Sad Parenting Observation

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm seriously supposed to help someone because she can't get her own children to do it? Really??? How is that helping ANYONE? You're teaching mom she doesn't need to parent her kids. There will always be someone to step in and help her out. And teaching the kids to continue the disrespect they're already showing.

Sorry, I'm more than willing to help someone who needs it. This mother doesn't need help with her beach chair. She needs help with her kids! But that would be considered over the line....

I'd be tempted to help.

Me: Here, let me help you with all that.
Mom: Oh, thank you!
Me: No problem. It was obvious your kids weren't going to help.

 

[smitch425]

I agree, and specifically to the bolded, THAT part needs to start at home.

It absolutely does, but I don't know of any parent whose kids listen to them all of the time. Mine sure don't. That doesn't make me a bad parent. That makes me a normal parent. Now, my kids would not have gotten by with me repeating myself more than a couple of times, but they are older than the ages that the OP is ASSUMING these kids were. However, my 10 year old is easily distracted. I asked him twice to bring me a piece of paper (blank, from the printer) the other day, and he brought me a paper plate from the kitchen. And guess what, I laughed about it and called him a dork. You know why? Because it was no big deal!

 

[smitch425]

You are welcome to do things your way in your family.

Wow! Thank you so much for your permission.

Gotta love the Dis...

Edit: partially removed post due to having a supercrummy day.

 

[TAX GUY]

It absolutely does, but I don't know of any parent whose kids listen to them all of the time. Mine sure don't. That doesn't make me a bad parent. That makes me a normal parent. Now, my kids would not have gotten by with me repeating myself more than a couple of times, but they are older than the ages that the OP is ASSUMING these kids were. However, my 10 year old is easily distracted. I asked him twice to bring me a piece of paper (blank, from the printer) the other day, and he brought me a paper plate from the kitchen. And guess what, I laughed about it and called him a dork. You know why? Because it was no big deal!

and there's the key. My son doesn't listen al the time either, but you can believe when I repeat myself, he hears me loud and clear. No need to repeat a third, fourth or fifth. I also would make sure I had his full attention (usually by walking over to him and making sure we make eye contact. That way, when I repeat myself, there's no excuse of "I didn't hear you". Those elements seem to be missing from the example given, which I believe, is what some are commenting on. The lack of making sure the request is heard vs. letting it go ignored.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I'd be tempted to help.

Me: Here, let me help you with all that.
Mom: Oh, thank you!
Me: No problem. It was obvious your kids weren't going to help.

I was with you til the "no problem".

 

[EMom]

Wow! Thank you so much for your permission.

Gotta love the Dis...and the ignore feature. Lol

Thanks for being so open minded.

 

[gwynne]

Oh good grief...can people just have a bad day and not get slammed for it? Maybe the kids didn't want to leave, maybe it was just an off day? My decision to be helpful is not based on what ifs and shoulda, coulda, wouldas. And equating carrying a beach chair to drugs is just looney tunes to me. Has no one ever helped you out? Have your kids ever not listened to you? Mine have their moments, and they get in the "real" trouble in private, not in public. The world would be a better place if people were more kind to one another. Rather than judge and criticize someone else, I prefer to look in the mirror and ask myself what I can do to improve everyday life. Not just for myself and my family, but for those around me. YMMV

I so agree with you. And in the moment, asking if I could lend a hand to assist the adult is just that. It helps the adult in that moment. If it was declined, no worries. They'd still get a kind smile. If it was accepted, no lectures or smart alec comments, I'd just help. I would hope it would be a brief minute or two of gentle grace in a hard situation on that day.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

This whole thread reminds me how many times I hear that parent at the playground, at the ballpark, at Disney, at a restaurant, wherever...

"Johnny, don't do that. Johnny, I told you no. Johnny, stop now. Johnny, last warning. Johnny, don't do that. Johnny, what did I just say? Johnny, last warning. Johnny, no. Johnny, stop. Johnny, we don't do that. Johnny, that's not nice. Johnny, last warning. Johnny, I said no. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny...."

A couple weeks ago we were at a minor league ball game. This string went on and on and on behind us. The whole while Johnny is kicking seats. Walking back and forth, bumping into people. Spilling stuff everywhere. Etc., etc., etc.

