S/O Travelling without your spouse

[JediBonas]

I've traveled overseas without my husband. He has no desire to travel, especially overseas, and I LOVE to. Last time I went to Ireland/England I invited my mom and we had a great time together. I told my husband once the kids are older and sick of Disney I'd like to start travelling to other countries again, he's not interested in joining us which is fine.

 

[scoutie]

I do. I think it's important to have a life and interests outside of another person. I've seen too many friends who depend 100% on their spouse for happiness with bad results. I want to add that I'm not saying that NOT traveling without your spouse doesn't mean you don't have interests outside of them, but for me traveling is a big part of my life, so it applies to me. My husband likes golf and football which I don't care for, and he will go on a weekend trip to experience those things. I take a girls' trip once a year to places he has no interest in going. We also travel as a family and a couple. For instance, this summer, my husband and I are going to Italy just the two of us. We went to Arizona as a whole family in March, and he went on a weekend trip to golf and raft with his friends. I will go to Nashville with my friends later this year. I also have more vacation time with him and if I only traveled with him, I'd not be able to travel as much. I know other couples enjoy things other than travel and it's not important to them. Different strokes.

 

[design_mom]

I was on the other thread. I said that my husband does not like to travel and I've kind of resigned myself that I won't see some places I'd like to see, unless I travel without him, which he probably wouldn't like. I probably wasn't being completely fair.

We've both traveled for work and other non-optional things. That's fine.
My sister and I have taken my mom away for long-weekends to celebrate her milestone birthdays for the last fifteen years. He's OK with that.

I have traveled with the kids twice without him, which is totally fine on my end. The kids are better travelers than DH is. The first time, DH asked us to come home early (I'm still kind of annoyed about that). The other time, he ended up coming to meet up with us -- which I'm sure was even more anxiety-inducing for him than just coming with us in the first place.

So generally now, he comes with us, although it's clear that it would not be his choice on how to spend money (and he tends to complain/stress about stuff while on the trip). Or, we don't go... It's kind of a compromise. We generally go on at least one family vacation a year. And he is gradually becoming more willing to go outside his comfort zone. But, they're pretty much all to US destinations (and a couple of places in Canada). I would love to travel more internationally, but I can't see him ever voluntarily traveling there (both due to lack of desire and expense). Nor can I see him being thrilled with me going without him. (He wouldn't "forbid it" but he would worry about it enough, that it would end up being unenjoyable for both of us.) Ironically, both of our kids were adopted from Russia. I'm still SHOCKED that he went to Russia, not only once, but three times!

 

[Darcy03231]

DH and I have been happily married for 20+ years and have vacationed separately due to different interests. He loves camping, kayaking, fishing, hiking, folk festivals, etc., which are not my cup of tea. On the other hand I like going to US/IOA and WDW, which are not places he enjoys. We've found a nice balance where we do trips together and then do some apart. Right now he's going to the Philadelphia Folk Fest this summer and a camping/fishing trip with friends and I'm planning a WDW vacation for next spring.

 

[Colleen27]

So generally now, he comes with us, although it's clear that it would not be his choice on how to spend money (and he tends to complain/stress about stuff while on the trip). Or, we don't go... It's kind of a compromise. We generally go on at least one family vacation a year. And he is gradually becoming more willing to go outside his comfort zone. But, they're pretty much all to US destinations (and a couple of places in Canada). I would love to travel more internationally, but I can't see him ever voluntarily traveling there (both due to lack of desire and expense). Nor can I see him being thrilled with me going without him. (He wouldn't "forbid it" but he would worry about it enough, that it would end up being unenjoyable for both of us.) Ironically, both of our kids were adopted from Russia. I'm still SHOCKED that he went to Russia, not only once, but three times!

This is the thing I worry about when I think ahead to traveling overseas without my husband. He is accepting of me traveling without him, but it does make him anxious. I sometimes joke I talk to him more when I'm on the road without him than I do when we're in the same room together, because he's constantly calling to check in, make sure everything is okay, to ask the most stupid questions about things here at home, etc. I used to think he worried so much because I was on my own with the kids, but now one of the kids is an adult and another is almost there and I've discovered he's no better when I'm traveling solo and the kids are at home with him. I'm hoping at some point he'll become desensitized to it, for lack of a better word, and my middle child is helping on that front because she pushes him WAY out of his comfort zone with her own travels (8 weeks in Japan with no cell phone!), but it is definitely a bridge to cross eventually because I'm not staying home or sticking to domestic destinations because of his hangups.

 

[DisneyHardin]

My DH doesn’t mind if I travel without him, although I’ve only done it a few times. I do miss him if I’m on a trip without him and often find myself wishing he were on the trip with me.

 

[SC Minnie]

I alone a good bit for work. For vacation travel we typically go together but we have gone alone several times especially to see DD. Our schedules don't always free up at the same time. To be honest I occasionally enjoy being home for a few days alone every once in a while.

 

[Christine]

I travel by myself for work or my racing hobby.

However, I would never travel as in a vacation or a getaway without her. No way, no how.

So, essentially with your "racing hobby" you are traveling without her, correct?

