Sad bride to be

[DisneyObsession]

Here is 2 cents from a Mom:

As a parent you have dreams about what your child's wedding will be like. The thing is, parents need to go with what their child wants and not what we want for them. We have controlled everything in a child's life and now that they are adults, we have to let them make their own decision. Not an easy thing.

My daughter got married May 27th and is was not the wedding I had invisioned, but then again, it was the wedding SHE invisioned. That was the most important thing. It was beautiful and perfect for her.

The two of you need to have the wedding YOU want. A small intimate wedding in Disney, with those people who mean the most to you, then a reception "back home" later on sounds wonderful. Most people we invite to weddings are out of courtesy anyway, not because it is important to us that they be there. (Believe me, my daughter questioned a number of people on my "must invite" list and I realized her point and cut quite a few!)

This is your day...you should have it where and how you want!

Good Luck in your future!

 

[SRUAlmn]

Smoof,

I think you are 100% right! I'm just super sensitive and always worry about what people are thinking. So this is a whole new experience for me and "trying" to be a little more assertive. I suppose I SHOULD get what I want, I just don't want to have people resent me in the end. A wedding should be the (happy) joining of two families, and I just hope it goes as smoothly as possible!

I am THE SAME way! I worried so much in our early planning stages about what everyone would think and if people would be mad that they had to spend money to come and who wouldn't come because of the cost and etc... However, in the end, we knew that if we had it somewhere else we would always wonder what it would have been like and we didn't want to live with regrets. We believe that the people who really love us will be there, and yes, it will be hard for me if people are resentful of our decision. However, I came to terms with the fact that I could get over that after a while, but I would probably always regret not doing what I really wanted to do.

 

[ExCPKate]

We believe that the people who really love us will be there, and yes, it will be hard for me if people are resentful of our decision. However, I came to terms with the fact that I could get over that after a while, but I would probably always regret not doing what I really wanted to do.

Karen,

You know I'm planning on get married a week or so after you(7-26-07)? Maybe that's why I've always noticed that my opinions and ideas tend to run the same direction as yours! I think people would have a reason to be resentful if we were being "bridezillas" about it, but I know I am more than understanding if people can't come, as I know you are. I think years from now we'll look back on this whole debacle and be happy that we went for our dream wedding.





Thank you to everyone else for your kind words. I am feeling much stronger now and able to ignore people's complaints long enough to plan the wedding. You ladies are all so thoughtful and understanding!

 

[SRUAlmn]

Karen,

You know I'm planning on get married a week or so after you(7-26-07)? Maybe that's why I've always noticed that my opinions and ideas tend to run the same direction as yours!

I know!! I wish we were going to be there on some overlapping days. We'd be great friends

I think people would have a reason to be resentful if we were being "bridezillas" about it, but I know I am more than understanding if people can't come, as I know you are. I think years from now we'll look back on this whole debacle and be happy that we went for our dream wedding.

I agree! We aren't being bridezillas about it, so there comes a point where we have to realize that we aren't the ones with the problem. It's so hard to do something that feels 'selfish,' but for your wedding, I guess you have to be a little bit. After all, you're the only ones who are truly going to remember every detail for the rest of your lives.

 

[4theloveofdisney]

Get married in Springfield, Missouri (a half way point for all involved) and honeymoon at Disney!

http://www.springfieldmo.org/final/

P.S. An Episcopal Church might be great for both of your needs as they embrace all religions and are (as you might know, Catholic "Light").

Or...get married in Disney in a small ceremony and then have a reception back home or somewhere in the middle. The choice would be yours to repeat your vows or not.

 

[ExCPKate]

Get married in Springfield, Missouri (a half way point for all involved) and honeymoon at Disney!

We joked around about that one ...really, that thought entered our minds awhile back. But we figured if people have to leave their comfort zone of the hometown wedding, we might as well "force" them to go to Disney...haha

 

[SRUAlmn]

Another idea (to help out your siblings a little.) I just bought my 2 sisters, my 1 sister's husband, my mom, and my Grandma each a 1 day MYW ticket for a Christmas present They were $67 each through our wedding website, and it was just factored in as one of their Christmas gifts. So I helped them pay for attending the wedding and covered a Christmas gift all in one. Man, can I multitask or what??

Also, if they want more days when they come, they can upgrade their ticket and it won't cost as much!!

