Saying grace...

[Buckalew11]

If you were at our house and excused yourself to go to the restroom, we'd wait on you. Of course, if we knew how you felt about God, then maybe we'd just go ahead thinking you didn't want to be there for the prayer.

We haven't aways said the blessing. DH was raised saying it but I was not. My family says it now. DH is usually asked to say it because they know he "will". I think we almost always say it when we're out to eat (even at WDW--esp. at WDW). I am very thankful to God for the food I eat. Especially ANY food at WDW!!

I guess I have never even thought about people thinking we were putting on a show. That type of thing has nothing to do with it. It is about being thankful for having food. And I've never eaten with anyone I thought was offended by "grace", but maybe I have and didn't know it.

 

[themarquis]

I always like to play musical chairs before dinner. Do you think that might be frowned upon?

Just tell everyone that musical chairs is sacred to you and its what your religion does instead of prayer. To be polite, they will have to join in!

 

[*Fantasia*]

My attitude is that if they must pray, they should take it outside... all the way home if they want.

I was wondering how others in my situation handle this. I expect to be dealing with it Thursday. Oh, and I'm not the kind of guy to keep my mouth shut when something bothers me.

Since you're not the kind of guy to keep your mouth shut when something is bothering you... then go ahead and let them know that they can take the praying outside. I dare you. When they pray.. they are giving thanks.. I guess you don't appreciate the food that you are about to receive or appreciate the fact that you are invited over their house or appreciate other things in life.

And if you are wondering how others are handling this situation.. no one is handling it the way you do. You're way off for disregarding the host. You're disrespectful to the host. It is their house.. respect them.

Take it outside?? For goodness sakes, it's PRAYING, not smoking!

If I'm a guest in someone's home, I feel I should do what they do - you know, "when in Rome, do as the Romans do..." As for my own home, come pray or do whatever in my house, but do not smoke! THAT has to be outside!

I couldn't agree more!

 

[letterdavidman]

However, there is always someone who insists of doing a formal grace, even if it's not their home and they are offended when I object to it in my home. My attitude is that if they must pray, they should take it outside... all the way home if they want.

 

[themarquis]

then go ahead and let them know that they can take the praying outside. I dare you. When they pray.. they are giving thanks.. I guess you don't appreciate the food that you are about to receive or appreciate the fact that you are invited over their house or appreciate other things in life.

And if you are wondering how others are handling this situation.. no one is handling it the way you do. You're way off for disregarding the host. You're disrespectful to the host. It is their house.. respect them.

I couldn't agree more!

hmmm... sorry, but prayer is not simply and purely "giving thanks" -- its giving thanks to god, a specific kind of god that not everyone believes in. I think a person can appreciate the food, the company, and all the good things in life without giving thanks to god.

I'm more or less in agreement with you about the politeness issue, but I do want to point out that for a host to expect a guest to join in an activity that they don't agree with for strong personal reasons would also be rude. (aren't hosts also supposed to be respectful to guests??) Now, a guest who doesn't want to participate in the prayer session can sit there and do nothing, like I do, which seems like it would be aceptable for all parties. But to say that they need to join in otherwise they're not being respectful/"thankful"? I don't think so.

 

[letterdavidman]

I'm pretty much on the same page with you re: prayers. I'm always sitting there while other people do blessings scheming about how to get out of it (the hand washing trick is a good one lol).

The problem -- for me, at least -- is that if everyone else is saying prayers and I just sit there silently with them (thinking about how good the food looks or whatever) then I will appear to be tacitly in agreement with the whole idea of prayer. In fact, many people at the table might just assume I'm praying right along with them. Now .... this disturbs me more than a little bit. Not that they are praying -- I don't care about that. But that I could be construed as praying. Also, I just plain feel uncomfortable when its going on. I don't understand it, I don't agree with it, and I don't want to participate in it, either willingly or tacitly. I'm sure some of you who pray at meals might feel similarly if you were eating with a family who believed something radically different than you and , say, had you sit down on the floor, point toward the direction of mecca, and bow your head to the floor before eating. That would make you uncomfortable, right?

Actually, something very similar to this happened on the first season of FX's 30 Days, when a conservative christian lived for thirty days with a muslim family. He refused to bow and pray. He said it made him feel uncomfortable.

