roomate help

[flying_babyb]

What would you guys include in a roomate contract with someone whos controlling and has temper issues? my bfriend and I are getting a place together in june. I dont want to get stuck doing all the work so that should be coverd, bills, and so such. I have no clue what to put in a contract. help

 

[kdibattista]

Honestly, I wouldn't enter into a roommate situation with someone who is controlling and certainly not someone who has temper issues. Seriously, seriously think long and hard about it and if you still want to do it, think long and hard some more

 

[OceanAnnie]

Controlling and has temper issues? Are you sure you want to do it? Would the BF stick to a "contract"? Doesn't sound like fun.

 

[buzzlady]

He's controlling and has a temper? I wouldn't be getting a place with him!

 

[DVCLiz]

Both parties will agree to reside in completely separate dwellings.

 

[freckles and boo]

I have to agree. Co-habitation can ruin your friendship even under the best circumstances. If you still decide to do it, the common spaces and expenses can be the biggest problem. You will be sharing a kitchen, but what about a bathroom? Who is bringing what into the house? I had college roommates who drank coffee from my wine glasses because they were too lazy to wash dishes. Toilet paper, laundry detergent, garbage bags... are you going to split all these expenses evenly? Does your friend use illegal drugs or hang out with people you hate? That could be a real problem, too. Good luck.

 

[disykat]

Is bfriend your best friend or boyfriend?

I would never live with my best friend. I had lots of roommates when I was single. (I just counted eleven over 10 years including all housemates) I had roommates that became closer friends after we roomed together, but everyone I was really close friends with before living with, our relationship deteriorated in some way.

I agree with the others, if you are already worried about what will happen when you live together I wouldn't do it. With my vast experience with roommates, I've never heard of a roommate contract. The closest I've come is basic house rules in regards to "visitors".

 

[noseybuddy]

What would you guys include in a roomate contract with someone whos controlling and has temper issues? my bfriend and I are getting a place together in june. I dont want to get stuck doing all the work so that should be coverd, bills, and so such. I have no clue what to put in a contract. help

Sounds like a BAD IDEA!!!!!!!

 

[LadyBears]

Both parties will agree to reside in completely separate dwellings.

I agree!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You do not enter into a roommate situation with someone who is a "risk", it is a mistake.
It is hard enough to live with someone who you get along very well with.

 

[OK!]

Personally, I agree with the others who said to think twice (or seven times!) about living with someone who has either control OR temper issues, let alone both! It doesn't really matter if it's a best friend or a boyfriend, though each comes with its own set of problems. I lived with a girl I swam with in college who had MAJOR control/temper/jealousy/sanity issues, though obviously I didn't know that when I said I'd move in with her. We shared a one-BR townhouse; she had the master BR (with the one bathroom inside it) and I had the entire lower level for my bedroom. One of her favorite little tricks to pull when she decided she was mad at me was to either go to sleep with the BR door locked or (even worse) leave the house and lock the BR door, effectively locking me out of the bathroom! I actually once had to go down the street to the 7-11 to pee at 2:30 in the morning because of her!

When we finally had it out and decided that she was just too crazy for me to live with (well, those were my words, not so much hers ), she opted to change the locks to the townhouse one night while I was at my grandfather's memorial service and then spent the evening smoking pot. When I got home, already highly distressed because of the death of my grandfather and then discovered on top of that that my key no longer worked, she merely said, "Duuuuuuude, you gotta goooooooooo." Seriously.

Ugh, sorry for the hijack. Thinking about that witch makes me angry all over again.

 

[freckles and boo]

I just want to add that while you both may agree on a contract, it will mean nothing to your landlord (or if you are purchasing together, your mortgage company). You won't be able to just abandon a lease because your roommate isn't holding up his/her end of the bargain. If you are renting, you can try to ask the landlord for the option of writing individual leases where you are only responsible for your half of the rent, but it is only commonly done in college slum housing. If you have even the slightest concern about this person, I wouldn't do it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Let's say you do move in, you can't take it....Guess what? You are responsible for the rent money even if you move out.
SO now what? You will have to stick it out or worse you leave and then can't afford the rent payment which wrecks your credit rating and puts you as a bad risk for a rental down the road.

