Sister's house is a slum

[torinsmom]

This is one of the reasons I am cleaning my house this weekend. We are leaving for Universal on MOnday and my sis is feeding my cats and dog. I am not worried about my DS' room, because kids are a mess anyway, but I don't want her to see how messy the house can get, even when I am home for the summer! She prob. wouldn't say anything to me, but she would be thinking it

Marsha

 

[IDoDis]

Surely your sister's place wasn't worse than this place! This is truly gross!

http://swamplot.com/inside-the-messiest-apartment-in-houston-ever/2008-09-23/

About kids sharing rooms being against the law, I'd like to see that in writing because I believe it is an urban legend. Now, I can see that there would be regulations for government housing and for foster families, and IF there were reports of child abuse going on in a home, then I could see SSI saying something about it. Other than that, don't believe it. I shared a room with my brother and my sister until we were 11, 12, and 13 years old. As a teacher, I know plenty of kids of opposite sex who still share rooms, and I know of some families who have the family bed which is not against the law. Also consider families in poor countries who all live in one room. They do not have higher rates of incest.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

About the kids of opposite sexes sharing rooms, I keep thinking of all of the immigrant families (I'm trying to be as politically correct as I can be but I'm in Florida so I honestly do see a lot of this among the Hispanic immigrant population) where there are about ten people living in a two bedroom house including children of both sexes. It maybe a law but if so, it's not one that's enforced.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would be concerned that the condition of her house was "saying" something about the condition of her life. But, housekeeping is a very subjective thing. I might htink her house was a little cluttered or dingy, but OK. Soemone who is an OCD neat freak might think it was terrible.

Having been a visiting nurse, there have to be actual safety issues for CPS to get involved. "Open electrical panel"...is that a dangerous plug or the actual electircal panel box with all the breakers or fuses, which is in the kids' bedroom? Or is it a plug with a loose faceplate??? The stove with 2 burners not working...well, 2 years ago DH & I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 15 on an avocado green stove that only had 2 burners working...hence the reason we redid the kitchen shortly thereafter!

Kids sharing a bedroom? Well, I don't see this as any huge issue unless they are sharing a bed. If they practice allowign each other privacy while changing clothes and such, it's really not the worst thing in the world. I had an older brother...I occasionally saw him go from the bathroom to his bedroom in his boxers. Trust me, I'm not scarred for life.

My point is that you need to step back and say "Is this really dangerous or is it just not up to my standards of housekeeping?". And if it's really dangerous, then why would think of calling CPS rather than trying to help your sister first?? Maybe she has a drinking problem? Have you ever talked to her about it, offered support? Have you spoken to the kids...they're not little babies, they could know enough to be telling you information that might help you help her. Maybe she's depressed, maybe they are having financial difficulties, maybe there's a million reasons why they aren't keeping up their house.

As far as my own husband not "allowing" people to come to our house...well, that wouldn't happen. It's my house too, and if I wanted someone there,they'd be there. Of course, I wouldn't tolerate my husband being furious at me for something my sister was doing that he disagreed with. I tell him where he could stuff his attitude. Sounds liek you ought to do a bit of work in your own home before you go ragging at your sister.

 

[chell]

Mrsstats my husband and his sister had to share a bedroom growing up and it didn't leave either of them permanently scared. As for the other issues maybe you can set up a time for the two of you to go somewhere peaceful and quiet and you can try to find out what is going on in her life. Maybe there are some major issues going on that she hasn't opened up to you about. She may be ashamed to admit them to you. When I was in a terrible relationship no one knew about it. I was too ashamed to admit to how horrible I was being treated. I'm not saying that is her case, but whatever her situation is she may be too ashamed to admit it. If you reassure her that you love her and that you will support her no matter what she may open up to you. But I wouldn't tell her the stuff your husband said - that will shut her down immediately. Could you ask him to be more supportive?

 

[Pigeon]

The only serious issue I see regarding your sister is the electrical panel. That I would speak to her about, and see if she needed help getting it fixed. Other than that, yes, her house is disgusting, but that's not a safety issue.

Your husband's reaction, otoh, would be a non-starter for me.

