SAHM and SAHD what do you think?

[Pigeon]

Pathetic. I'd quit and form a new group and include the dads.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I'm a SAHM and I can't stand SAHM groups (for myself). Whenever I tried to join one it felt like I was going straight back to high school. There would be the popular ones that led the group. I live in a fairly wealthy area, and you'd get the moms in designer clothes, perfect makeup and hair who would look at me like I was something they found stuck to their shoe. Oh my goodness! How could have I have gone out of the house with infant twins wearing a sweatshirt, no makeup, with my roots showing?! Hey, if I got to take a shower back then, it was a good day.

Many of the women I met also took this time to bash their husbands and get into a contest as to who works the hardest, sleeps the least, and has the smartest baby. That's not to say that there weren't some nice people in the groups, just that the other people seemed to take over, at least in the groups I tried to join. I wonder if the women in your group don't want the men around because they felt inhibited when it comes to complaining about their husbands? I also wonder if any of the women have husbands who don't like them spending time with other men, no matter how innocent the situation. My brother was like that. DSIL worked as a secretary at West Point and he "made" her quit because he didn't want all those men around her. I know, he's , but men like that do exist, just like there are a few women who freak out every time their husband even says Hi to another woman.

Whatever the reason, I would either demand that the men be kept in the group, and the women who don't like it can leave (if it's an organized group with written rules), or I would do as others have said and send a letter to all the members of the group telling them why you're leaving and invite the men and any others who feel the same to start a new group.

 

[KelNottAt]

Pathetic. I'd quit and form a new group and include the dads.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Wishing on a star]

A lot of good ideas here!

I too was wondering just how this one (or two or three) people get to make this kind of decision??? Sounds like this was just arbitrarily thrown out there, with no advance notice or discussion?

I mean, who died and appointed them 'God'?

I would be wondering if this group was really one that I wanted to be a part of after all.

It seems like this kind of a group should be for whom-ever wants to participate. The more the merrier.

It sounds like somebody thinks of this as their very private and exclusive club????

 

[auntpolly]

I'm a SAHM and I can't stand SAHM groups (for myself).

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Isn't that a little like the woman who say, "I just don't get along with other women?" I mean, we're just our own worst enemy sometimes.

This doesn't necessarily have to be the big demonic group many of you are picturing. People make mistakes. If you go in, and say you want to talk about it, and everyone says, "Yeah! Get those men out of here!" , then right, you don't belong there. But we don't know anything about this. It could be one woman's knee jerk reaction and 15 other women having the same thoughts you are. I'd find out before I quit in a huff (not that you were going to, but it sounds like some people are urging you to.)

 

[tw1nsmom]

Isn't that a little like the woman who say, "I just don't get along with other women?" I mean, we're just our own worst enemy sometimes.

I think that's a bit of a leap. I have many women friends and we get together frequently for coffee and playdates. Last summer, they would all come to my house most wednesdays to have a playdate so that DS's itinerant teacher could work with him in a peer group. I just have found personally, and at least in my area, that once you get into an organized group the cliquey, high school behavior begins.

 

[auntpolly]

I think that's a bit of a leap. I have many women friends and we get together frequently for coffee and playdates. Last summer, they would all come to my house most wednesdays to have a playdate so that DS's itinerant teacher could work with him in a peer group. I just have found personally, and at least in my area, that once you get into an organized group the cliquey, high school behavior begins.

Didn't mean to snap at you, really, sorry. I just heard stuff like that so much. There were always women that just thought they were too good (too intelligent, too interesting, too worldly) too hang out with the other women. I used to think, "OK, if you think so!" I'm sure you didn't mean that.

I guess I'm just alarmed by the hang 'em high attitude of this and other threads. We really don't know that particulars, but everyone is always so quick to jump up and say, "Those idiots!"

Women are just so mean to each other it's a shame. I wonder if it's half the reason that we have problems, we shoot each other in the foot!

 

[DVC Sadie]

[QUOTE

I guess they are also ok with schoolyard bullies...or is that different?[/QUOTE]


I'm sure it would be a lot different since it would be child getting bullied. The SAHMs would probably march up there as a group and call for immediate dismissal of the teacher/teachers, vice principal, and maybe the principal. No I am not a advocate for bullying.

 

[luvwinnie]

I'd start my own group...with the SAHDs!

 

[ceiligh1]

I think that's lame. They deserve to be part of the stay at home group too why should it matter if their gender is different. Maybe you should contact the two dads and the other members that don't have a problem with them and start your own group!

I have already done that. I dont have their contact info so my only recourse was to ask the leader to forward mine to them. I can only hope that she does so. The group just inst what I thought it would be and I would rather support people who look to support others and not exclude them.

 

[ceiligh1]

Thank you all for the response. THis group was started by the leader and she does make the rules so it is her call, there is no national orginization or anything that backs her up. I am not close to anyone in this group as I have not met with them that many times due to issues with the time of day that they often meet. So it would not be a big issue for me to leave and go to another group. The letter to everyone said that many joined the group to hang out with other mothers and that some felt a little uncomfortable inviting a man over to the house or meeting them somewhere else so the men are out. I did email the leader to see if there was grounds for concern or just an overall worry of some. If there is no grounds I hope that I will be able to start a group with the guys and some of my friends as I dont want to be involved in a group that would exclude people based on gender.
I was wondering if other people would see the same issues with this and you all do so that does make me feel a little better. THank you all.