Shoud "Ex's" be invited to a wedding? UPDATE Post #65 3/13/11

[EllenFrasier]

My niece is getting married and is having a small wedding and reception. Her sister recently got divorced. Her ex-husband has been involved in my niece's life since she was a child and she wants to invite him to the wedding. Meanwhile her sister is telling her that if her ex-husband is there, she will not go to the wedding!
I think my niece should not invite her ex-brother-in-law. It would be one thing if they all got along, but he has been yelling at his ex-wife (who is also my niece) and calling her names, etc. even in front of their children. Part of the problem is she has a new man in her life (they haven't been man and wife in over a year) and I'm sure he will be there too. It's a set up for disaster!

 

[wvjules]

My niece is getting married and is having a small wedding and reception. Her sister recently got divorced. Her ex-husband has been involved in my niece's life since she was a child and she wants to invite him to the wedding. Meanwhile her sister is telling her that if her ex-husband is there, she will not go to the wedding!
I think my niece should not invite her ex-brother-in-law. It would be one thing if they all got along, but he has been yelling at his ex-wife (who is also my niece) and calling her names, etc. even in front of their children. Part of the problem is she has a new man in her life (they haven't been man and wife in over a year) and I'm sure he will be there too. It's a set up for disaster!

Would I invite my ex to my wedding? No.

But it sounds like the niece and her sister's ex have a close relationship. I see no problem with inviting him to the wedding. The siter needs to just grow up and deal with it and not ruin her sister's wedding by acting like a spoiled brat.

 

[AKL_Megs]

If he is an important part of the nieces life, then the aunt needs to grow up and suck it up. It's not HER wedding to decide who comes. Saying "I won't come" is childish and petty.

 

[NHdisneylover]

In my opinion, people who are close to the bride or groom and have been a significant part of their lives and whom the bride or groom want to be there should be invited. The bride and groom should not have to worry about their adult guests being mature enough to get along for the day.

 

[lovesmurfs]

In my opinion, people who are close to the bride or groom and have been a significant part of their lives and whom the bride or groom want to be there should be invited. The bride and groom should not have to worry about their adult guests being mature enough to get along for the day.

This. Her aunt needs to put on her big girl panties and just endure. They don't even need to speak, and can be seated at opposite ends of the room. They both should share in the joy for the bride.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My niece is getting married and is having a small wedding and reception. Her sister recently got divorced. Her ex-husband has been involved in my niece's life since she was a child and she wants to invite him to the wedding. Meanwhile her sister is telling her that if her ex-husband is there, she will not go to the wedding!

I think my niece should not invite her ex-brother-in-law. It would be one thing if they all got along, but he has been yelling at his ex-wife (who is also my niece) and calling her names, etc. even in front of their children. Part of the problem is she has a new man in her life (they haven't been man and wife in over a year) and I'm sure he will be there too. It's a set up for disaster!

That is a tough one.

I would respect the wishes of my sister over an exBIL without hesitation.

 

[Tina]

It's the bride's day and her guest list. She should be able to invite anyone she wants. I think someone threatening to not go if so-and-so is invited is childish and needs to grow up. Regardless of their differences, adults should be able to act like adults at a wedding of someone they care about.

 

[okeydokey]

If he is an important part of the nieces life, then the aunt needs to grow up and suck it up. It's not HER wedding to decide who comes. Saying "I won't come" is childish and petty.

Exactly! The wedding is about what the bride and groom want, not the Aunt.

 

[luvmy3]

Depends, how long ago was the divorce? If the wounds are still fresh I would respect my sister's wishes and explain to the EX why I can't invite him and hope he would understand. If its been awhile then I would hope that my sister would respect my wishes and let me invite whoever i wanted to my wedding.

 

[pyrxtc]

Would I invite my ex to my wedding? No.

But it sounds like the niece and her sister's ex have a close relationship. I see no problem with inviting him to the wedding. The siter needs to just grow up and deal with it and not ruin her sister's wedding by acting like a spoiled brat.

Yup, wedding is not about sister. They can be seated far away from each other and not acknowledge each other. She needs to designate someone to watch each person JIC but divorcee needs to suck it up. She got divorced, the family didn't.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

My niece is getting married and is having a small wedding and reception. Her sister recently got divorced. Her ex-husband has been involved in my niece's life since she was a child and she wants to invite him to the wedding. Meanwhile her sister is telling her that if her ex-husband is there, she will not go to the wedding!
I think my niece should not invite her ex-brother-in-law. It would be one thing if they all got along, but he has been yelling at his ex-wife (who is also my niece) and calling her names, etc. even in front of their children. Part of the problem is she has a new man in her life (they haven't been man and wife in over a year) and I'm sure he will be there too. It's a set up for disaster!

The sister needs to act like an adult.

If anyone told me I couldn't invite someone I wanted to my wedding or they would not come, I would tell them "I'll miss you then." There is no way I would put up with childish behavior.

