Sad Parenting Observation

[smitch425]

Just curious because I asked about the ignore feature a few days ago and was told that I wouldn't see posts if the ignored person was quoted. Is that not the case?

I can't see anything when I've quoted, but I don't know if anyone else has quoted. If they have, I don't see it.

 

[Sabeking]

Judgement definition: the process of forming an opinion or evauation by discerning or comparing.

It drives me bonkers when people say don't judge!!!!If that is the definition given by websters than all evaluations and opinions would be considered "judgement."

 

[smitch425]

Big enough of a deal to make a big announcement to the whole group to tell them who you are ignoring....just didn't strike me as very nice from someone touting their niceness in this very thread.

I'd hardly call it an announcement. An announcement would be starting a thread about it. Sorry...the kids went back to school today, and I'm having a rough day. Once you reach your limit with people, you just reach it. Today was that day for me. It happens.

When stating that I would have done an act of kindness rather than take to a message board to bash someone and her kids, I get the whole "you're an enabler" lecture. I don't care to be criticized for being nice, so I choose not to have those posts visible to me. Again, no big deal. I honestly forgot I did it until you mentioned it. Lol

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

Judgement definition: the process of forming an opinion or evauation by discerning or comparing.

It drives me bonkers when people say don't judge!!!!If that is the definition given by websters than all evaluations and opinions would be considered "judgement."

There is more to how we use words than the denotation. The word has come to have a negative connotation and is just as important in choosing our words IMO. So many people use the term as it has meandered within social constructs to imply judging negatively.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

"parent invented disabilities"? Such as....? I'm asking out of curiosity as to what you consider a parent invented disability and what is legit?

In short, there is a label for everything now.


Child doesn’t like peaches? Texture issues. Child is a bit quirky? Asperger’s. Yell the F word at your mom/refuse to listen? Oppositional defiant disorder. The list goes on and on and on.

Just look at the GAC threads on these boards. “My son gets antsy in line because he has Asperger’s, can I get a GAC so we don’t have to wait in line?” Um, most children hate waiting in lines. That’s life.


And some of these parents wear these disorders like a badge of honor. They will list all of their child’s abbreviations after their signatures in forums that don’t even pertain to childhood disorders. There are parents out there that take their child to doctor after doctor until they get the dx they want. We all know that person that needs to mention their child’s “hidden disability” on Facebook all of the time or work it into every conversation. It’s almost trendy for some people to have a label for their kids. If many of these parents would spend half the energy on creating boundaries for their children as they do creating labels, they wouldn’t be having the issues they are having.


I had a neighbor with the most ill-behaved child. The writing was on the wall when he was a toddler. Mom and dad set absolutely no boundaries. At the age of 4, he was screaming “SHUT UP!” at his parents one minute, and getting a treat from the Ice Cream Truck the next minute. “I hate you, witch with a b!” came at age 9 when he didn’t get the bike he wanted. Next day, the bike was purchased. This went on and on. Always rewarded for bad behavior. Totally horrible parenting skills from the get go. He was eventually deemed to have ODD and Intermittent explosive disorder and had a hefty IEP once they got to 2nd grade that the mom would talk about constantly with weird pride (“He doesn’t even have to sit down at lunch. He can walk around all he wants” “He doesn’t have to do homework if he doesn’t feel up to it” “He doesn’t get in trouble for curing at school”). Sorry, lady. You created all of this. But, now your son has labels that justify it all. We used to call that "Brat". No longer politically correct, I know. No children are just plain old brats (or even naughty) anymore. There has to be a label.



It is offensive to the children with true hidden disabilities.

 

[SirDuff]

Just curious because I asked about the ignore feature a few days ago and was told that I wouldn't see posts if the ignored person was quoted. Is that not the case?

You can see the post that the quoter wrote, but not what the quoter quoted.

So, in this example, someone who had you on ignore would just see "You can see the post that the quoter wrote, but not what the quoter quoted." They wouldn't even know that I had quoted you.

 

[Rhombus]

Rather than sit and stare at this family and this struggling mother, I would have offered to help her with her belongings. If I were the OP, I would be much more disappointed in myself for not offering to help than anything I may have witnessed. A 10 minute glimpse into a family's life doesn't get to make you judge and jury of how they are destined to turn out in life. Somewhere out there may be a thread on a forum about all the people watching this person struggle and no one offering to help. Thoughtless and selfish behavior is not only a kid thing, unfortunately.

Phew!!!! I was getting worried.

I was disappointed that it took two days and 116 replies for somewhat to imply that everything was my fault for not offering to help the poor struggling mother whose three lazy boys were (not literally) sitting on their butts. I expected such a reply much earlier.

Better late than never, I suppose. Thanks for a great laugh.

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Hey, if people get their kicks by rewarding three snot-nosed punk brats for walking all over their doormat of a mother, knock yourselves out. But I'm pretty sure Mom has already been rewarding such behavior for years.

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Looks like there are plenty of more replies to read since I last posted yesterday morning. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance, but I went to the beach again, and spent 99% of the time judging others' parenting techniques.