My BIL and SIL live in squalor. They have a big house that is crammed to the gills with junk and is just filthy. If we go over there, we sneak out to the gas station down the road to go to the bathroom. When my kids were babies, I'd sneak them out to the car if they needed a diaper change. I work full time and my housecleaning standards are not particularly high, but this house is beyond the pale.

My BIL is a physician and my SIL is a part-time teacher now, but was a SAHM for many years. I don't know if he missed the "germ theory" lectures in med school or what. They have tried to pay for cleaning help, but nobody comes back a second time. It is so disgusting that my MIL seriously considered calling CPS until we explained to her what the likely outcomes would be.

BIL and SIL raised four sons in all that filth. Two have Ph.D.s in engineering disciplines (one is married to an oncologist), one is an airline pilot and the four is in banking. They seem to be fine.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I would be concerned that the condition of her house was "saying" something about the condition of her life. But, housekeeping is a very subjective thing. I might htink her house was a little cluttered or dingy, but OK. Soemone who is an OCD neat freak might think it was terrible.

Having been a visiting nurse, there have to be actual safety issues for CPS to get involved. "Open electrical panel"...is that a dangerous plug or the actual electircal panel box with all the breakers or fuses, which is in the kids' bedroom? Or is it a plug with a loose faceplate??? The stove with 2 burners not working...well, 2 years ago DH & I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 15 on an avocado green stove that only had 2 burners working...hence the reason we redid the kitchen shortly thereafter!

Kids sharing a bedroom? Well, I don't see this as any huge issue unless they are sharing a bed. If they practice allowign each other privacy while changing clothes and such, it's really not the worst thing in the world. I had an older brother...I occasionally saw him go from the bathroom to his bedroom in his boxers. Trust me, I'm not scarred for life.

My point is that you need to step back and say "Is this really dangerous or is it just not up to my standards of housekeeping?". And if it's really dangerous, then why would think of calling CPS rather than trying to help your sister first?? Maybe she has a drinking problem? Have you ever talked to her about it, offered support? Have you spoken to the kids...they're not little babies, they could know enough to be telling you information that might help you help her. Maybe she's depressed, maybe they are having financial difficulties, maybe there's a million reasons why they aren't keeping up their house.

As far as my own husband not "allowing" people to come to our house...well, that wouldn't happen. It's my house too, and if I wanted someone there,they'd be there. Of course, I wouldn't tolerate my husband being furious at me for something my sister was doing that he disagreed with. I tell him where he could stuff his attitude. Sounds liek you ought to do a bit of work in your own home before you go ragging at your sister.

 

[chell]

I forgot to say that the stove and the outlet thing could have happened just before they left and they didn't have time to fix it. Maybe?

 

[L107ANGEL]

I forgot to say that the stove and the outlet thing could have happened just before they left and they didn't have time to fix it. Maybe?

You are always the optimist Chell!

 

[chell]

You are always the optimist Chell!

I try to look at things from a different perspective - you never know.

 

[KristinBelle]

I think you should stop judging and start helping.

 

[okeydokey]

OP, I think you are right to be concerned. Do you feel that the house is in bad enough shape that if the authorities came by, the children would be removed? There is a difference in a messy house and one that is unihabitable. IF your sister's drinking means she can't clean up spoiled food in the home then how is she caring for her children? I think you should address the issue with her when she get's home and see if you can somehow lend a hand.

 

[Minnie_me]

BTDT!

DH's brother was married and they had 3 kids very close together (twins when their first was only 14 months old). She left him when the twins were a year old, but he has always had the kids a LOT. More than she does, considering the time that she's away from them (with school and work, etc.). We used to go over there, to find nothing in the fridge except beer and ketchup, dirty diapers on the kitchen table, bathrooms not working, piles of dirty laundry everywhere, etc. Once in a while, MIL would go over and clean, but it got to be too much for her.

We lived with BIL while our house was being built, and we were determined to cause change. It was summer, and I'm a teacher, so I was home. I did load after load of laundry, and got it all put away nicely in dressers and closets. I scrubbed the bathrooms and kitchen until my fingers were bloody. I vacuumed the entire house 3 times over --- filling the bag more than once! I washed curtains, washed windows, washed toys, washed sheets and bedclothes. We left tons of food at the house when we moved out. By the time we left, the house was **** and span and everything was in order.

