Should I not be upset?

[tlbwriter]

I told him over a week ago that I would be home today and I just wanted to spend the whole day with my DS and DH.

I am just sad bc I was really looking forward to this family time. He knew how I felt and that I didn't care what we did today as long as we were all together. This is also not the first time he has done something like this. Guess I should have expected it.

To me, this is the bottom line. It sounds like the OP told her husband that she'd like to spend the day together, and it doesn't sound like he disagreed. So, what he was doing on his time off (and no, I don't suspect an affair) isn't really the issue. It's the fact that she said she'd like to spend the day with him, he either agreed or said nothing (and in this case, I'd say silence implies consent), and then he simply blew her off with some pretty flimsy excuses. If he didn't want to spend the day with his wife and son, he should have said so, instead of acquiescing and then disappearing. That's a pretty immature way to handle the situation and I hope none of our MANLY MEN (no quotes!) here would do that.

Again, if I didn't lay out specific plans, not just a general, I would like to spend some family time together on Sunday.....IMHO, I really have no right being upset if he did something else in the morning.

See the quote above. She didn't say "I'd like to spend SOME time together." She told him she wanted to spend the whole day together. He has a right to decline, but he needs to man up and use his words instead of just running off.

 

[declansdad]

Wait, so you are saying that if, perhaps, one would communicate with their spouse they might avoid situations that very well could have been caused by a miscommunication?

Bingo!!! Who da thunk it!

 

[Robinrs]

Yes I'm a guy but using "" implies that you are being sarcastic.

That was NOT my implication at all. I meant good to hear from a male point of view instead of it all being one sided.

 

[Robinrs]

Its not only the guys who agree with you. I think the most pertinant phrase was she told him she how she wanted to spend time on sunday not asked. Women seem to want men to be their best female friends and they will never be that. Yes men do think and act differently to women (good job with the he is out of you sight he must be cheeting brigade!) next time the op wants to spend the weekend day with husband discuss it ask what they can do not just tell him and expect him to behave like a lap dog.

 

[Robinrs]

The issue is your use of quotes around the word guy. It implies that they aren't really guys.

I didn't take it that way. It seemed condescending, but I couldn't decide if "guys" meant that we weren't real men, or that we were some form of low-life male, normally called named unfit for family audiences.

I removed the "" "fellas"

 

[LIDisneyFan]

I removed the "" "fellas"

You are SO bad.

 

[EMom]

Its not only the guys who agree with you. I think the most pertinant phrase was she told him she how she wanted to spend time on sunday not asked. Women seem to want men to be their best female friends and they will never be that. Yes men do think and act differently to women (good job with the he is out of you sight he must be cheeting brigade!) next time the op wants to spend the weekend day with husband discuss it ask what they can do not just tell him and expect him to behave like a lap dog.

So if she said, "Since this Sunday is the first day in a month we've both had off at the same time, I'd really like for us to spend the day together....you, me and DS," THAT would have been telling him and not asking? What does she need to say? "Pretty, pretty please, if you can tear yourself away from your BFF for one Sunday in a blue moon, could you spare a day to spend with me and our son?" Because I think it's pretty obvious that a more subtle, "Honey, since we both have Sunday off, can we spend the day together?" would have gotten her either a flat out "No" or more likely his usual evasive, "I'll be home as soon as BFF and I finish our vital man business, whatever that turns out to be."

I don't think wanting your DH will spend one freaking day a month with you and your son is expecting him to be your best friend or making him into a lap dog, even if such a "sacrifice" on his part requires him to part company with his BFF for a while. Actually, it sounds like asking precious little.

Clearly, he cannot quit his BFF. He can, however, ditch his wife in a heartbeat. Again, it just shows where his priorities are.

 

[declansdad]

I removed the "" "fellas"

If you hadn't used them in the first place, there wouldn't have been any misunderstanding.

Clear communication is a wonderful thing.

 

[ccgirl]

To me, this is the bottom line. It sounds like the OP told her husband that she'd like to spend the day together, and it doesn't sound like he disagreed. So, what he was doing on his time off (and no, I don't suspect an affair) isn't really the issue. It's the fact that she said she'd like to spend the day with him, he either agreed or said nothing (and in this case, I'd say silence implies consent), and then he simply blew her off with some pretty flimsy excuses. If he didn't want to spend the day with his wife and son, he should have said so, instead of acquiescing and then disappearing. That's a pretty immature way to handle the situation and I hope none of our MANLY MEN (no quotes!) here would do that.