 

[smitch425]

Phew!!!! I was getting worried.

I was disappointed that it took two days and 116 replies for somewhat to imply that everything was my fault for not offering to help the poor struggling mother whose three lazy boys were (not literally) sitting on their butts. I expected such a reply much earlier.

Better late than never, I suppose. Thanks for a great laugh.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hey, if people get their kicks by rewarding three snot-nosed punk brats for walking all over their doormat of a mother, knock yourselves out. But I'm pretty sure Mom has already been rewarding such behavior for years.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Looks like there are plenty of more replies to read since I last posted yesterday morning. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance, but I went to the beach again, and spent 99% of the time judging others' parenting techniques.

Oh please...show me where I said you were to blame for anything. What I said was "If I were the OP", not "OP you should have". Just because I personally would have handled it another way doesn't mean a hill of beans, nor should it. I'm glad you had a great laugh, though!

 

[scrapquitler]

you got that these kids will be bad from this one little thing. my kids do the same things sometimes it's called they are being kids, and kids don't always do what they are told to do. we were all like this at times, you must have perfect kids.

Pick a random 30 minutes out of my day and I probably look really bad too. I'm so over being judged by people based on little snippets that they see, especially when they don't know what else is going on in the background.

I'm so glad that there are so many other perfect parents out there. I'm doing the best I can at this moment, and for me, that's enough. I'm not perfect and I will not ever be perfect. If I'm not good enough for your, that's your problem, not mine.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

Are your kids grown, OP? I have this theory that parents that have raised their own kids to adulthood look back on the whole experience with rose-tinted glasses. I find it hard to believe that you were completely "on" as a parent 24/7 for 18+ years while your kids were growing up, we all have our bad parenting moments. And even the best kids will exploit a moment of parental weakness.

I am right in the thick of this parenting experience and I can think of many reasons that the incident went down like it did. I'm not going to bother listing them because I've seen what happens to the posters who post those kinds of replies on this thread, but I'll just leave this observation here and back away from this thread: armchair quarterbacks like to think they have all the answers, but really, the only people qualified to make the decisions are the players on the field. Your perception and reality are much different than this mother's perception and reality--yep, I'm dusting off the college philosophy lessons and dropping one on you : )

 

[jrmasm]

Are your kids grown, OP? I have this theory that parents that have raised their own kids to adulthood look back on the whole experience with rose-tinted glasses. I find it hard to believe that you were completely "on" as a parent 24/7 for 18+ years while your kids were growing up, we all have our bad parenting moments. And even the best kids will exploit a moment of parental weakness.

I am right in the thick of this parenting experience and I can think of many reasons that the incident went down like it did. I'm not going to bother listing them because I've seen what happens to the posters who post those kinds of replies on this thread, but I'll just leave this observation here and back away from this thread: armchair quarterbacks like to think they have all the answers, but really, the only people qualified to make the decisions are the players on the field. Your perception and reality are much different than this mother's perception and reality--yep, I'm dusting off the college philosophy lessons and dropping one on you : )

I completely disagree. Been there, done that counts a lot IMO.

 

[Rhombus]

Are your kids grown, OP? I have this theory that parents that have raised their own kids to adulthood look back on the whole experience with rose-tinted glasses. I find it hard to believe that you were completely "on" as a parent 24/7 for 18+ years while your kids were growing up, we all have our bad parenting moments. And even the best kids will exploit a moment of parental weakness.

I am right in the thick of this parenting experience and I can think of many reasons that the incident went down like it did. I'm not going to bother listing them because I've seen what happens to the posters who post those kinds of replies on this thread, but I'll just leave this observation here and back away from this thread: armchair quarterbacks like to think they have all the answers, but really, the only people qualified to make the decisions are the players on the field. Your perception and reality are much different than this mother's perception and reality--yep, I'm dusting off the college philosophy lessons and dropping one on you : )

One daughter, 20 years old. Nope, I wasn't always "on" 24/7. But I was never as "off" as the woman I observed was.

You're not going to bother listing the many reasons, or even one, because there is no legitimate excuse for what went down. None. And you know it.

 

[Wendy31]

Are your kids grown, OP? I have this theory that parents that have raised their own kids to adulthood look back on the whole experience with rose-tinted glasses. I find it hard to believe that you were completely "on" as a parent 24/7 for 18+ years while your kids were growing up, we all have our bad parenting moments. And even the best kids will exploit a moment of parental weakness.

I am right in the thick of this parenting experience and I can think of many reasons that the incident went down like it did. I'm not going to bother listing them because I've seen what happens to the posters who post those kinds of replies on this thread, but I'll just leave this observation here and back away from this thread: armchair quarterbacks like to think they have all the answers, but really, the only people qualified to make the decisions are the players on the field. Your perception and reality are much different than this mother's perception and reality--yep, I'm dusting off the college philosophy lessons and dropping one on you : )

Well, my kids aren't grown, & I guess you could say that DH & I are "right in the thick of this parenting experience."

There are probably lots of times that I'm not "on" as a parent, & I still say there's no good excuse for able-bodied kids to repeatedly ignore their mother.

