SAHM....How do you do it? My morning so far....

[Aidensmom]

I'm a working mom with only 1 child, and sometimes I have days like that! I highly respect all of you with several children all close in age. I would be bald from pulling my hair out all of the time.

 

[tiff211]

Which is what the majority of the posts is this thread have done. To get upset about all the "mean" posts, when all of two - maybe three people have said anything not 100% agreeing with the OP is just ridiculous.

I guess I am one of the "mean" ones, because no, I don't think it is especially hard to take care of my children.

I'm not going to apologize for that. Yes, I remember what newborns were like, all of mine started out as newborns. Perhaps I was just extremely lucky and had easy babies. Perhaps I just decided to have the attitude that taking care of kids was not something to be afraid of, horrified by, or dreaded.

Since the dawn of time, women have raised their children. Lots of them. More than we have, with far fewer conveniences. A few generations ago, having babies wasn't something you planned, researched, analyzed, prepared for, took seminars about, or read books about. You just did it. Young women who never read a parenting book or took a class. Heck, go back a hundred years or more and you'll find women who didn't even learn to read, and they were able to successfully raise their children (and bake bread, do laundry by hand, sew wardrobes for their entire families, and tend a farm.)

Being able to complain about how hard it is to raise children is a luxury that we have in modern times.

I'm sorry if I ruined the OP's vent. We all have moments when we are tired of doing this. I'm not suggesting anyone is a bad parent. I'm just suggesting perspective here.

Going back a few generations, would be my grandmothers generation when she told me she woke up and found out she had a baby girl or my mother who stayed in the hospital a week (the norm) to recover from having each child, she had 7 kids, God bless her! I called her and told her about my day and this post and she said that's why moms say just wait until you have kids of your own! Now, I totally understand! She also taught me nothing worth having comes easy. Just the worrying alone is hard and what mother doesn't worry about her children?

 

[gina2000]

....you'd finally get it right, and it was time to go back to work again.

HA! Let me tell you, Snoops.....you'd finally get it right and your bundle of joy would change the rules and you'd have to start all over again!!!! I can't tell you how many times THAT happened! (Hell, it's STILL happening!)

 

[swilphil]

We are all still alive. DD3 picked up right where she left off before daycare. I now need to buy shampoo, body wash, shaving lotion, regualr lotion and hairspray! Let's just put it this way, I need to go post on the "bad parents support thread" now. Of all days, DH PICKS TODAY TO COME HOME LATE??????!!!!!!!! Thanks for the moral support!

GASP! It just dawned on me, the three of them will be teenagers at the same time!!!!

I'm glad you survived. I've gone through similar situations. I've been both a working mom and a SAHM and being home is definitely more exhausting for me. I never had a problem following a schedule and routine at work, but it's difficult for me at home. The good thing is the newborn days do go by rather quickly. My youngest is now 3. Things are still hectic, but I manage a shower on most days. I keep trying to enjoy the little moments with the kids. That's what it's all about. Don't sweat the small stuff, and find a way to do some things for yourself.

P.S. There are a few people on this board that apparently feel better about themselves by putting down others. Ignore them.

 

[Dan Murphy]

......howl til the hogs came home......

Not a SAHM here, not even a SAHD, but do want to hear this, Gina, next time our paths cross!!!!

 

[gina2000]

Wear ear plugs. DH does.

 

[isyne4u]

To the OP...I'm so glad you made it through the day. I'm a working mom and I still feel like my days go like that. Doesn't matter what kind of a routine we set up, something always goes wrong. This is the first Saturday morning in a while that my DS5 hasn't "fixed" his own breakfast! So far it is a peaceful morning.

As for mothering in years past (dawn of time)....maybe new mother should be held to that level of hygiene...you bath every saturday night whether you need it or not! heck, even the kids didn't bathe daily...and they weren't the first to get into the tub!! (ever hear..."don't throw the baby out with the bath water??)

