SAHM's - Did you always know ...

[mrsv98]

Brings up another point. Everyone used to assume that SAHM's were barefoot and pregnant women with little or no education who stayed home at the mans request.

I've met so many nice ladies at the playgrounds and other places that are highly educated women, who just prioritized things differently.

I went to college and still take classes here and there to keep myself out in the world of adults. I also work part time during the day now that both of them are in school.

This is very true, I believe. I have a Masters and I am not alone in the group of SAHMs I know. Some work part time or in a consultant position.

Once in a while, I feel a bit guilty for not "using" my degrees, but then I stop and think that without my past experience, I wouldn't be where I am now so the journey was worth the destination.

 

[1of6]

It is what I have always wanted. I have been home almost 10 years now. Wow has it gone fast! I still have more before DH can start the are you ever going back to work thing. (Youngest just turned 2.)

I would love to make a little money but I'm not willing to pay for care. Right now I am going through this "lets save as much money as we can" phase. It is close to making money, right?

 

[rt2dz]

I had no intention of being a stay at home mom. I always had much respect for them, but it wasn't me. NO ONE expected me to be a SAHM. Then along comes DS#1 and I didn't want to miss out on him. I did continue to work part time, 2 days a week from 6 am to 5 pm, until he was 15 months. It was because I in an internship that I really needed to finish. I now have 3 beautiful little boys, planning baby #4, although it's a way off. Don't know if I'll ever go back to work. They keep me busy, busy, busy and I find I spend a lot of time volunteering at places.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Nope not until after DD was born and I was about to go back to work.

 

[dixipixi]

I never even considered being a SAHM. I wasn't even sure I wanted kids at all. I was all set to begin law school and along came my DS! I had morning sickness so bad, I had to quit.

Once I had him, there was no way I was leaving him with anyone else. Things were really tight for us for a while, but I realized that being a SAHM is just that...staying at home and managing that home the best you can.

I just decided to put my son first. I have never regretted doing it. I have gone back to school and finished my master's degree. I thought once he was in school I would go back to work. We live in a very rural area and I don't want the almost 2 hr. commute into New Orleans every day.

I'm very lucky, though. DH works in his family's business and I work there part time. I'm able to be off when my child is. I can pick him up every day and be home in the afternoons with him.

So, things have worked out pretty well for me. I hope everything works out for you as well!!!!

 

[Miss Kelly]

So, things have worked out pretty well for me. I hope everything works out for you as well!!!!

Thanks.

 

[sap1227]

ALWAYS. I remember talking on the phone to my DH when we were 19 (and not even dating each other) saying all I ever wanted to be was a SAHM. But, I also knew I wanted to have an education and went to college and started my masters.

Good Luck Miss Kelly!

Christy

 

[Beth76]

Yes, I always knew. My mom stayed home until I started Kindergarten (she was my teacher actually). After a year or two she started teaching at two different schools for the whole day and I had to go to daycare (in-home) either before or after school or both, for several years and I hated it. Absolutely hated it. So, I know that I would never do that to my kids. Not that I fault my mom for it, I'm sure we couldn't afford for her not to work.

DH seems to think that I will go back to work full-time in a couple of years but he's dreaming. I told him that I will get a part-time job when my youngest is in school full-time and then we'll see how it goes before I even consider going full-time.

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

No, I didn't always know I wanted to be a SAHM... I was raised thinking that women should have careers first, family second. I remember my mom always bad-mouthing the SAHM next door to us - like "what does she do all day?", "she is so lazy", blah blah blah.... but when I had my son, my opinions my mom instilled on me changed... I stayed home for awhile when my DS (now 5) was born, then went back to work out of necessity (left his dad), and hated every minute of it - I hated myself for having to put him into daycare for 10 hours a day (and having it take about $1200/month out of my paycheck) - and I had never felt so guilty in my life. Finally, last Sept. I decided it was just not worth it anymore - and luckly my husband makes a good living- and decided to stay home full time. The only thing I regret is not making that decision sooner than I did. I still feel I missed out on some of my son's younger years. And yes, my mom still does critisize my decision - telling me I need a "career", that I now dwell on "little things" that I wouldn't if I worked, that I need to "get out of the house away from DS for the day"... Whatever - I know the decision I made was the best one for me and my family, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Honestly, I can't see myself going back to work any time in the near future - and I hope to have a couple more kids and be home for every second of their little lives.
I have been on both sides (a full-time working mom and a SAHM) and I feel being home is a more demanding job - but also way more rewarding!
ETA: after reading the posts after mine, I just wanted to make sure that no working mom takes offense to any of my comments - this is what I feel for myself - someone else may be in a different situation/think differently than I do - in no way do I fault anyone's decision to work/not work!