And making excuses for or explaining away bad behavior has become a problem in our society.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I'm not so far removed that it's all rosy colored looking back--boys are 13 and 15. And to me there are two issues in this whole thing, neither of which is excusable.

1. The boys should not have been behaving like they did. And I can honestly say mine never would have. Not bragging. Not holier than though. Just pure fact. My boys knew better--and still do. They understand respect. They understand how to behave. Perfect kids? No. But never a problem such as this. That type of behavior is inexcusable.

2. And if the boys did pull a stunt like this, mother should have dealt with it. Instead she encouraged the behavior. I doubt this was a one-time only thing. The boys knew they would get away with it because they have in the past. That's just lazy parenting. Plain and simple. And with lazy parenting, you get disrespectful kids. No excuses justify this behavior either.

And I'd love for the PP to post just one reason to explain this incident! I'd love to hear one. Just one. And one that doesn't include excuses for either mom or sons. But we won't hear it, because there isn't one!

 

[smitch425]

I'm not so far removed that it's all rosy colored looking back--boys are 13 and 15. And to me there are two issues in this whole thing, neither of which is excusable.

1. The boys should not have been behaving like they did. And I can honestly say mine never would have. Not bragging. Not holier than though. Just pure fact. My boys knew better--and still do. They understand respect. They understand how to behave. Perfect kids? No. But never a problem such as this. That type of behavior is inexcusable.

2. And if the boys did pull a stunt like this, mother should have dealt with it. Instead she encouraged the behavior. I doubt this was a one-time only thing. The boys knew they would get away with it because they have in the past. That's just lazy parenting. Plain and simple. And with lazy parenting, you get disrespectful kids. No excuses justify this behavior either.

And I'd love for the PP to post just one reason to explain this incident! I'd love to hear one. Just one. And one that doesn't include excuses for either mom or sons. But we won't hear it, because there isn't one!

How is telling the kids that she is disappointed with their behavior and that there will be consequences not dealing with the situation? Would you prefer she scream at them or beat them right then and there? No one knows what happened after they left. She may be a lazy parent in everyday life, or she may just have not cared to start a lecture at the beach in that short moment. We will never know, and we don't need to know, honestly.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I can't see anything when I've quoted, but I don't know if anyone else has quoted. If they have, I don't see it.

Thanks for bringing the ignore feature to my attention. I've been a lurker for a long time and am just now learning how to use all the features of the board and exploring areas other than the trip planning forums. There seem to be a great many more toxic people on this general "community" board than the trip planning boards and it is wonderful to be able to block them so I'm not tempted to get baited into an argument. I would have sent this as a PM, but I have no idea how to do that and I'm too busy getting dinner ready and cleaning to figure it out just now. Anyway, I read all the other replies to this post (all the ones I can see anyway) and saw that you were having a bad day, hope your day is better, my fellow imperfect parent : )

To anyone who doesn't like my previous reply, there's this really neat 'ignore' feature...

 

[smitch425]

Thanks for bringing the ignore feature to my attention. I've been a lurker for a long time and am just now learning how to use all the features of the board and exploring areas other than the trip planning forums. There seem to be a great many more toxic people on this general "community" board than the trip planning boards and it is wonderful to be able to block them so I'm not tempted to get baited into an argument. I would have sent this as a PM, but I have no idea how to do that and I'm too busy getting dinner ready and cleaning to figure it out just now. Anyway, I read all the other replies to this post (all the ones I can see anyway) and saw that you were having a bad day, hope your day is better, my fellow imperfect parent : )

To anyone who doesn't like my previous reply, there's this really neat 'ignore' feature...

Lol! Thanks! Definitely having a better day today, with the exception of DD getting a splint and crutches for at least a week this morning. It's always something!

 

[anonymousegirl]

My mom was a harsh disciplinarian. Once, when she found a slip under my bed, after warning me to not leave clothes on the floor, she took away every stitch I had, except for 7 pairs of undies, 7 undershirts, a paint-splattered old sweatshirt, ragged blue jeans, and holey Keds sneakers. I had to wear this to school for a week (without laundering them) in 1971, when girls rarely wore trousers, and never jeans to school. It was a humiliating and traumatic experience.
Her treatment of me and my sister ended up being the primary reason why I chose not to have children. But boy were we polite and well behaved. And our house was spotless (she worked outside the home and my sister and I did all the cleaning). We sure looked and acted like the perfect family, but the reality was very, very different.

 

[jodifla]

One daughter, 20 years old. Nope, I wasn't always "on" 24/7. But I was never as "off" as the woman I observed was.

You're not going to bother listing the many reasons, or even one, because there is no legitimate excuse for what went down. None. And you know it.

What would you have liked her to do, exactly? Make a big scene for you to appreciate? Scream, yell, curse? SO you could run and post about it online, or gossip to your neighbors?

Maybe she handled it at home. They get to live their lives without your version of "the rules."

 

[AddictedtoDoleWhip]

I think I can make a sad 'dis' observation.
It seems no one can really mind their own business.