RSVP'ing? Do you do it?

[skhermsmeyer]

I sent out invites to my kids' b-day party a few weeks ago with an RSVP with my phone # and email address. Not a SINGLE person RSVP'd with the exception of my neighbors who came over to tell me.

Is it a thing of the past? I had to order the cake and I'm making special TS3 cookies for the kids to take home in their goodie-bags. I just wanted to know whom could and couldn't make it so I could plan accordingly. It's now 3 days away so I bit the bullet and emailed all of the moms and each one said "we're not coming b/c blah blah blah". Um, hello? Like they couldn't have told me about it a week ago. It almost seems like they were waiting on something better to come along (all of the parents are from my DD and DS's playgroup). I pretty much expected all of them to say no, but still.

I completely understand if they can't make it, but to seriously just not tell me and leave me in the dark? Needless to say, I'm not inviting them next year (not a big fan of the mom's anymore, but the kids still get along and I took DS to all of their b-day parties).

Should I even ask for an RSVP for future events or just base it on who I can pretty much count on coming. What's proper etiquette now? TIA!!

Sarah

 

[EMom]

Sadly, manners appear to be a thing of the past. Yes, I truly DO think people wait around and weigh their offers. They don't give a rat's hiney about the feelings of the hostess or birthday child. Yeah, yeah, I know someone will post about forgetting to RSVP because their relative died, etc. And that happens and should be overlooked. But the vast majority of the time, people are just too rude and self-absorbed to take a few seconds to call or email and RSVP.

Just do an "RSVP" search and see how many threads you pull up about the lack of decency when it comes to letting people know whether or not their child will attend a party. I wish people were just ignorant, but really....It's all about THEM.

 

[JaneBanks]

No, they don't! Take it from someone who is planning a wedding and just finished getting RSVP's!!

People are rude and inconsiderate when it's not about THEM!

 

[golfgal]

I think most people don't understand RSVP's. I think you need to be clear and put on there Regrets Only or something so they know they are supposed to call if they can't come. I would also always include an email address because that is how so many people communicate these days.

 

[chelle3807]

Aaaah. I definitely can relate. My wedding shower is this Saturday and it was pulling teeth to get people to RSVP to my moms phone number or email address. We invited 60 people and only 29 RSVP'd. So frustrating.

 

[IllumFan]

Yes, I always RSVP but sadly I'm finding most people do not. I would hate for a child to not have a cupcake or a gift bag so I'm very anxious when I don't receive an RSVP. Do I make extras "just in case" or do I assume they aren't coming if they don't RSVP? And, what about my sweet son who wants to know who will be coming to his party?

This seems to be a big problem in our preschool. We attended a birthday party this summer and the mother was so upset that out of 30 children invited, only two RSVPed. Another mom had to put follow-up notes in the mailboxes asking for a response so she could plan.

I just put invitations to my son's party in the mailboxes Tuesday. We'll see what type of response I receive. It's a new year so one can only hope.

 

[MegaDisney]

Yes, I do. Whether we are attending or not, I let the host know.

The way I think is...if this were me, and I were trying to coordinate a party, I would want to know who is coming and who isn't, right?

It takes all of 20 seconds to call or email and let someone know that you are attending a party or not. Unless it says regrets only, please do the right thing and RSVP.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I sent out 32 invites requesting an RSVP for DD's upcoming birthday... I got 1 response. (My parents and DH's didn't even respond!)

I'm sadly used to it anymore. The more parties we have with the kids, we get used the average numbers. I plan around the average. If more show up, sorry - you should have let me known! I make 12 treat bags for the kids (I average 10 showing up).

It's hit or miss!

 

[3smithboys]

I always RSVP, but this is a common problem that I have when I have birthday parties for my kids. It drives me crazy...especially when I have to have a head count to give to a place where I am having the party...ugh! It's so rude!

 

[C.Ann]

Sadly, manners appear to be a thing of the past. Yes, I truly DO think people wait around and weigh their offers. They don't give a rat's hiney about the feelings of the hostess or birthday child. Yeah, yeah, I know someone will post about forgetting to RSVP because their relative died, etc. And that happens and should be overlooked. But the vast majority of the time, people are just too rude and self-absorbed to take a few seconds to call or email and RSVP.

Just do an "RSVP" search and see how many threads you pull up about the lack of decency when it comes to letting people know whether or not their child will attend a party. I wish people were just ignorant, but really....It's all about THEM.

So very true.. Manners only come into play when the self-absorbed people are on the other end - throwing a hissy fit because someone else was "rude"..

 

[dislaney]

I do RSVP but from the parties I've had I have found that most people do not. I have had better luck with Regrets only!

 

[hedgehog2owl]

I RSVP for an invitation that asks for one.. for my own child's parties it seems most people wait until the last day to RSVP, so you may still get some

 

[Meriweather]

One of my pet peeves!! I always RSVP and it is very irritating when people don't.
Goes all the way back to when my kids were little and birthday parties...and we ae talking 20+ years ago.

For our annual 4th of July parties, I finally started just reply if "yes".

 

[We_Love_Disney]

Manners have gone far far away. It would seem that with all the modern technology we have at our disposal, rsvp would be a simple task. Nope.

