Single mom, 9 year old boy, 1 bedroom apartment?

[JeremyGNJ]

If you just need to do it for a year or two then go ahead! But there's 2 major things to consider if it's gonna be more long term.

1. You dating
2. Him hitting puberty

 

[Illuminations_Rocks]

I agree that you should do what is best for your family, and this situation resulting in a $700/month savings sounds like it is the best. It also sounds like in your heart you really want to do this. You can save some of that money for your house when he goes into middle school!

I, too, think I'd rather give the kid the bedroom, unless it is big enough to do that separate a wall thing. You can get screen dividers and have your own "space" in the living room if your privacy is an issue to you.

I do agree with the other posters that said it isn't a great idea to keep a kid that age around everything he can get easy access to - the computer, who knows what he'd want to do when he's a little older, and too much freedom with the fridge isn't great either. Right now it's probably not an issue, but shortly and definitely before you move again it likely would be.

If you think it's best to take the bedroom for now and give him the living room, I don't see why that would be a problem. Just be prepared to switch it up if it isn't working.

Oh, and you can easily purchase him one of those ipod compatible speaker systems - so he can listen to his audiobooks without using the computer....

 

[Kathi OD]

He actually sleeps in the living room on the sofa a lot now now. The computer's there and he likes falling asleep listening to audiobooks on Itunes. He's an incredibly deep sleeper and I can get up and do whatever without him stirring.

Oh, and when I suggested it he was delighted with the idea. He really wants to stay walking distance from his best friend and his grandmother, he loves that our building has an indoor and outdoor pool, and he loves the playground across the street. None of the affordable 2 bedrooms we've looked at offer any of those advantages. My question is whether he'll feel the same way at 11, given that I'd rather not move twice before moving for middle school.

He probably won't feel the same way at 11, but you can always "switch out" at that time with you using the living room and him the bedroom. Who knows, maybe you'll be in a better place financially by then and can go back to the 2B if it is really a problem.

Supposely in Manhattan there are "rent a wall" businesses. I'm not sure how it's done, but they have temporary configurations to turn any bedroom into two bedrooms and whatever they do meets fire codes, etc.

I had an aunt/cousin who did this. She could only afford a 1BR, but it was huge! She just went and bought 2 decorative screens and they split the room down the middle, each having their own half. Not a perfect solution, but, IMO, one that is better than one of you sleeping in the living room. FWIW, my cousin was also a male, and they had this arrangement through his high school years. Sometimes you just do what you have to do.

 

[solgent]

My cousin lives with her DD15 and DS13 in a two bedroom. Each child has a bedroom & she sleeps in the LR. She has a single bed that she makes up with pillows in the day, as a daybed/couch sort of thing. They've been there for a couple of years and have no plans to move.

A good college friend of mine grew up in an apt in NYC on the Upper West Side. Same block that Jerry Seinfeld lives on now. The apt was laid out in such a way that his 2 older sisters had to walk through his bedroom to get to their bedroom (which they shared) and he had to walk through their bedroom to get to the bathroom.

Lots of people all over the world and throughout history live or have lived in very close quarters and with less privacy, sometimes MUCH less, than the common practice here of kids having their own bedrooms. It's fine. I think it can promote family closeness.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

If you just need to do it for a year or two then go ahead! But there's 2 major things to consider if it's gonna be more long term.

1. You dating
2. Him hitting puberty

Well, I haven't dated in a long time, and if I did I'd be one of those people who would probably wait a really long time before introducing someone to my child -- overnights aren't going to happen unless DS is elsewhere.

As for puberty -- I thinking of this as a solution through the end of 5th grade (he'll turn 11 a few months before then). How much do they change between 9 and 11?

 

[JeremyGNJ]

Well, I haven't dated in a long time, and if I did I'd be one of those people who would probably wait a really long time before introducing someone to my child -- overnights aren't going to happen unless DS is elsewhere.

As for puberty -- I thinking of this as a solution through the end of 5th grade (he'll turn 11 a few months before then). How much do they change between 9 and 11?

Sounds like an ok time. 11 is really the cut off I would say. Maybe a little earlier but it's doable...by the time he hits 12, he will REALLY want privacy and his own space.

As for the dating. It's not just about having over-nights. But when you're dating "things' have a habit of showing up. Could be something as drastic as condoms, or could be something as simple as a restaurant receipt, or something that belongs to a man you went on a date with. (or anything in between)

Those types of things just tend to appear and be noticed when you dont have your own space. Especially since you seem cautious about keeping him from the thought of it, you'll want to consider that. Again at 9 much might go un-obvserved, but 10, 11, 12....