If I'm close to the person I'm going to invite them. However, if the exBIL started misbehaving at the wedding (yelling at the sister) then I would have him escorted out.

When will people learn their personal drama have no room at other people's weddings?

 

[MomRN]

Sister better start thinking about important events in the childrens life that her and her ex-husband will share. Sporting events, talent shows, parent teacher conferences, graduations, the marriage of her own kids. She won't be able to avoid the ex forever, so she might as well get used to these uncomfortable situations.

Without knowing the whole situation I'm not impressed with him "yelling" at her, even in front of the kids. No he shouldn't do that, but divorces get heated. If it happens everytime they see each other though, it should be made clear there will be no yelling at the wedding, and also no antagonizing from the part of the sister.

 

[ksjayhawks]

My niece is getting married and is having a small wedding and reception. Her sister recently got divorced. It would be one thing if they all got along, but he has been yelling at his ex-wife (who is also my niece) and calling her names, etc. even in front of their children. Part of the problem is she has a new man in her life (they haven't been man and wife in over a year) and I'm sure he will be there too. It's a set up for disaster!

I would not invite him and for the reason that is bolded. I would be more concerned about this than anything and would hate to have that happen at my wedding. I would also have trouble inviting anyone who treated my sister this way.

Hopefully sister and ex-bil can work through this as they will have the remainder of their lives when they will need to be together at events that involve their children.

 

[Tink888]

Normally I would say that a bride and groom should invite whoever they want to invite and the guests should be mature enough to behave themselves for the day.

However, I also think that knowingly inviting both parties of a fresh divorce when you know there is still animosity and a new boyfriend/girlfriend is a recipe for disaster. Particularly if you plan on serving alcohol at the reception.

 

[msjprincess]

It depends. My mother was still invited to all family functions on my father's side of the family after they divorced. She had been a part of the family for almost 20 years.

 

[Mermaid02]

Was this the couple at the childs birthday party? The party where the new boyfriend was there but everyone seemed to get along okay? I'm thinking you are the same poster, of course I could be wrong.

Family first- if the ex is yelling at the brides sister and calling her names, he should NOT be invited. There could be a scene and who wants that at their wedding??

Edited to add:

Is this the same couple from this thread?

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2630550

 

[SpecialK]

I would honor my sister's wishes.

 

[scrapquitler]

My niece is getting married and is having a small wedding and reception. Her sister recently got divorced. Her ex-husband has been involved in my niece's life since she was a child and she wants to invite him to the wedding. Meanwhile her sister is telling her that if her ex-husband is there, she will not go to the wedding!
I think my niece should not invite her ex-brother-in-law. It would be one thing if they all got along, but he has been yelling at his ex-wife (who is also my niece) and calling her names, etc. even in front of their children. Part of the problem is she has a new man in her life (they haven't been man and wife in over a year) and I'm sure he will be there too. It's a set up for disaster!

The niece should be able to invite whoever she wants to have at her wedding. If she is close with the ex-bil (if i understood it right), then she should invite him. The EX husband and his ex-wife should be adult and mature enough to suck it up and not cause a scene, and realize that the wedding is not all about them. Just because they don't like each other doesn't mean they have to act like idiots in front of everyone. They don't even have to be polite and make small talk with one another, there are usually enough people at a wedding that you can just talk to the people you DO like and not deal at all with the ones you don't.

Probably the niece should talk to these people ahead of time and ask them to suck it up for one day FOR HER SAKE, as a favor to her and just not cause a scene. If they can't both agree to that, then they shouldn't go.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I think this really depends upon a lot of circumstances (i.e. why did they divorce, how recent, etc). If the ex was abusive to her sister, he certainly shouldn't be invited. However, if the couple simply drifted apart, why not? As another poster pointed out, though, eventually these people are going to have to be in the same room again for their children's celebrations.

That being said, I am absolutely sympathetic to the bride because I came up against the same thing when I married. A couple of my siblings were divorced by the time I married. In the case of my oldest brother, he married his ex when I was around 6 years old. You figure they must have dated before then so she had been in my life forever for all intent and purpose. They divorced when I was 18 and I was closer to her than I was my oldest sister. I invited her to my wedding and my brother dealt with it. I have no idea how he felt but my feeling is this: I see on threads all the time that people expect when somebody marries into their family that person will be welcomed and loved. Why is it then, when people divorce the family who loved and accepted them are suddenly supposed to not care about that person anymore? The couple got divorced, not the family. They most likely had no say in the outcome of the marriage. Eventually I did let go as my ex-SIL moved on with her own life but I still care about her and am fond of her. When my father died 2 1/2 years ago she showed up at the wake and was welcomed with open arms. I think probably the fondness between her and my family goes both ways.

 

[EllenFrasier]

Exactly! The wedding is about what the bride and groom want, not the Aunt.

It's not her Aunt, it's her sister. Two sisters - first one just got divorced, second one is getting married and wants to invite the ex-husband of the first.

Just wanted to clarify that there is no Aunt involved in the issue.