Should I feel bad? Or be mad!

[PaulaSB12]

Let's see; she did something that caused her to lose the use of her laptop. Okay, it gets taken away. Did you make a bad choice in where you hid it? Yes. However, would the laptop have been damaged had your daughter accepted her punishment? No. So, feel bad, but don't feel guilty.

As for repairing it, we recently had to replace the screen on our DS' laptop, and it cost about $100. It is a little bit older, so I don't know how much that will make a difference. My wife found the screen and hinge parts on Ebay, if that helps. The computer is working great now.

Herr daughter lost use of her computer her fault. Her mother put it in a really bad place whould you be blaming her husband if he had sat on it? that was her fault completly.

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

Your fault, it was a dumb place to put to a laptop.

I agree with this.

 

[Mimi1965]

Has noone here ever done something DUMB?

I was putting the nice smelling thing in the toilet tank a couple weeks ago-and leaned the tank top against the wall. It slipped and broke.
No big deal-I'll just buy another one -right?
My toilet is 15 years old and the manufacturer just makes parts twice a year-have to wait 3 months for it to get made then shipped to me.

 

[mhsjax]

OK. Just to clear things up a little:

1) DD was searching for the laptop that was taken away, not snooping.

2) The laptop was placed in a spot not reachable under normal use. No one could have accidently sat on it!

DD and I have come to terms with this. I think we are both partially at fault. Like I said earlier in the thread hindsight is 20/20 vision, I understand now that mattresses are for hiding dirty magazines not electronics!

I am curious, just what part of the bed isn't reachable under normal use. Between me, hubby, kids and the dog, I don't think there is one square inch of our king size bed that we haven't sat or laid on.

 

[tinkamom]

Oh dear! I guess I didn't explain my hiding spot very well in the first post. a picture is worth a thousand words so:

The laptop was placed against the wall! NO WAY anyone could have accidently sat on it!!!!!!!!!!

This is not my room but the setup is similar! And my bed is bigger!

 

[Wall-E1]

OK. Just to clear things up a little:

1) DD was searching for the laptop that was taken away, not snooping.

2) The laptop was placed in a spot not reachable under normal use. No one could have accidently sat on it!

DD and I have come to terms with this. I think we are both partially at fault. Like I said earlier in the thread hindsight is 20/20 vision, I understand now that mattresses are for hiding dirty magazines not electronics!

What part of your bed is "not reachable under normal use?" And as a follow up question, What do you consider "normal use?" I know some people that consider some pretty freaky things as "normal use."

I think it is fair that you both have decided to take partial blame.

The laptop was obviously hidden because of her behavior - her fault.

The laptop was broken while she was conducting a detailed search for the confiscated item - her fault.

The laptop was hidden in a less than ideal place due to the fact that you can no longer think clearly. After years and years of mental anguish trying to raise what we hope will one day become a responsible and contributing member of society, there is only so much rational thought and reasoning left in you - her fault.

On second thought, it's all her fault. It's always the fault of the teen.


As to the concerns over your parenting methods, I think they are fine. At sixteen, all they care about are their cell phones, lap tops, marijuana; etc. Short of beating them with a frozen leg of lamb, I don't know what else you could have done. I would like to offer a suggestion as an enhancement to any future punishments. I find that teens are easily embarrassed. Nothing gives me more pleasure these days than embarrassing my teen in front of his peers. It really does not teach them a lesson or anything. It just makes us feel good. I have even gone so far as to post embarrassing wall posts and photos of him on his Facebook page without his knowledge. Then off to school he goes to be taunted by his peers. It makes me feel all warm inside. Now this may not be a preferred method of child rearing, but in our dysfunctional household, it works.

 

[tinkamom]

I am curious, just what part of the bed isn't reachable under normal use. Between me, hubby, kids and the dog, I don't think there is one square inch of our king size bed that we haven't sat or laid on.

I'm a single mom so only half my bed really gets used on a daily basis. I sleep and sit on the side easily acessed! And I'm short! my feet don't reach the end of the bed!

 

[MomRN]

As to the concerns over your parenting methods, I think they are fine. At sixteen, all they care about are their cell phones, lap tops, marijuana; etc. Short of beating them with a frozen leg of lamb, I don't know what else you could have done. I would like to offer a suggestion as an enhancement to any future punishments. I find that teens are easily embarrassed. Nothing gives me more pleasure these days than embarrassing my teen in front of his peers. It really does not teach them a lesson or anything. It just makes us feel good. I have even gone so far as to post embarrassing wall posts and photos of him on his Facebook page without his knowledge. Then off to school he goes to be taunted by his peers. It makes me feel all warm inside. Now this may not be a preferred method of child rearing, but in our dysfunctional household, it works.

 

[tinkamom]

What part of your bed is "not reachable under normal use?" And as a follow up question, What do you consider "normal use?" I know some people that consider some pretty freaky things as "normal use."

I think it is fair that you both have decided to take partial blame.

The laptop was obviously hidden because of her behavior - her fault.

The laptop was broken while she was conducting a detailed search for the confiscated item - her fault.

