SAHM Vent

[teambeaman]

New thread idea? When did men become so caddy and start to involve themselves in women's squabbles? When I was a kid the men folk took care of their families and stayed out of the hen house...just saying.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I don't know. I think that poster's background goes a long way to explaining his views.

Regardless, I don't think it's ever acceptable to insinuate that someone's child or grandchild would have been better off with a different family.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

New thread idea? When did men become so caddy and start to involve themselves in women's squabbles? When I was a kid the men folk took care of their families and stayed out of the hen house...just saying.

 

[mefordis]

New thread idea? When did men become so caddy and start to involve themselves in women's squabbles? When I was a kid the men folk took care of their families and stayed out of the hen house...just saying.

Say what?!?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Regardless, I don't think it's ever acceptable to insinuate that someone's child or grandchild would have been better off with a different family.

His "prediction" was equally unacceptable. He might as well have just stabbed her in the heart.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

His "prediction" was equally unacceptable. He might as well have just stabbed her in the heart.

I don't disagree. But he's already been called out.

 

[jrmasm]

Regardless, I don't think it's ever acceptable to insinuate that someone's child or grandchild would have been better off with a different family.

It wasn't nice but neither have Coonhound's comments been.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Here's what I was going to say before all our roosters got their feathers ruffled. (It's a joke, people - just trying to lighten the mood a bit here, lol.)

teambeaman has already said her child is picked up by her husband every day between 1 and 4pm. This is how MANY working professionals run their lives - with teamwork between spouses. Surely people don't think this is unacceptable?

 

[Colleen27]

The look of pride on faces when their Mom was room Mom and the field trip Mom and the Girl Scot Leader and how their house was the go to house after school because Mom was home to supervise and the hundreds of other moments that they loved.

That's been the priceless one for me. I'm not the room mom/scout leader type. I volunteer often but mostly behind the scenes than working with the kids directly, especially when they're small (I relate better to older kids). But having the house where DS16 and his friends hang out is really wonderful. With teens you get to know so much about their "world" when they're around a lot, and it really doesn't take much on my part, just a little tolerance for noise when they're playing Xbox and a bit of patience with the rate at which we go through snacks around here. But we wouldn't have that if I was working because I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with the kids hanging out here unsupervised every afternoon after school or all day in the summer.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

It wasn't nice but neither have Coonhound's comments been.

I specifically stated I wouldn't defend Coonhound's comments & I won't.

But as has always been the case, two wrongs don't make a right.

 

[Lionqueen2]

There are not enough hours in the day, so basically I get by and 5 hours of sleep a night, every night. I live in a perpetual state of tired. I get up at 4am and get ready for work. I wake DS up around 5:30 so I can spend time with him before I drop him off at daycare at 6:30am. DH picks DS up somewhere between 1-4pm depending on the day (he leaves for work at 4am). I get home sometime between 6-7pm depending on traffic. I spend all of my time when I get home with DS until he goes to bed. Then I cook dinner for the following night, clean, and go to bed. I do laundry on weekend nights after DS goes to bed. I go to the grocery store at night after DS Is sleeping, or I do it on my lunch break. I used to work at a school where I had half the commute I do now. Due to an issue with the principal I was forced to leave the district (despite my perfect evals and record). I took the first job I was offered. We are trying to sell our house and move, but until then I am making the best of the situation.
I feel so guilty about the hours that I'm away from home that I do not take anytime for myself. I have never left DS overnight with anyone, never had a "girls night" with my girlfriends, and have only had 3 date nights with DH since DS was born...he is 3 1/2. I feel like you are implying that I am a horrible mom that is letting my son be raised by strangers. I never in any of my posts, questioned anyone's abilities as a mother, not did I criticize them as mothers. Just because you're a SAHM doesn't mean that you are a better mother than me or that you love your child more than I love mine.

While I have no issues with anyone's personal choice to be a SAHM, I do have to commend you and other working moms for doing what you do. In no way should they be criticized. Most often, working moms are still responsible for laundry, cleaning, shopping, after school activities, etc, etc, etc. What they sacrifice is personal time. Never let anyone let you feel that you are not a good mom. You are one of the best. Many working women have spouses that have good incomes, but still choose to work for many reasons. It also provides a sense of security should anything happen that would prevent a husband from supporting his family.

Again, everyone's choice is personal. Working moms as well as the SAHM should be respected for their choices. People do what they feel works best for their families.

 

[Hrhpd]

For the record I'm not a "she". My wife stays home and home schools the kids and I made sure I would have a career where I would be able to support my family. Years ago we didn't homeschool, I spent maybe an hour if even that with my son a day, and wasn't involved at all. Now I realize there is nothing more important than involved parents, being in charge of your child's education, and having a mother at home. In ten years you will probably regret having 12 hour workdays with a 2 hour commute to spend your time with other people's kids.

So, by your definition, only the mother has any influence on the child because a working father who is gone and "delegates" the child care to the mother would have no influence

How about having a dad at home and the mother working? As I mentioned before, in my community, there are just as many SAHDs as there are SAHMs. 1/3 of our street and 4/5 of the houses with elementary kids have mothers with high powered jobs and stay at home dads.

I stayed at home for 17 years, however, I feel you are being rather unfair to working mothers.

The human brain is a highly evolved organ. A child knows who their parents are. They are able to know that the influence of a parent is the more important influence over a day care worker's influence, whether the child is with the parent 2 hours or 24.