For teen gatherings, it is like pulling teeth getting them to commit. I agree with a PP that is appears they are waiting for a better offer. UM hello? we have food we need to buy, drinks, etc. I would like, just once to have enough food for the polite ones that said they were coming and came, and let the rest of them go without. Sadly, though, it would not work in my favor and I would be the big bad person.

OP get used to it, I am afraid that this trend isn't going to end any time soon. Which is so sad. Maybe the next invite can be less polite and more to the point.

We are having a party for _______________.
It is at _______________________.
Times____________________________.
I plan on shopping for the party on ____________ so I absolutely need a number no later than ___________________. Let me know as soon as you can before that date, there is nothing worse than a party with not enough good food to eat. Thanks for your understanding. Hope to see you there. Talk to you when you respond.

too much? lol

 

[sturdypeasantstock]

I don't understand why people don't rsvp. 10 days after the RSVP date on the invite, we still had people who hadn't responded. The caterer called and needed to know how many were coming so I had to ask those who hadn't responded. I didn't want to take the chance of them showing up and us not having enough food and a place for them to sit. These were entire families, a total of 13 people at over $20 pp. One said she'd been "meaning to call".

 

[JoiseyMom]

No, they don't! Take it from someone who is planning a wedding and just finished getting RSVP's!!

People are rude and inconsiderate when it's not about THEM!

Realize that some could have gotten lost in the mail. We had just had this with my DS. My mil, gmil and my bff RSVP'd as soon as they got the invite. My DS and DIL NEVER received their RSVPs. And how many people never recevied the invites either to send back the RSVP. It happens. But you are right, there are still ppl that don't RSVP .

 

[samshane]

Oh - I hate this... I always RSVP. It annoys me so much when others don't, I make sure I RSVP every time we are invited to a party.

 

[JLTraveling]

Manners have gone far far away. It would seem that with all the modern technology we have at our disposal, rsvp would be a simple task. Nope.

For teen gatherings, it is like pulling teeth getting them to commit. I agree with a PP that is appears they are waiting for a better offer. UM hello? we have food we need to buy, drinks, etc. I would like, just once to have enough food for the polite ones that said they were coming and came, and let the rest of them go without. Sadly, though, it would not work in my favor and I would be the big bad person.

OP get used to it, I am afraid that this trend isn't going to end any time soon. Which is so sad. Maybe the next invite can be less polite and more to the point.

We are having a party for _______________.
It is at _______________________.
Times____________________________.
I plan on shopping for the party on ____________ so I absolutely need a number no later than ___________________. Let me know as soon as you can before that date, there is nothing worse than a party with not enough good food to eat. Thanks for your understanding. Hope to see you there. Talk to you when you respond.

too much? lol

I love it! I don't think it's too much at all. It's to-the-point to be sure, but it's said in a very nice way. I always RSVP, but most of the people I know don't. I've also found that just because one RSVP's doesn't mean that person won't have a change of plans. I can't count the number of people who said they were coming but didn't, or vice versa, to various events over the years. So frustrating!

 

[horseshowmom]

OP, I always RSVP, and I do it immediately (and always have).

No, they don't! Take it from someone who is planning a wedding and just finished getting RSVP's!!

People are rude and inconsiderate when it's not about THEM!

Ohhhhh, I know how you feel. My daughter got married last year, and it was very frustrating to say the least.

I think most people don't understand RSVP's. I think you need to be clear and put on there Regrets Only or something so they know they are supposed to call if they can't come. I would also always include an email address because that is how so many people communicate these days.

For my daughter's wedding last year, we were very specific. I had read enough horror stories on the Dis! All they had to do was check either yes they were coming or no they would not be able to attend. The envelopes were stamped and adressed for them.

So very true.. Manners only come into play when the self-absorbed people are on the other end - throwing a hissy fit because someone else was "rude"..

Yes, yes, yes! A few years ago one of our relatives got married. One particular family's response comes to mind. Since they didn't respond at all (the mother of the bride tried to politely find out through family channels, and they still didn't respond), the MoB finally called them. They said that yes they were coming and that they wanted to bring the son's girlfriend with them (not a long time relationship, just the current girlfriend) and the daughter's boyfriend (same story, second verse). Last year, that family's daughter got married. Want to guess how much they complained about all the RSVP's they didn't get AND about people wanting to bring extra guests? Yep, you guessed it, plenty!!!

 

[Maddle]

This really frosts me. Maybe etiquette should be part of a junior high school Language Arts class...you learn about business letters and and how to communicate - why shouldn't people learn about social communication: How to write a invitation, what does rsvp mean, etc. introductions and acknowledgements....okay, maybe people need Finishing School.

...Here is another related gripe that I have...when I receive an invitation, and the RSVP has a date ("please reply by September 20th") why does the hostess get all worked up if she hasn't heard from people by, say, the 12th? I was invited to a wedding that was far away, and I was really hoping to go but I was watching airfares, hoping for a sale. About 10 days before the response was due, a family member called and wanted to know what was the plan because the bride was anxious. Hey, if she needed to know so early, why didn't she put down an earlier date?...but I digress....

Back on the subject - you might as well call people from whom you haven't heard. You can't be ready if you don't know how many are coming. Aggravating, isn't it?