Should I try to do it, or not?

[kacaju]

I'm in NJ too and they said the entire state is October 1st!

im in NJ and 11 years ago we were Oct 1st and my dd's friend who lived in a nearby town was Dec 31st.... now that I tihnk about it it may have been Oct 31st? Anyway they were different dates, which is why dd's friend who is a week younger then her is a grade above because they started in different schools. Once the friend moved to our town (when she was in 2nd grade) they kept her in her grade she was in.

 

[marlynnp]

The other thing you have to consider is if your daughter is the sporty type, ie: does it look like she will be playing lots of different sports as she gets older.

One of my children's friends is the one who is the "young" one in the class.

Many of the sports here are age based and use the school cutoffs to determine the team. This child is very, very athletic and plays many sports. But, due to age, this child is always on a younger team than their friends.

Let me tell you, they HATE it. They would much rather be on the same team as their friends. It is not very fun for an 8th grader to be on a team with mostly 7th graders.

If this is a concern - check your area. Here you are automatically allowed to 'play up' if it's to be with classmates.

 

[klacey1]

My best friend (since first grade!) has a January birthday and tested into kindergarten. I'm about seven months older than her, and maybe sometimes she seemed slightly immature, but only marginally. She actually got her liscence before I did! I started dating before she did, but only because I met someone-- neither of our parents put a firm age on anything.
All of our sports are done by grade, not age. I think these things are a bit silly to think of...
I would definitely look into transferring, but I would give private school the full year. Even though it's a lot of money, it would probably be easier for her to adjust next fall, when there would be other new students, rather then the winter, when she'll probably be the only one.

 

[snykymom]

In our school district, the child who goes to a private school to get around the cut-off date can NOT transfer until the whole grade is completed. I sent DD early (her bday is late December) and never regretted it. But I also kept her in the same school system.

And just on a side note, when your child gets to HS it is much harder to deal with them being younger. EX: all their friends will be able to drive and they won't, and like in the case of my DD she will only be 17 for her first year of college and won't be 21 until she is leaving college. Therefore, she will not be legal to drink until the last minutes of college... Just some food for thought.

The age difference may be a problem for some kids, but not necessarily. I'm a December baby, and my first school district's cut-off was Nov. 30. Since all the other kids on my block were going into K, and I'd be left with no one to play with, my mother talked them into letting me into K, and if I couldn't handle it, they'd keep me back. I was the first in my class to read, so it was full speed ahead. I didn't turn 18 until December of my freshman year in college. And it was actually nice not to have to drive; my friends always picked me up!

My d is a September baby. Our district's cut off at the time was December 31, but allowed the parents of fall babies to hold them back a year. In daycare, all my d's friends were on the older side; her best friend at the time was 11 months older than she was. She went to K at 4, and did fine. She's not into sports, so that wasn't an issue. She gave me a hard time about not being able to drive, but I think she was really OK with it. She turned 18 at college. (I'm the one who regrets not having another year with her! But she's doing more than holding her own.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm still not sure what to do. I'm home during the week, so half day K isn't a problem. I have to look at the contract I signed with her private school. A pp may be right, though I think I read something about giving at least a couple weeks notice, not sure. Another poster also mentioned that the township may make her stay the whole year. These are all things to consider. I don't regret starting her early, but I might regret making her transfer. *SIGH*

As one school administrator told us, at half-day kindergarten, they spend most of their time lining up. If she likes the curriculum, has made friends, is comfortable with the routine, I'd keep her there for the year (and yes, I sent my d to a private school for kindergarten because I believe that half-day kindergarten is not worth much). Moving into any grade in the middle of the year is tough; kids have formed friendship groups (almost cliques, even at that age), there's a rhythm to the class and to the day that a new kid disrupts, the teacher already knows the kids. I moved several times and had to change schools in the middle of first grade, and it was a horrible experience. I wouldn't do it unless there were no other choice (we moved across state).

You know your daughter and her maturity level. She may be fine in kindergarten another year; my d would have been bored out of her mind. Yours may prefer the maturity.

 

[tasha99]

I have a September birthday, and I never found the age issue to be a problem. Quite frankly, it was great to be younger--I was already one of the tallest girls, and it would have been much worse to have been a grade younger and still just as tall. I graduated at 16 and went off to college where even the youngest students were 2 years older than me. I think the age difference might be a bigger deal for a boy who was into sports, but for geeky me, it was fine.