See the quote above. She didn't say "I'd like to spend SOME time together." She told him she wanted to spend the whole day together. He has a right to decline, but he needs to man up and use his words instead of just running off.

Okay...I wonder if she waited for his reply. Or, if she asked him what he would like to do? Or just didn't really care and just wanted to do what she wanted to do and that's it. Did he even hear her or did she just assume that he heard her? It's called c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-o-n and is a wonderful thing in a relationship. Listening is just as important as talking and then you come to a mutual decision together. I also think spending the whole entire day from waking up thru going to bed could be a little over the top since that is his only day off during the week.

If that is his only day off during the week maybe he should have been asked how he wanted to spend it instead of being told.

 

[Scurvy]

Its not only the guys who agree with you. I think the most pertinant phrase was she told him she how she wanted to spend time on sunday not asked. Women seem to want men to be their best female friends and they will never be that. Yes men do think and act differently to women (good job with the he is out of you sight he must be cheeting brigade!) next time the op wants to spend the weekend day with husband discuss it ask what they can do not just tell him and expect him to behave like a lap dog.

I'm confused about which part would make him a lap dog. Would it be spending the day with his wife? Doing something that his wife told him she wants to do? Acting like his wife's friend?

Apparently my husband is a lap dog and I never realized it! We spend the day together often. He is my friend. And lots of time I tell him how I want us to spend the day. In fact, just yesterday I told him I want us to spend the day geocaching on his next off Friday. Of course, he told me that he was thinking we could go biking on our greenway that day, so if I do that maybe I'm the lap dog!

Presumably the OP's husband is an adult. If she tells him she wants to do something and he would rather do something else, he needs to act like a grown up and tell her that. If the OP's husband isn't able to do that, he has much bigger problems than a wife who treats him like a "lap dog".

 

[tlbwriter]

Okay...I wonder if she waited for his reply. Or, if she asked him what he would like to do? Or just didn't really care and just wanted to do what she wanted to do and that's it. Did he even hear her or did she just assume that he heard her? It's called c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-o-n and is a wonderful thing in a relationship. Listening is just as important as talking and then you come to a mutual decision together. I also think spending the whole entire day from waking up thru going to bed could be a little over the top since that is his only day off during the week.

If that is his only day off during the week maybe he should have been asked how he wanted to spend it instead of being told.

Well, we don't know any of that. All we know is that he didn't communicate that he wasn't interested in her plan, nor did he communicate that he was going to run around with a buddy instead, until it was too late.

 

[crashbb]

You are SO bad.

Exactly. Bad at grammar and clear communication.

 

[declansdad]

Well, we don't know any of that. All we know is that he didn't communicate that he wasn't interested in her plan, nor did he communicate that he was going to run around with a buddy instead, until it was too late.

All we know is what the OP told us. We don't know all the details of the story. Only enough, it seems, to assume he is cheating.

 

[threeboysmom]

I'm really surprised at the number on here defending the DH.

He clearly doesn't want to spend time with his wife and son.

If a man doesn't want to be with his wife on her only day off, there's something definitely wrong in their relationship.

Don't you normally want to spend time with the one you love?

 

[declansdad]

I'm really surprised at the number on here defending the DH.

He clearly doesn't want to spend time with his wife and son.

If a man doesn't want to be with his wife on her only day off, there's something definitely wrong in their relationship.

Don't you normally want to spend time with the one you love?

Why are you:

• assuming something is wrong?
• assuming he doesn't want to spend time with her?

 

[threeboysmom]

Why are you:

• assuming something is wrong?
• assuming he doesn't want to spend time with her?

Are you serious??

Knowing his wife was going to have Sunday off and knowing her desire for them to spend some family time together, he runs off with his buddy for an all-important haircut that turns out to be not so important since he arrives home 3 hours later sans the haircut.... you have to question my assumption?

If the haircut was a non-issue, why didn't he just spend the day with his wife if she and their son were a priority to him?

