Shoud "Ex's" be invited to a wedding? UPDATE Post #65 3/13/11

[EllenFrasier]

Was this the couple at the childs birthday party? The party where the new boyfriend was there but everyone seemed to get along okay? I'm thinking you are the same poster, of course I could be wrong.

Family first- if the ex is yelling at the brides sister and calling her names, he should NOT be invited. There could be a scene and who wants that at their wedding??

Edited to add:

Is this the same couple from this thread?

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2630550

Same people. Apparently they were yelling,etc. before the guests got there. I felt the situation was stressful having everybody together, but I suppose it was for the children. All this and the ex-brother-in-law may not even go if he's invited.
Now when my sister's got divorced, I didn't like my brother in laws anyway so there was none of this "hoping to keep them in my life" stuff - I was glad they were gone!

 

[JessicaR]

My sister comes first. If her ex makes her uncomfortable and they are still arguing and children are involved the answer for me would be simple. He would not be invited.

However is she has no relationship with her sister that would be a different story.

 

[EllenFrasier]

My sister comes first. If her ex makes her uncomfortable and they are still arguing and children are involved the answer for me would be simple. He would not be invited.

However is she has no relationship with her sister that would be a different story.

They are close and that's what I don't understand. The one that is getting married is taking the stance that it is her wedding and she will invite whomever she wants. She's telling her sister to grow up and that it's not about her.
But if the ex is being nasty to her sister every time he sees her, why would she want to take the chance of that happening at her wedding?

 

[Mermaid02]

They are close and that's what I don't understand. The one that is getting married is taking the stance that it is her wedding and she will invite whomever she wants. She's telling her sister to grow up and that it's not about her.
But if the ex is being nasty to her sister every time he sees her, why would she want to take the chance of that happening at her wedding?

I would probably stay away if I were the sister. I wouldn't want anything to happen to ruin my sister's day and if I thought he might make a scene, I just wouldn't go, lest I be blamed for said scene.

 

[perdidochas]

My niece is getting married and is having a small wedding and reception. Her sister recently got divorced. Her ex-husband has been involved in my niece's life since she was a child and she wants to invite him to the wedding. Meanwhile her sister is telling her that if her ex-husband is there, she will not go to the wedding!
I think my niece should not invite her ex-brother-in-law. It would be one thing if they all got along, but he has been yelling at his ex-wife (who is also my niece) and calling her names, etc. even in front of their children. Part of the problem is she has a new man in her life (they haven't been man and wife in over a year) and I'm sure he will be there too. It's a set up for disaster!

The ex is the bride's sister's ex, correct? I agree with you. The ex-brother-in-law shouldn't be there if he's still malicious towards the sister. Blood is thicker than water.

 

[Barbossa]

I wouldn't invite my Ex's to the Northern Hemisphere, much less my wedding.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

They are close and that's what I don't understand. The one that is getting married is taking the stance that it is her wedding and she will invite whomever she wants. She's telling her sister to grow up and that it's not about her.
But if the ex is being nasty to her sister every time he sees her, why would she want to take the chance of that happening at her wedding?

Now see, I would have went to my sister in private and got her opinion beforehand. Then I would have respected her wishes.

ExIL's usually fade away but your sister is your sister. I would not do something like that to my own sister.

 

[sunnyday123]

Normally I would say that a bride and groom should invite whoever they want to invite and the guests should be mature enough to behave themselves for the day.

However, I also think that knowingly inviting both parties of a fresh divorce when you know there is still animosity and a new boyfriend/girlfriend is a recipe for disaster. Particularly if you plan on serving alcohol at the reception.

This. And I remember all too well how "newly divorced" can be. If the ex bil has an issue with the ex wife having a new man, you can bet your sweet bippy after a few beers, he'll be at their table making a scene.

And honestly, I'd be upset if my sister invited my ex to her wedding, it would kind of validate all the crappy, mean things he did to me. ( If there were crappy, mean things he did )

 

[RadioNate]

I'm going through a divorce. It's hell not something I will be over quickly. Believe me if my hypothetical sister invited my soon to be ex to her wedding I would see that as a HUGE betrayal. ETA: like Sunnyday said, I would see him being invited as them 'saying' they are ok with what he's done & how he's treated me. Knowing what he's done, I'm still having trouble with our friends speaking to him.

I don't care if the ex-bil is a saint, the bride needs to respect her sister.

That said, I have a SIL of marrying age who I've known since she was 8. I wouldn't expect an invite to her wedding. If I did receive one, I wouldn't go. Not now. Maybe in 5-10 years, ok but not any time soon.