 

[manning]

Start tracking your spending. You will be surprised and often cut back expenses more than you thought. It may cover the 800/mo

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I would be interested to see if the public school district allows this. If they wouldn't let her enter public K a couple of months ago, I don't really see why they would change their minds about it now. They may have turned away other kids who didn't make the cut-off and they may not be willing to make an exception now. It probably also depends on whether there is any space in the K classes in your local school. I know that the K classes in our neighborhood school are all full. Any new families in the district are being sent to other schools that have space. Just some things to think about.

 

[smkiya]

Thanks again everyone! I have decided that I will keep her in the private K. You guys brought up very good points...

Full day vs half day
Learning a new routine
Feeling out of place

I also was just offered a per diem position, so I won't have to really fret much over the expense. I really like the curriculum, and dd is doing soooo well, why spoil a good thing.

Thanks again, you guys are the best!

 

[quasar4legs]

I was the youngest in my grade going through school and it never worried me at all, didn't even get around to learning to drive till I was 23.
My son started uni just after his 15th birthday and had no problems socially or academically, it very much depends on the individual I guess. Mind you my son and I are both tall and I guess that makes it less likely for people to identify you as the youngest.

The private school my son attended for several years required about 3 months notice if you were leaving. Without notice you were expected to pay the outstanding fees even if you were no longer at the school as per their contract.

Good luck with the decision

 

[barkley]

i know some districts won't accept private school k transfers to public if the child would'nt have met the cut off date if originaly enrolled in public. a former classmate of my kids had a sibling who encountered this problem when dad got transferred out of state requiring the family to move. the new district would only accept the child into k if she had done a minimum of 2 months of PUBLIC school k in a state/district that she met the legal age cut off for.

mom and the little girl ended up living for 2 extra months in california so she could enroll and attend k there, that way she qualified to enroll in the new state (that had a cut off of over 3 months earlier).


op-just a suggestion, find out what the curriculum and expectations are for a first grader at the public school if you plan on your dd attending there next year. k curriculums can vary greatly and you want to make sure that your dd enters 1st with the skills/knowledge the school she will go to expects.

 

[golfgal]

I made the cutoff by one day. They suggested holding me back and my mom did not because academically I was 2 years ahead. All was great until I got to High School. All my friends drove a year before me and I was not as emotionally mature. It was never an issue in grade school, but once I hit MS it began to show up and by high school I wished my mom had never let me start school. Plus depending on your views on dating, if you make her wait till she's 16, she's going to be a year behind that as well.

You have to do what's best for your family, but look ahead and thing about those teen years.

This is the part of sending kids early that most people don't consider. Sure, they are doing fine in K-3 but starting in about 4th grade you really start to see maturity issues.

It would be SO much easier if school districts would adopt a cut off date at the start of the school year. All the states around us have this.

 

[snykymom]

This is the part of sending kids early that most people don't consider. Sure, they are doing fine in K-3 but starting in about 4th grade you really start to see maturity issues.

It would be SO much easier if school districts would adopt a cut off date at the start of the school year. All the states around us have this.

I don't think that having the cutoff at the start of the school year makes any difference at all. If the cutoff is Sept. 1, there will always be the kid who was born on Sept. 3 (so "held back" a year) and the kid born on Aug. 30 (so "advanced"). They're still a year apart in age and maturity. That's no different than if they were born on Dec. 30 and Jan. 3. A year's a year.

And as previously noted, there are many of us who went through school or have kids who went through school on the young side who did just fine, without the maturity issues.

 

[golfgal]

I don't think that having the cutoff at the start of the school year makes any difference at all. If the cutoff is Sept. 1, there will always be the kid who was born on Sept. 3 (so "held back" a year) and the kid born on Aug. 30 (so "advanced"). They're still a year apart in age and maturity. That's no different than if they were born on Dec. 30 and Jan. 3. A year's a year.

And as previously noted, there are many of us who went through school or have kids who went through school on the young side who did just fine, without the maturity issues.

I guess around here the cut off is the cut off and having summer babies seems to be easier to say lets wait vs lets push them. My experience being a former high school teacher and a parent of a young kid for his grade is that kids will ALWAYS be better off waiting but most of them suffer by not and suffer either academically, socially or emotionally. Yes, there are some that do just fine but most do not.

