SIL (62) planning to go on SS with no savings(Update #77)

[NewRVLady]

And 2nd mortgage and car note

All no-no's
She has made many bad money decisions in the past-but this takes the cake
Her DH makes low wages, and has lots of Health problems

But my question is.........

Have you ever voiced an opinion when you feel someone is making a BIG mistake? esp relating to money decisions?

( this is my DH's sis and he wants to have no discussion about this. I can see in the future her asking for $$ or a loan. She did in past and we declined. )

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

This is absolutely none of your business. Listen to your husband and stay out of it.

 

[MillauFr]

Agreed. Stay out of it. Don't say anything to her.

 

[morgan98]

Have they asked your opinion? If not, it is not your place to say anything.

If, however, they ask you for money in the future, it is your place to say "no." Hopefully your husband is in agreement with you about how you would respond to future requests for help.

 

[Marionnette]

And 2nd mortgage and car note

All no-no's
She has made many bad money decisions in the past-but this takes the cake
Her DH makes low wages, and has lots of Health problems

But my question is.........

Have you ever voiced an opinion when you feel someone is making a BIG mistake? esp relating to money decisions?

( this is my DH's sis and he wants to have no discussion about this. I can see in the future her asking for $$ or a loan. She did in past and we declined. )

Another vote for MYOB. It's your husband's sister. She's not a child. If she runs into money trouble, you can continue to decline her requests for assistance.

 

[KarenAylwood]

Agreed. Mind your own business unless she asks for advice. If she asks for money, decline unless you want to give it to her and aren't planning to get it back.

 

[kymom99]

I agree. Their financial situation is none of your business. We loaned my SIL money and I told my husband we will do it this once and we wont plan on getting any of it back. We loaned her $1500 and got back $100. That was probably 3-4 years ago. As long as you aren't bankrolling her, just stay out of it.

 

[Marlyn]

I also agree. It's not your place to say anything unless advice is asked for. And you are under no obligation to offer financial assistance at any time.

 

[AlohaNow]

These types of people cannot be helped. Fiscally responsible folks (like us budget boarders!) so want to make others understand the importance of good money management, but it can fall on deaf ears. If one hasn’t been concerned about saving for retirement their entire life, then one should not expect to have anything in later life. There are numerous social programs that will keep them fed and not homeless, and many plan to just rely on them.

Kind of related story: In a recent departmental meeting the topic of our company 401(k) came up. Two ladies mentioned that they had never bothered to enroll. They have each been with the company for six years. I wanted to come out of my skin! I (miraculously) kept a lid on it while a fellow fiscally minded co-worker explained the match that the company offers that they had been missing out on. It didn’t seem to concern them at all. One is a single 37yo mother who, after admitting to having nothing saved, actually said, “I’m young, there’s still time to save.” I really almost lost it. I’ve been saving and compounding and reinvesting for my entire 22 working years and I think I won’t have enough!

I guess if you’ve never had anyone telling and teaching you about investing then it doesn’t concern you. Ignorance is truly bliss. But if this board has taught me anything, it’s that every day we make our choices with our money. Someone else’s choices may not be mine, and mine aren’t theirs, but you do what you want with your money, and I’ll do what I please with mine! We all set our own priorities.

 

[NewRVLady]

Thanks everyone!
Economy here is failing and her company is about to close- her hours now are part time
She talked about going back into a insurance which she did 15 years ago
But hasn't pursued that
One comment she made was " I don't need things - if I lose the house that's just a thing"... I wanted to scream where the hell will you live??!!!
But didn't
Glad to be able to rant here

 

[HM]

So sorry about that. Hopefully she'll rethink retiring and get a job.

 

[QueenIsabella]

As others have said, you have no business saying anything to her. OTOH, you also have the right to: not loan her money, not offer her a place to stay, not buy her groceries, etc.

If I were you, I would have a chat with my DH on those "nots", though. You both need to be on the same page that, she's made her decisions, she has to live with her consequences. It would be easier to have such a discussion now, when she's not on your doorstep with her suitcase.

I have a family member who has been a drug addict for decades. I'm happy to give him cookies and a gift card at Christmas, or even buy him clothes if he's in need. But he's not getting cash or a key to my house. Ever.

 

[Legendteri]

Neither of our parents have anything saved for retirement. My husband and I have talked about what we would do if they asked for money. We decided that since we can't support all 4 of them, then we will help no one as that wouldn't be fair to help one parent and not the others. We still have to save for our own retirement, our savings and our children's college funds. There is no way we can do all that and help out our parents. Doing so would only put the burden of our retirement on our children and we won't have any of it. My husband feels that retirement is a luxury, not a right and some people simply won't be able to retire.

 

[NewRVLady]

the crazy part of this is SIL SEES how her Mom ( and Dh's) struggles terribly since their Dad died and she has only one SS check

Mom spent the last 10 years using the $$ from her reverse Mortgage( and it wasn't much $$ because, unbeknownst to us SHE also had a 2nd mortgage to pay off her DH's hospital bills-now that is gone

 

[lustergirl]

These types of people cannot be helped. Fiscally responsible folks (like us budget boarders!) so want to make others understand the importance of good money management, but it can fall on deaf ears. If one hasn’t been concerned about saving for retirement their entire life, then one should not expect to have anything in later life. There are numerous social programs that will keep them fed and not homeless, and many plan to just rely on them.

