go out to a nice "ladies luncheon" type of place where the girls are exposed (ah the horror of it) more than 1 fork....more than 1 knife...and more than one spoon!

Am I "old-fashioned"...yep, I guess so. For that I thank my great-grandmother who insisted that I learn how to properly set a table, curtsy (yes, that was over the top) and learn how to select appropriate clothing.

I don't think there is a thing wrong with insisting that a pre-teen/teen dress conservatively. I think parents actually do a disservice to their children when they don't teach them proper dress and the like.

Do I consider myself "stuffy"? No, not at all! In fact, I'm the "fun" Aunt who takes her nieces and nephews on trips (including Disney)! I just think that we owe it to our children to teach them what is proper...and lord knows some of the clothing today (and when I was a kid as well) leaves NOTHING to the imagination!

I will also add, that I refuse to buy shirts from Hollister, Abercrombie and the like as I do not see the need for my nieces to have their breasts labled with someone's name! When I told the nieces that, they laughed out loud, said they'd never thought of it that way and also agree that it's stupid to have someone label your breasts!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP, I would have done exactly as you did. I have one son (he's 10) but lots of nieces. Well, as the nieces have gotten older it's been a tradition that I take them shopping and we go out for a "girls" lunch. Two of my nieces are pre-teen/teens and I inform them BEFORE we go, that no "short shorts" are allowed, no shorts with anything written across the tush are allowed, no shirts with suggestive messages are allowed and they cannot show cleavage!

One of my nieces recently object to my policies and I simply informed her that I was sorry she wouldn't be shopping with me, that we would miss her and perhaps she could come next year. Needless to say, she changed her tune very quickly!

I will add that I give each of the nieces $100 to shop with...but that I have veto power on what they buy! We talk about the cut of things, how things drape or stretch and why that is good or bad, fabric choices, fabric care, etc. We also go out to a nice "ladies luncheon" type of place where the girls are exposed (ah the horror of it) more than 1 fork....more than 1 knife...and more than one spoon!

Am I "old-fashioned"...yep, I guess so. For that I thank my great-grandmother who insisted that I learn how to properly set a table, curtsy (yes, that was over the top) and learn how to select appropriate clothing.

I don't think there is a thing wrong with insisting that a pre-teen/teen dress conservatively. I think parents actually do a disservice to their children when they don't teach them proper dress and the like.

Do I consider myself "stuffy"? No, not at all! In fact, I'm the "fun" Aunt who takes her nieces and nephews on trips (including Disney)! I just think that we owe it to our children to teach them what is proper...and lord knows some of the clothing today (and when I was a kid as well) leaves NOTHING to the imagination!

I will also add, that I refuse to buy shirts from Hollister, Abercrombie and the like as I do not see the need for my nieces to have their breasts labled with someone's name! When I told the nieces that, they laughed out loud, said they'd never thought of it that way and also agree that it's stupid to have someone label your breasts!

Yes but those are your nieces. You can usually talk to family differently than a friend. Sorry but I still think the woman was way out of line telling someone else's kid how to dress.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

To me, it would matter...friend or family. If they aren't dressed appropriately I sure would say something (regardless of whether we were going somewhere or not!)!!!!

 

[jenrein]

I'm not sure how I feel about this one. I would probably be embarrassed to take her out in public, I know that much. However, it is not my child so I do not think it is my right to tell her how to dress. I would have a conversation with my daughter so she understood why what that girl wore was inappropriate.

As far as people finding clothes from tween stores too risque, I do not see that. I have a 12 year old who loves Hollister and Abercrombie and to be honest with the clothes she has chosen I have not had to turn her down. Limited Too has adorable clothes but I actually think they are too juvenile for her, so it bewilders me how some can think they are too adult??

 

[mjkacmom]

I will also add, that I refuse to buy shirts from Hollister, Abercrombie and the like as I do not see the need for my nieces to have their breasts labled with someone's name! When I told the nieces that, they laughed out loud, said they'd never thought of it that way and also agree that it's stupid to have someone label your breasts!

That's just it - what is considered appropriate is subjective, and every family has their own values. I buy dd12 clothing Hollister and Abercrombie, and I don't mind if my dd's ****s are covered in script. I would definately be annoyed if my dd was sent home from a friend's house to change, because another mom told her to. It disturbs me that people would tell a child (not their child) that they look like a slut.

BTW, I buy my dd's bras at Target and Khohls, in the girl's section, and they are SO padded. My dd likes them, because she feels self conscious about nipples showing with just the material ones. I see nothing wrong with buying colorful ones at Victorias Secret, but I'm too lazy to go to the mall.

 

[NotUrsula]

Yes but those are your nieces. You can usually talk to family differently than a friend. Sorry but I still think the woman was way out of line telling someone else's kid how to dress.

You know, I'd agree if they were just hanging out at the house. When I take a kid out to a public place then I am temporarily acting in loco parentis for that child, and my rules apply or the child does not come along. They are kids, and it is our responsibility as adults who are charged with taking care of them (even temporarily) to let them know when they are out of line. What is not a problem in the house just may be at the mall. [In another era we would be having this discussion about leaving the house in rollers.]

