Sahm

[rie'smom]

True about re-entering the workforce. But no one seems to acknowledge that some folks don't want to have jobs. There are the probably apocryphal "welfare queens." There are the boyfriends you read about in "Dear Abby" who look for a woman with a good job so they don't have to work. There are the "kept women" that they make movies about. Some people seek out a life where they just don't have to get up and go to work every day. (A lady I know married a guy who was independently wealthy - oil money. She was a school teacher, enjoyed it and wanted to keep working. One day she basically told him he had to get a job - that he simply could not hang around the house all day every day even if they didn't need the money.)

Even though I have not worked outside of my home and have a housekeeper/cook, I do work after all I am a wife and mom. Trust me, I am not a welfare queen. If my husband having a good job and having oil royalties makes me a kept woman then I am and very happy! Maybe I should contact Lifetime to make a movie of my life.

 

[disykat]

I think what Missypie was trying to allude to is that it must be nice to have the option of whether or not you want to work and if you do what would fulfill you the most. Most adults who are working in today's economy don't have the luxury of choosing a job based on whether it is your "dream" job or not. After reading this thread it appears that a lot of SAHMs who are reentering the workforce choose jobs based on hours or other benefits not based on how much the job pays. That burden is put on the family's breadwinner. Missypie is obviously feeling that stress. I am not saying SAHMs don't work, but they do get to be their own bosses and don't have to put up with the stresses of navigating today's business environment.

I also think it is different for women when they are the "breadwinners". Men don't seem to mind when their wives don't financially support their families. Women however are brought up thinking it is a man's job to support them. When your husband doesn't do that, it can be hard to adjust your expectations.

I think in most situations, the SAHM decision was made TOGETHER and the back to work decision is made TOGETHER. Me staying home was a luxury for BOTH of us. Me continuing to work around family commitments is a luxury for BOTH of us. I fully admit it's a luxury to have that option. However, my DH also admits it's a luxury. He loves coming home to a clean house and minimal household responsibilities and sees clearly how his role changes the times I'm working full time.

In missipie's situation, it's not a joint decision and it sounds like she doesn't have the luxury of coming home to a well managed household.

Yep, it's nice for one spouse not to have to work - but when people make that decision together, they do it to benefit BOTH spouses.

 

[SaraJayne]

When the kids were little, I even knew some "stay at home moms" who had full time nannies!

Yup, I used to be a nanny for a SAHM...until I got so disgusted with her, I quit.

 

[brockash]

I didn't think it was ugly at all. She didn't say anything disparaging about SAHM's. I felt like she was sticking up for missypie's spouse. I wanted to do the same thing.

I've been a SAHM - full time for nine years, and various stages of part time for 9 years. It IS hard to find employment sometimes after being a SAHM. To act as if the world is a SAHM's oyster is short sighted. I loved being a SAHM and wouldn't change it for the world - no regrets. However, part of the package is that you stepped out of the career world and there will be challenges if you want back in.

I think those challenges were 100% worth it, but I can't deny they are there.

One of those challenges is deciding whether you WANT back in to the workforce and how that picture will look for you.

Yes, this is what I meant. I am a SAHM myself right now, so trust me I know how hard the job is, and I certainly don't look down upon other SAHP's at all, however in the career world, most ppl. do. I was trying to show the other poster (poster I quoted) a possible view point of her spouse that's stayed at home for 20 yrs., and that she wishes would just get up and get a job. I was just trying to show a diff. viewpoint, because I highly doubt that she would truly "love to be in his position."

 

[mhsjax]

Yes, this is what I meant. I am a SAHM myself right now, so trust me I know how hard the job is, and I certainly don't look down upon other SAHP's at all, however in the career world, most ppl. do. I was trying to show the other poster (poster I quoted) a possible view point of her spouse that's stayed at home for 20 yrs., and that she wishes would just get up and get a job. I was just trying to show a diff. viewpoint, because I highly doubt that she would truly "love to be in his position."

I actually owe you an apology then, I really thought that you were saying that everyone looked down at SAHP. So sorry.

