Should I shoot my MIL?

[ALL05132005]

Squid: Do we have the same MIL? I think we may have married into the same family. My MIL has a habit of deciding that what she thinks or wants is the only way and that the rest of us are crazy or our thoughts are invalid....and so therefore she should get what she wants ...it drives me nuts. I agree with every poster who said that your DH needs to buck up and duke it out with his mother. Time to grow up.

POB14: Busch Gardens is NOT the same as Disney - not even close. Make your plans - then tell your MIL what those plans are....she can either deal or not deal - her choice.

 

[Mickey & Minnie Mom]

First, I think your idea of split stay is good. Do the visit to Tampa/St. Pete first though. That way, you'll end your trip on a high note at Disney (& if you start there, you are NOT going to want to leave).

Second, ideas for things to do in Tampa/St. Pete...

Lowry Park Zoo -- a perfect zoo for younger kids. Have many nice animial exhibits, rides for younger kids, kids can ride camels/horses, can feed stingrays. Not too big, good for a day outing. My kids were 5 & 3 last summer & had a ball.

The Children's Museum of Tampa -- another good day outing. Lots for the kids to explore. Several levels of exhibits. Just added on an area for younger kids with a lot of interactive science stuff. Again, my kids thought it was a lot of fun.

The Florida Aquarium -- haven't been but that is another option in Tampa.

Swimming -- spend the rest of the time swimming in the pool (assume there is one for you to use) & an afternoon at the beach. If being out in the direct sun is too much (like at St. Pete beach) think about going to Ft. DeSoto. You can get shaded areas along the tree line. Many picnic tables as well for lunch at the beach.

Yes, there is Busch Gardens. And no it is not Disney. I think they have some nice things there, but will wait until kids can enjoy more of the thrill rides when they are older (my in-laws live in St. Pete). The theaming is definitely not up to Disney standards & doesn't scream FUN.

Finally ... go to Disney World & enjoy.

 

[KimberlyC]

Well, first of all, if I had a DH, I'd be posting to the gay/lesbian board . . . not that there's anything wrong with that . . . I'm just sayin', is all . . .

Second, and what I should have said in the first place, that's what we did last year. Not the shooting part, the meeting in Orlando part. We were, in fact, discussing splitting the stay between Orlando and Tampa, and the above conversation was in the context of "why don't you just spend the whole time in Tampa."

I think we will split the trip, actually, since I would like to see some of Tampa. I don't think we'll skip Orlando entirely, though!

OOPS, sorry. I guess I shouldn't assume that we women are the only ones that like to b%$ch about MIL's.

And "not that there's anything wrong with that" just reminded me of a great episode of Seinfeld.

If its any consolation, my DH likes Tampa. They have enough sports teams so he can find a game to attend. Ok, so some of the teams suck but being from Detroit he's used to that.

 

[KimberlyC]

As far as a silver lining Bill is right there has been over a decade of bad blood between us starting when the woman actually stood up and objected during my wedding (you know the part where no one is actually supposed to object).

OMG, I hope you are joking! That is unforgiveable!
If you are not joking (and I don't mean to make light of it or go OT) I'm really curious to know, what happens when someone objects? Other than movies and soap operas, I've never actually heard of such a thing. Its practically unimaginable.

 

[Cynt]

I'm right up there with shooting of the MIL - can we form a club?

Mine found out that DD9 and I were going in October without DH and invited herself along because she was sure we would have plenty of room in our villa. She already purchased her park tickets and plane ticket before telling me. How do I say no? I am absolutely floored by this!

QUOTE]

It's easy. N - O!! The nerve of some people. Tell her to get her own room. I would have a talk with her. Tell her this trip is Mother and Daughter time. She's not welcomed!!

 

[Honeibee]

YES


And while you're at it, shoot mine too.

My MIL doesn't invite herself along. No, no. She tried to HIJACK our vacations! Not just the WDW ones either. But her ploy is this......

We just got back from a cruise that we gave the kids for Christmas. They were all very excited about it and oldest DS was looking forward to diving with DH. MIL announced that for our vacation she was treating! Yippee, you think right? Except she was booking a trip to Aspen! That same week! How do you think the diving is in Aspen? Oh and did I mention, we don't ski! Neither does she.