I now have mostly grown children, so have seen the results of being raised by both SAHMs and WOHMs (and dads.) There are successful and not so successful kids of both kinds of parents. It is not how much parenting you do, but the quality. There is absolutely no difference in children from either "camp."

 

[ronandannette]

That's been the priceless one for me. I'm not the room mom/scout leader type. I volunteer often but mostly behind the scenes than working with the kids directly, especially when they're small (I relate better to older kids). But having the house where DS16 and his friends hang out is really wonderful. With teens you get to know so much about their "world" when they're around a lot, and it really doesn't take much on my part, just a little tolerance for noise when they're playing Xbox and a bit of patience with the rate at which we go through snacks around here. But we wouldn't have that if I was working because I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with the kids hanging out here unsupervised every afternoon after school or all day in the summer.

Pages and pages back Scoutie mentioned some things that SAHM's have the opportunity to do that made her jealous, like morning coffee dates and mid-day trips to the gym. This right here ^ is what I'm jealous of, and so extremely grateful to the SAHM in our circle that made her home the "headquarters" for a 1/2 dozen very lucky boys over the past 5 years. Cherish this opportunity Colleen - it's making more of a difference in kids' lives than you'll ever really know.

 

[teambeaman]

Here's what I was going to say before all our roosters got their feathers ruffled. (It's a joke, people - just trying to lighten the mood a bit here, lol.) teambeaman has already said her child is picked up by her husband every day between 1 and 4pm. This is how MANY working professionals run their lives - with teamwork between spouses. Surely people don't think this is unacceptable?

I don't know you, but I can tell that we would make great friends!

 

[Hrhpd]

Pages and pages back Scoutie mentioned some things that SAHM's have the opportunity to do that made her jealous, like morning coffee dates and mid-day trips to the gym. This right here ^ is what I'm jealous of, and so extremely grateful to the SAHM in our circle that made her home the "headquarters" for a 1/2 dozen very lucky boys over the past 5 years. Cherish this opportunity Colleen - it's making more of a difference in kids' lives than you'll ever really know.

Don't be jealous or beat yourself up about not being in the classroom.

While some children relish having their parent in the classroom and on all field trips, as a SAHM who spent a bunch of time in the classroom, I have also seen just as many children (if not more) that long for a little independence. They really, really want to be in Mrs. Smith's group rather than once again being in their Mom's group.

 

[mom2rose&john]

Here's what I was going to say before all our roosters got their feathers ruffled. (It's a joke, people - just trying to lighten the mood a bit here, lol.)

teambeaman has already said her child is picked up by her husband every day between 1 and 4pm. This is how MANY working professionals run their lives - with teamwork between spouses. Surely people don't think this is unacceptable?

This has worked beautifully for our family. We are a team, no one has it harder than the other. My husband works nights and is there when the kids get off the bus. Our house is the hang out house after school and during the breaks. I love this. I work during the day but have a wonderful supervisor that allows my schedule to be flexible. I get the kids on the bus and have been to many of their classroom parties. I also am active in the PTO. I am very fortunate that we have been given this ability.

I am sometimes envious of SAHM and would much rather be one when my CFO has his temper tantrums like a 2 year old. My kids are much better behaved and I can at least send them to their rooms when the behavior is undesirable.

 

[U2_rocks!]

teambeaman has already said her child is picked up by her husband every day between 1 and 4pm. This is how MANY working professionals run their lives - with teamwork between spouses. Surely people don't think this is unacceptable?

Yeah, I don't get why it's all about the mom. Where's the dad in this? Why don't his hours with the kids count?

 

[ronandannette]

Don't be jealous or beat yourself up about not being in the classroom.

While some children relish having their parent in the classroom and on all field trips, as a SAHM who spent a bunch of time in the classroom, I have also seen just as many children (if not more) that long for a little independence. They really, really want to be in Mrs. Smith's group rather than once again being in their Mom's group.

Couldn't care less about the classroom. I was talking about being unavailable as the "open home" where DS and his friends were warmly welcomed and spent so many happy, safely-supervised hours together during their high school years.

 

[Ceila]

Yeah, I don't get why it's all about the mom. Where's the dad in this? Why don't his hours with the kids count?

And where are all the threads by dads who stay / work from home bashing the dads that work outside of the home and only see them for a few hours each night???? They are clearly not putting their children first!




(Yes, I'm joking.)

 

[Nancyg56]

Years ago, when my own children were young, I was a SAHM. My husband had died and after trying to work I found that it was better for my family for me to be at home, and to live with less. Now that worked for me, but I was still a little jealous of those women who seemed to have it all. They had a job and they had their home. So I started volunteering so that I could have a network of people as well.

What I found was there is no perfect life. No perfect solution. For a parent, each choice involves sacrifice, both on a personal level as well as a homelife level. Anyone who tells you differently really is not honest in their evaluation of another persons life.

Anyway, there was always that bickering about who could do more for others. Folks at home were treated as though they had nothing better to do then watch soaps and magically have a spotless home. Kind of a Beaver Cleaver life. Working Moms were gossiped about becasue they did not spend enough time baking cookies for school. So a wise woman told me that we all do what we can. No even steven back and forth who does more. If as a community we all just did what we could for our friends and their kids, you would be surprised how much really got done. I loved my life like that after that womans words.

On this page, if folks would stop comparing notes, they might see that in some way, mothers and dads all contribute the kids in school, on one level or another. But I really despise the constant denigrating of personal choices. It is degrading to everyone involved.