 

[princess momma]

I guess around here the cut off is the cut off and having summer babies seems to be easier to say lets wait vs lets push them. My experience being a former high school teacher and a parent of a young kid for his grade is that kids will ALWAYS be better off waiting but most of them suffer by not and suffer either academically, socially or emotionally. Yes, there are some that do just fine but most do not.

I disagree with most of what you said. I was young for my grade and I didn't suffer due to it in any way. I was a little bummed that everyone got to drive sooner than I did but that's the extent of it. I had lots of friends and did well in school.

I have a sister, a sister-in-law, 2 aunts, and an uncle who are all teachers. They all encouraged me to send my daughter to kindergarten, even though I wanted to hold her back. I actually talked to my daughters teacher last week about it. I was wondering if she's behind and he reassured me that she's doing well and she's working at her grade level.

 

[golfgal]

I disagree with most of what you said. I was young for my grade and I didn't suffer due to it in any way. I was a little bummed that everyone got to drive sooner than I did but that's the extent of it. I had lots of friends and did well in school.

I have a sister, a sister-in-law, 2 aunts, and an uncle who are all teachers. They all encouraged me to send my daughter to kindergarten, even though I wanted to hold her back. I actually talked to my daughters teacher last week about it. I was wondering if she's behind and he reassured me that she's doing well and she's working at her grade level.

I am glad you had a good experience, but in my experience with HIGH SCHOOL aged kids the younger kids could benefit from being held back. Most of them do JUST FINE until about 4th grade--girls have a better track record than boys but you DO see issues in high school the vast majority of the time.

 

[kacaju]

The problem is at age 5 years old no one can tell which kid will suffer being so young in HS and which kid will sail through HS with no problems.
It is mostly up to us as parents to figure it out and most of us always feel our child is the brightest kid and will be *just fine* starting school as a 4 year/turning 5 in a month or so after school starts.

 

[LadyZolt]

I already posted that I'd have the little girl wait a year and put her in kindergarten next year. I am one whose parents probably should have waited a year with me simply because I was not very mature, but they didn't. I was more immature, didn't "get" algebra in 8th grade when everyone else was doing OK with it, still didn't "get" it in high school's 9th grade, but finally did get it in 10th grade. Was the last one to hit puberty. Was one of the shortest in my class. I lacked the confidence that I did eventually acquire later.

Honestly, I feel it is better to err on the side of caution and wait so that they are among the oldest. This gives the child the best chance for overall success. I realize that many research studies show that children who are among the youngest (someone has to be among the youngest -- LOL!) do fine academically -- I'm no academic slouch myself; I was valedictorian of my high school and I graduated college in 2007 summa cum laude with a 4.0 GPA -- but there is more to it than academics. There is physical maturation and interacting with peers, and any kid will tell you that those who are younger/smaller get to follow what the older/bigger kids say.

In my case, though, I did meet the cut-off date (which then was September 1, and my birthday is August 21). For the OP, her daughter does not meet the cut-off date. Her DD was born October 13, and the cut-off was October 1. While she might academically be ready, that does not mean that in the upcoming years, she wants to be the last girl to hit puberty, the last one to buy a training bra, the last one to get picked for softball, the last one to get the brain maturity required to understand algebra and advanced mathematics. It's impossible to tell right now how she will do, and that's why I would follow the cut-off date and put her in next year. She'll be among the most mature in her class, giving her every possible advantage, and she'd be conforming to the state's age rules.

I cannot think of even one negative thing about waiting until next year. She's not being "held back." She's not even eligible to go because she didn't make the cut-off date. The fact that she is academically capable is totally beside the point in my experience. Heck, I could read -- I had two older sisters and could read at the third grade level in kindergarten -- but that did not make me taller, did not make me wiser, did not make me more mature.

Give this little girl the opportunity that her birthday and her state's cut-off age have so fortuitously granted her -- the ability to be among the oldest in her class.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[mamacatnv]

I have 2 kids that are on the older end - 1 because of a November b-day and he missed the cut off and DD who made the cut off but was so close that we opted to keep her home an additional year. It would never have occurred to me to challenge the cut off, they are there for a reason.
You all have raised valid points for both sides of the argument.

Something that has only been touched on is the age when they get to high school and begin college. IMO the older the better. There are lots of temptations and things that require decision making. In many cases that extra year of age makes a huge difference in their reasoning and decision making abilities. My son started college at almost 19 and DD will be 19 when she starts. I think this gives them a huge advantage, especially the boys who are known to mature a little slower.