Jen

 

[DVCLiz]

Well, I've read this thread from start to finish about four times now, and I still am pretty speechless. When SAHM's have these kinds of discussions, do they not know how offensive and smug they sound, or do they just not care?

Every single stereotypical response I've ever heard about being at home has already come up in this thread. Found my calling, prioritized things differently, just couldn't leave baby with anyone else, knew I couldn't do daycare, why have baby if someone else is raising it - and, of course, got my education but always knew I'd be a mother. As though someone with a child and a job couldn't also be a mother.

Miss Kelly, I hope you get to be a stay-at-home mom, if it's what you want, I really do. I hope you find a partner who feels that it's important, too, and is willing and able to earn your living and secure your future. But if and when you get there, would you try and be one of a new kind of stay-at-home mom, please - one who recognizes that a lifetime is a VERY long time, one who knows that raising children, while an important part of life, isn't all that defines a woman, and one who just might be willing to concede that being a stay-at-home mom is just one of a number of good choices for women? If you 'll do that, then I'll feel as though we really have made some progress.

 

[Stacey2grls]

I thought I was one of the few that felt this way. Ever since I was a little girl I imagined myself as "mommy" having babies, and taking care of the house, well this is exactly how my life has turned out. I know it may sound somewhat like an episode from Father Knows Best of something, but I always just wanted to have my kids, raise them myself (along with my husband ofcourse) and take care of my family. I have been doing this for 8 years now, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

 

[juliebaby76]

I have to say that from the moment I was pregnant I knew i had to stay home. I had a degree in teaching however I just knew that I could not leave my baby. I didn't want to miss every first thing he did. 6 yrs. later I was pregnant again. Oh by the way my DS was ready for kindergarten. and I was pregnant again. So, I knew I was still staying home. However once my dD was born I was feeling cabin fever. I needed to talk to more adults. So I went to Beauty School something I always wanted to do, at nite so my husband could stay at home with them at nite. 5 yrs. later. I work 3 days a week like 15 hrs. a week . Just to get out there with the real world.
But I have to say I would never chnge it for the world. I loved spending every minute with them. I could never get it back. It was well worth It. Even if it's untill they get to school.
Best of luck!!!

 

[Beth76]

Well, I've read this thread from start to finish about four times now, and I still am pretty speechless. When SAHM's have these kinds of discussions, do they not know how offensive and smug they sound, or do they just not care?

Sorry, I didn't catch any of the smugness. These are choices that we make that best suit our family. No one is saying they are better than anyone else. If you are doing what makes you happy (staying home or working) then why should you care what anyone else does (or why they do it)?

 

[Gupsmom]

I always knew that I wanted to stay home with my kids. I don't fault or have negative thoughts toward people that have chosen not to stay home. I'm sure they have just as many reasons for working as I have for not... and that they are doing what's best for their family just as I am. For what it's worth, I do have a 4 yr college degree.

For me: My mom started working when I was 8. I hated it for many reasons (bully issues, not being able to do things with friends after school, mom not being able to attend school day functions etc). It just really made me not want to work while raising kids. Who knows...maybe in 20 yrs my kids will look back on their lives with Mom home and decide they didn't like it so much and be working moms (whatever floats their boat).