Our whole row cheered when Johnny and his parents finally left!!!

My guess is this is exactly what was going on with the mom and her boys. She asks, they ignore. She asks again, they still ignore. She asks again, they don't even blink. She asks again, still nothing. All the while she's just doing the work and they're allowed to do what they want.

Do people really not see a problem here???? We're supposed to feel bad for this mom who created these disrespectful brats? Sorry...no sympathy here.

I can honestly say I'd never have this conversation with my kids. Because if we were schlepping to the beach with all their stuff, they just carried it. No requests. No orders from mom. They just know that's what you do. And always have. They wouldn't dream of playing on their phone while I do all the work. Just wouldn't even be a thought, wouldn't even occur to them. And they'd be shocked at any kids they saw doing this!

I'm just so amazed at the number of excuses for this behavior. "They're having a bad day"?????? Just wow.... I'm sure that's going to go over great with their teachers and bosses. "You don't know what they might be going through?" Okay, what COULD they be going through that would excuse such behavior? I'm trying to come up with something and I just can't. Please enlighten me.

 

[bethy]

Rather than sit and stare at this family and this struggling mother, I would have offered to help her with her belongings. If I were the OP, I would be much more disappointed in myself for not offering to help than anything I may have witnessed. A 10 minute glimpse into a family's life doesn't get to make you judge and jury of how they are destined to turn out in life. Somewhere out there may be a thread on a forum about all the people watching this person struggle and no one offering to help. Thoughtless and selfish behavior is not only a kid thing, unfortunately.

 

[Mkrop]

If there was a disability in play I am sure mom would have been aware of it and would not have ask the kiddos to help. But she did ask and they should have helped. But I would not have even have left the beach without each child carrying something. I would have told them to pick up something, or pick up X to be more specific in case they try to pick up some small bucket only or if they were ignoring me I would have gone over and placed X in their hands and told them to march.

 

[Wendy31]

Honestly, what is a good excuse for 3 kids who repeatedly ignore their mother asking for help?

I'd be a little put out w/ my kids even if I didn't ask specifically for help & they just sat there & watched me make trips back & forth to the car - let alone if I asked & they continued to ignore me.

And why do we continually make excuses for kids' poor behavior?

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Sometimes it really is exactly what it looks like and none of the excuses matter.

 

[Kalliope]

This whole thread reminds me how many times I hear that parent at the playground, at the ballpark, at Disney, at a restaurant, wherever...

"Johnny, don't do that. Johnny, I told you no. Johnny, stop now. Johnny, last warning. Johnny, don't do that. Johnny, what did I just say? Johnny, last warning. Johnny, no. Johnny, stop. Johnny, we don't do that. Johnny, that's not nice. Johnny, last warning. Johnny, I said no. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny...."

A couple weeks ago we were at a minor league ball game. This string went on and on and on behind us. The whole while Johnny is kicking seats. Walking back and forth, bumping into people. Spilling stuff everywhere. Etc., etc., etc.

Our whole row cheered when Johnny and his parents finally left!!!

My guess is this is exactly what was going on with the mom and her boys. She asks, they ignore. She asks again, they still ignore. She asks again, they don't even blink. She asks again, still nothing. All the while she's just doing the work and they're allowed to do what they want.

Do people really not see a problem here???? We're supposed to feel bad for this mom who created these disrespectful brats? Sorry...no sympathy here.

I can honestly say I'd never have this conversation with my kids. Because if we were schlepping to the beach with all their stuff, they just carried it. No requests. No orders from mom. They just know that's what you do. And always have. They wouldn't dream of playing on their phone while I do all the work. Just wouldn't even be a thought, wouldn't even occur to them. And they'd be shocked at any kids they saw doing this!

I'm just so amazed at the number of excuses for this behavior. "They're having a bad day"?????? Just wow.... I'm sure that's going to go over great with their teachers and bosses. "You don't know what they might be going through?" Okay, what COULD they be going through that would excuse such behavior? I'm trying to come up with something and I just can't. Please enlighten me.

We all know mothers like this. I know a few and they all wonder why no one wants to spend time with them or their children.

 

[TAX GUY]

Sometimes it really is exactly what it looks like and none of the excuses matter.

