Roommates in college - what is reasonable to share?

[momtotreasure]

My daughter has a new roommate in her 2nd year. They chose to live together. They share a suite with a bath and each has their own bedroom. They are both back at school. This summer her roommate asked her if she could use my daughter's car - even be added to the insurance and her mother would pay the additional premium. I said no. Now, she wants to use my daughter's printer whenever she needs it and will subsidize the printer cartridge expense. The printer is in my daughter's room. At this university, you have to be "hard" connected - no wireless printing is possible. My daughter wonders why she cannot buy her own printer, to which she replies, "my mother doesn't want me to have one and thinks it's bratty that you won't share."

Economically, I don't think there's an issue based upon what my daughter tells me. We are not wealthy and have worked hard to get her into this wonderful private college. Both girls are honor students with a partial scholarship.

My daughter is an only child, so I'm wondering if I am not being reasonable asking her to ask her roommate to get her own printer. Sure, if there is an emergency, the request is fair. It's good to have a backup for things like printing when a paper is due.

She also asked if my daughter had a vacuum cleaner. "Yes." Then she replied, "oh good, I won't have to buy one." That's fine to share I think. Then my daughter said she could use that money to go buy a printer for herself, even offering to drive her to Target to purchase it.

On a side note, last year before they were roommates, this young lady said she didn't want my daughter to date any of her male friends - they were hands off.

Apparently, her roommate from the prior year did allow her to share her printer. She won't take no for an answer and insists that she is going to use it.

So I ask, and please tell me the truth, are we being unreasonable to expect her roommate to get her own printer, or are we being selfish or "bratty?"

 

[Disney Doll]

Car...nope. No college kid other than mine would be using my car.

Printer in the room? Well, if she is willing to subsidize the printer cartridges and paper, what's the big deal? "Bratty" is kind of strong word, but it seems silly to have 2 printers in a dorm room.

The whole "don't date my friends" thing...I'd be telling her I'll date whomever I want.

Tell your DD to find a new roommate for next semester. This one sounds like not a good fit.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Just for the demand I would refuse to share.

 

[Sparx]

This girl can walk to the library and print her work just like a whole lot of other students if she doesn't want to buy a printer. Your daughter has a door and a lock. I'd love to see how she insists she's going to be using the printer.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My daughter has a new roommate in her 2nd year. They chose to live together. They share a suite with a bath and each has their own bedroom. They are both back at school. This summer her roommate asked her if she could use my daughter's car - even be added to the insurance and her mother would pay the additional premium. I said no. Now, she wants to use my daughter's printer whenever she needs it and will subsidize the printer cartridge expense. The printer is in my daughter's room. At this university, you have to be "hard" connected - no wireless printing is possible. My daughter wonders why she cannot buy her own printer, to which she replies, "my mother doesn't want me to have one and thinks it's bratty that you won't share."

Economically, I don't think there's an issue based upon what my daughter tells me. We are not wealthy and have worked hard to get her into this wonderful private college. Both girls are honor students with a partial scholarship.

My daughter is an only child, so I'm wondering if I am not being reasonable asking her to ask her roommate to get her own printer. Sure, if there is an emergency, the request is fair. It's good to have a backup for things like printing when a paper is due.

She also asked if my daughter had a vacuum cleaner. "Yes." Then she replied, "oh good, I won't have to buy one." That's fine to share I think. Then my daughter said she could use that money to go buy a printer for herself, even offering to drive her to Target to purchase it.

On a side note, last year before they were roommates, this young lady said she didn't want my daughter to date any of her male friends - they were hands off.

Apparently, her roommate from the prior year did allow her to share her printer. She won't take no for an answer and insists that she is going to use it.

So I ask, and please tell me the truth, are we being unreasonable to expect her roommate to get her own printer, or are we being selfish or "bratty?"

Wow! These people have some serious entitlement issues. Asking to use your daughter's car and even be added to the insurance (regardless of whether or not they pay) is just beyond unreasonable. I could see needing to borrow it in a pinch, or asking to be driven somewhere once in a while, but not using the car on a regular basis.

