Room Moms and school parties.......

[CindyBella]

I love being a room mom. I am very creative, I spend hours planning and preparing for the parties. I pay close attention to every detail. I make Holidays, Birthdays, vacation, etc. very special for my kids. At school, there may be a student that doesn't have the big Birthday's etc. so I try to make sure my school parties are memorable. Nice party favors and all. It is all for the kids.

I am room mom for my DS9 and DD5. When it comes time for parties, I usually send a cute letter home asking for either a monetary donation or help volunteering or bringing in items. I get usually more money then parents wanting to help or go out and buy something (nothing wrong with that). I also always mention if you have cute ideas or a fun craft in mind to give me a call. No one ever calls. Then I call the co-room parents and usually they do not mention any ideas so I take charge. I guess I am worried what parents are thinking. I do it for the kids not the title. I just do not want people to think I want to do it all.

I guess I am extra sensitive because last year a mom freaked on me.......It was Valentine's Day and my teacher did NOT want a party. A few days before she called me and said we could have punch and cupcakes and could I???? Of course. (i love cupcakes) A co-room mom called and went nuts saying she wanted to BAKE CUPCAKES! SCREAMING!!!! at me over a darn cupcake. The next day she wrote me a letter of apology but, I always think twice about everything now.

You should see what I am carrying to school tomorrow I have 3 of the huge WDW shopping bags filled with all of the crafts, activites, etc. I spent probably $250+ for both kids classes. Parents sent in around $100 for the items. I just think matching plates, napkins, etc. are important....... Even if they cost more.

How does it work in your schools?? If you are a room mom, how do you do things or how does your room mom handle parties etc.?

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

For being a room mom, that is a job I avoid whenever I can. Planning and hosting events is just not my thing. When a room mom asks for money I'm happy to send it, if she calls and asks me to do something specific I will do it if I can(and tell her if I can't). If I can be there to help I will, but I teach at a preschool so I am often doing a party in my class. Some parents are unfortunalty territorial, but most are happy to have someone else take charge. Don't let the "high maitanance" ones get to you, what you do is appriciated by most everyone. Thanks again for being a room mom so someone like me doesn't have to(but I will if nobody will).

 

[Fionasmommy]

I'm a room mom for DD5's kindergarten class and after 2 parties I can honestly say that I hate it!

I love planning, coming up with new games, baking for the parties - all of it! That's why I signed up. Unfortunately, I'm one of 7 (yes, 7!) room moms because the AM and PM classes parties are planned together, and it's just been impossible to work as a group. We've tried assigning each area of the party to 2 mom teams, but even that doesn't work because someone else always thinks they have a better idea and can't resist getting involved.

It's really been a hassle and it's unfortunate because inevitably something that should be fun ends up being a huge battle. Too many cooks in the kitchen I guess! I'm also one of those Mom's that really wants to have a great party - I don't mind buying things myself to add to the fun - they're only young once! But, some people prefer the minimalist approach so we butt heads over that too.

 

[jennifer293]

I am a room mom, but DD's teacher rarely asks me to do anything. I am not sure if she is afraid to or if she thinks I am not capable!! I was the RM last year and I did it all and I loved it!! I always send in extra of everything needed just in case a child does not bring in what is needed. I am a cake decorator so anytime I bring baked goods it is elaborate (in hopes of getting orders..lol) They always oooohhhh and aaaaahhhh!!! I had one mom run into me coming in the school and I was bringing in a cake I donated to be auctioned in the silent auction and she said," Well, you just had to go and try to outshine all of us other moms for this bake sale didn't you?" I said, "No, my cake is going in the auction, it looks too good to be sold in the bake sale." I hated to be rude, but she Pi$$ed me off!! She has not spoke to me since..LOL

I think it is wonderful that you are doing as much as you are. I am sure the teacher really appreciates everything you do as well!!! Keep up the good work!!!

