Sad Parenting Observation

[TAX GUY]

For instance, the news last night. 18-year-old Tyrone Harris draws a stolen gun out of his waistband and shoots and shoots and shoots. He is finally shot by police. Parents and newscasters are appalled. "He didn't deserve to be shot". Excuses, excuses, excuses. He is posing on Facebook with this gun. He has had numerous arrests. He is a "good kid". Um, no. He is not. Excuses. Excuses.

James Holmes' mother said campus psychiatrist never told her that James Holmes had homicidal thoughts and that "We wouldn't be sitting here if she had told me that!" ..."She didn't tell me. She didn't tell me. She didn't tell me!" Excuses. Excuses.

Just a very small sample above.

On a smaller scale: every day in our American schools. Children acting like brats day after day. Out of control classrooms. Oh well. They all have hidden disabilities. We can't correct them if they don't behave. That's just how they are Heck, you aren't even allowed to have Time Outs in many schools now because it is "too embarrassing" for the children.

These kids are going to spill out into society very soon. Our welfare system is going to collapse, because they won't be able to keep jobs. They will think they can sit on their phones all day or tell their boss what they will and will not do.

Wait for it.

[sarcasm] yeah, well that's YOUR take on it, not everyone agrees with you and your one sided views [/sarcasm]

 

[declansdad]

For instance, the news last night. 18-year-old Tyrone Harris draws a stolen gun out of his waistband and shoots and shoots and shoots. He is finally shot by police. Parents and newscasters are appalled. "He didn't deserve to be shot". Excuses, excuses, excuses. He is posing on Facebook with this gun. He has had numerous arrests. He is a "good kid". Um, no. He is not. Excuses. Excuses.

James Holmes' mother said campus psychiatrist never told her that James Holmes had homicidal thoughts and that "We wouldn't be sitting here if she had told me that!" ..."She didn't tell me. She didn't tell me. She didn't tell me!" Excuses. Excuses.

Just a very small sample above.

On a smaller scale: every day in our American schools. Children acting like brats day after day. Out of control classrooms. Oh well. They all have hidden disabilities. We can't correct them if they don't behave. That's just how they are Heck, you aren't even allowed to have Time Outs in many schools now because it is "too embarrassing" for the children.

These kids are going to spill out into society very soon. Our welfare system is going to collapse, because they won't be able to keep jobs. They will think they can sit on their phones all day or tell their boss what they will and will not do.

Wait for it.

These kids always existed, it just wasn't as apparent years ago.

 

[TAX GUY]

These kids always existed, it just wasn't as apparent years ago.

I believe it was, its just people now have a bigger stage to talk about it

 

[Kalliope]

If her vision is that bad, you are going to have to teach her to let you check out the elevator first before she walks into it. The rule of "OUT before IN" seems to have been forgotten or never learned by many people. You must make certain all are OUT before she goes IN. If not, and she bumps into people, expect them to say something. Maybe the guy had severe arthritis or another issue which makes bumps painful. You have no idea what HE was dealing with.

Preparing your child for the road, etc which was my point in my post above.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

These kids always existed, it just wasn't as apparent years ago.

Oh, I do remember kids like this growing up. I couldn't believe what they got away with as far as how they treated their parents.

But the whole "My child acts like this because they have THIS LABEL" is relatively new. Of course, there are many children out their with true hidden disabilities. But there are also many with "parent invented disabilities" as well. And boy, it is so easy for people to make the excuses for these kids.

 

[gwynne]

Oh. Your poor uncle. I couldn't imagine seeing life that way.

But there are certain situations that are black and white. If I see a mother asking for assistance and her children ignoring her while on their phones, there is no other way to see it. Or, do you have a good excuse for them?

I don't need or want to do the "quick judge". I have lived enough to know there could be lots going on, or not. I have the option of helping or not. Works for me.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I don't need or want to do the "quick judge". I have lived enough to know there could be lots going on, or not. I have the option of helping or not. Works for me.

But, this is a serious question: WHAT could be going on (other than blatant disrespect) that would have 3 children sitting on their phones, ignoring their mom's requests to help her load a car?

 

[gwynne]

But, this is a serious question: WHAT could be going on (other than blatant disrespect) that would have 3 children sitting on their phones, ignoring their mom's requests to help her load a car?

Now we're back to black and white thinking.

 

[smitch425]

Are you kidding me? If I saw a woman alone, struggling with a bunch of crap at the beach, I'd be willing to help. But if I spot her three able bodied kids standing right there, ignoring her and refusing to help despite her requests, I am not going to lend a hand. All that would do is encourage the kids to ignore their mom even more.....heck, let a stranger help her while I play. My "help" might consist of asking them why they are ignoring their mother instead of doing what needs to be done. I'm not going to enable bad behavior in kids and ineffective parenting by helping load a car. Good grief.

Ummm...no, I'm not kidding. I am nice to a fault, and I will continue to be nice and helpful no matter who is around. If I saw this mother struggling, I would smile, tell her I've been there, and help her with her stuff. Who knows, maybe the kids would have seen the kindness of a stranger and helped the mom out as well. The last thing I would do is start a thread about how a woman I don't know is a horrible parent with kids destined to be failures in life.

 

[EMom]

Ummm...no, I'm not kidding. I am nice to a fault, and I will continue to be nice and helpful no matter who is around. If I saw this mother struggling, I would smile, tell her I've been there, and help her with her stuff. Who knows, maybe the kids would have seen the kindness of a stranger and helped the mom out as well. The last thing I would do is start a thread about how a woman I don't know is a horrible parent with kids destined to be failures in life.

