School Lunch--Kid Buying Too Much in Cafeteria?

[buckeye]

I'd like to add just one thing: Even if you do feel that the school should take some responsibility, please don't let your son hear you say that. He needs to own this and it won't help him at all to have mom shifting even a little of the blame away from him. I'm a teacher and offer you this advice not to protect the school, but to help your son in the long run.

 

[tinker&belle]

Wow...it seems like a difficult problem, especially since this is something ds is accostomed to...

As a teacher, I know children respond to limit setting. He will most likely challenge it a few times at first (maybe more than a few since it has gone on for so long), but then once he sees that it is not going to change , and knows why it is happening then he will adapt to the limit. I understand that you want him to be able to have a treat once and awhile, but that will blur the line for him (at least at first). Limit setting is hard, and it is certainly not fun or convienent, but it will pay off for you and your child once it is established. I am a firm believer that once the children learn the limits, then they can really thrive and then you can get to the 'good stuff.' After the limit is learned you can work at rewarding your son, and allowing him to make choices within your limit.

Oh...and I would see if they could seperate the accounts. When I was in high school they started the account thing and we had to write a letter to seperate my brother's and mine because we both worked and that was where we got our lunch money, and I didn't want that teenage boy eating my hard earned money! Talk about a hollow leg!

 

[pyrxtc]

well, I had a problem like thisw with my DD last year. She was buying more food at lunch than just what was on her tray. She was also occassionally buying breakfast foods.
I fed her breakfast at home in the mornings and send a snack to school with her. I told her many times over that I don't have the money for that stuff. We get reduced lunch for our family and I would send in $40 to cover 100 days and it would be gone within the month. I talked many times with the lunch ladies and requested a written report of everything she had been buying. I explained to her teacher and the lunchlady that I don't hjave the money, I feed ehr breakfast every day and send in a snack too.

I made her miss out on everything until the money was paid back to me. Now the lady knows and it wil not happen again.

 

[Mskanga]

We all need to work together.

I know you don't want to hear this, but blaming the school for the entire problem is just giving him an 'out'. We all need to take responsibility for our own behavior and he is old enough to understand that. If you tracked when his problem behavior occured, you may be able to establish a pattern (stress around school tests, or something else). I know you said there doesn't seem to be a pattern, but I would start a calendar or something to better measure it.

He clearly doesn't appreciate his privileges (Friday pizza, treats, etc.) if he is abusing them.

I do not know anything about the riding the bike nor do I want to know , but I know that what the school is doing is wrong , plain and simple. They complain about the epidemic with overweight kids and lack of activity , yet they allow them to charge more than one lunch and snacks....what is wrong with that picture?
Yes the child is doing the wrong thing , but so is the school and when a parent especifically requests something to be done in their kids accounts , it should be honored. What if the child was allergic to something but he insisted on eating that ? would they still give it to him just because he asked?
With this practice the school is promoting obesity and weight problems among the kids.
The child obviously should suffer consequences to his actions but the school should implement rules too , one lunch per person per day.

 

[blanq]

Personally, I'd go the only lunches made at home route. (It's cheaper, too). No bread? Cheese and crackers works. No fresh fruit? Have some canned on hand for just those days. No juice box? Sorry son, it's water today. [But I'm going to guess that you will have lunch items on hand, most of the time.] He tosses it. . .let him go hungry.

I absolutely agree with this suggestion. I realize, OP, that packing lunch can be an inconvience for you sometimes. Your DS is old enough to make his own cold lunch, the evening before school, if you don't want to do it. When you shop, just make sure to purchase a good variety of cold lunch items, and maybe even have your DS help with picking out items that he will eat.

Perhaps your DS could slowly earn back his school lunch priviledges over time, and you can set up a household system for your DS so he can earn back your trust and you can increase his freedom once he exibits some responsibility.

You could talk to the school psychologist for some suggestions about how to handle this situation with your DS. Perhaps he/she would be willing to meet with your DS to work on this issue. The amount of food your DS has been taking is way beyond what a 4th grader could physically consume, so it makes me wonder what is going on in your DS's head to do this.

 

[dpratt68]

I agree with TXGIRL you need to deal with your son. This situation should not be solely blamed on the school. Your son is taking full advantage of you and the situation and doing whatever he pleases regardless of what you have said. I don't mean to sound like I'm slamming you here but I would be worried about this type of behavior carrying over to different situations when he is a bit older. Please don't become one of those parents who never hold their child accountable-it is always somebody elses fault.
I am a teacher and will admit that I find it odd that the kids have freedom to get up and down from the lunch table as many times as they please. My students only have 25 minutes for lunch and once seated must raise their hand if they need anything-napkins, straw, bathroom...A teacher will go over and see what they need. Good luck!

 

[lovesmurfs]

OP - For this instance, I agree with other posters that your son needs to lose his charging privileges, totally. And make sure he doesn't get a credit card any time soon.

Looking at some of your previous posts, it appears you have considerable concerns about what's going on at your children's school, and I'd truly recommend making a list ahead of time and writing a letter about all of the concerns, then sitting down with the principal to discuss all of them at one time, rather than addressing each one piece meal. It's a better use of your time.