 

[Whosemom]

Our kids just had their parties too, and the room mothers did an excellent job. The kindergarten RM cut walls and roofs and made stables out of sugar cookie dough and the kids decorated them like ginger bread houses. A serious investment of time, and still let the CHILDREN's creativity shine. and they had a little game. it was very nice. I think the 2nd room mother was in charge of the game and the goody bags.
The 2nd grade room mother sent home a letter asking for someone to doeach of the following: a game (it was great), read a story, do a craft, and lead caroling. She must have made the snacks herself because that wasn't on the list.
The 5th graders had a blast too, they played a word game (naming carols from their initials), had a snack and a gift exchange. I don't think they did a craft. At that age, they seem to like the chance to visit.
At any rate, none of these parties set anyone back $125. Whew! I'll tell you the truth, I'd look at my motives. I guess if you've got it, and you're sure there's no "look at me, I'm the best room mother ever" go for it. But I think you might be sending out the "I'll do it, because it won't be good enough if I don't" vibes to your fellow moms. If some one got so frustrated at trying to be involved they had a total (albeit inappropriate) meltdown, you are right to be examining the situation.
I jumped right in with my oldest's classes in K and 1st, then I found out there were other several people who wanted to do it too. Maybe your school is different. Anyway, since I can get there on a regular basis through the week, I leave that for the moms who don't have that opportunity, but can get there on a special day.

 

[DVCLiz]

At my daughter's school, there are guidelines in place to prevent exactly the kind of excess you are describing. Believe me, I am not being critical of you, but at our school we had so many parents who wanted to provide that kind of party and more, it got out of control. Our school is private and there are many, many families for whom any kind of excess is a drop in the bucket. We also had to set some guidelines for teacher gifts.

Our class parties for K-5 are now held at the end of the last full school day closest to the holiday. The Christmas parties were Thursday afternoon, and the kids got out at noon on Friday. The parties last one hour, from 2 until 3. A craft, a book, an activity, a snack, go home. No party favors unless the kids make something.

It is so much nicer not to have the uber room moms competing to see who can bring in the best $500 worth of crafts and party favors.

The Middle School has a dance of some kind for each holiday, and they also go somewhere. This year they all went skating. One bus, one rental of skates, one drink, and back to school in time for carpool pickup. Short and sweet.

 

[mjantz]

I will out myself as the 'bad parent' who does not like school parties. I'll gladly go on field trips & provide any kind of craft or food item requested, just do not ask me to be there. Mainly because with my job its easier for me to take off an entire day than it is to leave early or take a late lunch or whatever and I'd rather take an unpaid day off for a field trip instead of a party.
I feel its a trade-off. There are some parents who really want to do the class parties but don't want to go on a field trip. I'm more than happy to take their place at the field trip if they'll be there for the class party.
But, I must concur that $125 each is a little stiff. My DDs room mom just sends home a note saying 'This is what we need, pleae e-mail or send this back with what you can bring.' Or, I get a note saying 'Your child has volunteered to bring spoons by Friday, January 12th' & I go get spoons & send them. With DS I mainly go through his teacher as to what her needs are.

 

[CindyBella]

Really not trying to the "uber room mom" but, I do realize why others may choose to think that. So not me though. Spending $125 for each party is not a lot to me. Just being truthful. Maybe I am odd but, I enjoy making parties fun and special. Others may want the snack, craft, and go party. Quick and simple. Where is the fun in that???? Just less work for the grown-ups. Sure the planning takes time but they are only little once.

Everything I buy is for the kids. All things they use their creativity to make for their loved ones.

 

[swillis]

Bless you!!!
I am one of "those" mothers who is neither creative or very good with kids. My own kids and I get along just fine of course...but they know me!

I work full time, and I totally and honestly thank God for parents like you! Please...send me a letter, ask me for money, tell me what you think the teacher and children would like. You know them best! You spend one on one time with all of them. You know the lesson plans, and you put the time in. Please, by all means...do whatever you think is best.

There are things that I am good at, and there are things that I am not good at. I usually tell my kid's teachers what I do for a living,(veterinary technician) and that I'd be happy to come into the classroom and do a career day, or something that involves animal health. I have brought x-rays in for them to look at and try to figure out what's wrong with the pet. I have done animal safety for the younger kids, and career choices for older kids.

Please...pat yourself on the back for being such an involved mom in the classroom. I for one, can't say THANK YOU enough!!