Personally, I wouldn't tell a girl that she looked like a slut; I'd just tell her we would be swinging by her house while she changed into more appropriate clothing. If she asked what was inappropriate, I'd give her details: I don't allow girls in my charge to go out baring their bellies, (or showing cleavage, etc.) so I'll wait while you change.

IMO, the sooner teens learn the hard lesson that people *do* judge you and punish you based on your clothing choices, the better. Parents are not going to be there when it's time for a job interview or meeting a date's parents for the first time. (Or apparently, an invitation to the White House when in college.) They need to learn that the occasion AND the company dictate what is appropriate.

They also need to learn that what is flattering on one type of body is not necessarily flattering on another, and that there are some things that some people just cannot wear without looking bad. THAT lesson I reserve for family, unless the line of good taste has been well and truly crossed by a guest.

 

[Disneygirl26]

I think it was really out of line, your opinion of what’s appropriate and what is not, might not be the same for this girl’s parents. If I allow my DD16 to wear a certain thing and then some adult tells her it’s not appropriate and that she should change I would have major issue with this. I think if it was issue that she should have spoken to the girls parents not the girl. We must realize that not everyone shares the same morals and values and we can’t always force our opinions onto others.

 

[sk!mom]

I don't think there is a thing wrong with insisting that a pre-teen/teen dress conservatively. I think parents actually do a disservice to their children when they don't teach them proper dress and the like.

Yes, but the problem is that what qualifies as conservative dress for a teen is very subjective.

I have no problem with Hollister or Abercrombie although we sometimes nix shorts and jeans from there as they are too low rise for DD12 to be comfortable. I've actually never seen a shirt there that I wouldn't let DD have.

When she was younger, she loved Lmtd Too and I don't think I ever saw anything there that I thought was too mature. Now it all looks too immature.

Others have issues with all the stores I've mentioned which makes my point that it is very subjective.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

That's just it - what is considered appropriate is subjective, and every family has their own values. I buy dd12 clothing Hollister and Abercrombie, and I don't mind if my dd's ****s are covered in script. I would definately be annoyed if my dd was sent home from a friend's house to change, because another mom told her to. It disturbs me that people would tell a child (not their child) that they look like a slut.

BTW, I buy my dd's bras at Target and Khohls, in the girl's section, and they are SO padded. My dd likes them, because she feels self conscious about nipples showing with just the material ones. I see nothing wrong with buying colorful ones at Victorias Secret, but I'm too lazy to go to the mall.

I didn't say that having a name plastered on their breasts makes them appear as though they are slut. My rules are 1) no writing on the tush of shorts; 2) no short-shorts 3) no suggestive messages; and 4) no cleavage! I just think it is odd that girls want someone's name across their breasts!

And by the way, I would never say "You look like a slut!" I would say, however, that your clothing is innappropriate and may send a message that I don't think you intend. Let's go change before we go to the store.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

You're right, it is subjective. However, when the girls go with me, it's my choice about taking them. If I'm not comfortable, I'll give them the option of changing or WE DON'T GO.

Just my 2 cents. Obviously anyone is welcome to dress their child as they see fit. But I see nothing wrong with saying, I'm not comfortable with the way you are dressed and if we're going somewhere then you need to change.

I mean, would you argue if a girl was wearing platform pumps and you were planning to take her to Disney for the day? To me it's the same thing!

 

[dreamer17555]

You're right, it is subjective. However, when the girls go with me, it's my choice about taking them. If I'm not comfortable, I'll give them the option of changing or WE DON'T GO.

Just my 2 cents. Obviously anyone is welcome to dress their child as they see fit. But I see nothing wrong with saying, I'm not comfortable with the way you are dressed and if we're going somewhere then you need to change.

I mean, would you argue if a girl was wearing platform pumps and you were planning to take her to Disney for the day? To me it's the same thing!

The Disney and shoe thing is not on topic at all. That is an injury waiting to happen. And I would be worried about her feet, heck if she took a bag with an extra pair of shoes so she could change when she started to hurt I would be fine with it. Possible injury and personal taste do not mean the same thing.

-Becca-

 

[mjkacmom]

I didn't say that having a name plastered on their breasts makes them appear as though they are slut. My rules are 1) no writing on the tush of shorts; 2) no short-shorts 3) no suggestive messages; and 4) no cleavage! I just think it is odd that girls want someone's name across their breasts!

And by the way, I would never say "You look like a slut!" I would say, however, that your clothing is innappropriate and may send a message that I don't think you intend. Let's go change before we go to the store.

Okay then - today dd12 is wearing what I consider short-shorts (ie - wouldn't pass the JH fingertip test). She's thin, they're not too tight, and I think they look cute. If she came home to change because another parent told her to change, I'd be livid. BTW, both dd12 and dd7 have sweatpants with writing on the butt (nothing like LUCKY or CUTIE) - heck, if they want to wear them, fine - I happen to think everyone's butt's look much bigger in them, but whatever.

Family is different - however, if my sister had an issue with my children's clothing, I would expect her to bring it to my attention, not my children.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Short shorts to me are the shorts that show ones tush (either with or without bending over)...so I'd guess that I'd agree with the "fingertip" test. I guess think of "hot pants" or "Daisy Dukes" and that's what I'd say is perhaps appropriate for a float trip but not a trip to the mall.