Rude or just socially unaware?

[KimR]

I love how on all of these threads people jump to these weird conclusions that the person in question has <insert disease or ailment here>. These people are the minority and while it is possible, the OP made no suggestion that the people had any of these ailments. Until I am presented with something that leads me to the conclusion that the person doesn't fall into the fat middle of the society curve I will make the rational assumption that they are a part of the majority and not an unsubstantiated minority.

But see, I think the boy scout thing is a red flag right there. I mean, seriously, who does that? I've known rude people before but I can't imagine ANYONE matter-of-factly asking me to shuttle their kid around with no offer to provide anything in return. I don't necessarily think it's autism but that combined with the other things the OP mentioned leads me to believe that something's going on with the person in question and it's a little more than just rudeness.

ETA: a rude or insensitive person would make up a valid excuse as to why she couldn't provide transportation rather than simply say 'I want to spend time with my husband' and think there's any way in hell that's going to fly.

 

[OceanAnnie]

My hypothesis was based on the information in the OP, which didn't mention anything about asperger's or autism. If anyone asked me to my face if they could use me, which is what I would consider the boy scouts request in the OP to be, I would think them a weirdo and respond with a laugh and door slam.

I love how on all of these threads people jump to these weird conclusions that the person in question has <insert disease or ailment here>. These people are the minority and while it is possible, the OP made no suggestion that the people had any of these ailments. Until I am presented with something that leads me to the conclusion that the person doesn't fall into the fat middle of the society curve I will make the rational assumption that they are a part of the majority and not an unsubstantiated minority.

It really is anybody's guess. I don't think you are wrong. You may be right. There is a chance that some of the pps on this thread might be right too.

FD response was close to my first thoughts too. I thought the woman is self-centered. I still think that someone that is routinely benefiting from these behaviors might be rather artful. Hard to say.

Just about all of the posts about social anxiety on this thread has leaned the complete opposite of this woman's behaviors. People have posted how they are very mindful of how they are perceived. Careful. Not a good analogy to the woman the OP was talking about. Sure behaviors could swing the other extreme but IMO the behaviors would not all benefit the woman or her family.That remains the tipping point for me.

Not knowing about customs/etiquette/norms or not caring? Who knows? Mental issues? Who knows?

It's not fair to rake FD over the coals for something that could very well be just a very rude person. There isn't enough information to definitively call it either way.

 

[Mickey & Minnie Mom]

It really is anybody's guess. I don't think you are wrong. You may be right. There is a chance that some of the pps on this thread might be right too.

FD response was close to my first thoughts too. I thought the woman is self-centered. I still think that someone that is routinely benefiting from these behaviors might be rather artful. Hard to say.

Just about all of the posts about social anxiety on this thread has leaned the complete opposite of this woman's behaviors. People have posted how they are very mindful of how they are perceived. Careful. Not a good analogy to the woman the OP was talking about. Sure behaviors could swing the other extreme but IMO the behaviors would not all benefit the woman or her family.That remains the tipping point for me.

Not knowing about customs/etiquette/norms or not caring? Who knows? Mental issues? Who knows?

It's not fair to rake FD over the coals for something that could very well be just a very rude person. There isn't enough information to definitively call it either way.

I agree.

There are people who have diagnosed/undiagnosed behavioral issues that can be perceived as outside the norm &/or rude. And for those of you dealing with it on a daily basis, you are certainly more sensitive to the issue and more open to the idea this type of behavior is something that can't be easily helped.

BUT ... you also need to realize that some people are just plain rude.

They don't have to TRY to be rude, they don't have to have a master plan or evil intent. They don't even need to have an excuse ready that gets them off the hook for their bad behavior.

Sometimes people are just rude because they have been raised in an environment that caters to their needs AHEAD OF ANYONE ELSE. They are the center of the universe and their behavior has no bearing on anyone else. Everyone else is just kind of there to orbit them. We are the props in their show.

They've not been taught and have not suffered any negative consequences because of their actions. After years of being put first and given everything they need to make their lives easier, later in life when they are adults their families just excuse the behavior so there is no way to learn this is generally not acceptable.

To them, not even considering how their actions might affect someone else is the norm. Why should they? Nothing bad happens by not doing so.

And for those of us who actually know what rude is and don't want to be rude by pointing out their rudeness, we keep our comments to ourselves or vent them on the DIS and they go about their business thinking all is well in the universe -- yes, the one of which they are the center!

 

[snoopyluvsdis]

If this wasn't an anonymous message board there is no way I would be saying this but here goes.

It is possible she realizes much less then you think. I'm going to use myself and my DH as examples. We don't have friends besides each other. To be honest I don't even know how to really make friends. I know that sounds weird from someone in her 20's but its true. I have had "friends" as in the people I talk to at school and play with at recess but never really the kind you play with after school and just randomly do things together. I managed a few times during school to do things with other students but I can literally name all the times I have done something out of school with others they are so few. Now at work I have coworkers that I talk to about non-work things from time to time but never go out after work or anything. I have no idea how people get started doing those things. My husband in contrast just has no interest in friends. He has been asked by people at his work from time to time to do things but always says no, not because he doesn't like them but he generally wants to do something else and just doesn't think anything of declining.

Some things are extremely stressful for me. Office parties... I have no idea what is appropriate to wear and stress over that, the informal more pot luck kind or when we go out to a restaurant as a group I have to watch everyone else to figure out what they are ordering or taking to know what is appropriate. So although I manage in these situations it takes work. I am constantly watching myself and what I'm doing. I can't tell you the number of times someone says hi to me in the hall way as we are walking past and by the time I process what they said (especially if I was thinking about something else) they are too far away to say hi back so that although I know I should I probably seem really rude to people.

I have no idea what time is appropriate to call or stop by someones house, actually I would probably never do that except for family that I know about when they wake up so its not such an issue but if for some reason I needed to, I have no idea.

The idea of just asking people for things, even things I need. For example when I email someone with questions for a work project that they are responsible for and they don't get back to me it is incredibly stressful for me to go and ask them for them again. I know I need to do this but I have such a hard time doing so. Lately in the group I'm in now that this happens in alot others I'm working with have started doing some of this for me because they realize I tend not to. I feel bad and I know I need to do better but it stresses me out so much to think of doing it... especially for those people I have never actually met (since I"m new to the project).

I realize there is probably something wrong with me that makes me like this but I have no idea what that is. I never will. Why because interactions scare me so the chances of me asking someone (even a doctor) about what is wrong with my scares me to no end because what if something ISN'T wrong with me? What if I'm just stupid and rude and there really isn't anything wrong??

None of you even know me and I know I can just stop coming here or get a new user name and I'm still nervous about even posting this message. No one knows any of this about me except my husband. Not even my parents know.

You sound very much like me and my two daughters. I have been toying around with the idea of all 3 of us getting some therapy. I have read a couple of self help books that have helped me and i'm trying to get my girls to read them too. Here are the titles : Living fully with Shyness and Social Anxiety by Erika Hilliard. Another helpful book is Telling Youself the Truth by William Backus and Marie Chapian.