 

[my4kids]

About the religion thing : I don't understand why that is a factor, if you are considering getting married at WDW then that is not a Catholic wedding, your DF does not want a Catholic wedding, you obviously don't care about being married in the church if you are considering Disney....so why would having it at your home town mean you need to have it a Catholic Church? If you are not getting married in a Catholic ceremony, you can have it anywhere. Are your parents at all disapointed that you are not getting married in the eyes of the Church? You do realize you can have a Catholic ceremony with a Baptist minister present to give a blessing - right?

Although I agree that a bride should have the wedding she wants....I totally see the side of your families and friends here. Sometimes even as much as someone loves you, they just can't afford an expensive trip. I have been in this situation a few times and it is heartwrenching. When you have four kids, and are saving for college, and feeding and clothing them all, and trying to keep a roof over their heads, and you absolutely can not afford to do anything for yourself, including a vacation, it is really hard when presented with this issue. The reason people may be complaining is not because they don't care about going to your wedding in Disney, it is because they really love you and would be crushed to not be able to go to your wedding - but just can't afford it. It is different for some families with kids then it is for singles who only have to purchase 1 ticket. For me your wedding would cost 6 times what it would for someone else. Even if the kids weren't on the trip, I would have to pay an overnight sitter, and the rest of my life still costs 6 times what a single persons does, so there just is not a lot left over.

If you are so concerned about optimizing gift opportunities I would have a non-Catholic wedding at a site in your hometown, so his family could drive to be there. And then I would take the best darn Honeymoon in Disney. I would think the most important thing would be family. That they actually see you commit to each other and take your vows. Not that they see what you look like with Disney as a backdrop (with gift in hand). If I was invited to a party only non-wedding, I would totally realize the only reason I was being dragged out was so that I could bring a gift.

If you and your parents are happy with your decision, that is what matters and I wish you the best, but I'm just calling it the way I see it.

 

[ExCPKate]

About the religion thing : I don't understand why that is a factor, if you are considering getting married at WDW then that is not a Catholic wedding, your DF does not want a Catholic wedding, you obviously don't care about being married in the church if you are considering Disney....so why would having it at your home town mean you need to have it a Catholic Church? If you are not getting married in a Catholic ceremony, you can have it anywhere. Are your parents at all disapointed that you are not getting married in the eyes of the Church? You do realize you can have a Catholic ceremony with a Baptist minister present to give a blessing - right?

Although I agree that a bride should have the wedding she wants....I totally see the side of your families and friends here. Sometimes even as much as someone loves you, they just can't afford an expensive trip. I have been in this situation a few times and it is heartwrenching. When you have four kids, and are saving for college, and feeding and clothing them all, and trying to keep a roof over their heads, and you absolutely can not afford to do anything for yourself, including a vacation, it is really hard when presented with this issue. The reason people may be complaining is not because they don't care about going to your wedding in Disney, it is because they really love you and would be crushed to not be able to go to your wedding - but just can't afford it. It is different for some families with kids then it is for singles who only have to purchase 1 ticket. For me your wedding would cost 6 times what it would for someone else. Even if the kids weren't on the trip, I would have to pay an overnight sitter, and the rest of my life still costs 6 times what a single persons does, so there just is not a lot left over.

If you are so concerned about optimizing gift opportunities I would have a non-Catholic wedding at a site in your hometown, so his family could drive to be there. And then I would take the best darn Honeymoon in Disney. I would think the most important thing would be family. That they actually see you commit to each other and take your vows. Not that they see what you look like with Disney as a backdrop (with gift in hand). If I was invited to a party only non-wedding, I would totally realize the only reason I was being dragged out was so that I could bring a gift.

If you and your parents are happy with your decision, that is what matters and I wish you the best, but I'm just calling it the way I see it.

I really do appreciate your opinion, and you are absolutely right.

For the religion problem, you're right I do not HAVE to get married in a Catholic church. My parents are also not pressing the problem. But my DF's family is very religious and it is more of a comfort issue for them, I don't want to start family drama by having a Catholic ceremony. However, if I had an IN wedding I would want to get married in a church and preferably one that I am familiar with. I'm not sure where it is like outside of IN, but most churches require that you be a member to have a ceremony there. I don't feel comfortable joining a church just for wedding purposes. The WC @ Disney is very neutral ground for all parties involved.

About the family aspect--I have been so tormented by it, thus the whole reason for my post. But no matter where it is, someone's family will have to travel. We have family in IN, OK, MA, and CA. In all fairness, we thought having everyone travel to Disney to be best. Also, my DF's family has not gotten to take a vacation in awhile so they were looking forward to it. My family has been going to Disney for years, and it has been a family favorite stomping ground. It is also where my DF and I met, and has much sentimental value, so to us it is more than just a pretty backdrop.

