Saying NO to your children--this weeks People magazine

[jwsqrdplus2]

Originally posted by Rock'n Robin
One amazing thing is that our kids, while by no means saints in restaurants, say "may I please have a grilled cheese sandwich" or "thank you" when they get a refill, and so many wait personnel tell us how well-mannered they are! You would think that common courtesy was the norm, but I guess not.

OMG, I get the same thing and my kids are 5 and 2. DD2 still needs prompting, but DD5 can order with a please and says thank you anytime something is placed in front of her. I guess my kids will rebel someday too!

 

[antbritt]

OMG I wish you all lived near me!!! I must say I haev witnessd kids scream and yell at thier parents and the parents just shrug and kinda of say " Oh well Little Johnny/Susie has a mind of his or her own and I dont want to deny them the right to feel like they have control!!!!"
Well I cannot wait to see the outcomeof Little Jonny/Susie when he or she tries to tell thier Boss that working 9-5 or at all is not waht they WANT!!!!
I had a "friend" who for 15 years let her "lovely "daughter have/get /do whatever she wanted, that is until What she wanted changed .......... Now what she wanted was more and more Alcohol and and less and less Parenting.... She became so bad that her Mother who never set any boundaries ended up in a all out knock down drag out FIST FIGHT!!! Do you believe that !!! OMG This woman never taught her kid to respect her or herself and ended up beating her up!!! Then she had the nerve to try and Justify this by saying the kid was out of control!!! Let me tell you that kid was out of control at 4!!!
I lalso know another woman who when I met her used to tell me that she lets her daughter make all the decisoins cause she could not when she was a kid!!!! What the heck is that!!! Now this kid is 11 going on25. I can only imagine the decision she is gonna make in the next few years!

Well anyway it is good to know I am not alone. I have always taught my kids to respect others and themselves and to know that you appreiciate things alot more if you earn them... What are the kids of today's world of greed learning???
PS I know some people who have 18 year olds who cannot get up in the AM by themselves!!! I always felt that if my kids cant go out in the world andCOntribute to society and Basically function then I have failed as a parent!!

 

[disykat]

I'm glad to see this thread. I am often discouraged when I am reading these boards and see all the things people give to/do for their children. It's good I'm not the only one who believes in the word no.

 

[mommytotwo]

I had also seen the article on the porn and think that it's an issue not to show to your kids or to have lying around.

 

[Planogirl]

I can't believe these parents. I see this type of behavior all the time in our area even though faux mitzvahs is a new one for me. Kids' parties require entertainment and caterers nowadays. There are summer camps, many quite pricey, for everything you can imagine. I see nothing wrong with them but some kids have every minute planned out. Kids seem to have virtually everything except rules or time to themselves.

Another thing that bothers me is the attached at the hip thing. Kids have to go everywhere with their parents now. I enjoy getting away for a nice adult meal or whatever occasionally. DS also enjoys not always being with his parents.

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by Rock'n Robin
before we buy them, I won't let my 12 year old on "teen" AOL because she is not a teen yet--they think I'm a huge meanie.

Have you ever BEEN to teen AOL?? I was reading through some boards on teen AOL and let me tell you I wouldn't let my kid anywhere near it!! I have never seen so much foul language and sex talk even on adult boards!! 12 and 13 year olds on there posting all sorts of things they do or want to do sexually....stick to that rule forthe 12 year old but don't even let them on there when they get to be teenagers!

 

[Jeafl]

Planogirl, you bring up a good point about the "attached at the hip" thing. I know of some adults that turn down invitations to adults only events such as weddings, returement parties, etc. because their children are not welcome. I think it's kind of depressing in a way. I love being with my kids as much or more than the next person, but I need to have adult time too.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

 

[snoopy]

A few months ago we had a weird attached to the hip scenario. Our cousin was getting married, and her bridesmaids were having a bridal shower/lingerie party for her. Of course it was basically assumed that the guests would include adults only. Some woman showed up with her 6 year old daughter -- she said she thought her daughter would get a kick out of it? - and then basically threw a fit when one of the women started talking in "adult" undertones. I mean, you take your daughter around a bunch of women having margaritas and carrying on joking and laughing at a lingerie party, what can you really expect? Why on earth she would think it an appropriate place to bring her daughter is beyond me. The poor child looked like she would have rather been anywhere but there. The mother continued to defend her choice to bring her daughter because she is "always so well behaved". Well, yes, she was well behaved. Poor thing was a bit shell shocked. The point that was lossed on the mother is that the activity she was engaging her daughter in was inappropriate for young children.

I'm seeing this more and more lately and it just amazes me. Of course we should be spending time with our kids, but we should also have time to ourselves as adults!

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

which issue of People magazine is this? Can you tell me who is on the cover -- it seems like interesting reading.

 

[sharbear]

I used to be friends with a group of women who would cater to their children's every whim. The whole family's existance would revolve around the children. Drove me crazy. The last straw was when one of the women got a new car. I knew that she liked her other car and I inquired why she had purchased a new van. She told me that her son was ashamed of her old van and she wanted to be able to pick him up in his car pool. Her child told her that he wouldn't let her pick him up in her older van, before she got the new van,so she would borrow her DH's car to pick up carpool. Amazing.

These people would no go on certain vacations because the boys didn't want to go.

These children are in HS now. They are both known for drinking and drugging. I have heard that the parents have been notified and they chose to put thier heads in the sand. These teenagers and mean and not very nice. It's very sad.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by Melora
My step daugher will be 13 a year from next month.... her mother is already planning her bat mitzvah for more than 250 people.