To me, helping her when her (disrespectful springs to mind) kids are just standing around ignoring her, isn't helping. It's like giving drugs to someone in withdrawal because they're suffering. You want to make the pain go away, but in the long run, you're hurting them instead of helping. That's why I called it enabling.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Now we're back to black and white thinking.

Yes. Of course. In this situation, it is black and white. Mom asks you to help her, you do not ignore her. Period.

 

[gwynne]

To me, helping her when her (disrespectful springs to mind) kids are just standing around ignoring her, isn't helping. It's like giving drugs to someone in withdrawal because they're suffering. You want to make the pain go away, but in the long run, you're hurting them instead of helping. That's why I called it enabling.

...I don't really see helping and adult in a single instance as having that kind of earth shattering power. There's a big difference where I'm from between "Can I give you a hand with that bag" and "Would you like some meth"?

 

[smitch425]

To me, helping her when her (disrespectful springs to mind) kids are just standing around ignoring her, isn't helping. It's like giving drugs to someone in withdrawal because they're suffering. You want to make the pain go away, but in the long run, you're hurting them instead of helping. That's why I called it enabling.

Oh good grief...can people just have a bad day and not get slammed for it? Maybe the kids didn't want to leave, maybe it was just an off day? My decision to be helpful is not based on what ifs and shoulda, coulda, wouldas. And equating carrying a beach chair to drugs is just looney tunes to me. Has no one ever helped you out? Have your kids ever not listened to you? Mine have their moments, and they get in the "real" trouble in private, not in public. The world would be a better place if people were more kind to one another. Rather than judge and criticize someone else, I prefer to look in the mirror and ask myself what I can do to improve everyday life. Not just for myself and my family, but for those around me. YMMV

 

[TAX GUY]

...I don't really see helping and adult in a single instance as having that kind of earth shattering power. There's a big difference where I'm from between "Can I give you a hand with that bag" and "Would you like some meth"?

There's that black and white thing again...

 

[EMom]

...I don't really see helping and adult in a single instance as having that kind of earth shattering power. There's a big difference where I'm from between "Can I give you a hand with that bag" and "Would you like some meth"?

Long term impact. The mom learns she will sooner get help from a stranger than from her own kids who won't pay attention to her. The kids learn that there are no consequences to ignoring mom. In fact, if you ignore her long enough, some random stranger will do the work for you. You get to play and do no work, while others take care of the not so fun stuff. No thanks. I wouldn't put up with or encourage that in my own kid, let alone someone else's.

 

[declansdad]

Long term impact. The mom learns she will sooner get help from a stranger than from her own kids who won't pay attention to her. The kids learn that there are no consequences to ignoring mom. In fact, if you ignore her long enough, some random stranger will do the work for you. You get to play and do no work, while others take care of the not so fun stuff. No thanks. I wouldn't put up with or encourage that in my own kid, let alone someone else's.

Wow these kids sure learn a lot from this possibly single random act of kindness.

 

[TAX GUY]

Oh good grief...can people just have a bad day and not get slammed for it? Maybe the kids didn't want to leave, maybe it was just an off day? My decision to be helpful is not based on what ifs and shoulda, coulda, wouldas. And equating carrying a beach chair to drugs is just looney tunes to me. Has no one ever helped you out? Have your kids ever not listened to you? Mine have their moments, and they get in the "real" trouble in private, not in public. The world would be a better place if people were more kind to one another. Rather than judge and criticize someone else, I prefer to look in the mirror and ask myself what I can do to improve everyday life. Not just for myself and my family, but for those around me. YMMV

I agree, and specifically to the bolded, THAT part needs to start at home.

 

[TAX GUY]

computer is acting up and double posting and adding in other quotes

 

[EMom]

Oh good grief...can people just have a bad day and not get slammed for it? Maybe the kids didn't want to leave, maybe it was just an off day? My decision to be helpful is not based on what ifs and shoulda, coulda, wouldas. And equating carrying a beach chair to drugs is just looney tunes to me. Has no one ever helped you out? Have your kids ever not listened to you? Mine have their moments, and they get in the "real" trouble in private, not in public. The world would be a better place if people were more kind to one another. Rather than judge and criticize someone else, I prefer to look in the mirror and ask myself what I can do to improve everyday life. Not just for myself and my family, but for those around me. YMMV

I happily help people who NEED help. She didn't NEED help. She had 3 helpers.

You see it as help, while I see it as enabling. You see it as being kind, while I see it as encouraging the boys to continue treating their mom the same shabby way. You see it as improving the situation, while I see it as perpetuating the situation.

In my house, I don't save lectures or discipline for private. My reasoning is if you embarrass me or act out in public, you will get dressed down in that same public. It worked great for my parents, since there was no way we wanted to be called out in front of people. It still works in our home. You are welcome to do things your way in your family.

 

[cornflkgrl]

Why is it so hard to just parent in the first place, so a stranger doesn't have to?

Hey, I invite anyone to parent my children if you think you can do it better. Just know I will expect you to attend the iep meetings (look it up), doctors appointments, therapy sessions, ot, weekly trips to the pharmacy, etc. And I get to sit on the sidelines and judge your performance

Oh, I do remember kids like this growing up. I couldn't believe what they got away with as far as how they treated their parents.

But the whole "My child acts like this because they have THIS LABEL" is relatively new. Of course, there are many children out their with true hidden disabilities. But there are also many with "parent invented disabilities" as well. And boy, it is so easy for people to make the excuses for these kids.

"parent invented disabilities"? Such as....? I'm asking out of curiosity as to what you consider a parent invented disability and what is legit?