Anyway, good luck with your children and keep us posted with how things go. I always like to know that I'm not the only one with obnoxious kids!!

tara

 

[hokiefan33]

I usually agree with your posts, but I think you are being a little harsh. First and foremost, she was just venting a bit. Its not earth shattering, we all do it ocassionally. Second of all, you yourself said you had easy babies.......go a few nights without any sleep with a colicky baby and having a toddler in addition to that colicky baby and you might not find it so easy. Thirdly, back in our parent's generation and the generations before them, women looked out for each other. Extended families living nearby or in the same house were the norm. Many women feel isolated today, as more and more couples are now working outside the home and the older generation is working well into their 60s and 70s. Grandma is no longer around to help out in most cases. You can't compare how it was done then to how its done today, because times have changed.

She's not being harsh, she's stating her opinion. Any time anyone states their opinion on a thread and someone doesn't agree with it, it's viewed as harsh. Forget that. The OP can feel free to vent anytime - doesn't mean the rest of us have to give her a hug or agree with her. And the poster you referenced above didn't say for a fact she had easy babies, she said "perhaps" she had easy babies, relative to some babies others might have had. Thirdly, it has nothing to do with "women looking out for each other." They're YOUR kids, it's not up to others to have to help you out. If you need help, ask for it or pay for it, but don't just expect it b/c you're a woman and you have kids. The days of relying on Grandma are apparently over. Since times have changed, as you state, perhaps the mindsets of some women who want it like the old times need to change, as well.

If the OP can vent her opinion, the rest of us can vent ours, as well.

 

[DisneyPhD]

She's not being harsh, she's stating her opinion. Any time anyone states their opinion on a thread and someone doesn't agree with it, it's viewed as harsh. Forget that. The OP can feel free to vent anytime - doesn't mean the rest of us have to give her a hug or agree with her. And the poster you referenced above didn't say for a fact she had easy babies, she said "perhaps" she had easy babies, relative to some babies others might have had. Thirdly, it has nothing to do with "women looking out for each other." They're YOUR kids, it's not up to others to have to help you out. If you need help, ask for it or pay for it, but don't just expect it b/c you're a woman and you have kids. The days of relying on Grandma are apparently over. Since times have changed, as you state, perhaps the mindsets of some women who want it like the old times need to change, as well.

If the OP can vent her opinion, the rest of us can vent ours, as well.

Hokiefan, are you a mom, a parent even? If yes how many children do you have? Have you ever been left alone with them and a newborn and had other things you had to do at the same time also?

Maybe you aren't a parent, maybe you are a professional with education and experince on this. Teacher maybe, psychologist, social worker, No?

Yes everyone is entited to their opinon, but if you don't have experince in this subject they why put yours into it? Just to make the OP fee bad? What is the point of that? It just seems like to stir up trouble.

And maybe if you were a women you would know we do look out for each other. We do help each other out. Even if it is just support and encouragment ove the internet. That is one of the great things about womens and moms.

OP I hope you are having a better day today.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree that we can all feel free to state our opinion. However, when someone tells me that they have a headache, I don't tell them that it's their fault or they need to just deal with it. Sometimes people need to vent and it's great to commiserate. It's not so great to come off as morally superior and somehow the expert though.

Just MY opinion this time.

 

[grlpwrd]

She's not being harsh, she's stating her opinion. Any time anyone states their opinion on a thread and someone doesn't agree with it, it's viewed as harsh. Forget that. The OP can feel free to vent anytime - doesn't mean the rest of us have to give her a hug or agree with her. And the poster you referenced above didn't say for a fact she had easy babies, she said "perhaps" she had easy babies, relative to some babies others might have had. Thirdly, it has nothing to do with "women looking out for each other." They're YOUR kids, it's not up to others to have to help you out. If you need help, ask for it or pay for it, but don't just expect it b/c you're a woman and you have kids. The days of relying on Grandma are apparently over. Since times have changed, as you state, perhaps the mindsets of some women who want it like the old times need to change, as well.

