Roommates in college - what is reasonable to share?

[chloelovesdisney]

The person who owns the property gets to decide if they want to share it or not. If they want to, great, but if not, the roommate needs to accept that and move on.

 

[RachaelA]

I graduated in 08 and wouldn't have shared a printer with a roommate if we had separate bedrooms OR if she acted like a huge brat and said that we needed to share.

If you have separate bedrooms, there is no need to share anything. Plus my parents would not send me to school without the essentials and that includes a printer! They would never assume I could just bum off my roommate.

 

[*JoGo*]

The attitude alone is enough reason to say no.
Maybe she asked about the car thing so when she asked about the printer, it wouldn't be such a big deal? LOL!

If your daughter does let her use the printer, she should have her buy a set of cartridges first. So when it does run out, your daughter isn't stuck unable to print b/c she's waiting for the roommate to go buy ink... and the roommate isn't concerned about it b/c it isn't her printer and she doesn't need to print anything for a week or so. But.. I doubt the roommate would agree to always having a set of unopened cartridges.

I'm also curious what she is sharing w/ your daughter.

 

[Cinderella94]

I'm going to be a freshman in college, moving into my dorm in exactly 1 week.

If I were bringing my car, no way would I let my roommate use it. No way would anyone use it except me.

I told my roommate that I'll be bringing a printer and external hard drive, both of which she's welcome to use, wirelessly. I'm also bringing the rug and a vacuum. She's bringing the TV, fridge, and microwave because her brother just graduated from college and she has them. We're both happy with the arrangement.

But, we're both living in the same room. My building is like typical college living, with a bunch of kids in the hall and a girls & guys bathroom on every floor.

 

[bumbershoot]

OK I went to college from 87 to 91, and only in 90/91 was there even a computer room IN my dorm, and very few people had their own computers that I knew of...

But over time I had quite a few roommates, and it got so I knew how something was going to end from the beginning.

And this isn't going to end well. With my experiences, and with my friends, sharing worked when the person that OWNED the item OFFERED it for sharing. Sharing never ever worked if the one in need started off in the way that this roommate did.

I've also learned that the most AWESOME people turn into the absolutely most DREADFUL roommates.

I had one of my best friends get into an argument with me, when we were moving out (b/c of boys (OK men, we were in our later 20s) and wanting to be closer to them), because she said that the ancient, beat-up nasty colander that my mom had given me when I moved out at 17 was HERS.

In an opposite sharing moment, my other dear friend (my last girl roomie) insisted that several items that weren't my style at all were, in fact, mine, and she REFUSED to take them! They were hers, they came from her grandfather, I remember her talking about them when we moved in...

Your daughter has a door and a lock. I'd love to see how she insists she's going to be using the printer.

What if her roommate didn't have a printer? What would she do then?

Exactly.

Though maybe she rallied to be your daughter's roommate because she knew that she came with all of the equipment she would need....

If she can replace the printer cartridge, then why not? I shared LOTS with my roomate(s), and it was never a problem. I don't see the issue. It sounds like your DD is having sharing issues.

Does this woman sound like a woman who would actually replace stuff? From my experience, she doesn't.

Money stuff...splitting money stuff....you printed out 50 pages but I only had a 40 page paper...but you printed yours 3 times...that was because your printer messed up so I actually owe you less than 40 pages... OMG the nightmares I'm hearing in the future...

Just what exactly is the roommate sharing with your DD

5. Dating is not up to the friend, it is up to the BOY if they want to date or not.

Same question and same sentiment! (though I found that other women never agreed with me that it was up to the man...funny how they would never accept a group of men making decisions on who the female could date, but they were fine setting conditions on who the men were going to have access to...)

She wanted me to move out and leave all my stuff since apparently my parents could afford to get it all. As I said, crazy.

OMG. That idea was crazy enough when it was DH's short-term, civilly annuled, wife saying it to him (send me all your stuff before I leave you), but from a college roommate???? Now I've heard *everything*!

 

[disneyfav4ever]

When I was in school, we shared a vaccum, but we each had our own computer and printer, though we would use each others in emergencies. I didn't have a car then, my roommate did, but I would never have ever even considered asking to use it. I also didn't expect rides from her.