We told her we were all looking forward to the cruise and if she wanted to take us to Aspen we could do that for our next vacation. She got very bent out of shape and said "I AM NOT GOING ON A CRUISE!". Umm, well, we didn't invite her anyway.

Needless to say, the whole thing was dropped.

Until of course, she announced she rented a villa in Tuscany for three weeks in July.....Umm, we don't get three weeks off. She didn't care.

 

[unbroken chain]

Squid, you must win some sort of prize.

My ex-mil was like this too. Her family stopped telling her when they were going on vacation b/c she would just show up uninvited, including one vacation where she showed up at her sibling's hotel, unannounced, in China! I would never tell her when we were going anywhere as a result.

I agree with above posters, clearly your husband should stand up for you, but if he hasn't done that in 15 years, he's probably not going to start now.

Your plan of getting a studio is good. The question is, since she is so pushy, will she come anyway? And then, apparently being a somewhat controlling person, throw everything else off, i.e. make you an hour late for "early entry", insist on eating somewhere other than where you've planned, etc.?

I like the suggestion of cancelling, then rebooking later, but if you are working around school schedules this may not work.

I would wager she KNEW you would say no and that's why she bought the tickets first and then told you. It may go against your grain, but sometimes you just have take a firm stand with these kinds of people. Otherwise they will take advantage of you in increasingly brazen ways. I would tell her simply that unfortunately it won't work for her to join you. Then I would rebook a different resort with an arrival day maybe one or two days later and not mention it, in case she is the sort of person who would show up anyway. If she were to show up anyway, you would be at another resort.

Anyway, good luck dealing with this sticky situation.

 

[MichelleChell]

MILs. Yes, a club would be great. Mine (who is not even going with us on our first ever trip to WDW - thank heavens!!) has planned out our entire meal itinerary for us, and all the food consists of cold cereal, Cup-O-Soup (to be made with water heated in the hotel room's coffee maker) and PB&J. No eating out because that's too expensive. Thankfully, DH told her to MHOB. [/QUOTE]

OMG do we have the same MIL. I have put my foot down this trip and mine is NOT invited. I would kill her. She also believes in not buying food. She makes us eat sandwiches everyday for lunch on trips. Granted I may do this one day on or trip but she makes me a 30 yr old Mom do it! I won't even tell you how my wedding went with her.

 

[maddhatir]

Okay, not really, but still . . .

We're thinking about a trip to FL in October. (Allegiant Air, Kids Fly Free deal, yay. ) Anyway, the in-laws spend the colder months near Tampa, and want us to visit them, which is fine, but I was explaining that the kids would probably want to spend a few days at WDW also [and truth be told, so would I, since I hate beaches, and that's about all there is near them.

Anyway, when discussing going to Disney, MIL says the following:

"We have Busch Gardens in Tampa. That's the same thing."



Am I allowed to say *** on this board? Probably not. So I won't say ***. But I sure said *** to myself. I'm sure my DD5 would love to wear her Minnie Mouse dress, Minnie Mouse shoes, and Minnie Mouse ears, and carry one of her seven stuffed Minnie Mice (Mouses?) . . . to Busch Gardens.

So what would be fun for a 6 and 5 year old at Busch, or Tampa generally? No big coasters, please; DD5 is way too short for anything height-restricted, and the rest of us are too chicken.

[I wasn't quite sure where to put this, so mods, please relocate as necessary.]

all i read was your quote--didnt even get to your story yet... and i answered YES! I have a bit of MIL issues right now...can ya tell?

OK- after I post this- i am going to page one and reading YOUR post!

 

[heatherfeather24]

Squid -- you poor soul. I'm just speechless.

DH keeps trying to bring up the theory of inviting MIL on a Disney trip. Doesn't he understand that the anti-Christ isn't allowed in the happiest place on earth?

 

[DebIreland]

Squidrific
and

Oh my god, you are going to have to get out of this situation a.s.a.p. The longer it goes on, the harder it's going to be. I agree that your DH should do the talking and deal with this.

What was the gap between your decision to go to WDW with your child and your MIL's decision to join you? Also was her decision to join you a recent one? As I say, the longer it goes on....... etc.