If the OP can vent her opinion, the rest of us can vent ours, as well.

For a self-professed Christian you sure don't act Christian-like. No compassion whatsoever. WWJD, rememer?




Anyway, I have 5 kids and I love being a mom - every chaotic minute! lol That's not to say some folks shouldn't vent. Tolerance - it does a Christian good.

 

[hokiefan33]

Hokiefan, are you a mom, a parent even? If yes how many children do you have? Have you ever been left alone with them and a newborn and had other things you had to do at the same time also?

Maybe you aren't a parent, maybe you are a professional with education and experince on this. Teacher maybe, psychologist, social worker, No?

I am not a mom, but I am a parent. 3 kids - DS9, DD6 and DD 5 months. So when it comes to newborns, yes, it is very fresh in my mind. And yes, I have been left alone with them, including the baby, and had plenty of other things to do at the same time also. In fact, last Saturday, when my wife was gone all day out of town with a friend of hers (also a mom of 4) so they could have some "away" time, which is fine with me. We got up, ran 8 miles in the pouring rain (while another friend watched our kids), then I picked them up, changed, took all of them to a basketball game that some of the kids of my wife's friend were playing with (as her husband is my best friend), then we took all of them out to lunch, I took my kids home, fed the baby, gave the baby a bath and clother her, laid her down for a nap, played with the older kids, cleaned the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and closet, baby woke up, played with all of them, fed the baby, went to eat dinner with same friend, brought kids home, got older 2 showers, then put them all in bed and did some work myself until about midnight when my wife got home, as that was the only portion of the day I had to do it. So yes, I am well aware of how hard it is to watch kids, especially newborns.

Yes everyone is entited to their opinon, but if you don't have experince in this subject they why put yours into it? Just to make the OP fee bad? What is the point of that? It just seems like to stir up trouble.

See, this is where others don't make sense, b/c they assume from what I write that I have "no experience in this subject." I have been a SAHD with my 2 older kids, while going through college and graduating (including missing tests b/c they were being born - you should see the professor's face when you use THAT as an excuse!), and my wife has been both a WOHM and a SAHM. I never said being a parent wasn't tough, I just don't like hearing the complaining, or "venting". I don't complain - I love days like Saturday when I can spend all day with them myself, b/c I don't get that very often. It's hard work, but I love it. I'm not saying the OP doesn't love her kids, I just don't like complaining about being a parent.

And maybe if you were a women you would know we do look out for each other. We do help each other out. Even if it is just support and encouragment ove the internet. That is one of the great things about womens and moms.

That's fine. You can encourage each other all day long, all year long, help each other, etc... Whatever you need to do. But when somebody comes along who doesn't necessarily agree with everything you say, allow them to "vent" their feelings as well.

 

[hokiefan33]

I agree that we can all feel free to state our opinion. However, when someone tells me that they have a headache, I don't tell them that it's their fault or they need to just deal with it. Sometimes people need to vent and it's great to commiserate. It's not so great to come off as morally superior and somehow the expert though.

Just MY opinion this time.

And you're welcome to it.

 

[hokiefan33]

For a self-professed Christian you sure don't act Christian-like. No compassion whatsoever. WWJD, rememer?

I have said not one mean thing to her directly. I asked a question - if you complain about watching kids, why do you have more? It's an honest question. I have compassion, b/c I know how hard it is. But I don't complain about it, b/c it really isn't so hard that I would need to. WWJD? Do you know for sure? He would love her as his daughter. I don't hate her, never said that. But there are things that we ALL do, including myself, that I'm sure HE doesn't like. Doesn't make us un-Christian, makes us human.

 

[grlpwrd]

I have said not one mean thing to her directly. I asked a question - if you complain about watching kids, why do you have more? It's an honest question. I have compassion, b/c I know how hard it is. But I don't complain about it, b/c it really isn't so hard that I would need to. WWJD? Do you know for sure? He would love her as his daughter. I don't hate her, never said that. But there are things that we ALL do, including myself, that I'm sure HE doesn't like. Doesn't make us un-Christian, makes us human.