 

[momx2]

I think some of the excesses being described are a little sad. Our school is in one of the wealthiest areas of our city. Yet, we do not go to the extremes described. I would actually find it offensive to go to a school party and it being apparrent the the room mom spent over twice what was asked of us to donate. We have a sign up sheet at the first of the year and we volunteer to bring things for the parties we choose. I know some don't bring at all, but I'm okay with that. And yes, I am one of those that give money instead of time because I have to make my family's living. I've never seen a child upset at a school party because the plates don't match the napkins. IMHO that is the adult, not the child. My youngest's Christmas party this year was to invite the parents to watch them do a little Christmas program lasting 20 mins. Then they had a party with fruit and snacks. The best part.....being in their pjs, eating cookies, drinking hot chocalote and watching The Polar Express. Kids loved it!!!! and it was an inexpensive event and much more memorable. Also, we have had and still do have some problems with some room moms thinking their children deserve better treatment and unfortunately, they have gotten it sometimes. But this all stops in 4th grade. There are no room moms, just help with parties, etc. I have heard more than one teacher complain about the room moms wanting the school to do as they say. In our neighborhood, room mom is not a compliment unfortunately. I hope it is different elsewhere. My oldest DD had been the victim of one room mom and I hope no one has this problem!

I also want to add that I'm not saying the OP is this way. I guess I am venting about problems we have encountered in our school.

 

[DVCLiz]

Really not trying to the "uber room mom" but, I do realize why others may choose to think that. So not me though. Spending $125 for each party is not a lot to me. Just being truthful. Maybe I am odd but, I enjoy making parties fun and special. Others may want the snack, craft, and go party. Quick and simple. Where is the fun in that???? Just less work for the grown-ups. Sure the planning takes time but they are only little once.

Everything I buy is for the kids. All things they use their creativity to make for their loved ones.

The point I was trying to make was that, at our school, $125 wasn't a lot to many of the moms. But the next year, the room mother might not be quite so lucky, and yet she had the previous year to live up to. The school felt there were some precedents being set, and some messages being delivered, that weren't in keeping with the school's philosophy. We as a school decided that the parties needed to be scaled down, and the administration made a careful and considered decision.

We had some "where's the fun in that?" moms, to be sure, but the kids have had fun at all of the parties. Little kids enjoy doing something festive and different, and it doesn't need to be elaborate. We were finding, at our school, that the moms who planned the kinds of parties you are describing were in it for more than just the kids having fun - it was becoming a social competition. I am glad we handle parties the way we do, but I am really not being critical of you or your party, honestly I'm not!!

 

[CindyBella]

Maybe some of you do not realize how much things cost. No offense.


I called the parents that checked the "please contact me box" ran through a list of things we need for the party. Those parents are bringing:

drinks
chex mix
and a table cloth.

The rest of the parents either sent me a check.....and half did nothing at all.

With the money (I recieved roughly $100 for each class), I was able to buy everything else for the party.

plates
napkins (cute ones.... )

4 tubs of buttons
3 wire spools
3 spools of ribbon (for a button wreath ornament)

30 plain gift bags
2 tubs of christmas foam stickers

etc.......

So many parents send treat bags or party favors on holidays to school with their kids. I am not alone there.

I have fun doing this stuff. I try very hard to get parents involved by sending lots of letters home to parents asking them to call me with ideas, asking for volunteers, or help sending items in.

 

[momx2]

Well, yes I do realize how much things cost. But I thought you stated that parents sent it $100 and you spent an extra $150. I think that is excessive. There is no reason a great party can't be had for $100. What are you guys having to serve at $250?

 

[CindyBella]

Well, yes I do realize how much things cost. But I thought you stated that parents sent it $100 and you spent an extra $150. I think that is excessive. There is no reason a great party can't be had for $100. What are you guys having to serve at $250?

Well, for an appetizer we are starting with..........

Then our main course will be......
Are you kidding me?


That is for 2 CLASSES! DD5 and DS9

 

[momx2]

Really not trying to the "uber room mom" but, I do realize why others may choose to think that. So not me though. Spending $125 for each party is not a lot to me. Just being truthful. Maybe I am odd but, I enjoy making parties fun and special.

No I'm not kidding. I missed it by $25. You stated that $100 was sent in. Then you spent $125 each party. That is $225 for each party. Maybe I'm misunderstanding and that is only $125 for each party. Sorry if I missed it. I still think that is alot.

What our school does is send our a sheet at the beginning of the year to sign up for which party you want to contribute to. They usually have 4 parties. You can contribute to none or all 4. I try to give to most parties. We are assigned drinks or plates or fruit or snacks, etc. It is brought in. I feel bad for you if parents won't contribute. But I still think event the $100 is more than sufficient for a party. Kids don't need much to make happy at a party. Call it a party and give them some punch and cookie and mine are happy.

