Skimpy Teen Clothing: Opinions?

[vcgirl925]

I just want to add...

Teens are human beings - and they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. And one person's idea of style or taste can be vastly different than someone else's style (as is evidenced here).

Yes she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect and she was. Asking a teenage girl to change her clothes is far fro disrespecting her. Likewise, teens need to be taught how to have dignity and self respect.


My daughter will be taught to dress in a way that presents herself the way she wants to be seen. She will be in style but she will be covered. Also in a way that does not attract negative attention.

Plus she will have to respect other peoples homes. It may be ok to jump on the beds and couches in my house, but not ok in someone elses. So if she went to her friends house they'd have to respect the rule to not jump on the furniture. Life is not all about what we want and what we like and how we want to dress. You have to take other people into consideration as well.

 

[FayeW]

I am reading this thread with great interest, because I am in the exact same situation as the OP's friend.

My daughter's best friend is a lovely girl, but she dresses in very revealing clothes. She will be 14 next week, and has dressed in a manner not appropriate for her age (in my opinion) for at least 3 yrs. She matured very early and refused to wear a bra for at least a year after she absolutely needed to have one. It was embarassing to have her out with us. I spoke to her mother several times about it and everytime she would tell me that she "was trying to get her to wear one, but she refused!". My husband and often discussed it (as well as another mutual friend who has been a friend of both families for years) and we all agreed that it would never happen in our house. It would be a case of "get upstairs and put on a bra or you aren't leaving this house!" When they had a family picture taken recently, her father told her that there was to be "absolutely no cleavage" in the picture!

My daughter had a sleepover at their house yesterday. Her friend came to the door in a short, short, short skirt (will definately fail the fingertip test, and barely covered her butt) and a halter which tied behind her neck, which meant the top of her bra and bra straps were exposed. I spoke to her mother today and said "has Kay grown? That skirt she had on yesterday looks much shorter than the last time I saw her wear it". Her response was "Oh, Kay wears short skirts!" The last time she came camping with us ALL she brought to wear were mini skirts. No shorts, no pants.

By comparison, my daughter is overly modest. She will not wear anything more revealing than a round necked T-Shirt. Nothing sleeveless or V-necked for her. She is embarassed about the way her friend, and some of her other friends, dress.

It is great that this young girl is not self-conscious about her body the way my daughter is, but frankly, if my biggest problem with my daughter is that she is modest, than I guess I won the lottery! I can really see a time coming, though, when I am going to have to do like the OP's friend did, and tell Kay to change her clothes if she is coming with me!

 

[ChrisandDon'sMommy]

I am a high school ; therefore, I see this far too many times. It's just bad! Even if the girl's changing her clothes at school, where is she getting the clothes in the first place? There's no way that I would've been allowed out of the house in the manner that this girls are. Yes, a lot of the blame is on the parents. Many of them are turning a detrimental blind-eye to the situation.

 

[RMulieri]

I would have absolutely NO PROBLEMS telling one of my daughters girlfriends to cover up.The way I look at it if you are in my house, car, under my supervision what have you...I have the responsibility for that person, don't like it too bad.I found it very disheartening to go shopping with my 4 y/o and find half shirts and hip huggers marketed towards her age group.I also saw a tshirt in 4t that says SEXY across it in glitter!

 

[Goobergal99]

MY DH disagreed with me.... surprise, surprise

Anyways... he feels that while it is the parents job to parent the teen and ensure they don't look like they are selling their "fill in the blank" for guchi (rhymes BTW) He personally wouldn't have taken the girl shopping looking that way and would have insisted she go home and change or she wasn't going with him...

He also, went on to say to DD... "you won't have any friends like that though right??""

Hmm... Sounded a whole hell of alot like " Your not having sex right??" That was my FIL to DH when I was already 3 months pregnant and we hadn't told them yet

 

[tlbwriter]

As far as people finding clothes from tween stores too risque, I do not see that. I have a 12 year old who loves Hollister and Abercrombie and to be honest with the clothes she has chosen I have not had to turn her down. Limited Too has adorable clothes but I actually think they are too juvenile for her, so it bewilders me how some can think they are too adult??