As for the printer, I can't believe this girl doesn't have her own. Every college student should have their own, complete computer set-up. That's considered basic equipment for students these days. Printers are cheap enough that there's no reason she shouldn't have one of her own. Besides, sharing one would be awkward. What if your daughter has a major paper due and needs to keep printing, proofing, reformatting, etc? And then you have this other girl's papers spewing out? It's not only rude to expect to use it, I don't think it's feasible. Now if someone runs out of ink or their printer breaks, by all means, they can share until the other person's get fixed.

Regarding the vacuum, I would let that one go. It won't be a big deal to share something they each use maybe once a week. However, for one bedroom, a cheap stick-vac is all that's needed and those are really cheap. I think the roommate and the mom are being bratty by expecting your daughter to provide them with these things.

 

[Parkers_girl]

Personally, I would be a little thrown off by her first asking the use to car. Had she not asked to use the car I would have said go ahead and let her borrow the printer. But she needs to come prepared for school, just like your daughter is. What if her roommate didn't have a printer? What would she do then?

 

[Art 1]

I think those requests are a little too much. To borrow a printer from time to time until the roommate gets hers repaired is one thing, the vacuum wouldn't bother me. Surprised they need one. Daughters dorm has house cleaning. The car thing is ridiculous. My daughter has her car at school and I have told her she's not to be a taxi cab.

From what you are saying we would asking our daughter to get a room transfer.

 

[design_mom]

I think the car is definitely over-the-line. I would have said "no," too.

The printer is a little more of a gray area to me. It certainly sounds like it would be inconvenient to share, so each having their own would be better. Also, I could see an issue with "chipping in" when the ink needs to be replaced. If it was more of a concrete split, I would consider it. (You buy the ink refills, I supply the printer and paper and keep it in my room.) I can just see "I didn't use it very often, so here's $2 towards the ink."

I think what's shared depends a lot on the roommates. Some share a lot and some don't share anything. My willingness to share would also depend on how willing the other person is to share. Is the other roommate bringing anything to the table? If she's providing the other "big stuff" (refrigerator, microwave, coffee pot, etc.) then I would be more willing to share... but from the info in the OP, she sounds like a mooch!

 

[Michelle67]

Just for the demand I would refuse to share.

I tend to agree. Asking is one thing, demanding and saying "my mother thinks you're bratty for not sharing" is another. Frankly, it's "brattier" to run to your mama because your mean evil room mate won't let you use her stuff.

Besides, in my experience printer cartridges cost more these days than printers do, with cartridges included in the box! As another poster said, I'd have visions of "well it's your printer, you use it more...here's $2 to help so you can go buy the $40 cartridge." She needs to go buy her own darn printer, or pay for the ink by the sheet down at the library.

The vacuum I'd have no problem with sharing. The car would be a huge NO. Where I live, at least, if she were involved in an accident that caused greater damage or injury than her insurance would cover, they'd come after your daughter next (or you, if it's in your name) as the owner of the car. NO THANKS!

 

[clh2]

Interesting thread - I have a high school senior - so of course I'm interested in this type of thread.

IMHO - the only things to share in a dorm room - fridge, microwave, TV, and carpet for a shared room. And - the TV is an "iffy". DD is so on the fence if she even wants one in her dorm room.

Now - I'll admit - I am the parent of an "only" too.

There is no way I would allow DD to share a car. UMMM - no not happening. If you are the owner of the car - you will ultimately be liable for anything that happens with that car, even if the car is titled in your DD's name, and DD is on your insurance.

There is no way I would recommend that my DD share any computer-related device. Really - printers aren't that expensive. The roomie should get her own. Now - I do understand that emergencies happen, and that is an entirely different situation, and I hope my DD would assist a fellow student who is in a dire situation.

(FWIW - we had neighbors who routinely wanted to use our printer - cuz they were too cheap to buy one. Well - they did this a few times, and instead of telling them "no" we let them use it, and put in "really, really almost empty color cartridges" and their printed out work looked awful. Never asked again...)

