Should I make my son go?

[mom2rtk]

I didn't take it as a punishment. I think they meant that since the grandparents are nice enough to watch him while his family is away, he could at least help them out a little.

Kids, especially teenagers, should be expected to do chores.

I didn't read it that way at all. I'd love for that poster to chime in and clarify.

I don't think "letting him skate" meant he was into skating.

 

[prudence64]

If you are someone who is really uncomfortable in crowds and don't enjoy rides then disney would seem like a punishment.

 

[itchin2go]

His idea of a good time is fishing, riding dirt bikes, and watching Nascar, and if it is anything other than that he doesnt want to do it!

I know people have said this, but are there any activities you could find in and around Disney that would pique his interest?

I'm not a "ride" person, so I get that totally, but I love the shopping, dining, general theming at Disney World, but I'm a girl, so I get that your son may not love those things.

If he can't find anything to get enthused about (and I would make an effort to help him find some things), then I would let him stay home. It will just bring the trip down if you force him to go.

Of course, you know him better than we do.

 

[bopper]

His idea of a good time is fishing, riding dirt bikes, and watching Nascar, and if it is anything other than that he doesnt want to do it!

Another idea is to steer him to a site like:
http://www.inthemousehouse.com/tween-teen-boys-in-disney-world-no-princesses-allowed/

and see if any of the activities are interesting to him.

 

[tsme]

Don't do it! I made our DS 16 att come with us, thinking he'd have fun once there. BIG MISTAKE! He moped & made us miserable the whole time. It was like the grim reaper was following us around!

 

[OnSpaceshipEarth]

Lots of "wows" being said in this thread.

Yes...It was pretty much "mandatory" for me to go along on family vacations while I was in college. I lived at home during the summers and it was *expected* that I joined the family on vacations. It wasn't a hard cross to bear I can assure you. My parents paid for my education and my living arrangements year-round.

By the time I was college-age I understood how short my time *was* with my family in these particular situations and became much more enthusiastic about these trips than I ever was during my high school years.

I guess some on this thread think that it was "weird" but I still wasn't an "independent adult" seeing that my parents were paying my way in almost all respects.

We were a very "Griswold" type of family, tbh.

 

[ConnieB]

I just mentioned this thread to my teenage daughters (twins, age 17). They reminded me that their Dad isn't a big fan of Disney....we asked him to come with us once, and being a good Dad he did, but you could tell that his heart wasn't really in it....he went on any ride we asked and never complained but he was making the motions and doing it for his girls. We've not asked him to join us since, lol.....and he's glad to drop us at the airport and listen to us each night as we tell him all the fun we had.....and he can stay home and either work or just do what he enjoys.


He's a grown man, and a dad wanting his girls happy, so he did a decent job faking it......I would agree that a 14 yo boy who doesn't want to be there is going to do his darndest to make everyone else unhappy too.....whether on purpose or just because he won't be able to garner the enthusiasm to truly make it good.

I hope OP is able to make a decision that works for her family. I would be curious what she decided, and also whether after she returns whether the son had any of those "wish I'd gone" feelings.

 

[Hannathy]

Lots of "wows" being said in this thread.

Yes...It was pretty much "mandatory" for me to go along on family vacations while I was in college. I lived at home during the summers and it was *expected* that I joined the family on vacations. It wasn't a hard cross to bear I can assure you. My parents paid for my education and my living arrangements year-round.

By the time I was college-age I understood how short my time *was* with my family in these particular situations and became much more enthusiastic about these trips than I ever was during my high school years.

I guess some on this thread think that it was "weird" but I still wasn't an "independent adult" seeing that my parents were paying my way in almost all respects.

We were a very "Griswold" type of family, tbh.

I wasn't wowing the fact that you went or even that you wanted to go with your family on vacation. I went with my family while I was in college and my DD goes with us.

I was wowing the "mandatory" I can't imagine ever making vacation be mandatory ever for my children and especially for my adult children. Nor can I see my parents doing it either. The idea of forcing my adult child to go with me on vacation or else just amazes me and not the way I was raised or am raising my children.

 

[lisalis]

I would let the 14 year old stay home. I have a 16, 14, and 7 year old boys. Last summer we did Universal for the older ones and didn't do Disney at all- they didn't want to They had been there before.

