Should I force my kids to go to Disney?

[VandVsmama]

You can be right or you can be happy. If you want to be right, then force them to go on the next Disney trip. You'll all be miserable. If you want to be happy, figure out a compromise. That compromise might mean going on a NON-Disney trip somewhere. Ask them where THEY want to go, what do THEY want to do.

So, for example, a compromise could be you go to Orlando but spend part of the time at Disney parks, part of the time at Universal. And don't require them to be with you 100% of the time. Give them some free time to go explore on their own. Respect the fact that they probably need some down time from Mom & Dad and some time to veg or chill out.

If YOU are the rope dropper in the family, then don't require everyone to get up a zero-dark-thirty with you. YOU go ahead and rope drop. Meet up with everybody later instead.

Or plan on meeting up at a TS restaurant for lunch. Your kids get to sleep in, you get ride time that you want, everybody is satisfied. Offer them up the option of them doing other on-property things on their own, like spending the day at 1 of the water parks, or going on their own to Disney Springs for a few hours or whatever.

Gone are the days of the family vacations of years gone by, where everybody is together 100% all day from sun up to sun down.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

So, for example, a compromise could be you go to Orlando but spend part of the time at Disney parks, part of the time at Universal. And don't require them to be with you 100% of the time. Give them some free time to go explore on their own. Respect the fact that they probably need some down time from Mom & Dad and some time to veg or chill out.

If YOU are the rope dropper in the family, then don't require everyone to get up a zero-dark-thirty with you. YOU go ahead and rope drop. Meet up with everybody later instead.

Or plan on meeting up at a TS restaurant for lunch. Your kids get to sleep in, you get ride time that you want, everybody is satisfied. Offer them up the option of them doing other on-property things on their own, like spending the day at 1 of the water parks, or going on their own to Disney Springs for a few hours or whatever.

Gone are the days of the family vacations of years gone by, where everybody is together 100% all day from sun up to sun down.

I am the Disney obsessed rope drop to close person in the group and I probably do expect too much from them. These are all good ideas.

 

[Genie+]

Have you asked them how they feel - more specifically why they were grumpy, or why did they keep wanting to go back to the room? I’d start here.

When our kids hit around 14 we started letting them go off on their own in the park. We’d usually keep bumping into each other anyway.

WDW can be exhausting and overstimulating. Even as adults sometimes we get snippy with each other and have to check ourselves. Why are we getting snippy? Some combo of tired, thirsty, hungry, overload, or a string of things just did not go well. It happens.

When our kids were younger they relied on us to show them the way, how to do rides and plan shows and meals. Part of healthy late childhood is instinct to handle independence. At that stage the dynamics start to change. It can conflict with trying to do everything together and gets exacerbated when rough moments happen. I dunno… it’s like that natural desire to spread their own wings is at odds with still not being in control, which results in eyerolls from them and frustration for everyone else.

 

[brockash]

On our last two trips, 2 of our kids (now ages 18 and 16) were absolutely horrible. They don’t want to leave the room, when in the parks they complain about absolutely everything and whine constantly about just wanting to go back to the resort. They whine and complain incessantly. They made the rest of us miserable. The thing is, we’ve gone to WDW every year of their lives and they’ve always loved it, not sure what’s happened lately. While talking about our next trip they both said they don’t want to go and are begging us to just let them stay home. DH thinks we should let them stay since they’re miserable there anyway, but for me, this is a family trip and it wouldn’t feel right going without them. Plus it feels like they’re being brats and getting what they want. It really upsets me that they don’t want to go. But if I make them go they’ll be absolutely miserable. Anyone been through anything similar? Any advice?

Is there someone that will be able to stay home with them or would they be staying by themselves? If there's someone who would be staying home, then I'd consider letting them stay home and save the money. If not, then I'd say they have to go, but I'd let them hang at the resort as much as they want and meet you in the parks when they want to (come and go as they please.) I'd give them a rough itinerary and if there are things they want to do they'll need to make sure they're up and with you etc.