Best wishes -- it sounds like this school year started out rough for you and your kids.

 

[patsal]

Simply let school know in writing that you want out of the prepaid lunch tab with his card. Let them know that you are not paying for any charges he incurs after set date, and that since he is under 18, and you have already stated that you are not approving his spending that you will not pay for anything they allow him to "buy". Threated them with your lawyer--I know where I work, when all else fails a parent with a "lawyer" always gets his/her own way.
On a side note, your son, is most likely trying to impress his friends by buying them things or is easily conned by them. I doubt he is seriously consuming that much. Have a chat with him about that and you may be surprised what you learn.
On a more personal note, if he were my son, he'd be doing extra work to "work off" beyond his allowance. In addition any $$ received from others as gifts or what not would be applied to his already existing tab. If they would not let the card out of school , go to the school take the card and cut it up--if you get any other bills from the school return them with a copy of the letter you send in. In addition take the time to attend a school board meeting and voice your concerns.

 

[EthansMom]

At 9, your son probably doesn't understand just how much money he is spending and/or how long it takes to earn that money. He isn't responsible enough to have charging priviledges.

I would explain to the school that you need to have DS's charging priviledges restricted. If that is not possible, then you need to have them revoked. Let them know that they should not dip into DD's account for DS. Also, let school officials know that you will not be help responsible for any negative balance on DS's account. If necessary, follow up with a letter sent via certified mail stating that you will not be held responsible for any cafeteria charges on DS's account.

I understand how much of a pain it is to keep lunch makings on hand and to make lunch every day. Here's what I do: Bread and lunch meat freeze nicely, so I always keep an extra loaf of bread and an extra package of lunch meat in the freezer. I buy to stock the freezer, rather than to replace items that are currently being eaten -- in other words, when I pull a loaf of bread out of the freezer, I add "bread" to my grocery list. I keep a stock of "healthy" prepackaged snacks and juices on hand. I let DS pick out some of his favorite less-healthy snacks. I keep a snack box with several different snack choices in the cupboard.

I make DS's lunch each evening. I throw in a sandwich (or soup), one or two healthy snacks, a small bottle of water, and a juice box. Then, I let DS pick one more snack to add in.

In your case, I would recommend explaining to your DS that you have revoked his charging priviledges because he is overspending. I would give him a budget (say $10) each week for "extra" snacks that he can have on hand to add to his sack lunch. In this way, you regain control of the lunch expenses and your DS gets age-appropriate choice and responsibility over his meals.

 

[disykat]

Sure, the school is wrong. However, this is ultimately a parenting issue. I see post after post about how we don't want the schools parenting our children. How is this different?

While I think the school should not allow extra trays, period - you then get parents saying things like "my child was extra hungry, haven't you ever wanted seconds?" or "sometimes he just wants a treat, I don't want him deprived of that." So, somehow the school is supposed to know to cut him off, but to allow him extras at the same time?

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Sure, the school is wrong. However, this is ultimately a parenting issue. I see post after post about how we don't want the schools parenting our children. How is this different?

While I think the school should not allow extra trays, period - you then get parents saying things like "my child was extra hungry, haven't you ever wanted seconds?" or "sometimes he just wants a treat, I don't want him deprived of that." So, somehow the school is supposed to know to cut him off, but to allow him extras at the same time?

Maybe the school should just send a note home in the beginning of the year asking the parents:

do you want an account or woiuld you prefer to use cash?

and if you do want an account, would you like your child to be able to get extra trays and snacks or not?

That way it could be tracked better - however it would NOT stop a child who had those provileges from getting some and giving it (or selling it) to another child who didn't and wanted some extra.

I remember a student who came in with these healthy lunches in school - salmon on wheat bread and yogurt - all organic stuff - stealing cupcakes and chips out of other kids' lunch boxes!

I think the school could improve its program by flagging accounts like I said above, but as we see all over the DIS- someone determined enough will try to get around rules they don't like and kids are no exception. We can only try our best - both parents and schools.

 

[disykat]

and if you do want an account, would you like your child to be able to get extra trays and snacks or not?

But then how would the child get the occasional extras if the parent wants him to be cut off, but allowed occasional extras - as in the case of the OP?

 

[summerrluvv]

But then how would the child get the occasional extras if the parent wants him to be cut off, but allowed occasional extras - as in the case of the OP?

If my kid was abusing the lunch card like that, he wouldn't be getting extras, ever. If he had a means to pay the tab, then he could. If he wants extras, send them from home.

 

[Kellydelly]

But he is abusing it. We're trying to tighten up on expenses right now and there's no middle ground with this situation, at least with ds (dd, on the other hand, doesn't abuse her account. she buys one tray, sometimes an extra, but it doesn't get out of hand like with ds!) He's just going to have to learn that we're not obligated to provide him with everything his heart desires, including food he doesn't even eat!