 

[JeremyGNJ]

Just thought of something else. Depending on the layout of the apartment, you might be able to....

Use some divider to divide the living room into 2 bedrooms, and then utilize the bedroom as the living room with the couch/tv/computer. It could give you each some space of your own without one person getting the large bedroom and the other crammed into the living room.

Would really depend on how often you have family/friends over, and again...the size of the rooms.

 

[summerrluvv]

I would do it and give DS the bedroom so when he has friends over etc. Like someone else said, put your dresser in there and share the closet. Walmart has a nice looking futon that is inexpensive to put in the living room. MANY single parents live that way and there is NOTHING wrong with it. IF you do end up dating, who says you have to bring them to your place anyway? Good luck!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I should add that the reason I'm thinking of putting DS in the living room, or putting both beds in the bedroom is that he's never been one for playing in his bedroom, and doesn't even really like to sleep there. At this point the only time he's in his bedroom, other than changing clothes, is if I tell him "I need to clean in here (or something) can you go play in your room" and even then after 5 minutes he wants to come back out.

I agree that if that changes and he shows interest in having a space of his own, then I'll trade with him, but at this point if he's going to be in the living room all day then I'd rather have the bedroom so I have a place I can retreat to.

 

[sk!mom]

I'd do it and give DS the bedroom.

 

[MrsPotts]

Well, I haven't dated in a long time, and if I did I'd be one of those people who would probably wait a really long time before introducing someone to my child -- overnights aren't going to happen unless DS is elsewhere.

As for puberty -- I thinking of this as a solution through the end of 5th grade (he'll turn 11 a few months before then). How much do they change between 9 and 11?

Go for it, don't hesitate! It's the best thing for you financially which also has a direct impact on your son and his future.

As long as your son has his own private space it should be fine. Oh and by the way my oldest hit puberty hard and fast around 10 years old his younger brother is still eagerly waiting for it to happen...he's 14 now! So who knows when it'll happen!

And for anything else i.e. dating, don't worry about it. Whatever happens happens just think of it an adventure!

 

[ldo]

at his age, I bet it would be fine with him--but I would ask if he would be OK with a cool loft bed and his own space--and tell him if it ever stops working for him--you wuold be willing to make a trade--my 11 Yr old DD would think this was totally fine.
FYI--we just got the $197 steel look single IKEA loft bed--you can put a sofa/futon underneath and/or add curtains--BUT they have a REALLY great desk insert for $99 that hooks in and runs the length of the loft bed in a curve shape---you can write/study at one end and have all year computer stuff at the other end--for $300 total, it is a great set-up--we just used standard single mattress-no problem. One note--the IKEA loft bed is VERY tall and if you have 8' ceiling, it might be too claustophobic up top--thus, you might want to consider a different brand that is not so high.
I would definitely save the $$ and stay in the same school and neighborhood that you like. Good luck. Elaine

 

[CJ's Mommy]

As for puberty -- I thinking of this as a solution through the end of 5th grade (he'll turn 11 a few months before then). How much do they change between 9 and 11?

I think you should be okay for this age range. My brother is turning 12 tomorrow and wow, all of a sudden he is a little man!!! He has that phantom mustache look going on and his voice is totally changing!! So by age 12 you may need new living arrangements.

As for the apartment, I think it's a really smart move. Reducing your bills by $700 a month is awesome! I'd say you're crazy if you DON'T do it.

I was thinking maybe a twin over full bunk bed would work for you guys. Ever see those? The full size bed is on the bottom and can go with either the head or the side up against the wall, and the twin is up above.

I am the queen of weird sleeping arrangements right now. Me and the baby, DS 3 months, sleep in my room, DH sleeps in a full sized bed in the baby's room, and DS 3yrs sleeps in his room. DH has severe sleep apnea and can not sleep with his cpap machine so the snoring is off the charts. So, when the baby is old enough for his crib the sleeping arrangements will need to be reconfigured.

The bottom line is, you have to do what works for your family. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says. Believe me, I've gotten lots of rude comments about kicking DH out of my bed, but none of those people have to listen to him snoring all night. Do what works for you.

Good luck!

 

[penn19]

I've been a single mom since DS was 5 and he is 16 now. We lived in a one bedroom for many, many years and it was never a problem. I gave DS the bedroom because he needed a place for all his toys, games, to have a friend over and to feel like a normal kid. I could care less where I sleep. I put my bed in the dining area and just kind of made it look like a daybed when not in use. I still always had a sofa and functioning living area.