The main person complaining was my SIL, and although her complaints have arose because she decided to plan two vacations this year (months after we announced our plans), I still want her and my family to be there. Her husband(my brother) and their family are very well off, and yet we will still help them out so they will be there. Money is not a concern when family is involved.

I talked to my DF's brother about his complaints, and he said he was joking. Whether or not he was, he said he is commited to being there. We also spoke to DF's mom, and she has encouraged us to go ahead with the Disney wedding.

Finally, the decision to have an at home reception in both states resulted out of seeing other long-distance couples do the same. We will still have a very nice reception, cake cutting, DJ, good meal-- just without the ceremony. We are both from small towns where people are more concerned about going to a good "party." So hopefully we'll be able to throw something enjoyable. If people choose not to give us gifts I will certaintly not be upset. I just want an opportunity to see everyone who could not join us in FL. Granted, I won't complain if we do get gifts. And I don't think it's selfish to voice that opinion, I just know most people wouldn't vocalize it. And my DF and I certaintly can't hide from friends and family the fact that we are both paying our way through school. We're not exactly money/gift hungry, but we'd rather just get as good as start as we can so we don't strangle eachother over money problems in our first year of marriage!

Thank you for your opinions, My4kids, I know it takes guts to go against what everyone else says.

 

[my4kids]

I really do appreciate your opinion, and you are absolutely right.

For the religion problem, you're right I do not HAVE to get married in a Catholic church. My parents are also not pressing the problem. But my DF's family is very religious and it is more of a comfort issue for them, I don't want to start family drama by having a Catholic ceremony. However, if I had an IN wedding I would want to get married in a church and preferably one that I am familiar with. I'm not sure where it is like outside of IN, but most churches require that you be a member to have a ceremony there. I don't feel comfortable joining a church just for wedding purposes. The WC @ Disney is very neutral ground for all parties involved.

About the family aspect--I have been so tormented by it, thus the whole reason for my post. But no matter where it is, someone's family will have to travel. We have family in IN, OK, MA, and CA. In all fairness, we thought having everyone travel to Disney to be best. Also, my DF's family has not gotten to take a vacation in awhile so they were looking forward to it. My family has been going to Disney for years, and it has been a family favorite stomping ground. It is also where my DF and I met, and has much sentimental value, so to us it is more than just a pretty backdrop.

The main person complaining was my SIL, and although her complaints have arose because she decided to plan two vacations this year (months after we announced our plans), I still want her and my family to be there. Her husband(my brother) and their family are very well off, and yet we will still help them out so they will be there. Money is not a concern when family is involved.

I talked to my DF's brother about his complaints, and he said he was joking. Whether or not he was, he said he is commited to being there. We also spoke to DF's mom, and she has encouraged us to go ahead with the Disney wedding.

Finally, the decision to have an at home reception in both states resulted out of seeing other long-distance couples do the same. We will still have a very nice reception, cake cutting, DJ, good meal-- just without the ceremony. We are both from small towns where people are more concerned about going to a good "party." So hopefully we'll be able to throw something enjoyable. If people choose not to give us gifts I will certaintly not be upset. I just want an opportunity to see everyone who could not join us in FL. Granted, I won't complain if we do get gifts. And I don't think it's selfish to voice that opinion, I just know most people wouldn't vocalize it. And my DF and I certaintly can't hide from friends and family the fact that we are both paying our way through school. We're not exactly money/gift hungry, but we'd rather just get as good as start as we can so we don't strangle eachother over money problems in our first year of marriage!

Thank you for your opinions, My4kids, I know it takes guts to go against what everyone else says.

Well , I'm glad that it seems to be working out for you. I hope it is all beautiful. I guess as I was reading your OP I was reading it as how I would feel right now if a sibling was getting married in Disney, and it would be a hardship on me, (I would still get there, but it would be a hardship) so I automatically put myself in those shoes. I am glad to hear it is not a financial problem.

When I was married (13 years ago) my DH was a student, and I was working hard to pay off his and my student loans. Money was super tight (some things never change). I too was hoping for gifts to help out with getting off to a good start. (So I understand what you are saying) but I just want to warn you not depend on that too much. Although we received lovely gifts from family, many (most) people did not even bother to buy off the registry, and I had a lot of stuff I didn't need and that was not returnable. So although I like the idea of you having a party to celebrate your marriage with friends and family, just don't depend on it helping out all that much.......especially when you figure in the cost of the party.

