SADDAM BACKS OUT OF BUSH DEBATE; WILL DEBATE GORE INSTEAD
Makes Switch After Watching Debates From 2000 Race
One day after challenging President George W. Bush to an internationally televised debate, Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein reversed course today, opting to debate former Vice President Al Gore instead.
According to aides close to the Iraqi President, Saddam made the surprising decision to debate Mr. Gore after reviewing tapes of the 2000 presidential debates between Mr. Bush and the then-Vice President.
Saddam was prepping for the debate and he was like, Man, whered they dig up that stiff? one aide to the Iraqi madman said.
The Iraqi dictator immediately backed out of his debate with Mr. Bush in favor of one with Mr. Gore, telling aides, Even that stupid body-double of mine who used to be a basket-weaver could beat this loser.
After intense negotiations with the Gore camp, Saddams advisors gained approval for their choice to moderate the debate, the acerbic Simon Cowell of the TV series American Idol.
Saddam is a big fan of Simon's, one aide said. Hes the only person on TV whos more brutal than Saddam.
Mr. Gore started the debate with Saddam in typical fashion, launching into a forty-minute monologue on the Social Security trust fund before being interrupted by a visibly irritated Mr. Cowell.
You are a tedious, tedious excuse for a human being, Mr. Cowell said. You have no future in politics whatsoever.
While most observers agreed that Mr. Gore lost the debate with Saddam, Commander-in-Chief Tommy Franks of the U.S. Central Command said that a tape of Mr. Gores performance would be beamed into Iraq in the weeks ahead, rendering Saddams elite Republican Guard unconscious in advance of a U.S. invasion.
**** THE BOROWITZ REPORT ****
Makes Switch After Watching Debates From 2000 Race
One day after challenging President George W. Bush to an internationally televised debate, Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein reversed course today, opting to debate former Vice President Al Gore instead.
According to aides close to the Iraqi President, Saddam made the surprising decision to debate Mr. Gore after reviewing tapes of the 2000 presidential debates between Mr. Bush and the then-Vice President.
Saddam was prepping for the debate and he was like, Man, whered they dig up that stiff? one aide to the Iraqi madman said.
The Iraqi dictator immediately backed out of his debate with Mr. Bush in favor of one with Mr. Gore, telling aides, Even that stupid body-double of mine who used to be a basket-weaver could beat this loser.
After intense negotiations with the Gore camp, Saddams advisors gained approval for their choice to moderate the debate, the acerbic Simon Cowell of the TV series American Idol.
Saddam is a big fan of Simon's, one aide said. Hes the only person on TV whos more brutal than Saddam.
Mr. Gore started the debate with Saddam in typical fashion, launching into a forty-minute monologue on the Social Security trust fund before being interrupted by a visibly irritated Mr. Cowell.
You are a tedious, tedious excuse for a human being, Mr. Cowell said. You have no future in politics whatsoever.
While most observers agreed that Mr. Gore lost the debate with Saddam, Commander-in-Chief Tommy Franks of the U.S. Central Command said that a tape of Mr. Gores performance would be beamed into Iraq in the weeks ahead, rendering Saddams elite Republican Guard unconscious in advance of a U.S. invasion.
**** THE BOROWITZ REPORT ****