We've been lucky to have two bedrooms for the past 3 years but we are going to be moving back to So. Calif. (Texas just hasn't worked out for us) where my family is and will probably be going back to a one bedroom. DS is just fine about it and again, he will get the bedroom.

sorry Texas has not worked out for you. I LOVE McKinney!

 

[mrsltg]

I'm in favor of the one bedroom situation. My parents divorced when I was 2 and my brother was 5. From the time I was 5 until I was 8 we lived in a two bedroom house. Brother had one room, I had the other. Mom had a sleeper sofa in the living room. It never seemed anyway but normal to us. Do what is best for your family. Good luck!

 

[Pumbaa_]

You know your son the best. This sounds like a great way to save some money for a few years.

$700 is a lot of money a month, will really give you a lot of breathing room.

Good luck!

 

[Jenna45]

I think that is pretty funny, my ds is 12 it is just him and I, and I know he is hitting puberty but I don't think he has even the wildest clue and he gets super red whenever I even mention it
I wish he would want his own space but he is a momma's boy by nature and the funny thing is if his friends ever had any clue , I think he would die of embarrasment.

To the OP: My son is 12 and in 6th grade , I am not in a situation where we have to share a bedroom, but I will tell you that if it were my son he would not mind. I bet there is a way you can work it out to both your liking and make it work. ( bunk beds , that you can both use and a sofa bed) so if there is a play date or if someone needs me time you can have that let him set the bedroom up as his own for growing up purposes.. They have those full beds on the bottom with the upper twins, while I realize it is not ideal, and I applaud all the parents who are saying sleep on the couch , I am going to be perfectly honest there is no way in a million years I would be sleeping on the couch every single night and I would do just about anything for my son. Maybe you can alternate or let him have weekdays and you take weekends, but I am not sure it is realistic to just jump into sleeping on the couch everynight , from sleeping in your bed

Good Luck with whatever you decide, and I know that I am also going to be in the minority here especially being this is the budget board and if you have to do it , do it, but if you can make it work in your two bedroom, then I would suggest staying where you are , if you are only looking at a short period of time before he goes to middle school, and you figure in the entire hassle of moving, setting up house, getting new furniture etc, it may be just as cost effective and much more comfortable to just stay where you are

Ok, I can't spell, I speak fluent typo and I have no clue why my parents sent me to college

Sounds like an ok time. 11 is really the cut off I would say. Maybe a little earlier but it's doable...by the time he hits 12, he will REALLY want privacy and his own space.

As for the dating. It's not just about having over-nights. But when you're dating "things' have a habit of showing up. Could be something as drastic as condoms, or could be something as simple as a restaurant receipt, or something that belongs to a man you went on a date with. (or anything in between)

Those types of things just tend to appear and be noticed when you dont have your own space. Especially since you seem cautious about keeping him from the thought of it, you'll want to consider that. Again at 9 much might go un-obvserved, but 10, 11, 12....

 

[flying_babyb]

I grew up in a single mom household where money was tight. For awile mom and I shared a room AND I HATED IT.

For you: I would reccomend the kid having the bedroom. Actually it depends on who goes to bed earlier. I know when I was in middle school, mom HAD to have the bedroom since she worked at 6 am and went to bed at 7pm. I stayed up till 11 so it was only fitting that I take the couch. YES the couch. I spent most of middle school on it. I would say go for a daybed or some sort of real bed. A regular couch is so bad for your back. I am in college now, and have my own room but still spend most of my nights asleep on the futon couch. Heck I dont even bother with folding out (lazy). I say do what works best for you. There was a book where a kid had a room in the living room seprated by curtains and the girl thought it was great since her room opened out onto a little deck. Whatever you do let your son decorate his "space". Curtains are totally paintable, pockets can be sewn in....

 

[mickeymaker2003]

Saving $700 a month is HUGE! It sounds like moving to a 1 BR is an idea that will work for your family and help your budget immensly. As far as who gets the bedroom, you can decide that based upon your lifestyle and you and your son's preferences. I would be concerned about constant computer access, but he's your son and you do what you think is best. Good luck with your decision.

 

[nowellsl]

My DD and I shared a one bedroom apartment while my current home was being built. It was the only one available in the area I wanted. I gave DD the bedroom because she went to bed earlier than I did and I wanted her to have a place for her "stuff" and when she had friends over. I slept on a couch bed in the living room. It worked out well for the 7 months or so we were there. Luckily the apt. had a large walk in closet in the hallway for my dresser etc. I would do it again in a pinch.