Limited Too? Is too juvenile for a 12-year-old? I think they're perfectly appropriate for a child that young. What does your daughter wear??

 

[ChrisandDon'sMommy]

Limited Too? Is too juvenile for a 12-year-old? I think they're perfectly appropriate for a child that young. What does your daughter wear??

I agree. She's twelve. She's a juvenile.

 

[Goobergal99]

Limited Too? Is too juvenile for a 12-year-old? I think they're perfectly appropriate for a child that young. What does your daughter wear??

I agree... DD is 9 and although I have gotten a few shirts here and there for her at Limited Too... DH and I still think they are a bit mature for young kids.... 12 might be just perfect for them, i remember wanting to dress like a junior at that age but being a bit to petitie.... I would have loved to have limited too... or beable to afford it if it was available back then

 

[jenrein]

Limited Too? Is too juvenile for a 12-year-old? I think they're perfectly appropriate for a child that young. What does your daughter wear??

Hollister and Abercrombie. I like the clothes they have but some do look little kid-ish to me And to be honest, my daughter is the one wearing the clothes and what she picks out is ok with me- she has good taste and doesn't pick skimpy clothes.

 

[jenrein]

I agree. She's twelve. She's a juvenile.

You may see a juvenile- shes a 7th grader who pays her own cell bill with her allowance. Shes a juvenile who gets straight A's and B's and who is striving to get into AP classes on her own. She is a juvenile who babysits her younger brother and sister. She also cooks and cleans and does laundry. (In fact she gets her favorite recipes from Martha Stewart DVD's she purchases) Yep...quite the juvenile. This isn't the 60's anymore...the kid is 6 years from being independent. I hope I have allowed her enough choices in her lifetime that she will be comfortable making them on her own in only 6 years. She can get a job in 2 years. She can drive in 3. What scares me are the parents of 12 year old who still treat them like juveniles instead of a young adult.

 

[PEANUT1]

Sorry but that parent was out of line.

She can not like the way her daughter's friend dresses but has no right whatsoever to comment on it, especially in front of the kids.

I really dislike when moms thing they have the right to mother someone elses child. Mind you, I feel that girls today dress way inappropriately. I am glad I have lots of years before I deal with this. I also feel I am in control of how my children will dress. Most children at 15 can not afford to buy all of their own clothes and if I am buying it, I will have a say in it.

 

[Lilogirl]

I have no problem telling the girl to change if she wants to go. I may also question if this was the only issue I had with this girl or if maybe it was time for my DD to find some new friends.

I guess I am lucky, I am friends with my DD friend's moms. We all seem to have the same values so this has not been an issue. If one of them kids was dressed "skimpy", I know the other Mom's would want to know same as I would.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I still think the Mom was way out of line. My house my rules IMO does not apply in this situation. I have grown friends who dress innappropriately for their size! 10lbs of potatoes stuffed in a 5lb sack will make any outfit look risque. (Not picking on larger people as I am one myself). Should I tell my friend that I will not invite her to a party or go shopping with her until she buys the right size? Of course not! While the outfit the child was wearing sounds to be a bit much, apparently the parents know what she is wearing so all the Mom did was mortify the child. It is not anyone's job but the girl's parents to teach her how to dress etc. I would be extremely upset and mad if someone did something like that to my child. I did not dress at all innappropriately as a teen. I did however have another mother make a comment that I did. I overheard her. I wore skirts no shorter than my knee with larger oversized tops (nothing showing- the 80's). She however wore skirts to her ankles and turtlenecks. I never forgot how that made me feel. While I clearly was not dressed innappropriately, she thought I was. My parents knew what I wore. They bought my clothes. I was dressed just fine. So one person's appropriate is another's risque. As parents you need to teach your own children what you feel is right. Not others.