Tolerance - it does a Christian good.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I am not a mom, but I am a parent. 3 kids - DS9, DD6 and DD 5 months. So when it comes to newborns, yes, it is very fresh in my mind. And yes, I have been left alone with them, including the baby, and had plenty of other things to do at the same time also. In fact, last Saturday, when my wife was gone all day out of town with a friend of hers (also a mom of 4) so they could have some "away" time, which is fine with me. We got up, ran 8 miles in the pouring rain (while another friend watched our kids), then I picked them up, changed, took all of them to a basketball game that some of the kids of my wife's friend were playing with (as her husband is my best friend), then we took all of them out to lunch, I took my kids home, fed the baby, gave the baby a bath and clother her, laid her down for a nap, played with the older kids, cleaned the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and closet, baby woke up, played with all of them, fed the baby, went to eat dinner with same friend, brought kids home, got older 2 showers, then put them all in bed and did some work myself until about midnight when my wife got home, as that was the only portion of the day I had to do it. So yes, I am well aware of how hard it is to watch kids, especially newborns.


See, this is where others don't make sense, b/c they assume from what I write that I have "no experience in this subject." I have been a SAHD with my 2 older kids, while going through college and graduating (including missing tests b/c they were being born - you should see the professor's face when you use THAT as an excuse!), and my wife has been both a WOHM and a SAHM. I never said being a parent wasn't tough, I just don't like hearing the complaining, or "venting". I don't complain - I love days like Saturday when I can spend all day with them myself, b/c I don't get that very often. It's hard work, but I love it. I'm not saying the OP doesn't love her kids, I just don't like complaining about being a parent.



That's fine. You can encourage each other all day long, all year long, help each other, etc... Whatever you need to do. But when somebody comes along who doesn't necessarily agree with everything you say, allow them to "vent" their feelings as well.

Ok, here is the thing, you had tons of help with that morning, tons of it. That is fine. (remember that is what I was talking about.) Also it was one morning. That is what a SAHP does every day all day. Sure I like my Saturdays too (infact I like my everydays, but that isn't the point) Saturday is one day a week. Just one, there are 6 others. Some moments are better then others.

(BTW my husband missed one lecture, because my DD was being born, and he was the one giving it since he is the professer.)

I too get lots of help from my DH who is a very involed parent. But since I am the SAH one the brunt of it falls on me. That is fine, that is why I decieded to put my carrer on hold for a while why they were young, my choice.

You say you don't complain, but you do about other people. You never know what it is like to be in another persons shoes until you do. Great you are an involed dad who likes being with his kids and does a dads' share of work, but have some compasion.

 

[bajanswife]

I am not a mom, but I am a parent. 3 kids - DS9, DD6 and DD 5 months. So when it comes to newborns, yes, it is very fresh in my mind. And yes, I have been left alone with them, including the baby, and had plenty of other things to do at the same time also. In fact, last Saturday, when my wife was gone all day out of town with a friend of hers (also a mom of 4) so they could have some "away" time, which is fine with me. We got up, ran 8 miles in the pouring rain (while another friend watched our kids), then I picked them up, changed, took all of them to a basketball game that some of the kids of my wife's friend were playing with (as her husband is my best friend), then we took all of them out to lunch, I took my kids home, fed the baby, gave the baby a bath and clother her, laid her down for a nap, played with the older kids, cleaned the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and closet, baby woke up, played with all of them, fed the baby, went to eat dinner with same friend, brought kids home, got older 2 showers, then put them all in bed and did some work myself until about midnight when my wife got home, as that was the only portion of the day I had to do it. So yes, I am well aware of how hard it is to watch kids, especially newborns.