 

[jemiaule]

I see no problems with what OP is doing and glad there are moms out there that have the time to do this. I wish I did but I do not - so I offer to send things in with the boys, donate towards the total cost, etc.

The only thing I have issue with is forcing group gifts. I know of a family in one son's class that is struggling financially and being told they need to contribute $20 to a group gift for teacher is hard on them.

 

[momx2]

Well, for an appetizer we are starting with..........

Then our main course will be......
Are you kidding me?


That is for 2 CLASSES! DD5 and DS9

I went back and re-read your post and realized I offended you. I truly didn't mean to and merely misunderstood. Maybe you are a little sensitive. You could have corrected me politely. Sorry. Renae

 

[momx2]

I see no problems with what OP is doing and glad there are moms out there that have the time to do this. I wish I did but I do not - so I offer to send things in with the boys, donate towards the total cost, etc.

The only thing I have issue with is forcing group gifts. I know of a family in one son's class that is struggling financially and being told they need to contribute $20 to a group gift for teacher is hard on them.

I agree. I am so glad some parents can help out at school. I have just found at our school it goes overboard and is a hinderance to the kids and some teachers. But what the OP is speaking of is just helping organize and I am so glad someone will do this. I also think some kids parents do have a problem with the gift donation.

 

[CindyBella]

I think some of the excesses being described are a little sad. Our school is in one of the wealthiest areas of our city. Yet, we do not go to the extremes described. I would actually find it offensive to go to a school party and it being apparrent the the room mom spent over twice what was asked of us to donate. We have a sign up sheet at the first of the year and we volunteer to bring things for the parties we choose. I know some don't bring at all, but I'm okay with that. And yes, I am one of those that give money instead of time because I have to make my family's living. I've never seen a child upset at a school party because the plates don't match the napkins. IMHO that is the adult, not the child. My youngest's Christmas party this year was to invite the parents to watch them do a little Christmas program lasting 20 mins. Then they had a party with fruit and snacks. The best part.....being in their pjs, eating cookies, drinking hot chocalote and watching The Polar Express. Kids loved it!!!! and it was an inexpensive event and much more memorable. Also, we have had and still do have some problems with some room moms thinking their children deserve better treatment and unfortunately, they have gotten it sometimes. But this all stops in 4th grade. There are no room moms, just help with parties, etc. I have heard more than one teacher complain about the room moms wanting the school to do as they say. In our neighborhood, room mom is not a compliment unfortunately. I hope it is different elsewhere. My oldest DD had been the victim of one room mom and I hope no one has this problem!

I also want to add that I'm not saying the OP is this way. I guess I am venting about problems we have encountered in our school.

I am truly sorry that you have had problems with room mothers in the past.

Do I think my kids get better treatment yes and no. When DS9 talks out loud, runs in the halls, he gets written up like everyone else. However since I also am an office volunteer, if DS comes in to the office to see the nurse, A secretary will call to let me know. (bloody nose) They look out for him. THEY LOOK OUT FOR ALL STUDENTS. Since I volunteer, they know me, so they call. If I am not at DS school I can probably be found at DD school....or target . You just build a relationship with the teachers and staff.

 

[momx2]

I am truly sorry that you have had problems with room mothers in the past.

Do I think my kids get better treatment yes and no. When DS9 talks out loud, runs in the halls, he gets written up like everyone else. However since I also am an office volunteer, if Lee comes in to the office to see the nurse, A secretary will call to let me know. (bloody nose) They look out for him. THEY LOOK OUT FOR ALL STUDENTS. Since I volunteer, they know me, so they call. If I am not at DS school I can probably be found at DD school....or target . You just build a relationship with the teachers and staff.

They know us also. Most of the office staff and alot of teachers are our neighbors. We go to church with many teachers. Their children come to my house and play. I'm not a room mom, but know my school system and teachers and office staff, I am involved. They call me or my husband if our kids are sick or need something, etc. I agree that they look out for all students. Unfortunately, we had a teacher last year who bought the room mom's children presents and no one else. One room mom would report anyone she precieved was mistreating her child (usually child was lying since she ). Honestley, I am glad their are room moms to help, but the one's that bring their babies everyday to the room, so much so the baby would go to certain kids, including mine and sit in their lap and get babysitted while my DD should have been learing...... I wasn't happy about many of those things. It was out of hand. I think your parties are fine. I guess I just think the kids are easy to please.