Should EX help pay for kids vacation?

[Gigi22]

I must agree with the majority here. I do not think you should ask your Ex to contribute to holidays that you take with your children. Of course, it is up to you whether you ask him for a contribution, but bear in mind that it may backfire on you--your Ex could ask to go along, or as a condition of his financial support, he will decide where you and your children go and for how long.

 

[furb & dez]

Let's try an interesting experiment, shall we? Here's your post:

Should EX help pay for kids vacation?
First, I don't need his help paying for our family (me, DS13, DS11) vacation. I have paid for everything and have not asked him to help any other time we have been to WDW. (7 times!!)

Is it reasonable to ask for him to help pay for his kids vacation? He has never taken them anywhere for vacation and he has never mentioned taking them anywhere. I know if he were to take them somewhere I would give them money to spend on things they wanted. Should he contribute to their vacation money?

Now, here's your post, slightly re-written:

Should EX help pay for cross-country trip?
In our divorce, I got my husband's car (that we jointly used, but was really his). I am using that car to drive across the country. Should EX help pay for my gas for this trip?

First, I don't need his help paying for my gas. I have paid for all my gas and have not asked him to help pay for gas any other time I have driven across the country.

Is it reasonable to ask for him to help pay my gas on my trip? He has not used the car since the divorce and has never mentioned asking for the car. I know that if he were to take the car somewhere, I would give him gas money. Should he contribute to my gas money for this trip?

So, my re-write is a little absurd, but hopefully you'll see my point.

 

[North of Mouse]

 

[hereyago]

Um heck to the no. OP says that she would help give kids money if it were the other way around, but would she help each time? what if it were a 2 week trip to Europe?


What you think he should do as a courtesy is completely different from what he is obligated to do. 'You should never EXPECT anyone to do something, you'll just end up with disappointment.


I am a single mom and my ex has never help fund my vacations with DD13, nor would I expect him to. And I wouldn't be funding for his vacations either. Now things for school, that's a whole different thing.

 

[la79al]

No flames here, parenting isn't easy, and I'm sure single parenting is even harder. That said, no, it's not reasonable to ask him to help pay for the vacation. What he chooses to do with his time is his choice and his expense, you get the same liberty. My DH and his ex had a horrible split and it took many years for the kids to be able to take spending money back and forth. If the kids mention to him that they are going to Disney, maybe he will give them a few bucks to spend and that would be really great. Honestly though, if my stepkids came to our house and said that they were going somewhere for the 7th time, I don't think we would be too worried about giving them spending money. My stepdaughter will spend money just to spend money so we're pretty careful about rationing her. I think it all comes down to different parenting styles. For example, if my DD is going away with my mom or sister, I will give her a few quarters because I know it will enhance her fun. DH on the other hand kind of goes with the theory that she should be happy enough just to go.

 

[huskies90]

Nothing really to add here except that I am a single dad in the same boat. The kids live with me and I pay for everything too. I have been fortunate enough to be able to have taken my kids to Disney 3 times since our separations/divorce (I got the DVC in our settlement ). I have also taken them a few other places while my ex has not done anything with them. She says she doesn't have the $$ but I know that is not the case based on our settlement etc.

Anyway, for our xmas trip in 2010, she gave the kids Disney gift cards for xmas presents to spend on the trip. I thought that was a really nice thing to do. But, no, I would never ask her to help pay.

 

[Eastern]

It would be really nice of him to offer, but I wouldn't ask him, and I don't think he is obligated.

After many years I have come to the conclusion that some people are generous, and some people are cheap, and neither one tends to cross over to the other side.

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

My ex would tell me to go see a shrink if I asked him for money to help pay for a vacation I was taking the kids on. Most ex spouses WILL NOT help you foot the bill for your vacation. When my ex took the kids some place he pays. When I take them I pay. You said not to flame you, so really you kind of already knew what almost everybody's answer would be. If it's not a ridiculous notion to you, then go ahead and ask the ex and see what he says. You probably already know.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm with -- well, I was going to say the majority, but that's not right. I'm with 100% of the other posters.

If you want to take the kids on vacation, it's on your dime. If I'm going to pay . . . I'm not going to be left at home; nor would I go on vacation with someone with whom I don't get along.

 

[kim929]

Nope.... wouldn't want him to be able to say anything about my vacation plans.

 

[crisi]

I'm trying to figure out who's kids these are. You can pay for your family. Are you taking his kids from a previous or subsequent relationship? Your kids half sibs? Are you just griping about your kids half sibs not getting to go on vacation? Or do you consider your kids from your ex not part of your family?