I do love being home though. I like being free to go have lunch with the kids at school a couple times a year. I like working school events. I like not having to juggle a job if the kids are sick or on break. I like meeting up with friends a few times a week. I like the fact that so far this week (while the kids are off from school) we've gone roller skating, bowling, are going to see a movie tomorrow and going skating again on Friday. Not that working would prevent all of this, for many people, but I know that I couldn't pull it off.

As for down the road...obviously my life will one day not revolve around raising children. I'm not there yet and I have no idea what I'll want to do when that day comes. Maybe my other interests will be enough. Maybe I'll do volunteer work. Maybe I'll take classes, travel, take up gardening, build an airplane in my backyard (ok..maybe not that) or maybe I will decide that I want to get a job.

Jess

 

[robinb]

To All Stay At Home Moms -

Did you always know that you wanted to Stay at Home with your kids?

No! Absolutely not!

If you had talked to the 20-something Robin she would have laughed at the mere thought of having a child.

The 30-something Robin would tell you that her career is just as important as her husband's career and that any child (should there be one) would go to day care and Robin would go back to work ASAP.

I was a computer consultant bringing in 65K per year when I became pregnant. I had my DD when I was 38 after 6 months of being on bed rest and I had 6 months planned with her before I was to go back to work. That never happened.

The 40-something Robin was supposed to go back to work when her DD started 1st grade. That was in September ...

Sometimes things don't go as they are planned.

 

[jenfur]

Well, I've read this thread from start to finish about four times now, and I still am pretty speechless. When SAHM's have these kinds of discussions, do they not know how offensive and smug they sound, or do they just not care?

Every single stereotypical response I've ever heard about being at home has already come up in this thread. Found my calling, prioritized things differently, just couldn't leave baby with anyone else, knew I couldn't do daycare, why have baby if someone else is raising it - and, of course, got my education but always knew I'd be a mother. As though someone with a child and a job couldn't also be a mother.

Miss Kelly, I hope you get to be a stay-at-home mom, if it's what you want, I really do. I hope you find a partner who feels that it's important, too, and is willing and able to earn your living and secure your future. But if and when you get there, would you try and be one of a new kind of stay-at-home mom, please - one who recognizes that a lifetime is a VERY long time, one who knows that raising children, while an important part of life, isn't all that defines a woman, and one who just might be willing to concede that being a stay-at-home mom is just one of a number of good choices for women? If you 'll do that, then I'll feel as though we really have made some progress.

For every post you read on this thread that you find offensive, SAHMs hear twice as many. We waste our education, we don't really do anything, we are no more important than a well-paid daycare teacher would be. These women are just explaining the choices they made for themselves and their families, not criticizing anyone elses! I am personally offended by your comment about her future spouse earning HER living and securing HER future- wow what an open mind you have! Yet if she had a job as a preschool teacher or a housekeeper or cook in someone elses home that would be just fine. How progressive! A lifetime MAY be a longtime, or it could end in the next breathe, we should all choose what makes our lives most meaningful for OURSELVES! Raising children doesn't define women, but does any other career? You shouldn't be bothered by women who are proud of the job they are doing as mothers any more than women who are proud that they are doctors.

As for the OP, yes, I always knew that I wanted to be a SAHM. My mom worked 2nd shift so I barely saw her except on weekends. People who knew me in high school would laugh when I would tell them that staying at home was my plan- it didn't seem to fit my personality. Well, I did it. I did work for a little while after my first DD was born, but I regretted every minute of it. Now, I homeschool DD(10) and DS(6) and will do the same for DS(1). We are thinking of having one or two more in a few years. I am also working on a degree I may never use and plan to earn a doctorate before I am finished. I wish you lots of luck Miss Kelly , you just make sure you find the right man and everything else will happen. Don't settle just because you want a family.

 

[damo]

Well, I've read this thread from start to finish about four times now, and I still am pretty speechless. When SAHM's have these kinds of discussions, do they not know how offensive and smug they sound, or do they just not care?

Every single stereotypical response I've ever heard about being at home has already come up in this thread. Found my calling, prioritized things differently, just couldn't leave baby with anyone else, knew I couldn't do daycare, why have baby if someone else is raising it - and, of course, got my education but always knew I'd be a mother. As though someone with a child and a job couldn't also be a mother.