I know it's easy to tell you to say 'no' or to tell you to tell your DH to say 'no' and it's much harder to do but honestly it will be worth it in the end. I feel really sorry for you because holidays are precious to me and I would hate to share my precious holiday with someone I didn't get along with and who I feel uncomfortable around. I can't begin to fathom how you would do park touring with her in toe. She'll probably disagree with every attraction you and your DD want to do and every restaurant etc. It's gonna be a friggin train wreck Sorry I really shouldn't laugh.

Good luck. I really hope you can get out of this. Could you tell her you've had to change the dates of your trip (and then actually change them by a few days so it's not a lie)? Could you say all you could get was a studio and there's only one double bed (she needn't now there's a pull out bed too!!! Again, I dunno if you should actually try to change to a studio then, again to avoid a lie)?

She's taken the fun out of your Disney planning. Good luck!! I hope you can get out of this situation.

 

[24601]

And I thought my in-laws questioning every decision I make (even though I have a remarkable streak of making the right decision) was bad ... I feel for you. I'd just be like, "You know what, no, you can't come with us. If we wanted you, we'd have invited you".

 

[freediverdude]

Squidrific,
My real sympathies on your situation. Please do not allow this person to be on vacation with you under any circumstances. It's clear from what you said about your history with her, that her plans are to completely ruin this vacation, and make it hard for you to say no to its happening. Do not even do a vacation where she is staying in a separate room. Tell her that you had to cancel your vacation, and then book another one. Make sure that she can't get the dates and location of the new vacation out of your DH- make him promise not to say anything. You're going to have to go to extreme means to keep this person out of your life as much as possible, but you must do it. Good luck.

 

[Tinkerbell_Tiffany]

 

[Deb & Bill]

Sorry for your problems, both of you. I'm lucky that my MIL is a pretty nice person. She would never presume to invite herself along on my vacation. Why, because she had a MIL who expected the family to eat Sunday dinner at her house every Sunday, just to mention one of many things. She learned how to be a MIL by being everything her MIL was not.

Don't change your reservation from a 1 bedroom to a studio. Why should you?

Your husband may need to be the one to tell his mom that she cannot go on this vacation with you and that she was not invited. But it kind of sounds like no one tells MIL anything.

 

[TimothyG]

Haha.

Yeah, Busch Gardens and WDW are two totally different things.

On the record, on top of the biggest soapbox I can possibly stand on, in front of the entire world I will say: Nobody has ever, is going to, or ever will top WDW or even come close. I will go as bold as to say that even the Disney company can't recreate it -- even with all the same exact plans and schematics. No park is even close to WDW and will never top it or be the same as it. Disney World is so much more than a theme park.... It's more like a state of mind. </nerd mode>

Haha. But yeah, agreed with you.

 

[jenga1030]

Oh my gosh! I really thought my MIL was the only one like this. We don't ever tell my MIL when we go on our yearly Disney trip because she would be there waiting for us and then complaining about and rearranging all of our plans.

She lives a couple of hours from Disney and a couple of years ago DH got an attack of guilt and told her when we'd be there and she met us there at the end of our visit. She found a new hotel for us to stay in all together, inspected both rooms and chose the bigger one with the better view for herself (even though we had 2 adults and 2 kids and she was alone) chose what restaurants to eat at (not even considering what the kids would like) and then when we said we'd decided to go to EPCOT the day she arrived, she said oh, I'll just drive the 2 hours back home then. So we spent the entire day at DTD with 2 small kids that didn't want to be shopping.

She also used to give us "vacations" every year for Christmas. She paid for it and planned it exactly how she wanted it (again, never considering any of the kids). For a while I really thought I was never going to get to plan my own vacation ever again. Thankfully she stopped after about 4 years. Now we plan our own and don't say a word.

 

[eblack0409]

My MIL hates Disney.....it was the trip DH always took with his dad....she thinks that us going twice this year is ridiculous! I told her, when she pays for our vacations, then she can decide where we go...that was pretty much end of discussion!

 

[DISUNC]

Ah the In-Laws, can't live with them, can't strangle them and throw 'em in a ditch.

YOU CAN'T???? Oooops

 

[DISUNC]

My ex-mil was like this too. Her family stopped telling her when they were going on vacation b/c she would just show up uninvited, including one vacation where she showed up at her sibling's hotel, unannounced, in China!.