A rental agreement is between YOU and the landlord and it is a contract you have to uphold.
Your poor choice of roommate is NOT their problem.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Ugh, do yourself a favor and think LOOOOONG and hard about it. I made the mistake of moving in with someone who was my high school best friend. I never realized how controlling and psychotic she was. I lived with her for 6 months (thank goodness didn't sign a lease because her father owned the townhouse we were living in) and I really haven't spoken to her since (and that was 6 years ago). It was just a nightmare all around. The only positive thing that came from it was I finally saw her for who she really was -- if only I had listened to my parents when they said they didn't like her. Live and learn.

 

[chager]

Don't do it.
If best friend...could ruin the friendship. Seen it happen to several friends during college years. They no longer speak to each other. Nothing good came of it.
If it is boy friend...end the relationship now or get counselling now. I know a couple people that thought they would "change him". Didn't work so well, both are now divorced.

If you are already preparing for having issues that should be a warning.
My best friend and I are like sisters, but we understand that we could never live under the same roof. One of wouldn't survive!! We value our friendship too much to jeopardize it. Another friend and her did try it and it didn't work. Thankfully they are still friends and realized the issues early enough to protect things.
Good luck!

 

[Cool-Beans]

There is no way I'd move in with someone if I were worried about that stuff ahead of time.

If you need a contract, you're in trouble.

 

[kristen821]

imo-I think if you are worried enough that you have to write a contract for bahavior you should not be moving in together. You can't change a man.

 

[flying_babyb]

Controlling and has temper issues? Are you sure you want to do it? Would the BF stick to a "contract"? Doesn't sound like fun.

yea she would, She and I have been freinds 10 years and I can handle things. THE behavior is not why I want to do a contract. I Want to do a contract because Im not stupid. have you guys ever wacthed judge judy about roomates that start as freinds and end up in court? Im not gonna be that but if for some reason if it would happen I want things spelled out.

 

[freckles and boo]

yea she would, She and I have been freinds 10 years and I can handle things. THE behavior is not why I want to do a contract. I Want to do a contract because Im not stupid. have you guys ever wacthed judge judy about roomates that start as freinds and end up in court? Im not gonna be that but if for some reason if it would happen I want things spelled out.

If you are worried about ending up on Judge Judy and you can't be persuaded by all of our bad experiences, then I would recommend you sit down with her and discuss it all very rationally.

Both your names HAVE to be on the lease, unless you can get a landlord to write individual leases (probably won't happen).

Only put half the utilities in your name. Half go in hers. Never front each other money for bills. Write all your checks out directly to the utility or landlord. Never write checks to each other for any expenses. Never pay in cash without getting receipts. Never loan one another money without getting a promissory note.

Do NOT get long distance service on your phone. Use calling cards only so you won't get stuck with someone else's ridiculous charges.

Agree to respect each other's private space - this includes toiletries, clothes, snack food, vehicles, boyfriends, etc.

Agree about quiet times - if you are a student and need to get things done you need to be sure noone is dancing in the living room at 3am.

Agree to a division of household labor - hopefully you are "hygenically compatible".

Agree about "visitors". No parties or overnight guests without a lot of discussion up front. If you don't want strangers in your home you should make that very clear.

Agree about pets. If your lease doesn't allow pets you don't want to get in trouble if she brings home a puppy

I am sure there are a thousand things I am forgetting. Good luck.

 

[RobInBigKC]

What would you guys include in a roomate contract with someone whos controlling and has temper issues?

Like most of the other posters, I would advise against living with someone that has control and temper issues.

However, if you're set on going through with this, here are a couple of sample contracts to get you started:

http://www.youngconsumer.org/images/rentingwrittencontract.doc

http://www.musc.edu/housing/rmcontract.pdf

Be sure also to get Renters' Insurance for fire and theft coverage of your personal property and for liability issues.

If you need a contract, you're in trouble.

Not true. As others have said, roommate problems can arise even with "normal" best friends. A roommate contract is an excellent idea and as necessary as renters' insurance IMO.

-- Rob