 

[2disneyboys]

I agree w/ everyone else - no it should not be assumed or expected. I have a good one for you though..

in 2007 we (DH & I) took our two boys, as well as my younger 1/2 sister & brother to WDW for 8 days. so we had a 4 year old, 2 7 year olds and 1 8 year old. We paid 100% of the cost for my brother (7) & sister (8) as well as the 4 of us (me, dh, ds1 (7) and ds2 (4)). me & DSis & DBro share the same father, and they have the same mother) anyway my father & stepmonster, opps, I meant step mother did not send $.01 towards the trip even for spending money. nothing, nada, zilch. We asked them 1 year before the trip if we could take the kids with us when we went. said we'll pay the transportation, tickets, food, hotel. we told them they would only need to send some $ for souvies. they agreed & we planned the trip. a few weeks before we left, dh & I took DS & DB to get new clothes for the trip (everything!) and when we took them back to thier parents house, my stepmother actually started telling me some of the suggestions of souvies to get the kids... & to make sure DSis got this and DBro got that..etc.. I asked her what was thier budget for souvie money and was told, well, we don't have anything to send with them.. (WHAT!?!? you know a year in advance that your 2 young kids are being taken to WDW and your ONLY expense is some $ for souvies and yet, you haven't managed to put aside ANYTHING for them??? We did notice that DF & DSM had plenty of $ throughout the year for ciggies & beer though) ugh... DH & I were so annoyed. Of course, we would not buy our children something in front of dsis & dbro w/o getting for them as well... so we found out at the last moment that our souvie budget was doubling... Don't get me wrong, DH & I don't regret it for a second (DH is a saint amoung men let me tell you!) We know its the only way those 2 will be able to go somewhere like WDW before they are adults.

(Wow.. well that ended up being longer & more Off Topic than I intended!)Well I guess my point is, I would not expect a divorced parent to pay for the other parent's leisure trip. yes, they should have to share the costs of school trips or something like that, but just your typical family vacation.. umm.. no.. not even spending money...I commend you for the sacrafice you make to take your child on any trip you can, however, don't hold it against the other parent for not contributing, thats not fair to the other parent. you have to take what "you" would do out of the equation. you can't be disappointed in someone for not doing what "you" would do, because, they are not you.

 

[kid-at-heart]

No, your ex should not pay for you and the children to go on vacation.

 

[Allison]

no

 

[DISdreamin']

Anyway, for our xmas trip in 2010, she gave the kids Disney gift cards for xmas presents to spend on the trip. I thought that was a really nice thing to do. But, no, I would never ask her to help pay.

Just wanted to say that I admire how your ex handled that - she realized that what was most important were the kids, and she wanted them to have a good time. I think that shows a lot of character.

OP, thinking your ex would contribute...well, you didn't really, did you? This is one of those things you say/ask and then internally go "wait, that sounded better in my head", right?

 

[Sandi]

I agree with all the "no" answers.

I'm sure my ex-SIL will ask my Brother to pay for her vacation with their children and I hope he says no. He puts his children first and they have 50-50 custody, but in the 6 months since their divorce was finalized, she has gone way past what is in the settlement and what any reasonable person would ask.

 

[roxysmum123]

Not unless he's invited on the trip too and can share in the experience with the kids.

I may, however, ask if he'd like to contribute to their spending money.

 

[North of Mouse]

I'm trying to figure out who's kids these are. You can pay for your family. Are you taking his kids from a previous or subsequent relationship? Your kids half sibs? Are you just griping about your kids half sibs not getting to go on vacation? Or do you consider your kids from your ex not part of your family?

What is your point? Does this have anything to do with the OP's original post? Sheesh, what some people dream up is beyond my comprehension

 

[LilyWDW]

No. Just... no.

A vacation is not a requirement for your kids. If you want to offer it to them, then that is awesome... but it is on you.

 

[Marionnette]

I agree with all the "no" answers.

I'm sure my ex-SIL will ask my Brother to pay for her vacation with their children and I hope he says no. He puts his children first and they have 50-50 custody, but in the 6 months since their divorce was finalized, she has gone way past what is in the settlement and what any reasonable person would ask.

She sounds like my ex-SIL. Same situation except she asked my brother to let her use the DVC membership (which he got in the divorce) so that she could book a trip for herself and the boyfriend, the one that she was cheating with on my brother while they were married.

It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.