That's what we are talking about her. People have different hobbies or vacation ideas and when that happens, people often go alone. I would consider your travel for your racing hobby a vacation of sorts. Maybe not in your traditional sense, but you are traveling, not because you have to, using your time off and doing an activity that is not work. Vacation.

 

[wvjules]

We love each other so much that we can't stand a night away from each other. So no, no separate vacations.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I've done a girls trip without him and will do more as the kids get older.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Other than visiting with my parents, I've vacationed twice without my husband. Both times, with the same girlfriend.

Our other vacations are all together. He isn't interested in cruising, so I don't plan vacations on a boat. I prefer not to fly, so I plan vacations within driving distance. (I've flown enough, just not interested in going through security and being squeezed into a tiny space with no escape, anymore.)

We just aren't interested in being apart. And we love spending time together.

 

[pryncess527]

I love college football. My husband does not. I travel to 2-3 games per year without him. My mom and I make at least one of those a fun road trip. We are also planning a 2 week road trip up the east coast, cause that's something my mom and I would enjoy that my H would not.

Similarly, H is traveling across the country to go to a concert with a friend this summer.

H and I do other things together. Sometimes that means travel, but not always.

 

[TavieP]

On another thread many were seemed to be saying if your spouse wouldn't travel you wouldn't be able to. I found that interesting. I had literally just returned from a 5 week trip traveling around Europe with a friend when I met my now spouse. He had never traveled anywhere and honestly thought he would never want to. I didn't consider that a deal breaker because I've known several very happy couples where the wife loved to travel and went with girlfriends etc. because hubby didn't enjoy it.

My parents traveled a lot, but my father traveled even more without my mom due to work. They traveled enough that they had an agreement that they could go separate ways on vacations and meet back up for dinner later with no hard feelings. Having heard my parents laugh about how they get tired of being with each other 24/7 sometimes made it okay to me.

I just got back from an overnight at the beach - by myself. I would have preferred DH come but he was not available and I desperately needed the break.

I always figured I might end up traveling with friends (something my teacher friends often did) or with my sister if DH didn't want to come. I didn't consider it a deal breaker at all, though I'm sure glad DH has ended up enjoying traveling.

What do you think? Do you travel without your spouse? Would you consider that a deal breaker? Do you travel with friends or alone instead?

My partner and I have been together for over 8 years and we've only taken 3 vacations together, and one of them was just last month, to San Francisco, because we realized we hadn't traveled anywhere (except to visit his folks) in 6 years!

I'm older than he is, and have more money (we share living expenses but still pay separately for our "own stuff", if that makes sense), and also obviously am this big WDW fanatic and he has LESS THAN ZERO INTEREST in ever going to WDW. It would never occur to me NOT to go to WDW just because he's not into it - I've been about 12 times since we've been together, without him, along with trips to other places (Europe, etc) that he's had no interest in. My best girlfriend and I have been going to WDW together for 25 years, we don't need my BF tagging along.

 

[NotUrsula]

My DH is a bit whiny about it if I travel without him, so I mostly only do family visits and work trips, though I did take DD for a girl's trip last year. It's annoying because I get 4X as much vacation time as he does. He does love to travel, but just can't get very much time away.

My oldest sister loved traveling, but was married for 60 years to someone who hated it. They lived in a small town, and he was happiest never to venture more than 30 miles or so away from it. He associated flying with his military service in Korea, so he would not fly.
I remember that back in the 60's when their kids were little, he wouldn't allow her to travel without him, and he didn't get along with my Dad, so even though we only lived 3 hours away, we often didn't see them for years on end. Finally in her 50's she decided that life was too short, and she started traveling without him whenever she wanted. He learned to deal with it.

 

[tvguy]

Been married 36 years, only 3 times have we not gone together on trips.
One Easter school break I chaperoned our son's baseball team to a tournament in Las Vegas while at the same time my wife chaperoned our daughter's school trip to Washington D.C.
And I stayed home to watch the kids while my wife went to the mid-west for her Grandfather, and then her Aunt's funerals.

 

[sonnyjane]

I was on the other thread. I said that my husband does not like to travel and I've kind of resigned myself that I won't see some places I'd like to see, unless I travel without him, which he probably wouldn't like.

That’s quite sad. We only live once. If he won’t go and you want to, you really should. I am going to Antarctica in February alone. That’s just not his bag, but it’s a place I have to see whether with or without him.

 

[dish rag]

That’s quite sad. We only live once. If he won’t go and you want to, you really should. I am going to Antarctica in February alone. That’s just not his bag, but it’s a place I have to see whether with or without him.

I have no immediate plans to visit there but hope to someday.

 

[mom2travel]

DH and I both love traveling, and enjoy traveling together. We also have traveled separately, with other family members or friends. It's all good

 

[powellrj]

I use to travel for work alone and would take the kids on little trips on school vacations because I always had more vacation time than he did. I also use to take ladies retreats. I miss traveling, but I can’t travel alone anymore and DH wouldn’t be very welcome at a women’s retreat.

 

[scoutie]

We love each other so much that we can't stand a night away from each other. So no, no separate vacations.

My husband and I only love each other an average to below average amount, so that's why we can stand to be away from each other.