Miss Kelly, I hope you get to be a stay-at-home mom, if it's what you want, I really do. I hope you find a partner who feels that it's important, too, and is willing and able to earn your living and secure your future. But if and when you get there, would you try and be one of a new kind of stay-at-home mom, please - one who recognizes that a lifetime is a VERY long time, one who knows that raising children, while an important part of life, isn't all that defines a woman, and one who just might be willing to concede that being a stay-at-home mom is just one of a number of good choices for women? If you 'll do that, then I'll feel as though we really have made some progress.

I am at a total loss as to what you mean, I don't recall anyone saying that their choice was any better or any worse than anyone else's. People need to make choices that are right for them and this thread is a discussion between women who made that decision and how they came to making that decision. If we felt differently, we would have done it differently. Why are you diminishing the value of our choice to stay at home?

Kelly, you stick to your guns and don't let anyone try to convince you that you are any less of a person because you want to stay home and be with your kids. I have never, ever regretted my decision and I have an honours university degree and am proud of it.

 

[4greatboys]

No I didnt always know I wanted to be a SAHM. I thought I would work. And I had to when my 2 oldest were small but fortunately that didnt last long and I have been able to stay home with the boys.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Being a SAHM is MY calling. I was in college and had no clue as to what I wanted to do, besides theatre. When my DS was born I stayed home b/c it is what I wanted to do. It is also what my Dh wanted for our child. I was a latch key kid and hated it. I was always jealous of other classmates that had moms that participated and showed up to stuff. Yes I understand that my mother's calling wasn't to be a SAHM. That's fine, but I want different things for MY children.

I even went back to work b/c family members said I was wasting my education and time being a SAHM. I hated it. I hated the fact that someone else got to see my son pull himself up to his feet first, and then take his first step. Some people would rather be punching a time clock, but that isn't for me. So be it, it doesn't make you any less of a mother in my eyes, we just have different priorities.

I am thankful to be a SAHM again. I get to see my son and help him to grow and learn. I don't have to worry about his diapers being changed or how he is eating. I want to be a room mother and the den mother, or even the little league coach. There isn't anything else in the world I would rather be doing right now. Yeah I do have an entire life, but that is why I am glad I am having kids young enough to still have a life after they are grown. Then I can have my time.

I hate when women see the need to bash other women. No one said anything about SAHMs being better than working moms, until someone(who the thread wasn't even addressed to) found the need to spew venom. Unbelievable.

I am being supported by my DH and that is very humbling, but we are a team. He knows that.

To the OP: Whatever you decide to do in life, make that decision for yourself. Women can be mean and hateful, and try to tear you down to make themselves feel better. Good Luck!

 

[DVCLiz]

Sorry, I didn't catch any of the smugness. These are choices that we make that best suit our family. No one is saying they are better than anyone else. If you are doing what makes you happy (staying home or working) then why should you care what anyone else does (or why they do it)?

If a SAHM said, "This is a choice we made that best suits our family at this time," and left it at that, it would be wonderful. Too often, though, it's followed by something like, "Why have children if someone else is going to raise them?" or any other equally charming barb. It's smug because it implies a rightness that only the SAHM has been able to achieve.

When I worked, I felt a calling to be a mother, too. When I worked, I too felt that I was "raising" my children, even though they had other care during my working hours. When I worked, I did use daycare, because I found a safe and happy environment where my children were loved, and I never felt "sad" about it.

If I said, "Why bother going to college if you're just going to stay home with your children?" you'd find it offensive and smug, too. It always interests me that SAHMs feel they can say these things and not feel any sort of remorse towards other women who might have different circumstances. I'm sad and a little puzzled that this kind of divide still exists, and I wish it didn't.

Gupsmom, your post was really nice. You didn't use any of the working-mom bashing language. You had some personal feelings and experiences you shared, but you also talked about what else you might do and how you might feel. If everyone could discuss their choice in those terms, we'd be a lot further along.