I would even go so far as suggesting they split the cost of the vaccum. I realize they are not that expensive...but I would do this from the get-go, so that roomie's mom understands from right from day 1 that you are not funding anything for their DD to attend college. That is all their responsibility...not yours.

And...while I'm on a roll...your DD can't date her male friends????? Puh..leasse...

 

[Hannathy]

My first question would be WHY did your daughter room with her? you said she picked her!!!

Second I would be telling my DD you picked her I don't want to here about it.

I agree with the no sharing the car. The vacuum- are you sure the dorm doesn't have one to be borrowed? both my DD's dorms did.

The printer is common to be shared. there is so little room in a dorm why take up room with duplicate non personal things. My DD shares her fridge and micro, coffee maker with her roomies TV and futon and printer. The both have their own lap tops.


I'm still stumped as to why she chose her

 

[hereyago]

MMy daughter wonders why she cannot buy her own printer, to which she replies, "my mother doesn't want me to have one and thinks it's bratty that you won't share."

Pot meet kettle. Say if your DD was bratty that fact that this "college" student a grown woman would go whine to her mom about your DD not wanting to share a printer= big ol BRAT, just sayin.....


The car thingh heck no. the vacuum ok, she can help clean too,not a big whoop.but she can go to target, walmart, even take her parents one and they can buy another one and the fact that she insists she is going to use it: SET BOUNDARIES NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! put a key lock on that bedroom door, that is awfully um brass balsy. or if she has to leave it out, take i don't know the cartridges, electric cord, make her work for it.

Second let me address this misconception about onlys: I am an only, DD is an only, we learned to share. does it mean we let people take advantage of sharing , um nope. just like people who grew up with siblings, yea they learned to share to, but it doesn't mean they want to.

 

[Wizard1]

I wouldn't share except in the case of an emergency; a printer is a basic accessory to any computer, especially while in college. Tell the roommate for the price of one set of cartridges she can go buy an inexpensive printer more than capable of printing a standard college paper.

 

[acourtwdw]

Tell the room mate for the price of ink cartridges that she can purchase her own printer at Best Buy. They have them for less than $50.

 

[mjkacmom]

Sounds like a nice set-up - when I was in college, I lived in a small room with my roommate, bathroom down the hall!

I had the only word processor back in college out of all of my friends, and everyone was free to use it. However, with the price of printer ink, I see that being an issue. As for the vacuum, I see no need for more than one. Even when I had a roommate after college, we'd buy different things we needed (vacuum, microwave, coffee maker, etc.). No need for two!

As for the car, I don't think I ever let anyone drive my car in college!

 

[momtotreasure]

I appreciate all of your responses. I sincerely wanted to understand if I was wrong. "Why did she choose her?" They like each other. I met the girl and she seems very nice. These issues of using my daughter's car and printer did not arise until after the contract with the university was entered into for the room back in March.

The reason I mentioned her being "an only" was not to imply that she didn't know how to share, only that we have always had to provide all of her stuff for school and she has not shared previously.

As to the issue of being room for more than one printer, the printer is not in the shared room. It is located on my daughter's desk in her separate room taking up space on her desk! In order to be accessed, one would have to go into her room and connect to the printer with a cord and sit at the desk, probably. I agree with the poster who said that would be awkward.

As to the vacuum cleaner, it is one I had that I allowed her to take. I wasn't using it! They are responsible for keeping their room clean. They do have vacuums in the dorms, but they are not adequate for my daughter.

As to leaving me out of it and her figuring out what she wants to do, you are of course right. But as a mom, I won't turn my back on her when she asks for my opinion (especially while she is still asking!)

I hope they can work it out. They are all stressed since moving in. It's 107 degees and classes start Monday. My daughter just finished rush and is exhausted. Interesting that they are not in the same sorority. I don't know why I added that - has probably nothing to do with the issue.