The laptop was hidden in a less than ideal place due to the fact that you can no longer think clearly. After years and years of mental anguish trying to raise what we hope will one day become a responsible and contributing member of society, there is only so much rational thought and reasoning left in you - her fault.

On second thought, it's all her fault. It's always the fault of the teen.


As to the concerns over your parenting methods, I think they are fine. At sixteen, all they care about are their cell phones, lap tops, marijuana; etc. Short of beating them with a frozen leg of lamb, I don't know what else you could have done. I would like to offer a suggestion as an enhancement to any future punishments. I find that teens are easily embarrassed. Nothing gives me more pleasure these days than embarrassing my teen in front of his peers. It really does not teach them a lesson or anything. It just makes us feel good. I have even gone so far as to post embarrassing wall posts and photos of him on his Facebook page without his knowledge. Then off to school he goes to be taunted by his peers. It makes me feel all warm inside. Now this may not be a preferred method of child rearing, but in our dysfunctional household, it works.

blackmail by facebook! I'll have to try it!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have thought about this predicament you have. While I've not had a laptop break...I have had other things break when they were not in places that the average person would expect them to be. I have had things spill for the same reason.

While your dd had no business doing what she did---that requires a separate consequence independent of the broken computer. In this case ---extended time from it waiting until YOU can repair or replace it reasonably.

Rationalizing how the laptop should have been safe in it's location does not make what you did acceptable at all. Laptops don't belong between mattresses. End of story. Your consequence is that you need to figure out how you will repair or replace it with your money.

The laptop didn't break because she was snooping. It broke because she sat on your bed which could have happened without any snooping taking place.

Be mad that she snooper and be mad at yourself for making a foolish decision on a safe place to keep a laptop. But you need to accept responsibility that your actions contributed to the damage if not directly allowed the damage to occur.

 

[lila]

Your fault.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Got to go with this. The weight of the mattress along with no give in the boxspring(they really don't have springs anymore,just wood framing) and the normal tossing/turning in your sleep could just have easily crack the laptop.

Except (a) the OP carefully placed the laptop where it would not be affected by persons sleeping, tossing, or turning (a1) only after discovering simply taking it away from her daughter wasn't effective; (b) we don't know the style or age of the OP's mattress and box spring (i.e. the latter could very well consist of springs; and (c) we don't know the force with which her daughter "sat" on the bed.

Anyone could have sat on it. She shouldn't have been snooping, but I think that is also human nature. The broken laptop is, unfortunately, your fault.

When I sit down on my DD's bed, I'm not thinking about I could be sitting on a toy or something else hidden on the mattress. That's not a reasonable thought process. It could have happened even if she wasn't snooping- it could happen while putting up laundry, etc.

One would expect this mother would know that/whether this daughter normally enters the mother's room and normally sits on the bed. It appears neither is normal behavior for the daughter or the mother would not have placed the computer between the mattress and box spring. Ergo: snooping. The result of the snooping? The daughter broke her own computer - the computer to which she had been denied access but ignored that restriction, forcing the mother to hide it.

I agree. Anyone could have sat on the foot of the bed. What if it had been the Op's husband? Would it still have been the dd's fault for having the laptop taken away to begin with?

No. The damage would NOT have been the fault of the person being punished, and the OP would not be asking if she should be mad.

I can't see how this is the dd's fault. Yes she was in the room looking for the laptop. But maybe she just wanted to make sure her mom had put it in a safe place!

Okay, if that's what you want to think... remember, the OP only hid the laptop after simply taking it away from her daughter wasn't effective. It seems the daughter still accessed and used the computer anyway.

Wrong for her to go looking for it. But your fault for putting it where anyone could have sat. Lesson learned on what not to do.

I'm a little confused over how many times the OP is going to have to repeat that the laptop was placed in a spot that is not normally used by anyone. Apparently it's even unusual for anyone to even sit on her bed. Maybe there's a chair (or more than one chair) in her bedroom for people who wish to sit?

----

Although, I have to be honest... I am leaning towards believing that the op may be entirely at fault here.

In that she purchased, or allowed her daughter to purchase, a laptop computer? You may be right... but then shouldn't we ascribe fault where it TRULY belongs? No, farther back than that - all the way to Adam & Eve?

OP, in all seriousness, I am torn. No, in retrospect the hiding place wasn't the best but, since the computer should/would have been safe had your daughter not gone looking for it, in my opinion she is at fault for the damage. Had you been the one to do the damage, totally different story, of course!

True - but the OP seems the type who, had she done the damage, would have simply replaced the computer... without polling the DIS!!!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Laptops don't belong between mattresses.

Many posters have said this, or similar, so don't consider this quoting a specific person. Consider it 'too lazy to go back and quote every individual'.

It's entirely possible nobody in this thread has ever done it, but I find it extremely difficult to believe that nobody has ever stayed in a hotel room with no safe or a too-small safe or a pay-safe and NOT used the bed as a hiding place for valuables. Yes, including electronics.

