RSVP'ing? Do you do it?

[Cindy's Mom]

I've learned to send out invitations no sooner than 1 1/2 weeks in advance. If they go out too soon, most people will not RSVP, not because they are waiting for something better, but something more important than a kid's birthday party might come up. I always RSVP, but honestly, a birthday party is at the bottom of my list of important events (unless it's a close friend, of course), and we're so busy, I usually wait until the RSVP date to respond.

I've hosted tons of birthday parties, and there were only a couple when everyone RSVP'd.

ding ding ding....you are my idol.

I was trying to say exactly what you said - but you said it MUCH better that I ever could.

 

[Magpie]

I sent out invites to my kids' b-day party a few weeks ago with an RSVP with my phone # and email address. Not a SINGLE person RSVP'd with the exception of my neighbors who came over to tell me.

Is it a thing of the past? I had to order the cake and I'm making special TS3 cookies for the kids to take home in their goodie-bags. I just wanted to know whom could and couldn't make it so I could plan accordingly. It's now 3 days away so I bit the bullet and emailed all of the moms and each one said "we're not coming b/c blah blah blah". Um, hello? Like they couldn't have told me about it a week ago. It almost seems like they were waiting on something better to come along (all of the parents are from my DD and DS's playgroup). I pretty much expected all of them to say no, but still.

I completely understand if they can't make it, but to seriously just not tell me and leave me in the dark? Needless to say, I'm not inviting them next year (not a big fan of the mom's anymore, but the kids still get along and I took DS to all of their b-day parties).

Should I even ask for an RSVP for future events or just base it on who I can pretty much count on coming. What's proper etiquette now? TIA!!

Sarah

I always call and speak to each parent personally to confirm if their child will be there. My mother took it on faith that people would show up the one year when I had my first (and last) birthday party and no one came or RSVP'd or anything. I remember sitting out on the porch for an hour with the house all decorated - it was the most pathetic thing in the world.

So I determined my kids wouldn't go through that. Whenever I threw parties for them, not only did I send out invitations but I also got every parent's phone number and called the week before and talked to each one. Sometimes my kids had to track down each school mate and get them to write down numbers, but it worked.

That way there were never any nasty surprises! And everyone showed up.

 

[skhermsmeyer]

OP here. Thanks for all the replies and for letting me know it's okay to be . DS is turning 3 and DD is turning 1, so it's not like the invites got lost in the backpack. I even sent out an email before the invites so they would have a heads up, looks like it did me a lot of good.

Last year I wrote "Regrets only" and nobody bothered to call, so it seems like I lose no matter what I do. I just think it's poor manners to not even call and say sorry especially when we went to all of the other kid's parties. Now I'll have to try and tell DS why his friends aren't there on Saturday.


Thanks for all the replies!

Sarah

 

[skhermsmeyer]

I always call and speak to each parent personally to confirm if their child will be there. My mother took it on faith that people would show up the one year when I had my first (and last) birthday party and no one came or RSVP'd or anything. I remember sitting out on the porch for an hour with the house all decorated - it was the most pathetic thing in the world.

So I determined my kids wouldn't go through that. Whenever I threw parties for them, not only did I send out invitations but I also got every parent's phone number and called the week before and talked to each one. Sometimes my kids had to track down each school mate and get them to write down numbers, but it worked.

That way there were never any nasty surprises! And everyone showed up.

Magpie- So sorry you had to go through this! I was worried this would happen to my DS and that's why I followed up with everyone. Now I'm glad I did. I just wish people would paperclip or staple invites to their calendar so they can see it and remember.

 

[ilovepete]

Magpie- So sorry you had to go through this! I was worried this would happen to my DS and that's why I followed up with everyone. Now I'm glad I did. I just wish people would paperclip or staple invites to their calendar so they can see it and remember.

Yeah we always go to other kids' parties when invited and it seems like none of those people came to my DS's party. Other people did but not the ones we went to their parties.

 

[MrsPete]

It's not just birthday parties . . . at school we'll sell dance tickets ahead of time, and we'll sell maybe 20. 500 students will show up at the door. They're not bothered by paying $12 instead of $10 -- not a bit -- but they aren't going to plan ahead and buy that ticket.

The big concern seems to be they aren't going to buy a ticket until they know that a bunch of their friends are coming, and the friends aren't buying tickets until they know who's coming.

Same thing with cap and gowns. Only 2/3 of the seniors ordered them. They'll pay 4Xs the price (or more, depending on how long they wait), but they won't pony up the money at this time of year because they don't need the cap and gown NOW.

It's nuts.

But about birthday parties, here's a secret: Don't include the time of the party, or don't include the exact location. JUST give the date. Then people have to call you. If they don't call, you know they're not coming. At least you won't have prepared too much cake or too many treat bags.

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

i have to laugh! we are literally going through this rite now. dd's bday party is tomorrow. cut off day was wednesday. i did not hear from 18 sets of kids/parents. um hello thats another entire pizza!!!! everyone has told me to be prepared,but i don't get it.....when did rsvp'ing become a thing of the past?

several have cancelled on me, which im fine with, we just found out 2 months after booking the base bowling alley, there is a limit to 50. we went here last year and neither year he told us. so i'm flipping out all these extras that didn't rsvp are going to show up now. plus i only bought enough for 36 treat bags. i need to go make another 7, just incase....and my play d'oh eggs i bought are gone. oy.


one mom from preschool, whos rsvp date was monday....called this am and said yes. cripes. atleast she called i suppose!!!!

 

[tink1969]

Not RSVP'ing is a huge pet peeve of mine. I don't get it. How hard is it to pick up the phone or send a quick email with a yay or nay?

OP - The same situtation has happened to me where you send out all these invites and people don't respond. I include a date to respond by and if not all invitees respond by that date, then I just take the total that have responded and order the cake and buy loot bags accordingly. I still find it rather ignorant to not reply at all.

How will children grow up to be considerate and well mannered if their parents aren't?

 

[skhermsmeyer]

Not RSVP'ing is a huge pet peeve of mine. I don't get it. How hard is it to pick up the phone or send a quick email with a yay or nay?

OP - The same situtation has happened to me where you send out all these invites and people don't respond. I include a date to respond by and if not all invitees respond by that date, then I just take the total that have responded and order the cake and buy loot bags accordingly. I still find it rather ignorant to not reply at all.

How will children grow up to be considerate and well mannered if their parents aren't?

VERY well put! Seems like we're in a never ending loop.

 

[monorailsilver]

I always respond. I find it rude not to. Even if we can't go I respond.

I put RSVP & a date on my invites & put my phone # & email addy on it as well. But not all RSVP.

At least my older 2 have friends that I know & talk to the moms (or dads) often enough so I see them here & there but my youngest is 4 & I still have to deal with that crap.