 

[themarquis]

And if you are wondering how others are handling this situation.. no one is handling it the way you do. You're way off for disregarding the host. You're disrespectful to the host. It is their house.. respect them.

I couldn't agree more!

Also, he is not the only person handling this situation this way. I don't get up to wash my hands, but I do get upset and refuse to participate. I'd go "wash my hands" if I thought I could get away with it. Anyway, I think the "take it outside" comment was directed toward people who wanted to pray in *his* house before eating meals *he* cooked -- I think as the host it is definitely in his court to politely direct whether the group is to pray/not pray (just as praying folk direct that non-praying folk to "participate" in their prayer sessions).

 

[horseshowmom]

ITA. I just go with it. If its important to my friends to say grace, then its not a big deal to me. I have to admit though, when I see people in a restaurant making a big deal at of bowing their heads and letting everyone know they are saying grace, I have to

My family chooses to say grace at every meal - whether we are eating at home or in a restaurant. We do bow our heads and quietly give our thanks. Our intent is certainly not to "make a big deal and let everyone know we are saying grace". However, we are just as grateful for our meal when we eat out as we are when we eat at home.

 

[horseshowmom]

If you were at our house and excused yourself to go to the restroom, we'd wait on you. Of course, if we knew how you felt about God, then maybe we'd just go ahead thinking you didn't want to be there for the prayer.

DH is usually asked to say it because they know he "will". I think we almost always say it when we're out to eat (even at WDW--esp. at WDW). I am very thankful to God for the food I eat. Especially ANY food at WDW!!

I guess I have never even thought about people thinking we were putting on a show. That type of thing has nothing to do with it. It is about being thankful for having food.

That's us too...

 

[salmoneous]

Mat 6:5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites [are]: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

Mat 6:6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

hmmm... sorry, but prayer is not simply and purely "giving thanks" -- its giving thanks to god, a specific kind of god that not everyone believes in. I think a person can appreciate the food, the company, and all the good things in life without giving thanks to god.

I'm more or less in agreement with you about the politeness issue, but I do want to point out that for a host to expect a guest to join in an activity that they don't agree with for strong personal reasons would also be rude. (aren't hosts also supposed to be respectful to guests??) Now, a guest who doesn't want to participate in the prayer session can sit there and do nothing, like I do, which seems like it would be aceptable for all parties. But to say that they need to join in otherwise they're not being respectful/"thankful"? I don't think so.

I applaud you all for keeping what could be a touchy subject a polite exchange.

I am not a religious person either, and am not comfortable when I am expected to participate in saying grace. However, when I am in someone else's home I do sit quietly while others pray. I also bow my head, because very young children like to peek and point out the fact that my eyes are open!

However, if going along with the prayer is objectionable to you, you could speak with the host(s) and let them know you would be uncomfortable participating, and let them know you'd prefer to excuse yourself during grace. That way it would not be seen as rude, and you would feel less uncomfortable.

If a guest in my home asked that grace be said, I would decline, indicating that it would make some people uncomfortable, but that s/he is welcome to pray quietly before being served.

If a guest or host deliberately made me feel even more uncomfortable for not participating in prayer, that is more a reflection of their poor character and manners, and I would definitely keep my distance from them in the future.

PS. I agree with themarquis that equating a refusal to pray with being ungrateful for the company and the food is completely incorrect! I don't base my friendships on religious beliefs or cooking skills. What a boring world it would be if we all believed exactly the same, and cooked exactly the same...particularly if you all shared my lack of skill!

 

[Jinkies]

I When dinner is at my house, I prefer that grace not be said and some people respect that. They can always pause for the thought for themselves without making a big deal about it.

I totally respect this. I think there's a righteous attitude out there that says not only do I have a right to my religion, I have right to it IN YOUR HOUSE and you must listen to it.

 

[LBelle]

Ahhhh...just do what my 10 yr. old son said last time we had dinner with my, oh so proper, hoity toity, in-laws.....when they asked Brett if he would like to say 'grace' he just looked at them blankly and said "What's grace????"


I started saying my own 'Grace' in my head...."Please God...swallow me up right now pleeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!"

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I totally respect this. I think there's a righteous attitude out there that says not only do I have a right to my religion, I have right to it IN YOUR HOUSE and you must listen to it.

Not really.

I think it was the manner in which the OP stated (albeit possibly jokingly) that he would tell them to leave if they prayed.