We are heading back next summer for DH's work. We are only taking the younger one to Sea World and Disney. The other two don't really care to go. We are going to take them to Cedar Point while in Ohio for a family graduation, which they are super excited about.

It's difficult to find activities for all when you have kids with a big age gap. Balance and compromise are a must. We are doing the Black Hills all together this summer.

 

[mom2rtk]

I wasn't wowing the fact that you went or even that you wanted to go with your family on vacation. I went with my family while I was in college and my DD goes with us.

I was wowing the "mandatory" I can't imagine ever making vacation be mandatory ever for my children and especially for my adult children. Nor can I see my parents doing it either. The idea of forcing my adult child to go with me on vacation or else just amazes me and not the way I was raised or am raising my children.

My "wow" was also at the word "mandatory". I think it's awesome that the PP still wanted to vacation with her family. I just find it odd that the word "mandatory" came into play. Not only would that not have been the case when I was in college, but my parents would have questioned my decision to take the week off work!

We're planning our own summer vacation. We have 2 college age kids (plus a 13 year old). One has decided to come, the other is looking forward to his idea of paradise......... a house all to himself. Yes, I'd love if he'd come. But he's definitely old enough to make his own decisions.

 

[Meldev]

I would let the 14 year old stay home. I have a 16, 14, and 7 year old boys. Last summer we did Universal for the older ones and didn't do Disney at all- they didn't want to They had been there before. We are heading back next summer for DH's work. We are only taking the younger one to Sea World and Disney. The other two don't really care to go. We are going to take them to Cedar Point while in Ohio for a family graduation, which they are super excited about. It's difficult to find activities for all when you have kids with a big age gap. Balance and compromise are a must. We are doing the Black Hills all together this summer.

Enjoy America's 'Roller Coast' if you're boys are all about thrill rides they'll love Cedar Point!
We are loving planning disney for our young kids (oldest will be 10 nearly 11 during our trip) in a few years they'll be sure to press us to visit Cedar Point yearly for sure! Only my oldest is tall enough to ride most things there!

 

[WDW1979]

I am a single mom of 3 kids. My oldest (14) does not want to go to Disney with us. He says it is boring and for little kids, and he doesnt want to ride any rides.

Suggestions:

Tell him he can people watch (there will be lots of girls his age at Disney).

At 14, he is now old enough to be in a Disney theme park on his own. Maybe offer to let him visit a park and tour Disney World (example let him travel the Disney buses to visit different resorts) on his own for one full day. You could provide him with lunch money & he could explore for a new place to eat.

If you will be staying at a Disney hotel, tell him he can relax by the pool most days if he wants. Once there, he may stay by the pool sometimes, but may decide to go with you more often than not.

 

[KimK2006]

Suggestions:

Tell him he can people watch (there will be lots of girls his age at Disney).

At 14, he is now old enough to be in a Disney theme park on his own. Maybe offer to let him visit a park and tour Disney World (example let him travel the Disney buses to visit different resorts) on his own for one full day. You could provide him with lunch money & he could explore for a new place to eat.

If you will be staying at a Disney hotel, tell him he can relax by the pool most days if he wants. Once there, he may stay by the pool sometimes, but may decide to go with you more often than not.

I understand wanting your child to be on vacation with you, but if your suggestions for him to enjoy himself are to people watch alone, wander the park alone, or hang out at the pool alone, what is the purpose of having him go? Let him stay at home as he wants. Save the money! He will be happier. Disney isn't for everyone. There are some vacations you can put your foot down and say "you are going". I don't believe Disney is one of those places.

 

[WDW1979]

I understand wanting your child to be on vacation with you, but if your suggestions for him to enjoy himself are to people watch alone, wander the park alone, or hang out at the pool alone, what is the purpose of having him go? Let him stay at home as he wants. Save the money! He will be happier. Disney isn't for everyone. There are some vacations you can put your foot down and say "you are going". I don't believe Disney is one of those places.

...hey, the mom sounded like she really wants her 14 yr old to go, and what I wrote was just a suggestion for the mom. You can take it or leave it! Leave it for all I care.

Sure, if he is going to ruin the party, the mom can leave him home if that would work out. But KimK, why are you asking me the purpose of having him go? He is not my kid. Ask the OP if you want an answer to that question.