Kind of related story: In a recent departmental meeting the topic of our company 401(k) came up. Two ladies mentioned that they had never bothered to enroll. They have each been with the company for six years. I wanted to come out of my skin! I (miraculously) kept a lid on it while a fellow fiscally minded co-worker explained the match that the company offers that they had been missing out on. It didn’t seem to concern them at all. One is a single 37yo mother who, after admitting to having nothing saved, actually said, “I’m young, there’s still time to save.” I really almost lost it. I’ve been saving and compounding and reinvesting for my entire 22 working years and I think I won’t have enough!

I guess if you’ve never had anyone telling and teaching you about investing then it doesn’t concern you. Ignorance is truly bliss. But if this board has taught me anything, it’s that every day we make our choices with our money. Someone else’s choices may not be mine, and mine aren’t theirs, but you do what you want with your money, and I’ll do what I please with mine! We all set our own priorities.

Sounds pretty shallow IMO. Maybe you have been blessed with a good mindset, but no use bashing other people because of their choices in life. What they do isn't any of your business. Maybe that single mother has no money to put aside, have you ever thought of that? Unfortunately because of stale wages, there are plenty of people out there who live paycheck to paycheck. I guess it is more important to have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food on your table, and god forbid you have children to take care of. That is the priority. Oh but what is your response? There are numerous social programs out there that will help them. Give me a break.

God forbid you fall on hard times and have to live that way. If I was one of those people at your job who you wanted to lose it on and had, I would tell you to mind your business because you don't know everyone's circumstances in life. Ignorance isn't bliss if they have nothing to save with. And if you rely upon these boards to teach you financial situations then I truly feel bad for you.

 

[Judique]

And 2nd mortgage and car note

All no-no's
She has made many bad money decisions in the past-but this takes the cake
Her DH makes low wages, and has lots of Health problems

But my question is.........

Have you ever voiced an opinion when you feel someone is making a BIG mistake? esp relating to money decisions?

( this is my DH's sis and he wants to have no discussion about this. I can see in the future her asking for $$ or a loan. She did in past and we declined. )

Answering your bolded question: YES! And I think I've helped a few people because they did not know all the ins and outs of their own situation. Now - I was not a family member in the way you are, so it was not a personal thing for me. If a family member asks for advice, I'll listen, but I'm probably going to keep out of any decisions.

I am going to ask you a question. Is this family able to pay the bills now? Or are they on a downward slide anyway? Since her job is now part time and closing out, will there actually be work that she can get or do elsewhere?

You can draw Social Security and still work. She will have a max she can earn, but perhaps she won't be able to get a job paying much anyway. Not sure what the job market is for 62 year old women, so, I'm keeping my job!

From your last sentence it looks like you know how to say no. You are under no obligation to help as far as I can see, but when people ask for what you have worked for and saved up for, there is that annoying guilt thing that pops up in some of us, and I think that is the hardest part to deal with even though it is unreasonable that people who do not save for their own rainy days feel they should be able to hit you up for a handout (or so called loan.)

 

[eliza61]

Thanks everyone!
Economy here is failing and her company is about to close- her hours now are part time
She talked about going back into a insurance which she did 15 years ago
But hasn't pursued that
One comment she made was " I don't need things - if I lose the house that's just a thing"... I wanted to scream where the hell will you live??!!!
But didn't
Glad to be able to rant here

butttt... lol, I'm in the MYOB camp but I will say this, I have a cousin who was a social worker in NYC. very high stress and she hated it. A few years ago, she chucked it all, quit her job, moved to the Georgia Coast. Now she realizes that she will never be rich, has very little in savings and her "standard" of living between NYC and now is night and day. she's never hit any of us up for money (that I know of, definitely never me) and she's happier than a pig in you know what so I never judge.

lol, I'm rambling.
anyhoo, op don't say a word besides, things change. event's happened and people get different priorities. I do think we tend to get "self" righteous on the budget board. we hold up 10 year old cars like it's some type of badge of honor???

Has she ever seem like she couldn't take care of her business?? She's 62, in all honesty what are her options at this point? work until she dies???

 

[sarah4770]

Thanks everyone!
Economy here is failing and her company is about to close- her hours now are part time
She talked about going back into a insurance which she did 15 years ago
But hasn't pursued that
One comment she made was " I don't need things - if I lose the house that's just a thing"... I wanted to scream where the hell will you live??!!!
But didn't
Glad to be able to rant here

If her company is about to close, she might be better off going on ss and working part time somewhere.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Thanks everyone!
Economy here is failing and her company is about to close- her hours now are part time
She talked about going back into a insurance which she did 15 years ago
But hasn't pursued that
One comment she made was " I don't need things - if I lose the house that's just a thing"... I wanted to scream where the hell will you live??!!!
But didn't
Glad to be able to rant here

The only thing I might mention to her is to hold off taking ss while she gets her full unemployment check - if her company closes, she should qualify for a minimum of 6 months unemployment (and likely 12-18 months) and every month you hold off SS, the more you will get down the road...yes, she has to look for a job, but having had a highly qualified uncle laid off at 62 - no one will hire you for the positions you want to apply to anyway, so you get the extra year and then you apply for SS at 63...

 

[AlohaNow]

lustergirl, some background for perspective: My office is full of degreed, professional people. Hence my (and my co-workers) shock at the situation. Now, I work for a non-profit so no one makes big bucks.

And you might want to go back and re-read my last paragraph.