 

[katied]

DNiece just came for a 2 week visit, including a trip to the East Coast with us. I did not like some of the clothes she brought with, picked through it all, and then took her shopping to make sure we had enough appropriate clothing. I am not going to have a child in my care (even for a day) if I feel their clothes are not appropriate. I did also explain to DNiece why she should wear a camisole under certain clothes, or why I think the Bermuda length shorts look so much nicer on her than the short skirts or shorts. I try to handle it very matter of fact, so no feelings were hurt in the process. She can wear whatever clothes she wants at home, but at my house, and some of the places I take her, I explain there are dress codes.

 

[mjkacmom]

DNiece just came for a 2 week visit, including a trip to the East Coast with us. I did not like some of the clothes she brought with, picked through it all, and then took her shopping to make sure we had enough appropriate clothing. I am not going to have a child in my care (even for a day) if I feel their clothes are not appropriate. I did also explain to DNiece why she should wear a camisole under certain clothes, or why I think the Bermuda length shorts look so much nicer on her than the short skirts or shorts. I try to handle it very matter of fact, so no feelings were hurt in the process. She can wear whatever clothes she wants at home, but at my house, and some of the places I take her, I explain there are dress codes.

What did your niece's mother think about you buying her clothes, because you felt that the clothing your niece's mom bought for her, was inappropriate? I would've been livid. I, as the parent, am the only one to tell my children what to and what not to wear (well, DH too, but he's not very good at it). I can't imagine dd12 wearing a pair of bermuda shorts - they're just not her style. Morals and values come from the parents, and we decide what they wear, how they can wear their hair, if they can wear makeup and how much, etc.

 

[ChrisandDon'sMommy]

You may see a juvenile- shes a 7th grader who pays her own cell bill with her allowance. Shes a juvenile who gets straight A's and B's and who is striving to get into AP classes on her own. She is a juvenile who babysits her younger brother and sister. She also cooks and cleans and does laundry. (In fact she gets her favorite recipes from Martha Stewart DVD's she purchases) Yep...quite the juvenile. This isn't the 60's anymore...the kid is 6 years from being independent. I hope I have allowed her enough choices in her lifetime that she will be comfortable making them on her own in only 6 years. She can get a job in 2 years. She can drive in 3. What scares me are the parents of 12 year old who still treat them like juveniles instead of a young adult.

Is she under the age of 18? Then, she's a juvenile. She's not a young adult. If she was to get arrested, she'll go through juvenile court, unless she does something like murder, where she could be tried as an adult.

What scares me are the parents who treat their children as young adults before their time. It's okay to give some independence, but when you are trying to be the cool friend, rather than the parent, issues ensue.

If she's getting an allowance, you are paying for it. If she gets a job outside of your home, then she's paying for it.

 

[eeyorepixie]

I have not read this whole thread, but this is an issue I feel strongly about todays girls are being totally marginalized and sexualized by the media. They are now doing studies on this subject. I see 5 year old dressed as Hannah Montann and talking about kissing boys like Hannah. I have 3 young girls and I can give them many other kinds of choices besides dressing like sluts. My girls are in karate, and sports and we do things that will show them all that they can do. We are not working from the outside in and my older girls actually feel sorry for the girls, who's mothers are trying to be friends and not parents. It is so laughable, all these parents negotiating with their children about clothes. That will be the day. There are actually mothers buying victoria secret for the tween MORONS!!! Good luck to you who think you are giving your girls choices, instead of teaching them bounderies. By the way tried to block Hannah Montanna and Zoey 101 they were rated G and as far as I am concerned they should be only for 12 and up. 5 year olds should not be thinking about kissing boys they should be playing with dolls! Then I realized instead of blocking I should just teach them how mindless the shows are and how lame and guess what they agree!!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have not read this whole thread, but this is an issue I feel strongly about todays girls are being totally marginalized and sexualized by the media. They are now doing studies on this subject. I see 5 year old dressed as Hannah Montann and talking about kissing boys like Hannah. I have 3 young girls and I can give them many other kinds of choices besides dressing like sluts. My girls are in karate, and sports and we do things that will show them all that they can do. We are not working from the outside in and my older girls actually feel sorry for the girls, who's mothers are trying to be friends and not parents. It is so laughable, all these parents negotiating with their children about clothes. That will be the day. There are actually mothers buying victoria secret for the tween MORONS!!! Good luck to you who think you are giving your girls choices, instead of teaching them bounderies. By the way tried to block Hannah Montanna and Zoey 101 they were rated G and as far as I am concerned they should be only for 12 and up. 5 year olds should not be thinking about kissing boys they should be playing with dolls! Then I realized instead of blocking I should just teach them how mindless the shows are and how lame and guess what they agree!!!