 

[Glorydaz]

I really appreciate everyone's advice; it helps knowing that I have support from people who understand firsthand. I just got off the phone with my DF, and I think we might have a preliminary decision.

We are thinking that we will have an intimate wedding at Disney with our immediate family, his best friend and mine. After the ceremony, we will probably all have dinner at one of the nice restaurants on property. With the small number of people, we could get away with paying for two nights for everyone at the same hotel using AP's. It would only be 8 rooms, and we have 4 AP's within my family.
Then we would have a reception type party at home in Indiana at my parent's (they have the perfect party backyard), and then one later in the summer in Oklahoma. That way all the people we would want at the wedding could still feel involved without forking out a lot of money to attend. I can still have a shower in Indiana, and even one in Oklahoma with all the people whom I've invited to Disney and to our home receptions.

We both feel pretty secure about this; he just needs to talk to his parents and get their opinion. As we were talking tonight, we realized what is most important to us is our immediate families and just marrying each other. The rest does not matter in the grand scheme of things.


So thank you everyone for being so supportive. I will keep you all updated on our progress, and hopefully I will be making that phone call to Disney really soon. Keep your fingers crossed that this works out!

I am so glad you came to this conclusion! the most important thing here is you and your husband to be. you will be spending the rest of your lives together and as long as you love each other, trust your hearts and go with what will make you happy... best of luck!

Michelle

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Good Luck, Kate!

I am definitely in a very similar situation with my boyfriend. Family and money are really touchy, difficult things but in the end you have to weigh their importance against your dream of being married at Disney. In the end, it's your day.

I am going to come up with a plan, probably one similar to yours - in which we have a smaller scale WDW wedding and a larger, more inclusive reception at home, possibly in my brother's backyard or at my Aunt's shore home.

I think *exactly* like you think about the money thing - if we have it at home we can get more gifts, not because of avarice, but because I'd like to finish grad school and have a down payment on a home. In the end, I really think I would regret not having a WDW wedding a lot longer than I'd enjoy however much extra money it got me. A few thousand dollars isn't going to give me the warm fuzzies like looking at a pic of me and my love in front of Cinderella Castle in our wedding attire.

I would rather get an extra job than give up on my dream. (Then again, I'm working full time as a teacher, plus an extra hour before school, plus 2-3 days a week working at a gym, which gives me free membership, too and selling Avon on the side, which gives me discounted toiletries and makeup and some gifts.) I give up a little free time, but it helps me stick to my saving goals.

Good luck!

Oh, and I'm a former CP, too. I think every CP girl comes away with the belief that a Disney wedding is the only wedding!

 

[ExCPKate]

I would rather get an extra job than give up on my dream. (Then again, I'm working full time as a teacher, plus an extra hour before school, plus 2-3 days a week working at a gym, which gives me free membership, too and selling Avon on the side, which gives me discounted toiletries and makeup and some gifts.) I give up a little free time, but it helps me stick to my saving goals.

Good luck!

Oh, and I'm a former CP, too. I think every CP girl comes away with the belief that a Disney wedding is the only wedding!

Lulu,

We were spoiled by being CPs, weren't we? My DF and I were both lifeguards at PO, and we like to joke that perhaps we'll get married atop the dragon at POFQ . Where did you work at and when where you there?

You sound like an extremely busy person, but I am sure you will be well rewarded by your efforts. Besides if your college program was like mine, you were probably working about 50-60 hours a week(oh, and there was one week I worked close to 70 hours in that hot Florida sun! )

It certaintly isn't easy making wedding decisions while balancing school and work, but what decision is ever easy? Good luck with your planning as well...and what a great excuse to take "planning" trips back to our old stomping ground!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Lulu,

We were spoiled by being CPs, weren't we? My DF and I were both lifeguards at PO, and we like to joke that perhaps we'll get married atop the dragon at POFQ . Where did you work at and when where you there?

You sound like an extremely busy person, but I am sure you will be well rewarded by your efforts. Besides if your college program was like mine, you were probably working about 50-60 hours a week(oh, and there was one week I worked close to 70 hours in that hot Florida sun! )

It certaintly isn't easy making wedding decisions while balancing school and work, but what decision is ever easy? Good luck with your planning as well...and what a great excuse to take "planning" trips back to our old stomping ground!

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