 

[krcit]

My first question would be WHY did your daughter room with her? you said she picked her!!!

Second I would be telling my DD you picked her I don't want to here about it.

I agree with the no sharing the car. The vacuum- are you sure the dorm doesn't have one to be borrowed? both my DD's dorms did.

The printer is common to be shared. there is so little room in a dorm why take up room with duplicate non personal things. My DD shares her fridge and micro, coffee maker with her roomies TV and futon and printer. The both have their own lap tops.


I'm still stumped as to why she chose her

Sometimes someone seems perfectly reasonable and sane UNTIL you move in with them. Two of my closest friends moved in together years ago. It didn't last too long. My one friend found out how extremely cheap the other one was. She also would have random men back to the apartment. Things that she never knew until they lived together.

 

[cornflake]

If it were in a shared room, I'd say the roommate was being normal and that seemed like a good deal. That you have to be hardwired and it'll be in her room makes it somewhat less normal.

I think there are plenty of people who'd say 'sure,' and not think a thing of it and I do think maybe your daughter being an only child may have something to do with her reaction. Not in any bad way or anything, just the difference between growing up with people in and out of your stuff or sharing bedrooms and things may make someone think that the request was more natural than your daughter found it.

The insisting on it (over a $50 printer - I could understand if this were like a $200 fridge or something that one person had expected would be shared and one didn't but a printer?) and the 'my mom thinks you're a brat' push it way over the top though. No way is that ok.

I can see someone asking and maybe even asking 'why not?' if rebuffed but then thems the breaks.

Tell her to blame it on you or something - since the other one brought her mother into it, tell her to say her mother is really controlling about the drivers or something nonsensical.

 

[Michelle67]

It wasn't the sibling of a friend, it was any male friends of the roommate. That's quite a different thing! DS19 was semi-interested in the sister of one of his best friends (she's a doll), but he would never ask her out because of his friendship with the guy.

Oh yes, I understood that! To me, though, it's different but has a very similar potential to end badly. I view both as not a particularly good idea. However, I recognize that this is just my opinion, and others will not/need not share it.

 

[tomthebarncat]

I agree with many here that your dd new roomie is crossing the line. For business reasons I often rented a room in a different city. My last roomie in Frankfurt, used my printer without asking. I came home and he was printing away. I got mad and asked him why he did not call me? he said he did not think it was a big deal going in my room and relocating my printer. I told him I would have said yes if he just called me. He then proceeded to call me a selfish #itch! I replied I am a selfish #itch with a printer. I moved out the following week. I currently have a roomie in Beijing due to the expsense of china, yes it is costly. She owes me alot of money and cries about being broke while eating out and taking taxis everywhere. She was a nice person but the longer I live with her the more I hate her everyday!! I am taking a job in another city just to get out of roommate hell. Your dd needs to sort this out now or the resentment with just get worse. She also needs to safeguard her belongings with a locked door and to keep all her stuff in her room. Good luck and I do feel her pain as I am living it everyday. BTW, I have only lived with my current roomie for 21 days and I hate her!

 

["Got Disney"]

When I was in college my roommate ate all my food all the time...her parents gave her money to buy food but she spent it on partying....I finally kept my food in my bedroom behind a locked door...except what needed to be refrigerated....it got real old real fast.

As for the topic of this thread....who's mother does such a thing....Asking another parent to let their child share the car

Have you talked with the mother on this stuff like the car insurance or did this just come from the girl saying her mom asked to do this? Maybe the girl is taking this upon herself to ask and saying her mom asked....

The printer is a no go IMO because people like this will use 90% of the ink and think nothing of it since she is paying for half.

Sounds like this roommate of your DD has an entitlement problem. people like this you give them an inch and they take a mile. I would nip itinerary the bud before it gets out of hand.

 

[shortbun]

While I agree that your daughter's roomate is a flake, I don't see an issue with sharing the printer unless it means allowing the roomate in a locked room when your daughter is not there. Also, I'd tell her I wanted to see the extra ink and paper up front because she seems to have this issue abour other people providing her with things. I would also make it clear that I am not guaranteeing there will always be a working printer in the room should daughter's go flooey and both girls need to use the library printer. Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

While I agree that your daughter's roomate is a flake, I don't see an issue with sharing the printer unless it means allowing the roomate in a locked room when your daughter is not there. Also, I'd tell her I wanted to see the extra ink and paper up front because she seems to have this issue abour other people providing her with things. I would also make it clear that I am not guaranteeing there will always be a working printer in the room should daughter's go flooey and both girls need to use the library printer. Good luck.