 

[tinkamom]

Except (a) the OP carefully placed the laptop where it would not be affected by persons sleeping, tossing, or turning (a1) only after discovering simply taking it away from her daughter wasn't effective; (b) we don't know the style or age of the OP's mattress and box spring (i.e. the latter could very well consist of springs; and (c) we don't know the force with which her daughter "sat" on the bed.

One would expect this mother would know that/whether this daughter normally enters the mother's room and normally sits on the bed. It appears neither is normal behavior for the daughter or the mother would not have placed the computer between the mattress and box spring. Ergo: snooping. The result of the snooping? The daughter broke her own computer - the computer to which she had been denied access but ignored that restriction, forcing the mother to hide it.

No. The damage would NOT have been the fault of the person being punished, and the OP would not be asking if she should be mad.

Okay, if that's what you want to think... remember, the OP only hid the laptop after simply taking it away from her daughter wasn't effective. It seems the daughter still accessed and used the computer anyway.

I'm a little confused over how many times the OP is going to have to repeat that the laptop was placed in a spot that is not normally used by anyone. Apparently it's even unusual for anyone to even sit on her bed. Maybe there's a chair (or more than one chair) in her bedroom for people who wish to sit?

----

In that she purchased, or allowed her daughter to purchase, a laptop computer? You may be right... but then shouldn't we ascribe fault where it TRULY belongs? No, farther back than that - all the way to Adam & Eve?

True - but the OP seems the type who, had she done the damage, would have simply replaced the computer... without polling the DIS!!!

Thank you for understanding!

 

[tinkamom]

Just to clarify to anyone who may be confused, I'm not asking how I should feel.

I know how I feel!

I feel TERRIBLE for placing the computer in what turned out to be an unsafe place!

I'm ANGRY I had to take a computer away from a 16yo!

I'm more angry that she didn't take me seriously and went and searched for the laptop.

I'm UPSET that the laptop got broken!

This thread was merely started to get an unbiased opinion of fault. (and to vent) Mine, hers or both!

Its been quite theraputic actually, lots of good laughs.

 

[MichelleVW]

It's entirely possible nobody in this thread has ever done it, but I find it extremely difficult to believe that nobody has ever stayed in a hotel room with no safe or a too-small safe or a pay-safe and NOT used the bed as a hiding place for valuables. Yes, including electronics.

Omg...not even in a hotel would I put a laptop under the mattress...that's just asking for it to get broken.

 

[momrek06]

To be honest I have not read all the posts BUT what I will add to the OP, get your purse and your credit card as you are going shopping for a new laptop.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Many posters have said this, or similar, so don't consider this quoting a specific person. Consider it 'too lazy to go back and quote every individual'.

It's entirely possible nobody in this thread has ever done it, but I find it extremely difficult to believe that nobody has ever stayed in a hotel room with no safe or a too-small safe or a pay-safe and NOT used the bed as a hiding place for valuables. Yes, including electronics.

I cannot speak for others....BUT....

A home isn't a hotel...but even if it were...NOPE! It never occurred to me to put my valuables in the mattresses--especially anything breakable.

And that includes laptops. My DH travels with his and he is an extremely prudent individual. He has a lock/leash thing. This allows home to attach his laptop to a fixed object in the room. Usually an extremely heavy table. With his luck---he would forget that he kept the laptop "safe" under the mattress and accidentally sit on it.

It is a foolish thing to do regardless of how much it is defended as bein smart. Saying how it should not have been sat on---does not change the fact that it was.

There are so many issues of safety for both items and humans where something "should have been safe", but wasn't.

Clearly opinions will differ--but it is moments like this where manufacturers become compelled to add those silly warnings to their product. They have to---because some people assumed that something would be fine even though it obviously wasn't. For example---using a hair dryer while taking a bath or placing the base of a crock pot into the dishwasher.

 

[Gwendolyn]

Not that you need my opinion since so many peeps already given theirs, but still here is mine

I think it was bad judgement to put the laptop under your matrass, in your cupboard would have been better or any other place where you are not sitting or standing on it or brings the laptop in proximity of water.

I also think it's a bad thing that your daughter went looking for her laptop (which was taken away for a reason) and went snooping aroud in your bedroom. And because of that the laptop is broken.

Now because both of you were wrong in this case, both of you need to pay for the repair of the laptop.

That will teach your daughter not to snoop around in your room, and respect your rules.
And it will teach you to take better care of confiscated goods

 

[focusondisney]

Just to clarify to anyone who may be confused, I'm not asking how I should feel.

I know how I feel!

I feel TERRIBLE for placing the computer in what turned out to be an unsafe place!

I'm ANGRY I had to take a computer away from a 16yo!

I'm more angry that she didn't take me seriously and went and searched for the laptop.

I'm UPSET that the laptop got broken!

This thread was merely started to get an unbiased opinion of fault. (and to vent) Mine, hers or both!

Its been quite theraputic actually, lots of good laughs.

Ok, after reading this whole thread, I have a few other summeries:

Don't tick off Jennasis's mom

You might not want to get near WallE-1's mattress

Horatio solved another big case

We're having chicken

You miss a lot of fun on the Dis boards if you go out on a Satrday night!!




edit to add: The OP is a good mom with a sense of humor!