My husband has already said that in no uncertain terms he (and the rest of our family) will NOT be attending because of how ridiculous this is. I know that her mother will pay $20,000+ or much more on this thing and neither of us feel this is right.

I grew up in a mostly jewish town (i'm catholic) and attended MANY bar/bat/binai (twins) mitzvah's.

I can't tell you how much cash my parents gave as gifts/spent in dresses for me.

At my confirmation - yep, just family. No big party or anything. (Why bother? didn't seem like that big of a deal outside my family)

Some of these mitzvah's are out of control...I know they are celebrating something sacried...however the extravegance of it all just astounds me. (Don't mean to insult anyone...I just think it's all a bit unnecessary...some of the invitations to these things are more elaborate then wedding invitations!)

hell - my WEDDING cost less then these mitzvahs...

 

[Dan Murphy]

I think the world is nuts today, LOL. When our kids were younger, I thought it was bad, all the planned stuff and all. Today, some of the parties we have to go to, first birthdays (and some beyond), baptisms, graduations....they are like formal weddings, halls, caterers, DJ's, flowers.....nuts, IMO. Everybody trying to outdo the nest. When we were kids (I'll get flamed on that, like 'when I was a moderator', LOL, hard to time frame things here on the CB at times with some people ), we played all day, and sometimes into the night, on our own, nothing planned. We got kids from up and down the block, made up our own games, played in the dirt, had fights, drew with chalk on the sidewalk. A BD party was hotdogs, on a $5 grill, punch and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey in the back yard, or basement if it was winter. Life is too complicated today, too planned, too competitive.

And who or what is Veruca Salt? :confused2

 

[JerseyJanice]

Dan, Veruca Salt is the spoiled brat character in the movie, "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."

I think anybody who throws a "faux Mitzvah" needs their head examined. Sheesh, throw a Confirmation or Sweet Sixteen or Graduation party if you have to throw a bash for something.

 

[snoopy]

When we were kids (I'll get flamed on that, like 'when I was a moderator', LOL, hard to time frame things here on the CB at times with some people ), we played all day, and sometimes into the night, on our own, nothing planned. We got kids from up and down the block, made up our own games, played in the dirt, had fights, drew with chalk on the sidewalk. A BD party was hotdogs, on a $5 grill, punch and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey in the back yard, or basement if it was winter. Life is too complicated today, too planned, too competitive.

You can time frame all you want as far as I'm concerned, Dan. After all, experience only makes us wiser, as evidenced by the above.

 

[Cruise04]

Too competitive - I think you hit the nail on the head!!!!

 

[~*Belle 2003*~]

The second was about "faux mitzvahs"--kids who miss having bar/bat mitzvahs because they aren't Jewish, so their parents have a big party at age 13 anyhow--one guy dropped $40000 (that is FORTY THOUSAND) on his daughter's party!

That is totally ridiculous, especially the "faux mitzvahs".

 

[~*Belle 2003*~]

We got kids from up and down the block, made up our own games, played in the dirt, had fights, drew with chalk on the sidewalk. A BD party was hotdogs, on a $5 grill, punch and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey in the back yard, or basement if it was winter. Life is too complicated today, too planned, too competitive.

I've just read this Dan and have been nodding in total agreement! We always had pin the tail on the donkey at birthday parties too, no hotdogs but we did have egg sandwiches!

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by Jeafl
Planogirl, you bring up a good point about the "attached at the hip" thing. I know of some adults that turn down invitations to adults only events such as weddings, returement parties, etc. because their children are not welcome. I think it's kind of depressing in a way. I love being with my kids as much or more than the next person, but I need to have adult time too.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Well this is mainly me.....I work 40 hours a week and spend enough time away from my daughter..I am not going to go to events on our weekends together that take me away from her. She is only small for a short time and I am goign to enjoy her/it while it lasts! I went to a wedding recently that my child was not invited to and I decided then adn there to not do that again....the whole family was there except my child because she was the only one under 9 years old (and she would have been better behaved than some of the other kids that were there that were older!!) Our vacations I plan for things we both enjoy, amusement parks, beaches, lakes etc.....

 

[Toby'sFriend]

me too.

I'm lucky to get a babysitter 3 or 4 times a year.
When I do -- I'm not wasting it on no stinking wedding.
I know that many people don't understand that, but such is life.

I don't know of many people anymore who have Grandparents and/or family members available to babysit. Hiring local teenagers can be very dicey... especially if you don't know the family well. I know of very few 13/14yo girls who I feel are mature enough to watch an infant. I don't trust my own 13yo to watch my infant unless I'm in the next room.

And the older teenagers all I've jobs. I can't compete with McDonald's wages.

 

[leighe]

I think it's sad that parents' competitive drive and need to compensate for something in their childhood ends up causing so much grief for their children later on. These overindulgent parents really are hurting their kids! That's so ironic.

I have two first cousins who had parents like that. Of course my brother and sister and I always wanted to be in their family instead of ours - new toys all the time, no rules, - but that was from a child/teenager perspective. Now my cousins are adults who almost cannot function. I am really close to one of my cousins (we are the same age, got married a week apart) and she is having all of these problems in her marriage. When she tells me about it, I'm sorry for her but I really think a lot of these problems stem from her inability to distinguish between "need and "want." For instance, she ran up about $10,000 dollars in credit card bills and then got her Dad to pay it for her so she didn't have to tell her husband. Well, now she's done it AGAIN and her husband found out when they refinanced their house. Well, he obvioulsy doesn't trust her anymore and she thinks he's being such a jerk for paying such close attention to her spending. I totally understand why he would do so. To me, it's almost like cheating. If he had cheated on her she would keep tabs on his every move! Anyway, I think it's sad because it's really all a result of her upbringing.