You would want someone with that attitude using your stuff?

That is opening yourself up for torture. When someone reveals themselves to you, you stand up and take notice & do something.

Demanding to use the printer is different than asking to use. No way would I put up with that. There is something wrong with her roommate and mother.

My dd uses campus computing and does not have an issue with that. She has been in 2 colleges, 2 different dorms, and now she is living in a sorority house this yr.

 

[Green Tea]

If the printer could work wirelessly, perhaps. But it sounds like a pain for the other to have to come into your daughter's room and connect by cable to the printer.

Car? No way. How presumptuous! But actually, aside from the car, I would probably just have your daughter make the other decisions herself.

 

[mickeysgal]

My DD has the same type of apartment layout. Has her own bedroom with built in desk...shares a bath. I'd say no to the printer since it's located in her bedroom. I'd say yes, of course to the vacuumn. My DD's roommates got together and divided up the needs...you bring the toaster, I'll bring the blender, etc. And a big Hell NO to the car. I can't believe that they'd ask to add someone to an insurance plan. NO, NO, NO.

 

[Christine]

Why do I get the feeling that if your DD lets the roommate use the printer, she will never see a DIME toward printer ink....

 

[dhcoffey]

My DD moved to college a couple of weeks ago. She's rooming with someone she went to high school with, so friends for a while. They decided that my DD would outfit the kitchen and the roommate would outfit the bathroom. No need to remember who bought what at the end of the year.

When we moved them in, her roommate mentioned something about her printer. My first thought? Oh, heck, didn't even think about a printer! Off I went to Staples to buy her one for $55. Never would have thought to ask to use hers. They have individual bedrooms, too; and it's a rule of the dorm that they have to keep their bedroom doors locked at all times when they're not there.

Heather

 

[Princess_Meghan <3]

She should be able to print her paper out at the school library- plenty of my friends do that. My first roommate last year didn't have a printer, and she used the library instead. If she forgot to print her paper, or something happened that she didn't have time to go to the library, I let her use mine.

I can see sharing a printer if she's willing to pay for ink and paper as well, but she should realize that it isn't up to her whether she uses it or not. If you don't want her using your DDs printer, then the answer is no. I can understand not wanting someone else using the printer- she may say she'll pay for ink and paper now, but there's no guarantee that she really will.

As for the car- I can't even imagine asking to use someone's car, and on top of that, asking to be added to their insurance! My friend always offers to drive us places when she has her car, but I would never think of asking to drive it myself. I think that your DDs roommate needs to realize that not everything in a dorm room/at college is to be shared. If she wants to drive around, she needs to bring her own car to school.

 

[tlbwriter]

My daughter wonders why she cannot buy her own printer, to which she replies, "my mother doesn't want me to have one and thinks it's bratty that you won't share."

My response would be "My mother doesn't want you to use mine and thinks you're bratty and entitled for asking. So I guess we're even."

Since this is a suite, with each of the girls having their own bedrooms, it is not like having 2 printers in the same dorm room. Since the printer is in your daughter's room and has to be hardwired, that would mean the roommate would have to come into your daughter's bedroom and connect to the printer each and every time she needed to use it. That is a serious privacy breach for your daughter. Her bedroom should not be available to the roommate every time she needed to print.
due.

I agree that it would be really awkward to be sharing a printer that is located in the daughter's bedroom. What happens when they both have papers due and need it at the same time? What happens during finals week if the daughter is trying to sleep and the room mate is frantically trying to finish a term paper at 2 am?

Very sound reasons to not share a printer. I mean, I'd say "no" just on principle after the car request (honestly, she sounds like the kind of girl who would take your last tampon), but these are really good reasons.

 

[WDWorBUST]

I haven't read all the responses, but my thoughts are a different roommate is definitely in order when the opportunity presents itself. AND her philosophy is "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine". See how she responds when your dd is asking to use some of her stuff.