While I agree with a lot of what you wrote I have a few questions. What if Victoria's Secret was called Granny's Closet? Would it change the way you think of the store? It is a bra store. They sell thongs and padded bras at the bra store that I go to where I get a professional fitting from the kind ladies that work there. I wouldn't buy trashy stuff for my kids no matter what store we were in but I don't get why anyone is horrified at going to Victoria's Secret to get bras. I don't even think there is anything remotely racy in there. In fact, at one mall here VS is right next to the Disney Store. As for 5 year olds thinking of kissing boys, well Disney has instilled that whole Prince Charming stuff. Fairy tales are where kids get those ideas, not from Hannah Montana. I do however agree with you that blocking the shows are not effective. We let our kids watch many different things but they know what we think about certain things and like you they think the shows that we don't like are fresh and have no interest in watching them. I also agree with you in that too many parents want to be friends with their kids. I have enough friends thank you. I am a parent. That being said- I still think it is not anyone else's place to parent someone else's child. The woman was out of line imo.

 

[jenrein]

Is she under the age of 18? Then, she's a juvenile. She's not a young adult. If she was to get arrested, she'll go through juvenile court, unless she does something like murder, where she could be tried as an adult.

What scares me are the parents who treat their children as young adults before their time. It's okay to give some independence, but when you are trying to be the cool friend, rather than the parent, issues ensue.

If she's getting an allowance, you are paying for it. If she gets a job outside of your home, then she's paying for it.

Trust me I am not trying to be her friend. I am not even sure what would lead you to believe that....a little far fetched and quite honestly I think you are trying to grasp at a problem that I never hinted at having. I AM trying to teach her independence and letting her make choices that do not affect her safety and well being. That would be how kids learn.
What scares me are the people who treat their children like babies and then they grow up with no clue how to make good choices. I know a couple. Mom and dad still pay for their house, still buy them cars. Thats what happens. But you go ahead and baby your children. Mine are just fine on their own. Like I said I really don't have a problem as she is intelligent enough to chose normal clothes anyways- as that is what this thread is about.

 

[jenrein]

I have not read this whole thread, but this is an issue I feel strongly about todays girls are being totally marginalized and sexualized by the media. They are now doing studies on this subject. I see 5 year old dressed as Hannah Montann and talking about kissing boys like Hannah. I have 3 young girls and I can give them many other kinds of choices besides dressing like sluts. My girls are in karate, and sports and we do things that will show them all that they can do. We are not working from the outside in and my older girls actually feel sorry for the girls, who's mothers are trying to be friends and not parents. It is so laughable, all these parents negotiating with their children about clothes. That will be the day. There are actually mothers buying victoria secret for the tween MORONS!!! Good luck to you who think you are giving your girls choices, instead of teaching them bounderies. By the way tried to block Hannah Montanna and Zoey 101 they were rated G and as far as I am concerned they should be only for 12 and up. 5 year olds should not be thinking about kissing boys they should be playing with dolls! Then I realized instead of blocking I should just teach them how mindless the shows are and how lame and guess what they agree!!!

I feel really bad for your children, that is all.