School Discpline Issue

[Gymbomom]

My only comment is about your concern about his hearing.
I too thought my child's hearing wasn't what it should be, I had her tested by just her Dr. with the in office machine.
I noticed the nurse "prompted" my child during the test. Saying...did you hear that??
I felt like the test was not accurate.
I took her to a specialist and found out not only did she have a hearing loss, but it was quite bad.
(***She had a lot of ear infections before she was 2.)

Point is, if you think he is not hearing well, go with your instinct and get him tested again.

My dd's hearing is worse in louder than normal situations, i.e. gym, amusment parks, concerts.
One of the ways I started to be concerned is that my dd would get louder in her voice level in those situations, she can't hear us, so she thinks we can't hear her, and she talks really loud.

Because of this, I always tell her teachers in all situations, church, camp, swim team etc. about her "condition" as I don't want her labeled as disrespectful because she can not hear.

 

[DaisyD]

I think what the principal did was fine. You said DS has a tendency to daydream. Perhaps he will pay more attention in the future instead of daydreaming.

 

[Hannathy]

Another vote for over-reacting. He was told 3 times, can you imagine if every child has to be told 3 times everytime they are told something! I haven't had enough coffee yet to do the math. I am not one who believes that teachers don't ever make mistakes but in this case you should have backed the teacher and not shown your son that he can defy authority and you'll defend him. I think you owe the principal an apology and your son a quit daydreaming and follow directions talk.

Also why is it ok for you to over-react but not the principal?

 

[Principessa Alba]

LOL, OP, did we mention we think you are overreacting?

Poor thing, I hope she's not overwhelmed with these repsonses.

Hey there OP, don't worry, we've all, every one of us moms, overreacted like this with our kids! Join the mother bear club - I'm chapter president!

 

[taximomfor4]

It's hard to be objective when our babies aren't with us.
Yes, you over reacted, and I think you need to apologize to the principal, and I think you need to talk with your son again. He wasn't paying attention so he got sent into the hall, no big deal. But you made it into one.

I amn so glad I found this post -- it says everything I was going to say! Apologize to the principal. He will most likely greatly appreciate it, and it might help remove any "stigma" of helicopter-parenting. One thing I would NOT want to do is minimize the disciplining rights the school has with my children. Also, I would certainly have a "talk" with my child about the need to pay attention, for EVERYONE's safety.

 

[SC Minnie]

Sometimes it is hard to be objective when it comes to our children. Your son wouldn't listen and the teacher/principal had already disrupted the class 3 times to tell him to sit up why should he disrupt even further by getting to his eye level and calming explaining what he wanted him to do. Personally I think sending to the hallway for time out was appropriate. Any further discussion with your child and the principal during the class would have taken instruction time away from the other 20 or so kids. Why should they be adversely affected because one child won't listen?

 

[Tinijocaro]

I have an 11 year old who has been using the 'I didn't hear" or "I didn't know" line since kindergarten. He isn't at all a behavior probem- doesn't act out at all, is very respectful. He just misses (or chooses to miss) important info by spacing out. This has caused his grades to drop from straight A's to B's and a bit lower at times.

If your son's whole gym class heard the direction and your son didn't, chances are that he was allowing himself to space out-not a crime, but he does need to learn not to do that when a teacher is talking. Otherwise, he'll start missing directions, assignments, doing them incorrectly becuase "I didn't hear the teacher say that", or "I didn't know". It is a lesson that should be learned early, and being sat in the hallway when the entire rest of the class behaved doesn't seem too harsh. If he's your first child in school, then I'm sure it feels harsh, but it won't hurt him at all in the long run. I would remind him to keep his ears open whenever a teacher is talking. Catch it beofre it becomes a problem.

Jackie

 

[ohiomom28]

Well, my first grader would have had a meltdown if he was sent to the hallway. I think it was a little much to send him to the hallway. Transitioning into 1st grade is hard enough on them.

 

[golfgal]

I have an 11 year old who has been using the 'I didn't hear" or "I didn't know" line since kindergarten. He isn't at all a behavior probem- doesn't act out at all, is very respectful. He just misses (or chooses to miss) important info by spacing out. This has caused his grades to drop from straight A's to B's and a bit lower at times.

If your son's whole gym class heard the direction and your son didn't, chances are that he was allowing himself to space out-not a crime, but he does need to learn not to do that when a teacher is talking. Otherwise, he'll start missing directions, assignments, doing them incorrectly becuase "I didn't hear the teacher say that", or "I didn't know". It is a lesson that should be learned early, and being sat in the hallway when the entire rest of the class behaved doesn't seem too harsh. If he's your first child in school, then I'm sure it feels harsh, but it won't hurt him at all in the long run. I would remind him to keep his ears open whenever a teacher is talking. Catch it beofre it becomes a problem.

Jackie

Heck, my DH still doesn't "hear" a lot of what is said in this house. "Honey, you home early today to take DS to marching band". "Huh, ok". Later that evening, "Why didn't DS go to marching band?"

 

[Sleepy]

I think he could have handled it better with a little empathy: Look, OP's DS's name, I'm new to gym too and I could really use your help when I say to do something, you need to do it, okay.

I don't think children of that age need to be spoken to like they are 3 years old.

 

[DVC-Don]

...............

Am I wrong? Overreacting?

Totally over reacted IMO.

 

[Talking Hands]

Hey guys,

I need you all to weigh in on this.....

So, DS has been in grade one for a week now. He has always been a good student, and he loves to please his teacher, who he also had for kindergarten.