UPdate: DH and I went to lunch and we had a long discussion. WE told me for the millionth time, he doesn't care if I go back to work. We would be fine without me working and he just wanted me to do it if I wanted to. I have decided at this point to stay home. I know I said earlier that I was going to register today, but life happened and I didn't make it. probably because I was unsure. I hated school 20 years ago, I probably wouldn't like it now.

I have a real interest in cooking and baking, I think I will explore that as a hobby and see what happens. I have 3 kids that love food, I don't think my efforts will be wasted.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I actually owe you an apology then, I really thought that you were saying that everyone looked down at SAHP. So sorry.

UPdate: DH and I went to lunch and we had a long discussion. WE told me for the millionth time, he doesn't care if I go back to work. We would be fine without me working and he just wanted me to do it if I wanted to. I have decided at this point to stay home. I know I said earlier that I was going to register today, but life happened and I didn't make it. probably because I was unsure. I hated school 20 years ago, I probably wouldn't like it now.

I have a real interest in cooking and baking, I think I will explore that as a hobby and see what happens. I have 3 kids that love food, I don't think my efforts will be wasted.

Well there you go. I need to get a job so I have no choice here. Happy cooking and baking!

 

[Magpie]

Being a SAHM isn't for everyone. I just ran into a neighbour, who married an older guy and became a SAHM after a lifetime of being a single working mom. She said to me, "I'm so BORED! I never thought I'd be so bored!"

I looked at her kind of puzzled and said, "Maybe you need more to do?"

"Oh, I've got plenty to do," she said. "But they're all boring things!"

I don't really understand where she's coming from, as I find my SAHM life quite interesting and challenging. But I could definitely hear her frustration! Unfortunately, I believe part of the marriage "deal" was her quitting her job and looking after her husband in his retirement. I hope she finds a way to make it all work for her, somehow.

Some people probably shouldn't be SAHMs.

 

[missypie]

Being a SAHM isn't for everyone. I just ran into a neighbour, who married an older guy and became a SAHM after a lifetime of being a single working mom. She said to me, "I'm so BORED! I never thought I'd be so bored!"

I looked at her kind of puzzled and said, "Maybe you need more to do?"

"Oh, I've got plenty to do," she said. "But they're all boring things!"

I don't really understand where she's coming from, as I find my SAHM life quite interesting and challenging. But I could definitely hear her frustration! Unfortunately, I believe part of the marriage "deal" was her quitting her job and looking after her husband in his retirement. I hope she finds a way to make it all work for her, somehow.

Some people probably shouldn't be SAHMs.

My SIL. I truly believe that her son would have been much better off in day care. She complained about him and about staying at home constantly. She didn't like the mommy part of her job and let everyone know it. The irony is that her kid is stil living at home - he's about 25, barely works and SIL is still complaining about him.

 

[Budraw]

I actually owe you an apology then, I really thought that you were saying that everyone looked down at SAHP. So sorry.

UPdate: DH and I went to lunch and we had a long discussion. WE told me for the millionth time, he doesn't care if I go back to work. We would be fine without me working and he just wanted me to do it if I wanted to. I have decided at this point to stay home. I know I said earlier that I was going to register today, but life happened and I didn't make it. probably because I was unsure. I hated school 20 years ago, I probably wouldn't like it now.

I have a real interest in cooking and baking, I think I will explore that as a hobby and see what happens. I have 3 kids that love food, I don't think my efforts will be wasted.

Good bless you, dear! Anyway your kids should be proud of you.

 

[missypie]

I have a real interest in cooking and baking, I think I will explore that as a hobby and see what happens

As much as I'd like the money, I would feel great if my SAHH commited himself to something, even if it didn't involve an income...chair the big fundraiser at school, tutor kids, get involved in community theatre. I don't think he is around enough different people.

 

[dumboiu]

ooops - ignore this! It was supposed to be a new thread. My bad.

