Shoud "Ex's" be invited to a wedding? UPDATE Post #65 3/13/11

[Minnie]

OP here - yes, they are close. The one getting married is the younger sister and she says she is tired of her sister getting her own way all the time, that it's her wedding and she'll invite whomever she wants. Hopefully, their mother will be able to talk some sense into them so it all ends peacefully.

Wow... Sounds like an adult ready for marriage

 

[jrmasm]

Wow... Sounds like an adult ready for marriage

Funny how we read things differently. I read that they really aren't that close.

 

[eliza61]

My niece is getting married and is having a small wedding and reception. Her sister recently got divorced. Her ex-husband has been involved in my niece's life since she was a child and she wants to invite him to the wedding. Meanwhile her sister is telling her that if her ex-husband is there, she will not go to the wedding!
I think my niece should not invite her ex-brother-in-law. It would be one thing if they all got along, but he has been yelling at his ex-wife (who is also my niece) and calling her names, etc. even in front of their children. Part of the problem is she has a new man in her life (they haven't been man and wife in over a year) and I'm sure he will be there too. It's a set up for disaster!

Invite him.

1) I hate people who issue me ultimatiums. Really only makes me want to act as childish as the issuer and call their bluff. My sister told me some thing like that, I would probably invite ex just out of spite.

2) Ex has been involved in childs life. Niece has a relationship with him that she obviously values.

3) Bride should have a nice "chat" with all parties involved. It can go along the lines of some thing like this.

"Dear, Sis, ex BIL, whom ever, I love you and really want you to be a part of my special day. What I do not want and will not tolerate is Drama. You are invited to witness this joyous event but if for some reason you feel you cannot act like a mature, well behaved adult, please feel free to send your regrets". PS. I will have security at my wedding who will not hesitate to bounce your butt outta there if you feel the need to act like a park ape.

Love,
The bride.

Sorry I have a very low tolerance for stupidity. Sister is supposedly moved on with a new boyfriend and she can't act like a human being for 4 hours? gimme a break.

 

[horseshowmom]

Wow... Sounds like an adult ready for marriage

That's not what I get from that.

Of course, I don't know because my question wasn't answered, but it sounds like the bride may view the sister as being the cause of the divorce and doesn't feel like her former (and apparently loved) brother-in-law should be excluded just because sister says so. Depending on the reasons for the divorce, I can see where she had every right to feel that way.

That said, I still don't think it's in everybody's best interest to invite him.

 

[EllenFrasier]

Well we all survived the wedding! My niece decided not to invite her brother in law (her sister's ex-husband) to the wedding. I think she did talk to him about it. He threatened to show up at the church anyway to annoy his ex-wife, but he didn't. He did come down to my mother's (my niece's grandmother) to drop off a card for my niece and her new husband.
Ironically, my niece got married in the same church as her sister and her ex-husband. I was sitting there listening to the minister (a new one) and I couldn't help but look at my other niece, the recent divorcee, and wonder what she was thinking when they said their vows. Behind her sat her new boyfriend, well they've been together for quite some time because her marriage was over before it became official. He was sitting with her two sons.
I didn't say anything to anybody about her ex-husband not being there, etc. but my sister (not the mother of these two girls, but my other sister) commented to me on how strange it was to see the boyfriend sitting with my nieces kids at the wedding and reception and how it seemed that the ex-husband should have been there. Not that we thought he should have been invited, it's just strange to see someone else in his place kwim?
Just thought I'd post a little update in case any of you were wondering how it turned out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well we all survived the wedding! My niece decided not to invite her brother in law (her sister's ex-husband) to the wedding. I think she did talk to him about it. He threatened to show up at the church anyway to annoy his ex-wife, but he didn't. He did come down to my mother's (my niece's grandmother) to drop off a card for my niece and her new husband.
Ironically, my niece got married in the same church as her sister and her ex-husband. I was sitting there listening to the minister (a new one) and I couldn't help but look at my other niece, the recent divorcee, and wonder what she was thinking when they said their vows. Behind her sat her new boyfriend, well they've been together for quite some time because her marriage was over before it became official. He was sitting with her two sons.
I didn't say anything to anybody about her ex-husband not being there, etc. but my sister (not the mother of these two girls, but my other sister) commented to me on how strange it was to see the boyfriend sitting with my nieces kids at the wedding and reception and how it seemed that the ex-husband should have been there. Not that we thought he should have been invited, it's just strange to see someone else in his place kwim?
Just thought I'd post a little update in case any of you were wondering how it turned out.

Oh good. Sounds like your niece did the right thing.

 

[Minnie]

Well we all survived the wedding! My niece decided not to invite her brother in law (her sister's ex-husband) to the wedding. I think she did talk to him about it. He threatened to show up at the church anyway to annoy his ex-wife, but he didn't.

Oh good. Sounds like your niece did the right thing.

Agreed! Based on the comment above her sister was absolutely right to make the request and the bride came through and did the right thing