Last night he came home and told me that the new principal had sent him in the hallway for a timeout during gym. I was shocked! In my opionion, a kid must have done something really bad to get sent to a timeout in the hallway!

I asked DS why and he said he didn't really know, except that he didn't hear the principal and the principal got mad.

I saw the principal this morning, and he didn't mention anything about it to me, much to my surprise. So I asked him what had happened and he said that he was teaching gym, and the kids were all sitting in a circle, and DS layed down and wouldn't get up when he told him too. He said he asked three times and when DS didn't get up, he sent him to a timeout in the hall because he felt he was wasting everyone's time.

I was shocked at this. DS has never been a defiant child, so I asked him about it, and he told me again that they were supposed to lay down, and he didn't hear the principal tell him to get up.

I do believe DS. I've had his hearing checked before because sometimes he doesn't seem to hear things. The tests came back fine, and I think what happens is DS tends to daydream a bit and doesn't hear things around him.

I thought about this all day, and by 3:30 when I picked up DS I was very mad. Even if the principal thought he was being defiant, I think a timeout in the hallway for a first grader during the first week of school is over the top. Whatever will he do for discipline if the kid does something really bad like talk back or be mean to antoher kid? I mean, isn't there certainly another way to deal with a kid who you perceive doesn't want to engage? Like go to them, get close, make eye contact. Make sure they've heard you, and try to discuss with them?

I was so upset that the timeout in the hallway... which embarrassed my son completely.... was the principal's first response. Punish first, ask questions later.

I ended up going in his office and really venting on him. He apologized, and I asked him for an explanation of how discipline is doled out. What is the process? He couldn't really answer me, but he did feel badly when he realized ds didn't hear him.

Am I wrong? Overreacting?

In our schools here we may not put a student in the hall as punishment. In the hall they are not supervised and it is a dangerous situation. Our schools are open (anyone can come in). If you need to remove a student they go to the office or into another teacher's classroom.

 

[mamatojon]

LOL, OP, did we mention we think you are overreacting?

Poor thing, I hope she's not overwhelmed with these repsonses.

Hey there OP, don't worry, we've all, every one of us moms, overreacted like this with our kids! Join the mother bear club - I'm chapter president!

This is what I was thinking too, yeah maybe she overreacted, but don't we all sometimes? Maybe the principal acted out of frustration and didn't use the proper positive discipline techniques - but everyone makes mistakes. Principals, kids, moms. OP, I've been there a time or two and I'm sure will be again.

 

[mamatojon]

Sometimes it is hard to be objective when it comes to our children. Your son wouldn't listen and the teacher/principal had already disrupted the class 3 times to tell him to sit up why should he disrupt even further by getting to his eye level and calming explaining what he wanted him to do. Personally I think sending to the hallway for time out was appropriate. Any further discussion with your child and the principal during the class would have taken instruction time away from the other 20 or so kids. Why should they be adversely affected because one child won't listen?

I see what you are saying, but I think that there is also benefit for children to see adults working out solutions and dealing with conflict with words rather than actions. A good teacher/principal can turn these types of things into learning moments, showing by example how to deal with issues. I'm not saying he is a bad principal, and I have been known to react punitively often, but just that I don't think the other kids would have neccesarily been adversely affected.

 

[rigs32]

Think about it from the adult's perspective. If the rest of the class sees a child get away with not responding to three requests, how many of them are going to do as they are told in the future?

 

[Lanshark]

If you react to every situation that happens in this manner, you're not going to make it through elementary school.

 

[CEDmom]

I think you went over the top. Sure there are other ways he could have handled it but to go off on him was really inappropriate. If anything I would have explained the your DS is a bit of a day dreamer and doesn't always listen. Explain that you're working on it and have found the most effective discipline to be XYZ. Your DS isn't completely innocent in this situation.

 

[waltsgirl]

Over reacting. As parents we want so bad to protect and stand up for our children but we have to let them go, and it starts when they go to school. they have to start making choices for themselves and start learning there are consequences related to those choices. If you think about it you have been teaching them that since they were born, it is just now a third party is helping to do the teaching and it can feel odd to a parent to share the teaching responsibiity. So our first reaction is to go in and defend our children, sometimes even when we know they are wrong. I mean how dare someone else punish my child??

It happens and will happen again and again. Even when your children are grown and they have a problem, as a parent you want to go and take care of it. Just give me two minutes with that college professor and they will see it my way.... Oh well we are all human!

 

[Disney Doll]

Yes you did over-react and you taught your son that if he gets in trouble in school, Mommy will go in and yel at everyone.

A timeout in the hall is not that big of a deal, and daydreaming or not, he wasn't paying attention to the authority figure. Chances are if you hadn't intervened in the way you did, he's be paying closer attention in school now and not daydreaming.

Now basically what you have is a kid who thinks he can get aaway with stuff because Mommy will go in and yell.

Glad I don't work in your kid's school.

 

[va32h]

My son is also in first grade, and he's a sensitive little guy. This incident would not have bothered me that much. I would have felt badly for my son, because he is always upset when he gets "in trouble" at school. But I would have just given him a hug, and told him to remember the rules a little better the next day.

I think it's possible to support the school and support your child simultaneously.

There are a few rules/policies at my kids' school that I don't agree with. They are not morally wrong or damaging, just silly. And my kids know that I think that. But I've always said that no matter what I might think of those rules, they still have to follow them, because I don't make the rules at school.