He sees his "buddy" every week, but yet he can't find time to spend some quality time with his wife?

Sorry, but there's a problem in this marriage.

If you think it's okay to treat each other that way, have at it.

 

[ccgirl]

I'm really surprised at the number on here defending the DH.

He clearly doesn't want to spend time with his wife and son.

If a man doesn't want to be with his wife on her only day off, there's something definitely wrong in their relationship.

Don't you normally want to spend time with the one you love?

It wasn't HER only day off of the week, it was HIS only day off for the week. It was her only Sunday off in a few weeks. This was only one day of the week. Did they not see each other or spend any time at all on Monday thru Saturday?

I don't think there is anything wrong with the relationship if a man doesn't want to spend every waking moment of the day with his wife. Nor, for that matter, do I think there is anything wrong with the relationship if a woman doesn't want to spend every waking moment of the day with her husband. I hardly think my DH wants to come to my 3 hour hair appt with me. That is my alone time, that is my me time. It doesn't mean I don't love my husband or my children. It means I love myself and my alone time as well. I truly don't think there is anything wrong with that, YMMV.

As with the majority of "stories" we only hear one side. We cannot hear his side here. Was he even given a choice??

 

[declansdad]

Are you serious??

Knowing his wife was going to have Sunday off and knowing her desire for them to spend some family time together, he runs off with his buddy for an all-important haircut that turns out to be not so important since he arrives home 3 hours later sans the haircut.... you have to question my assumption?

If the haircut was a non-issue, why didn't he just spend the day with his wife if she and their son were a priority to him?

He sees his "buddy" every week, but yet he can't find time to spend some quality time with his wife?

Sorry, but there's a problem in this marriage.

If you think it's okay to treat each other that way, have at it.

All we know is what the OP posted. Do you often make judgment calls about something as important as a maariage without all the information?

The point is this thread has turned in to a typical Dis marriage thread. Wife comes on and posts some information about one incident and suddenly people respond with: he's cheating, he's a no-good husband, wouldn't put up with that/wouldn't marry someone like that. How exactly do you think this makes the OP feel about her relationship? No one here, other than the OP, is close enough to this marriage to have any idea what is going on.

I can guarantee you that if the OP came back and explained this was simply a one-time miscommunication, there would be poster telling her she is doing herself no favours covering for her no-good, cheating husband.

 

[LIDisneyFan]

Are you serious??

Knowing his wife was going to have Sunday off and knowing her desire for them to spend some family time together, he runs off with his buddy for an all-important haircut that turns out to be not so important since he arrives home 3 hours later sans the haircut.... you have to question my assumption?

If the haircut was a non-issue, why didn't he just spend the day with his wife if she and their son were a priority to him?

He sees his "buddy" every week, but yet he can't find time to spend some quality time with his wife?

Sorry, but there's a problem in this marriage.

If you think it's okay to treat each other that way, have at it.

You said "Treat each other" in this post, yet obviously blame the DH. Even think the OP should be tracking him down.

If she was anxious for family time, why did she schedule DH to help move her father's furniture - or is that OK and good, healthy family time? I am guessing her DS would rather be playhing with their cousins that watching Mom and Dad move a recliner.

Or you can see just one side. You know-the one where all men are bad.

 

[ccgirl]

You said "Treat each other" in this post, yet obviously blame the DH. Even think the OP should be tracking him down.

If she was anxious for family time, why did she schedule DH to help move her father's furniture - or is that OK and good, healthy family time? I am guessing her DS would rather be playhing with their cousins that watching Mom and Dad move a recliner.

Or you can see just one side. You know-the one where all men are bad.

Have to say, this was a great post. From what I read, she told him how to spend his only day off during the week. She scheduled him to move her father's chair on his only day off during the week. Personally, I would never scheduled my DH for anything without checking with him first. He is not a child and I am not his mother.

It would probably go something like this....

DH....we finally have a Sunday where we both have off. Do you have any ideas of what we could do together as a family? My father was wondering if we could help him move a chair; do you think we would have time to do that? Or, better yet, if it was the only time we both have had off I would have gotten a sitter for DS for a portion and gone on a date with DH as well.