 

[bluezy]

On our last two trips, 2 of our kids (now ages 18 and 16) were absolutely horrible. They don’t want to leave the room, when in the parks they complain about absolutely everything and whine constantly about just wanting to go back to the resort. They whine and complain incessantly. They made the rest of us miserable. The thing is, we’ve gone to WDW every year of their lives and they’ve always loved it, not sure what’s happened lately. While talking about our next trip they both said they don’t want to go and are begging us to just let them stay home. DH thinks we should let them stay since they’re miserable there anyway, but for me, this is a family trip and it wouldn’t feel right going without them. Plus it feels like they’re being brats and getting what they want. It really upsets me that they don’t want to go. But if I make them go they’ll be absolutely miserable. Anyone been through anything similar? Any advice?

Once our kids hit the age of about 14-15, we let them do their own thing at Disney. DH & I would get a room with the 3 younger kids and we'd book another room (always got connecting, thankfully) for the older 2 to use. I'd tell them what our (DH & I and the littles) plans were for each day and the older 2 were welcome to join us for the entire day, some of the day, or none of the day. Most days they met up with us at some point -- usually for a meal and a few rides, but they kept very different hours than we did and often went to different parks than we did. They also chose to go to the water parks whereas I had no desire to take 3 young kids to a water park. I have no doubt we would have had miserable family trips to Disney if we forced our teenagers to stay with us all day. If I was you, I'd give your teenagers the freedom to do what they want to at Disney. Maybe set up a few "family" meals during your stay (not an early breakfast, though!) or plan to meet up and watch the fireworks/nighttime shows together and let them have the vacation they want to have.

 

[PollyannaMom]

You can't force fun.

The ages of the other children matter in whether I would pick a different trip. If you want to do Disney for them, do it.

Talk to the older kids and find out why they don't want to go. That will determine whether they stay home with grandparents or friends (or alone if they're responsible enough) or whether they come on the trip, but split their time between family stuff and independent stuff.

 

[CGB]

When our kids got a little older, we switched from a one-room club level family to a two-rooms value family. They had their own room, tv, bathroom....connected, but space away from us. Plus, they had their own bed and that seemed to be a huge bonus for them. We also gave them gift cards so they could hit the food court if they wanted on their own. We revamped our days to allow them more of a voice in the planning. They were fine with rope-drops as long as we came back to the pool/naps after lunch. They were vocal in all aspects of the planning... resorts, restaurants, etc. They would propose rides or experiences and dang it, they were usually spot-on. There were also days when they did their thing... and we did ours. I hope you can find common ground... it's fun to be a kid with your kids at Disney, no matter their age.

 

[hrhdhd]

On a more somber note, when you die they'll feel really bad about giving you grief about this.

Or they might think, "Whew, no more taking the trips Mom/Dad wants to take."

People have different tastes and likes. Doesn't mean bad parenting. Just means not everyone likes the same things.

 

[lorimt]

My 16 year old hates to travel but the other two kids love it. We just went skiing and again the 16 year old didn’t want to go. We didn’t feel comfortable leaving him home alone so we brought him and he hung out in the condo while we skied and joined us for meals and anytime we were just hanging out. I think it worked out great for all of us. I would do the same for Disney but strangely it is the one and only place he does like to go!

 

[Kitty 34]

You can't force fun.

The ages of the other children matter in whether I would pick a different trip. If you want to do Disney for them, do it.

Talk to the older kids and find out why they don't want to go. That will determine whether they stay home with grandparents or friends (or alone if they're responsible enough) or whether they come on the trip, but split their time between family stuff and independent stuff.

The bolded....totally agree with!

 

[easyas123]

I just don’t get it I guess.

Why not - they aren't enjoying it/don't like it/it isn't fun for them....and that's ok.

By the time our kids were 13 & 15 they were sick of Disney. We had always taken them on other vacations besides Disney, too....but honestly, they were over it and it was no longer a optimal spot for a family vacation. Are you boaters? How about chartering in the Bahamas or the BVI's? Or renting a house in the Turks & Caicos or BVI's or Hopetown? Maybe go on a skiing/snowboarding/tubing type trip? Safari in Africa? House for a week on a Texas beach/Florida/Outer Banks?
There does also come a time when kids start to age out of the traditional family vacation, and when the time comes in high school and/or college where they start devoting more free time to what interests them.
I'd consider leaving the 18 year old home if he or she wants to stay home...having the house to themselves, a bit of freedom and and the chance to be on their own for several days might be a healthy thing for them.