 

[20yBWDW]

I would not make him go. There are some trips I would force the issue--a beach trip, a cabin in the mountains, a trip to visit family, or travel abroad. If there is an educational component, or time with rarely seen relatives, then that outweighs the child's pleasure. But when the trip is purely for pleasure, then I have to know that the person can actually enjoy themselves. Some vacations are general enough that almost anyone should be able to find ways to enjoy themselves. But others, like Disney World, tent camping, cruises--someone who is not into it could be downright miserable. Forcing someone who is an introvert and who dislikes rides to spend that much time in Disney World would be like forcing someone with motion sickness on a cruise. I would not do it. One of my siblings, who has always been an accommodating kind of person, went to Disney at that age and never said a word of complaint, but was clearly not enjoying themselves. I'm not sure if they would even admit it today if asked. But it was obvious to me, and I think it made all of us enjoy ourselves less.

I would talk to him in a way that shows respect and consideration for his feelings. Ask him to look into it to see if there is anything at all he is interested in doing. Once you've seen him spend some time checking out the options (fishing at resort?), if he still does not want to go, I would let him stay.

 

[Belle5]

Mom to six guys, here...(ages 10-27)

I have a few thoughts on the subject. First, my middle son is the one who started dragging his feet about Disney when he was probably 15. We forced him to go several times and he succeeded in making everyone completely miserable! Then, we started leaving him at home (age 18-19) or going without him while he was away at college. Now, we have a trip planned for December and have given him the option to go or stay. He sees our pics from the trip, notices all the great food, etc. and just doesn't want to be left out. He has also matured enough that he realizes if he turns down a free vacation to WDW, there is probably NO vacation for him for years! Now, while there (he also went with us exactly two years ago) he stays by the pool a lot and generally does what he wants.

Now, my 16 year old is completely addicted to the computer and gaming! Over the past two years I have noticed that he will turn down many wonderful opportunities and must be MADE to do things (which later, he will admit that he really enjoyed). If you know this is the case with your son...that he wants to stay behind because he might miss a movie, gaming, computer, text messages, whatever...I think you should step in and force him to go with you!

Final thoughts...this son is your oldest. Sometimes it is difficult to adjust to the changes necessary (strangely, you will adjust the way you do things by the time the younger kids are his age). This might be a good time to sit down with him and say, "Our vacation just wouldn't be the same without you! We really want you to be with us, but understand that you are getting older and your interests are changing. Let me show you some things that can make WDW more interesting for teens." Let him know that he will have some freedom to explore resorts, Disney Springs, lay on a hammock at the Polynesian, workout in your resort's workout room (if DVC, deluxe or CSR), time spent alone with tokens in a great arcade (Contemporary), perhaps you can rent him his own water mouse boat to zip around in, choose a cool new restaurant where he can try something different (like sushi) for the first time...The possibilities are endless!

Let us know what you decide and good luck!

 

[MudQueen22]

I don't know if this has been brought up as an option:
What about grandparents and DS (14) going?

Grandparents may be able to help with young ones, and DS can do more stuff for kids his age.

 

[VP037388]

Once upon a time, my DH was that 14 year old kid. He *hated* the idea of a family trip to Disney. It's for kids, it's for girls, etc, etc. He got to stay home. He is in his 40's now and still regrets not going on that trip. His parents/siblings came back with pics and stories and he says he just didn't realize at the time all there was to do. He had the typical teen attitude of knowing everything and didn't bother to check. There was no other opportunity for a family vacation again before college. He missed out. I would tell DS to go and make a point of doing something for him on one of the days(Waterpark?). He may grumble but in the long run he will appreciate the memories.

 

[Sunnywho]

If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride? Can I take them both through the line and leave the one that doesnt want to ride waiting on the platform for us to come back?

This part depends on their ages. There's a specific age when a child can be unattended in the parks but I don't remember what it is.

What about Universal Studios instead of Disney World? It appeals more to older kids.

 

[pigletto]

My answer depends on the child in question really. If I felt it was teenage grumbling but he would likely have a good time when he got there, yes I would probably make him come. If however I felt the grumbling would continue and potentially ruin my good time, and that of my other kids.. I would leave him with grandma and grandpa and go and have a good time with those who want to go. We kind of have the opposite in our house.. I've raised a Disney nut in dd17 and she'll likely be tagging along when she's in her 50's. But if she didn't want to and was going to make us all grumpy I wouldn't waste the money or compromise the other kids good time.