 

[shortbun]

Her sister should take precedent over the ex BIL. She can send him a nice note and tell him that he means a lot to her or he could be invited to the wedding only. It's her sister, not her aunt. The bride needs to suck it up. there will be plenty of opportunity for her to socialize without her sister at other times. My sister cheated on and then left her first husband. We were all mad at her and really missed him. He did not get invited to family events but we did see him at other times. We still do. It's been years and my sister is remarried happily-we like her new husband too. Just read the part about this 'man' yelling at his ex in front of his children. Hale no, he should not be invited. Sounds like the bride wants to be on an episode of Jerry Springer.

 

[MissElizabeth]

I'm going through a divorce. It's hell not something I will be over quickly. Believe me if my hypothetical sister invited my soon to be ex to her wedding I would see that as a HUGE betrayal. ETA: like Sunnyday said, I would see him being invited as them 'saying' they are ok with what he's done & how he's treated me. Knowing what he's done, I'm still having trouble with our friends speaking to him.

I don't care if the ex-bil is a saint, the bride needs to respect her sister.

That said, I have a SIL of marrying age who I've known since she was 8. I wouldn't expect an invite to her wedding. If I did receive one, I wouldn't go. Not now. Maybe in 5-10 years, ok but not any time soon.

I agree with this 100%. When my MIL and FIL divorced, what 30 years ago, my MIL's brother maintained his friendship with FIL. MIL saw it as a huge betrayal (her idiot brother was like, well, I know he dumped you, but he didn't dump me) and her relationship with her brother was never the same- and of course in the course of the years FIL and MIL's brother drifted apart and are no longer in contact.

Its all well and good to get high horsey about it being the brides day, blah blah, but I would think out of common respect for her sister she would not invite the ex BIL. Its one thing if its an amicable divorce or its been long enough for both parties to heal and learn to navigate their new relationship, but when its raw and new... no way.

 

[hereyago]

And this: Yes, they may sit apart, but start drinking perhaps, equals a bad situation. I don't care how long the ex had been in neices life, the name calling and disrespectful behavoir is something I wouldn't condone.

 

[disykat]

I'm so glad this thread turned around. I was honestly shocked by all the responses on the first page favoring inviting the exBIL knowing it could be very difficult for the sister..

My sister comes first. If her ex makes her uncomfortable and they are still arguing and children are involved the answer for me would be simple. He would not be invited.
.

I feel the same way. I am friends, 25 years later, with an ex-boyfriend of my sisters. I did not invite him and his then new wife to my wedding, and they weren't even fighting - it just might have made my sister uncomfortable. Heck, even if I were getting married NOW, after all these years, I'd still call my sister and okay it with her first before inviting him.

I would probably stay away if I were the sister. I wouldn't want anything to happen to ruin my sister's day and if I thought he might make a scene, I just wouldn't go, lest I be blamed for said scene.

I agree. I think the sister is being wise to stay away under the circumstances, not immature. She is saving her sister and her own children from any nastiness that might happen.

 

[Minnie]

I see this as a complete betrayal and the sisters relationship may never be the same.... Is it worth it - IMO no!

Similar situation happened in my extended family..... the one member still feels like she took his ex-wife's side. Many years have passed and the impact of this decision is still being felt.

 

[LuvLDM]

I would honor my sisters wishes & not invite ex-bil.

It seems the bride cares deeply for both her sister & ex-bil, it's pathetic that they can't be counted on to behave themselves while in the same room for a few hours

 

[rigs32]

If things were just uncomfortable because of an ending relationship, that might be different, but the bride's SISTER is being emotionally abused by her ex. And the bride (along with many posters) thinks she should suck it up? I don't think so. I've had two relationships end where the guy would just show up someplace to berate me. It was horrible. Cops had to be called once. As much as I loved a hypothetical sister, I would not put myself in that position, even for a wedding.

 

[RadioNate]

I would honor my sisters wishes & not invite ex-bil.

It seems the bride cares deeply for both her sister & ex-bil, it's pathetic that they can't be counted on to behave themselves while in the same room for a few hours

You can roll your eyes all you want but until you have been through it you have NO IDEA. None.

 

[Keli]

If I were the sister I would be afraid my crazy ex might cause a scene at the wedding and I would not come if he were going to be there. The bride may just have to make a choice, her sister or her ex-bil.
Quite frankly if I were the bride I would never do this to my sister in the first place. But then I wasn't a bridezilla (don't know if this bride is) and I love all four of my sisters dearly. Their feelings come before any of their spouses (who I get along with well and love, but I would choose my sisters every time over any of them)

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

Im having the same issue... my uncle and aunt have been together since I was born they divorced. He is saying he won't come if she's there... and she said she'll bow out since he's blood but I want them both there. I invited her and him and really leaving it to them to act as adults. I knwo for sure my aunt will show up

 

[cluvsdisney]

I'm so glad this thread turned around. I was honestly shocked by all the responses on the first page favoring inviting the exBIL knowing it could be very difficult for the sister..

Me too.

There is no way on earth I would completely disregard and disrespect my sister by inviting her ex to my wedding under these circumstances.