Is this one of those times?

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Is this one of those times?

I have no idea, but thought it needed to be said.

 

[Skywalker]

Thanks for being so open minded.

I guess she is only "nice to a fault" when she is NOT laughing at people and putting them on ignore lol

 

[smitch425]

I guess she is only "nice to a fault" when she is NOT laughing at people and putting them on ignore lol

"Ignoring" posts by a poster who I often disagree with saves me a little reading time. And yes, I laughed at the ridiculousness of telling me I was welcome to run my own family. Big whoop. If the mods didn't want the feature to be used, it would be turned off. There are lots of people who use it. It isn't a bad thing. It's there for people who get tired of reading things by posters they'd rather not read posts from. It's not that big of a deal!

 

[cabanafrau]

This whole thread reminds me how many times I hear that parent at the playground, at the ballpark, at Disney, at a restaurant, wherever...

"Johnny, don't do that. Johnny, I told you no. Johnny, stop now. Johnny, last warning. Johnny, don't do that. Johnny, what did I just say? Johnny, last warning. Johnny, no. Johnny, stop. Johnny, we don't do that. Johnny, that's not nice. Johnny, last warning. Johnny, I said no. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny...."

A couple weeks ago we were at a minor league ball game. This string went on and on and on behind us. The whole while Johnny is kicking seats. Walking back and forth, bumping into people. Spilling stuff everywhere. Etc., etc., etc.

Our whole row cheered when Johnny and his parents finally left!!!

My guess is this is exactly what was going on with the mom and her boys. She asks, they ignore. She asks again, they still ignore. She asks again, they don't even blink. She asks again, still nothing. All the while she's just doing the work and they're allowed to do what they want.

Do people really not see a problem here???? We're supposed to feel bad for this mom who created these disrespectful brats? Sorry...no sympathy here.

I can honestly say I'd never have this conversation with my kids. Because if we were schlepping to the beach with all their stuff, they just carried it. No requests. No orders from mom. They just know that's what you do. And always have. They wouldn't dream of playing on their phone while I do all the work. Just wouldn't even be a thought, wouldn't even occur to them. And they'd be shocked at any kids they saw doing this!

I'm just so amazed at the number of excuses for this behavior. "They're having a bad day"?????? Just wow.... I'm sure that's going to go over great with their teachers and bosses. "You don't know what they might be going through?" Okay, what COULD they be going through that would excuse such behavior? I'm trying to come up with something and I just can't. Please enlighten me.

To be fair, I think the "you don't know what they might be going through" comments pertained more to the mother and her lack of action than the children -- if I understood correctly.

Your ball game story reminded me of a now classic family story from last summer's vacation about a dad ignoring his probably four year old son who was desperately trying to get "Dad-day's" attention, while waving around a very large steak knife no less, while they were at dinner in a restaurant. Doesn't exactly fit the circumstances here, but it definitely was a dad who was mentally checked out from his kid -- and resulted in our family spinning a whole backstory that ended with me throwing out a punchline that made DH snort beer up his nose and to this day makes all of us bust up when we start with "Dad-day". Sometimes observing inattentive parenting just means somebody could wet their pants laughing.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

"Ignoring" posts by a poster who I often disagree with saves me a little reading time. And yes, I laughed at the ridiculousness of telling me I was welcome to run my own family. Big whoop. If the mods didn't want the feature to be used, it would be turned off. There are lots of people who use it. It isn't a bad thing. It's there for people who get tired of reading things by posters they'd rather not read posts from. Its not that big of a deal!

Just curious because I asked about the ignore feature a few days ago and was told that I wouldn't see posts if the ignored person was quoted. Is that not the case?

 

[Skywalker]

"Ignoring" posts by a poster who I often disagree with saves me a little reading time. And yes, I laughed at the ridiculousness of telling me I was welcome to run my own family. Big whoop. If the mods didn't want the feature to be used, it would be turned off. There are lots of people who use it. It isn't a bad thing. It's there for people who get tired of reading things by posters they'd rather not read posts from. Its not that big of a deal!

Big enough of a deal to make a big announcement to the whole group to tell them who you are ignoring....just didn't strike me as very nice from someone touting their niceness in this very thread.