Now--I'm not miss manners...but that does seem just a tad rude if the OP would actually do something like that.


I'm trying to think of something culturally different...but can't think of anything at the moment.

But if we subbed prayer for something else---would it be all "My way or the highway" or would we be discussing the tolerance of the culture of other people.

 

[aprilgail2]

I do not say grace but I jsut sit there and try to think LOUDLY in my head to drown it out as they are saying it. I do not say amen or anything like that either when they are finished and as for holding hands, that would not work because then I would have to get up and go wash my hands before I ate. At my house I prefer no praying but if you want to do that then do it quietly in your own seat, that is fine.

 

[horseshowmom]

Mat 6:5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites [are]: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

Mat 6:6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Matt 6:5 IMHO,when he refers to the hypocrites, he was talking about those who were doing so to be applauded by men - ostentatious prayer/attitude done for the glorification of oneself. Their reward was whatever glory they thought they were heaping on themselves with their grand words.

Matt 6:6 We have records of both Jesus and the apostles offering prayers in the presence of others. Prayer may be offered anywhere when it is meant as a communication between the one(s) praying and God and not for the "show" spoken of in the previous verse.


That said, I repeat what I said earlier. In the OP's house, he absolutely has the right to not have a blessing said. Anybody who cares about wanting one, can always say it in their head. I do still think it would be rude to leave if he were a guest in someone else's home. Just because he's sitting there definitely does not mean he is participating in the prayer.

However, there is nothing wrong with saying grace without being in a "closet". If you're in a restaurant for a romantic dinner with the one you love, you may tell them that you love them and say other romantic things to them. It certainly isn't for the benefit of the other diners. You consider yourself to be in a somewhat "private" discussion even though you are in a public restaurant.

 

[goofygirl]

Ahhhh...just do what my 10 yr. old son said last time we had dinner with my, oh so proper, hoity toity, in-laws.....when they asked Brett if he would like to say 'grace' he just looked at them blankly and said "What's grace????"


I started saying my own 'Grace' in my head...."Please God...swallow me up right now pleeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!"

"Grace?? She died YEARS ago!"- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

 

[auntpolly]

You know what really confuses me? People can be so fascinated with other cultures. If it were a native American blessing or or something Budhhist or Hindu -- people would be all, "How marvelous to experience this", and probably brag about it to their friends.

Me, I figure any blessing from any spiritual person is a gift, no matter what the religion is.

But if it's Christian, people have to leave the room. It just amazes me that people who think they are so opened minded are so hostile. opnionionated and bigoted.

 

[Serena]

I don't understand what is so difficult about being courteous to your guests, or to your hosts.

 

[themarquis]

You know what really confuses me? People can be so fascinated with other cultures. If it were a native American blessing or or something Budhhist or Hindu -- people would be all, "How marvelous to experience this", and probably brag about it to their friends.

Me, I figure any blessing from any spiritual person is a gift, no matter what the religion is.

But if it's Christian, people have to leave the room. It just amazes me that people who think they are so opened minded are so hostile. opnionionated and bigoted.

I'm thinking that most people who are not themselves religious would not find a blessing from a spiritual person to be a "gift". Since they do not believe in or condone the beliefs in said deities, it would probably be an *unwanted* gift if anything (you know, like the sweater with appliqued kittens on it that aunt suzie gives you for christmas).

However, you might be right that *some* (not necessarily most) athiest/agnostics would be interested in a buddhist or hindu ceremony. The key word here is interested. Personally, I *might* be sort of interested in such a thing, but only because I probably haven't seen one before -- it could serve an educational purpose and expand my knowledge of the world. (by the way, there would be nothing offensive to most athiest/agnostics about a buddhist ceremony since buddhism is not deistic!!!) However, lets just say that I've (and most agnostics/athiests since we live in a christian-dominated society) received a ton of education about various christian ceremonies ... and have decided my learning process is complete and I've graduated . (course there might be some types of rarer Christian ceremonies I might stilll be interested in -- that speaking in tongues thing sounds pretty fascinating!)

Anyway, point is, nobody here is a "bigot" -- I think my points above provide sufficient explanation as to why it is that non-christians might not be interested in participating in dinner-time blessings. It always shocks me that Christians, of all people (*the* dominant cultural/political group in the US) are so often crying "discrimination" and "bigotry".