 

[georgina]

Didn’t read the rest of the responses, but can’t imagine why you would want to force nearly adult children to go to Disney against their will. Sounds dumb. Two of my kids are not Disney fans, that’s fine. They prefer the outdoors, hiking, etc, so we took them to national parks for trips.

 

[_19disnA]

By time your kids are in h.s. or even college, your family should be having candid discussions about vacations choices and why everyone feels how they do. Forcing someone to go on a vacation to somewhere they don't enjoy seems foolish to me. I think everyone will enjoy the vacation more when they are going places & doing things they like.

As some kids get older they outgrow Disney and what was appealing to them when younger is no longer true. Disney also doesn't change the ride/shows that often so if you have gone many times in the past, there are only so many times you can do the same things on vacation without getting bored.

 

[Chili327]

As others said, forcing them to go is not the best idea, but definitely let them run amok by themselves, heck we went to the local theme park by ourselves when we were 14/15 & Disney is a lot safer than my local theme park was then. lol

 

[disneydreamer1980]

Is there someone that will be able to stay home with them or would they be staying by themselves? If there's someone who would be staying home, then I'd consider letting them stay home and save the money. If not, then I'd say they have to go, but I'd let them hang at the resort as much as they want and meet you in the parks when they want to (come and go as they please.) I'd give them a rough itinerary and if there are things they want to do they'll need to make sure they're up and with you etc.

They’d be staying with my sister if they stayed home. I’m going to talk to them about maybe going and doing their own thing.

 

[Mle8308]

Happened with my nephews. Hit the 15-16 year old time frame and they started to get bored. So we left them home with my BIL and my sister I went by ourselves. Saved money and we had a great time, no listening to teens complaining and spending a lot of money for them to stay in the room playing video games on their phones. They are now 17 - 19 and they are starting to express an interest again. Too late for this year! But it’s nice to have them start turning back into humans again instead of teens who didn’t want to have much to do with us!

 

[disneydreamer1980]

OP here. We do go on other trips together, they’re mostly ok with those. Just not Disney. We’re DVC (and I’m a huge Disney fan) so we’re going to go yearly no matter what. I guess I’m just sad that they don’t want to go. I’ll talk with them about letting them do their own thing and see what they say. I’ve decided to just let them stay home if they want and I hope that one day they’ll want to go back again. On the plus side, if they don’t go we would be saving a decent amount of money!

 

[tasha99]

I wouldn't go without them, and I wouldn't make them go on a trip they really don't want to be on. Give it a few years--my young adult kids loved going to Disney as a family in their 20's. That didn't mean they all liked it as teens though. I remember my daughter camping out at OKW and refusing to go to the parks when she was 14. She stayed there and watched a lot of Lifetime movie network (a little thrill since we didn't have cable.) For teen and adult trips, we usually stayed in a DVC villa and they could do whatever they wanted. Even better, I could, too. But for now, I'd explore other vacation options.

Edit--I see you posted about DVC while I was typing. We rented our points out a bit during those teen years, or else we saved them up for super trips, esp to WDW, which is far for us.

 

[Mle8308]

OP here. We do go on other trips together, they’re mostly ok with those. Just not Disney. We’re DVC (and I’m a huge Disney fan) so we’re going to go yearly no matter what. I guess I’m just sad that they don’t want to go. I’ll talk with them about letting them do their own thing and see what they say. I’ve decided to just let them stay home if they want and I hope that one day they’ll want to go back again. On the plus side, if they don’t go we would be saving a decent amount of money!

They will come around, give them a few years. We missed them for a day or two, but then it was nice not to have to always try and get them motivated each day & argue about what we were doing. We were all happier in the end. And we definitely saved money! As you know, teenagers, especially boys, eat a lot!

 

[Chili327]

I wouldn't go without them, and I wouldn't make them go on a trip they really don't want to be on. Give it a few years--my young adult kids loved going to Disney as a family in their 20's. That didn't mean they all liked it as teens though. I remember my daughter camping out at OKW and refusing to go to the parks when she was 14. She stayed there and watched a lot of Lifetime movie network (a little thrill since we didn't have cable.) For teen and adult trips, we usually stayed in a DVC villa and they could do whatever they wanted. Even better, I could, too. But for now, I'd explore other vacation options.

Edit--I see you posted about DVC while I was typing. We rented our points out a bit during those teen years, or else we saved them up for super trips, esp to WDW, which is far for us.

Curious how that seems like a good solution?