 

[smb6]

I was a stay at home mom for over 12 years and loved it. My youngest started school this year and I took on a very part time job as a substitute teacher so I am always off when the kids are and am able to take them and pick them up from school each day. I also have a lot of flexibility to have days off for whatever is needed..... including my school- I have started back to school myself and am really enjoying it

 

[Desnik]

I am a SAHM and have been since my DD was born. She will be 13 in Jan. and my DS is 7. With their school schedules I have about 5 hours a day that no one is home. I find plenty to do because there is always something! I really think it takes a certain type of personality to be a SAHP. Once DS was in school full time I found myself worried that I wouldn't have enough to do, but I was wrong. Also I love that I can chaperone class trips and volunteer at the school. With that said I do think that it is really important for the SAHP to have something whether it's a hobby or part time work, or just something that they do that they can call their own, KWIM? For me I really love kids and am passionate about the environment so I started an online company combining the two. It is something that doesn't take away from my kids, and something I can call my own and be proud of and feel good about. OP, I didn't read all the responses but I saw where you thought about getting more involved with cooking, and baking and I think that is a fantastic idea!

 

[Fintastic]

I think what Missypie was trying to allude to is that it must be nice to have the option of whether or not you want to work and if you do what would fulfill you the most. Most adults who are working in today's economy don't have the luxury of choosing a job based on whether it is your "dream" job or not. After reading this thread it appears that a lot of SAHMs who are reentering the workforce choose jobs based on hours or other benefits not based on how much the job pays. That burden is put on the family's breadwinner. Missypie is obviously feeling that stress. I am not saying SAHMs don't work, but they do get to be their own bosses and don't have to put up with the stresses of navigating today's business environment.

I think this is what I'm the most jealous of! I have very little freedom in my life. I have to be at work from 8 AM to 4:30 PM, with half an hour for lunch, five days a week. I am on somebody else's time all week long. I wish I could do laundry at 10 AM, or go grocery shopping at 2 PM. I've always wanted to be a SAHM but since I have the benefits, I'm stuck. I can't imagine working if you didn't have to, no matter how old your kids are! I can't imagine being bored at home at all - if there's nothing you HAVE to do at home, you get to do what you WANT to do! I'd love that kind of freedom.

 

[castleview]

I hear you OP. Mine are 11, 9, and 5 and I'm getting itchy. My pre-children job is not possible as I'd have extensive traveling to do and I don't want to work in the field my bachelor's is in. I've found fulfillment volunteering at Park & Rec and have had small seasonal jobs, but consider myself a SAHM. I'd say to get involved in your community, town government, rotary or some sort of volunteer work if you're not sure. If that doesn't work out, think about school.

I'm incredibly surprised at what I've discovered about myself being home.

 

[castleview]

When the kids were little, I even knew some "stay at home moms" who had full time nannies!

That's my neighbor. Stay at home dad with a nannie. My husband would say "Where did I go wrong?"

 

[kacaju]

As much as I'd like the money, I would feel great if my SAHH commited himself to something, even if it didn't involve an income...chair the big fundraiser at school, tutor kids, get involved in community theatre. I don't think he is around enough different people.

Funny you should say this...when I was not working and very active in volunteering my dh was always saying I should be getting paid for all the work I did!!

 

[ZachnElli]

I was a SAHM for 12 1/2 years and went back to work because I had to. Then I lost my job and was home again for almost a year before I found another job. I was really bored at home that year! It didn't help that dh was unemployed too, so we were behind broke. Now I have a great job and work banker's hours. I don't have summers off, but I'm home every night and weekends plus 2 weeks vacation, 13 paid holidays, 2 weeks sick days and another 6 personal days per year paid! And we can bank them if we don't use them! I don't know if I could say I love my job, but I REALLY like it!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm incredibly surprised at what I've discovered about myself being home.

Please share!

 

[castleview]

Please share!

I've basically learned what I enjoy and what I'm good at. I've actually learned that I can organize things..which is shocking if you saw the state of disarray my house is always in. I've done a lot of work for the town organizing activities and after school programs which have been quite popular. So that is a direction I often think I should pursue (since I get calls from paid parks & rec depts. in other towns asking how I came up with certain ideas and implemented them).
I've thought about nursing and did some prereqs which I did well in, but then wondered do I really want to do that or am I just looking for an intellectual challenge? Right now I'm not pursuing it, but if it weren't for the volunteer work I've done, I still would have thought that I'm too awful at math and science to think I can try.
The best thing I've learned is that ideas can always be tried. The worst thing I've learned is that I'd rather do something and say I'm sorry than ask permission to something - I know there's a saying that goes with that, but I can't think of it.