See, this is where others don't make sense, b/c they assume from what I write that I have "no experience in this subject." I have been a SAHD with my 2 older kids, while going through college and graduating (including missing tests b/c they were being born - you should see the professor's face when you use THAT as an excuse!), and my wife has been both a WOHM and a SAHM. I never said being a parent wasn't tough, I just don't like hearing the complaining, or "venting". I don't complain - I love days like Saturday when I can spend all day with them myself, b/c I don't get that very often. It's hard work, but I love it. I'm not saying the OP doesn't love her kids, I just don't like complaining about being a parent.



That's fine. You can encourage each other all day long, all year long, help each other, etc... Whatever you need to do. But when somebody comes along who doesn't necessarily agree with everything you say, allow them to "vent" their feelings as well.

You sound just like my DH - he doesn't find looking after kids to be difficult at all (he takes life in his stride, NOTHING bothers him!), so when I need to vent, I sure don't vent to him! That's what my girlfriends and the DIS are for!

However, if a woman IS venting about something she was having a hard time with, it can be tough to hear other people say that they don't find it difficult at all! I understand your p.o.v., but I'm not sure that expressing it in this particular thread was all that helpful to the OP. If you needed to say something about this issue, perhaps you could have started another thread to discuss whether childrearing these days is really that difficult? I dunno .... just a thought. I am just sympathetic to the OP who came here needing a hug and some assurances that she's not unusual in having a tough child minding day, and instead she got told that it shouldn't be that difficult, so now she feels twice as bad because she's feeling like something was wrong with HER!

Of course you are entitled to your own opinion on this (as is everyone) - some of us just think the time and place for expressing it did more to make the OP feel worse than it did better. It wasn't a discussion thread - it was a support thread.

 

[hokiefan33]

Tolerance - it does a Christian good.

Show me where that is preached in the Bible, please.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Well I'm a SAHM and I've had seven children. They are 28, 23, 21, 19, 8, 6 and 5. ANyone who stays home with kids will tell you (if they are honest) that there are times when it drives you nuts! Yes I stay home with mine and I take fully responsibility for choosing to have them but I have hidden in the bathrooms at times when they were younger and it got overwhelming. I love my children more than life itself but I still remember times when after I got them all in bed I just took a deep breath and said "Thank God that today is over and I got through it in one piece". Its a hard job and when someone is having a bad day I'll be the first to sympathize and say "been there, done that".

Some days can be overwhelming, especially when they are younger and you have them close together.

Good luck to the OP, and I'm sure it will get better!

 

[hokiefan33]

Ok, here is the thing, you had tons of help with that morning, tons of it. That is fine. (remember that is what I was talking about.) Also it was one morning. That is what a SAHP does every day all day. Sure I like my Saturdays too (infact I like my everydays, but that isn't the point) Saturday is one day a week. Just one, there are 6 others. Some moments are better then others.

(BTW my husband missed one lecture, because my DD was being born, and he was the one giving it since he is the professer.)

I too get lots of help from my DH who is a very involed parent. But since I am the SAH one the brunt of it falls on me. That is fine, that is why I decieded to put my carrer on hold for a while why they were young, my choice.

You say you don't complain, but you do about other people. You never know what it is like to be in another persons shoes until you do. Great you are an involed dad who likes being with his kids and does a dads' share of work, but have some compasion.

To be a PhD you don't read real well. I never said I don't complain, I said I don't complain about being a parent. I'm not complaining about the OP, I'm stating my opinion about what she is doing. A PhD should be able to get that right. And what was the "tons of help...tons of it" that I had with that morning? A friend watched our kids for 2 hours of the day while my wife and I ran. Other than that, I was responsible for them the rest of the day. Just b/c I was with my friend (who also had his 4 kids), doesn't mean I had help, b/c neither of us could drop what we were doing to help the other, b/c we each had other kids to watch. Please.

Let's face it - there are many SAHMs who think their job is the toughest in the world, that nobody works harder. And there are many WOHMs, or other people, who disagree, as I do. Nothing I say will change your mind, and nothing you say will change my mind. So feel free to preach it, but I will, too.