For the mom who's child will go to college next year (or soon) - there are so many things that you just don't think of before they go! It's a real adjustment and when they come back for the summer, they are a little more grown up (and challenging!

Thanks again everyone!

PS - if there are any college students out there reading this, give me your thoughts too. What do you think and what has happened to you with regard to sharing stuff?

 

[hereyago]

My first question would be WHY did your daughter room with her? you said she picked her!!!

Second I would be telling my DD you picked her I don't want to here about it.

I agree with the no sharing the car. The vacuum- are you sure the dorm doesn't have one to be borrowed? both my DD's dorms did.

The printer is common to be shared. there is so little room in a dorm why take up room with duplicate non personal things. My DD shares her fridge and micro, coffee maker with her roomies TV and futon and printer. The both have their own lap tops.


I'm still stumped as to why she chose her

Good point, maybe OP's DD didn't want to have a random roommate and pick what she thought was the lesser of 2 evils.

 

[goofy!]

My daughter has a new roommate in her 2nd year. They chose to live together. They share a suite with a bath and each has their own bedroom. They are both back at school. This summer her roommate asked her if she could use my daughter's car - even be added to the insurance and her mother would pay the additional premium. I said no. Now, she wants to use my daughter's printer whenever she needs it and will subsidize the printer cartridge expense. The printer is in my daughter's room. At this university, you have to be "hard" connected - no wireless printing is possible. My daughter wonders why she cannot buy her own printer, to which she replies, "my mother doesn't want me to have one and thinks it's bratty that you won't share."

Economically, I don't think there's an issue based upon what my daughter tells me. We are not wealthy and have worked hard to get her into this wonderful private college. Both girls are honor students with a partial scholarship.

My daughter is an only child, so I'm wondering if I am not being reasonable asking her to ask her roommate to get her own printer. Sure, if there is an emergency, the request is fair. It's good to have a backup for things like printing when a paper is due.

She also asked if my daughter had a vacuum cleaner. "Yes." Then she replied, "oh good, I won't have to buy one." That's fine to share I think. Then my daughter said she could use that money to go buy a printer for herself, even offering to drive her to Target to purchase it.

On a side note, last year before they were roommates, this young lady said she didn't want my daughter to date any of her male friends - they were hands off.

Apparently, her roommate from the prior year did allow her to share her printer. She won't take no for an answer and insists that she is going to use it.

So I ask, and please tell me the truth, are we being unreasonable to expect her roommate to get her own printer, or are we being selfish or "bratty?"

Since this is a suite, with each of the girls having their own bedrooms, it is not like having 2 printers in the same dorm room. Since the printer is in your daughter's room and has to be hardwired, that would mean the roommate would have to come into your daughter's bedroom and connect to the printer each and every time she needed to use it. That is a serious privacy breach for your daughter. Her bedroom should not be available to the roommate every time she needed to print.

Since it is two bedrooms, there should be 2 printers, one for each dorm room.

The car - absolutely ridiculous.

Vacuum - I would say no just on principle so as to establish boundaries. The roommate and her mother do not seem to have boundaries and in the tight quarters of a dorm situation, boundaries need to be established from the beginning.

DS's dorm room was so tight that they could touch each other's beds across the aisle way if they reached out. Yet, they each had their own computer set-ups due to what a PP mentioned; you cannot take the risk of two people needing to print at the same time when big projects are due.

So, no, you are not being bratty at all. If anybody is being rude and entitled, it is the roommate and her family.

 

[ShootingStarMom2]

Sorry, I wouldn't share my printer with my roommate. If your DD is keeping it in her room the roommate could demand access to it whenever she wants. If they have opposite schedules how is she supposed to use the printer?

I'd be wondering what else she's going to have the right to use when your DD isn't there. Besides, doesn't the computer lab have a printing station? We could print anything as long as it wasn't over 100 pages per day.

 

[pigletgirl]

If she can replace the printer cartridge, then why not? I shared LOTS with my roomate(s), and it was never a problem. I don't see the issue. It sounds like your DD is having sharing issues.