Should a thnk you note be sent when a sympathy card is sent to the family

[Chris2597]

Should a thank you note be sent when someone sends a sympathy card when there is a death in the family? I was just going to send a thank you for flowers, food sent to us, and to people that helped during the funeral. However, we are getting a bunch of beautiful cards and I dont know what is customary.

 

[HelenePA]

yes send a thank you note for even cards. Its customary here to do so.

 

[shortbun]

Wow, the rule is different here. No thank you for a card is required. Ask your funeral director. I talked to them and a couple of friends who had recently been through a family death regarding the same issue. All agreed-no thank you note for a card sent.

 

[barbeml]

The last thing I expect from a grieving family is a thank you note (and I am a stickler for thnk you notes otherwise).

If I send flowers for a funeral I cannot attend, I confirm with someone else that they were received in good condition. I usually do receive a thank you card for flowers, I have even received one or two for a sympathy card, but I would never think less of someone who didn't formally acknowledge a card.

 

[golfgal]

I don't expect a thank you note if I just send a card. If I have sent money I like getting a card to acknowledge that it didn't get lost but I don't expect one. The pre-printed funeral home ones are just fine in my book. I never send flowers to a funeral because people get way too many to begin with and it becomes a hassle for the family to figure out what to do with them afterwards.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I never expect a thank-you note for a sympathy card that I've sent.

 

[JunieJay]

After my mother died I sent thank you notes to anyone who touched me in any way. I remember getting a card from a dear friend that had such a wonderful, uplifting message in it. There is no way that her sending flowers could have meant as much to me as her note. So I sent her a thank you card, telling her this is why me and my mother loved her so much.

I'm not one to follow rules of etiquette. If you got a beautiful card and it touched you and you want to reach out to let the person know, do it.

Sending condolences to you for your loss.

 

[powellrj]

I send lots of sympathy cards and I have never gotten a thank-you note for one and I have never expected one.

I agree if a card touched you than you might drop that person a note to tell them how much it means to you, but for normal cards, people that send them don't expect a thank-you note.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Thank goodness thank you cards are not required. I know that I was incapable of sending thank you cards after our son died, as it was hard enough to just try to get out of bed during the day.

 

[aprilgail2]

yes send a thank you note for even cards. Its customary here to do so.

Here too! When my godson died we actually had a dinner thing a few weeks later, we ordered pizza and his mom, me, his grandma, a few aunts and his uncle all sat down at a big table and we each took pages of the guest book and a stack of cards and wrote out all the thank yous that had to be sent- and he was a child so there were HUNDREDS of people that sent cards, food and came to the wake that needed thank you cards sent to them.
When my dad died my mom, me and a couple cousins all sat down and did the thank you's.
I have never NOT gotten one for any visit to a funeral home or a card.

 

[swilphil]

I don't think it's required. Like others have said, if someone sent a card that touched you in any way, let the person know that their message moved you so much. The person who wrote the card will appreciate your consideration, but I don't think you need to send a thank you for every person who sent you a card.

 

[Meriweather]

I just got a thank you card for a sympathy card a week ago.

Sometimes the family does send and sometimes not. I don't think people would mind either way.

 

[Jacklynn]

I've never been sent a thank-you card for that reason. I could never expect that especially in their time of hurt. They have way too many other things going on, I could care less if they forget.

 

[Disney Doll]

In my neck of the woods (Connecticut) we send thank yous for food, flowers, or Mass cards (because a Mass card usually means a donation was made to some sort of religious organization).

A regular sympathy card, no matter how pretty or nice, does not warrant a thank you card. Of course, if you feel you want to send thank yous to everyone, it is never a bad thing to thank people for kindness. But I don't think it's necessary.

 

[Pigeon]

A card does not require a thank you note. Then the recipient would have to send a thank you for the thank you note.

 

[Keli]

I didn't even realize that people did send out thank you cards when the gift was flowers to a funeral or food for the family.
I can only remember receiving one although I've attended many funerals, sent food, flowers and cards.
I wonder if this is a regional thing?

 

[Nancyg56]

In my neck of the woods (Connecticut) we send thank yous for food, flowers, or Mass cards (because a Mass card usually means a donation was made to some sort of religious organization).

A regular sympathy card, no matter how pretty or nice, does not warrant a thank you card. Of course, if you feel you want to send thank yous to everyone, it is never a bad thing to thank people for kindness. But I don't think it's necessary.

I'm in your neck of the woods and agree. When my Mom passed away my family divided up the "thank you's" so that we all responded to the ones that were "related" to us. My Sis Il sent them for my brother and she sent them to just about everyone. Sympathy cards and those who came to the service as well. She told me that she needed to write them, it made her feel better. I was thanking God that I did not need to . Every card I wrote tore my heart.

I never worry if I do not receive one. Families need to get through any way they can and if they cannot write the card, I am totally okay with that.

 

[clh2]

When my grandma passed away, I did all the thank you cards for my grandpa. He wanted everyone who attended the funeral,and/or sent cards,floral arrangements, and/or offered any assistance at that difficult time to be acknowledged.

Since that was he wanted, that was what I did. My Grandpa was about 87 at the time, and it would have taken him years to get them all done. We made a day of it, as I worked, he reminisced about my grandma. It really is a fond memory, as my grandparents were really cool!

And, taking this off topic, I also was the "pen" behind their Christmas cards for several years. It always cracked me up, that my grandparents would specificall tell me to make sure that "they" sent a card to my family. So, every year, I would address a card to me and my family on their behalf. And, still, as busy as the holiday season would get, I would forget about those cards as soon as I mailed them. I was always surprised a couple of days later, when I opened the mail. Again, just like the funeral cards, doing their Christmas cards is a fond memory of my grandparents.

 

[Loverly]

A family does not always have to send a written thank-you note. As a general rule of thumb, it's not necessary to send written thank-yous when you receive preprinted sympathy cards that don't have personal messages added in, and it's not necessary to send written thank-you notes to everyone who visits the funeral home.

It's when people do something beyond that-when they come over to visit, bring flowers, make charitable contributions in the deceased person's honor, handwrite their condolences, etc.-that etiquette requires that you acknowledge them with a personal written note.

Peggy Post, the great-granddaughter-in-law of the famous Emily Post, writes in Emily Post's Etiquette 17th Edition that "handwritten notes of condolence should always be acknowledged (by the recipient, if possible)." However, "a pre-printed card with no personal message added does not require a thank-you note."

Robin Thompson, owner of Etiquette Network and the Robin Thompson Charm School, says, "You do not have to send a thank-you or an acknowledgment card if someone just sent a sympathy card, but you always can if you want to." Anything extra, however, should be acknowledged in writing.

 

[dcgrumpy]

In my family we send thank yous to people who come to the wake or funeral, send flowers or send Mass cards but not regular sympathy cards