About a month after we left, you'd never know we had been there.

DH works for CPS, and one day his mother told him that his brother was going to file for custody of the kids (there are issues with the mother). DH practically fell over! He told her in no uncertain terms that if a social worker ever walked into that house, he'd lose the kids for sure.

We've always been prepared to take those kids. We thought it would happen a couple of times, but it never has. The parents just walk that fine line, and the kids manage to survive!

 

[amandamims1]

Actually it's probably against the law for your niece & nephew to share a room at their ages. I think most localities have ordinances about children of the opposite sex sharing a room, that's why most houses have at least 3 bedrooms.

And heres a . Sometimes caring about troubled people just plain sucks.

agnes!

My brother and I, now 20 and 21, have always shared a room. We moved out of moms into our own apartment when we were 20 and 19 with our SO's. I would never resent my mom for never having a house with 3 bedrooms. Actually, I've lived in apartments all my life.

And btw, in CA its only against the law if they don't have the same set of parents.

To each their own I guess.

 

[agnes!]

My brother and I, now 20 and 21, have always shared a room. We moved out of moms into our own apartment when we were 20 and 19 with our SO's. I would never resent my mom for never having a house with 3 bedrooms. Actually, I've lived in apartments all my life.

And btw, in CA its only against the law if they don't have the same set of parents.

To each their own I guess.

one last time ...

(yeah, yeah, I know I said I would back out of this thread a while back lol)

I don't think I said in any of my few posts in this thread that people who shared bedrooms with an opposite-sex sibling were doing anything wrong, all I was trying to say was that there could be possible issues with authorities, perhaps local zoning-regulations (as another poster said, not enforced all that often).

For anyone to imply that I am somehow saying that it's "bad" that people share bedrooms with opposite-sex siblings/family-members or that it's bad that people have shared bedrooms with opposite-sex family-members when growing-up...I don't think I stated that and I don't think that anyone else on this thread has stated that - I wasn't even thinking it! All I remember people saying is that that there could be rules/laws/regulations/ordinances on the books that might possibly have something to say on the subject. I guess I was thinking if the sister's family gets reported to CPS, the bedroom situation could possibly have some bearing on the outcome.


OP - Here's another to go along with the one I gave you a while back. Hope everything works out, you sound like you love your sister.

agnes!

 

[HelenePA]

I googled last night about sharing rooms even with opposite sex children it is NOT illegal unless they are foster kids from what I've seen on lawyers.com

 

[NMAmy]

Okay, now I'm curious. How did you end up in the kids' bedroom when you were there to let the dogs out?

 

[3jsmommy]

I know my sisters boyfriend needed an apt. w/ at least two bedrooms. He had shared custody of his kids, a boy 13 & a girl 11 and the boy had to share the bedroom w/ him if they didn't have 3 bedrooms...per court orders!

 

[HelenePA]

I know my sisters boyfriend needed an apt. w/ at least two bedrooms. He had shared custody of his kids, a boy 13 & a girl 11 and the boy had to share the bedroom w/ him if they didn't have 3 bedrooms...per court orders!

Well that is court orders its not a LAW

 

[NikiM20]

Is it possible that maybe the OP and her DSIS have 2 different levels of housekeeping?
My DSIS is a neat freak. She always has everything in place and just an overall spotless person.
My house is lived in and right now with summer it looks worse with DD here all day. That girl can make a mess faster than I can clean it. I have a housekeeper that comes in every other week and cleans, mops, etc so my house is by no means filthy.
In saying that,if my DSIS came into my house she would only see the filth. 5 crumbs are equivallent to 5 million crumbs. If two burners were burnt out on my stove, no biggie. It would be a big deal to her.

Maybe OP's sister needed a break , maybe when she walks in she will have a clear mind from being gone, and see what needs to be done.

OP maybe you can help her with it? We have all been overwhelmed with something. The bigger it gets, the more out of control you feel. Help her get it clean, maybe she is so overwhelmed, she does not know where to start?