I have NEVER heard of kids buying more than one lunch, that is ABSURD (looks like he learned that from his sister?)! Why are your kids buying more than one tray? Are they overweight and have no control when it comes to food? I can't believe you are feeling bad that your son can't get himself a treat if you block his account. How about SENDING a treat in his lunch? I know there's a place called a grocery store that sells them, right along with the bread, lunchmeat, fruit, etc. Your kids sound like they are used to being catered to by you. If you've lost control, it's all your fault, not the school's.

 

[yeartolate]

Brown bag a healthy lunch from now on. Delete the account

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I've read through this whole thread a couple of times and I honestly just don't understand.

Your son is what -- 10 years old? Does he have some sort of disability that makes it difficult for him to understand the lunch procedure? If so, then the school should be responsible for sending an aid through the lunch line with him to insure he purchases a reasonable amount of fodd.

If not, then I'll be frank. He is being a BRAT. This is not something you talk to the school Principal about or the lunch lady about. This is a control issue you resolve with your son.

I mean, what are you going to do when he is in College and running up the bills? Call the President of the University and insist that he notify everybody in the Student Union food court that your son isn't to be allowed to go over budget on his Student Dining Charge card?

Honestly, if this is not something you can solve with regular discipline procedures with your son, then I just have to suggest your family consult a Therapist to work on the structure of exactly who in the family is the boss and who is the child.

 

[jipsy]

I have only read your first post, but the solution is simple.

Pack his lunch every single day for him and take away his swipe card so that he cannot buy anything. Send instructions to the lady who swipes the card and the principal that under no circumstances is she to allow him to purchase anything on anyone's account and you will not pay any extra bill because you are not giving him the privilege of buying lunch.

Then discipline your own child and stop expecting the school to. I would make him work off any of the extra money in physical labor around the house. Or from his allowance if he gets one. Somehow he would pay the extra bill that has accrued.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

I'm not sure you answered my original question - why is he doing this. It seems I'm not the only one confused by that. At one point you mention control as a possibility, and that may well be his reason. But the thing that's important is to hear his answer on the matter.

If it is control he is after, then what you need to do is be really firm with him up front, but quickly praise him and give him little rewards when he does the right thing. Negative punishment always needs to be paired with positive reinforcement to be effective. Otherwise it just breeds resentment.

My gut was also telling me from the get go that maybe this was not the only issue your son is having. If he's having behavior issues in other areas than you really need to crack down on the larger picture as well.

Discipline is very hard! It is very hard to follow through and be consistant, but it is critical to success! As a teacher, every time I discipline a child - it is an extreme amount of work for me - all the parerwork alone....Giving a detention is a huge hassle! Worth it if I help a kid, but still a huge hassle.

The WORST thing you can do is be inconsistant! If you say you're going to take away his lunch buying for a week - then you MUST follow through! and not come up with an excuse later. Not every lunch has to include bread. As a parent, it is your responsibilty to keep the house stocked with food. If you don't live up to your end of the bargain, then you are giving him a reason not to live up to his end of the deal. That's why it would be much better to handle this on a week by week thing, rahter than telling your son no more buying lunches ever. Take it week by week. Make him bring his lunch only for an entire week. If he does that, then tell him if he makes it Mon - Thurs of the second week, you let him buy a lunch on Friday (pizza day). It's very important that he has an incentive to do better, and not just a punishment. If control is his game, then with good habits, he gets more control. With bad habits, his control is removed.


good luck - and know that you are not alone - as another poster said, every parent goes through issues like this at some point.

 

[dcgrumpy]

If you can't control your son how on earth do expect the cafeteria workers to do it? Besides the fact that it's not their responsibility. Tell him he can only buy one lunch, if he doesn't listen send his lunch every day. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

[Julia M]

But then how would the child get the occasional extras if the parent wants him to be cut off, but allowed occasional extras - as in the case of the OP?

To be quite honest, after what the child is doing, I wouldn't want him to be allowed to get some "occasional extras". But that's just IMHO.

As for the OP, you are saying that the school refuses to stop your son from doing this behavior. While on the one hand, I absolutely agree the issue is with your son, regardless of the reason (you mentioned possible bullying, etc), I'm stunned that the school will triple and quadruple charge your son and not realize that's a problem. But since it is apparently the situation, you have 2 choices: follow through with your son with signicant consequences at home if he charges extra (you'll have to call the school every day and follow through yourself), or stop all charging priveleges. I know you stated that you wanted him to be able to purchase sometimes, but IMHO, your situation is out of control, and now needs to be dealt with in a major way. I would send a certified letter to the school, the food/lunch department at the district office, as well as the superintendent. State that you don't want your son to be allowed to purchase anything, and that you expect their cooperation. Then send your child with food, every day.

You had mentioned in another post, about the issues in your classrooms with room parents expecting parents to send in gifts to the teachers on a regular basis, at significant expense. I stated then, and I'll state again, that if you are having that many issues with the school, you might need to realistically look into other school options for your kids. Are there other schools in your district? I can assure you that I wouldn't put up with any of these issues; it sounds totally out of hand to me.

Good Luck.

Julia