Room Moms and school parties.......

[Whosemom]

LOL My kids always share treats from parties everyone didn't go to. I even heard DD8 planning out how to fairly share her "take" while she was still at the party. AND the girls (8 and 11) share clothes.

NOw, this doesn't carry over anywhere else at all. They argue like crazy rather than share most of the time. I don't know why parties are different.

 

[flying_babyb]

I dont know my aunts kids share with me when they get done with parties.

 

[grlzmom]

I am currently the "head" room mom for dd5 Kind. class.
For all my kiddos so far, I have done room mom for K and 5th. Not sure why I picked those years, but I love being K room mom.

The K school setup here is very nice. One "head" room mom, and two assistants. Parties for Halloween, Christmas, Valentines and end of school.

School provides 10 dollars per party budget and we are on our own with no restrictions or guidelines for the rest. We live in an area that is VERY economically depressed, so we do get some kids that REALLY enjoy the parties as they dont get much of anything at home.

Christmas party consisted of me getting plain undecorated cookies from the bakery (cant be homemade), tons of icing, sprinkles, etc., with which the kids had a great time decorating and consuming and generally making a mess . Juice boxes, bingo and of course there were several parents that sent in treat bags of candy, etc. which the kids happily took home. I pay for the parties myself, and the other two room moms usually provide something (one is really crafty and stamps up some beautiful little takehome bags with the kids names, etc.) All parents are always welcome.

While I would love to go overboard, I show some self-restraint, as it is my own personal opinion that sometimes going overboard sometimes discourages others from getting involved or offering their input if what they can offer may not be as expensive or time consuming. I also think making sure the napkins and plates match is NOT important.

We also do two school wide activites per year, which takes collaboration and planning. We did Polar express day with the kids wearing pjs to school, the cafeteria being set up with train style seating, Santa coming to the classrooms and handing out "tickets", the kids watching the movie all together and the cafeteria ladies coming down the aisle with the trays of hot chocolate. When it was over, Santa gave out the first gift of Christmas, and two names were drawn (a boy and a girl) and they were given copies of the dvd to take home. Each kid got a photo with Santa (we used one hour developing) and was presented a bell to wear (strung on yarn). Total cost for the entire school was under 100 dollars, including photos, hot chocolate, dvds, candy canes and coloring books (so about 75 cents per kid). It was paid for out of pto budget, and the dvds were donated. The kids had a wonderful time.

No group teacher gifts are allowed.

Dd gave her teacher a gift outside of the classroom as not many kids give gifts and our teacher is so incredible and has gone way beyond expectations that we did spend a little much and didnt want it to appear like we were trying to outgift everyone else.

 

[flying_babyb]

thats like at our center, No gifts are exchanged from kid to teacher, but they break the rules, things show up in the hall LOL

 

[robsmom]

I work and travel some for business so i do not sign up for room mother. our room mother will usually call people looking for volunteers. They have never asked for donations of money but will take food, paper products etc. For holloween i made pupmkin shaped cupcakes and let them decorate with frosting and sprinkles etc.

In our school i do see the fighting but maybe i am removed. i did find our pta to be a clique. I thought as adults we outgrew that but I think I they were a bit more inclusive they might get more help!! So to the initial OP I would not worry about doing too much because we need people like you!! I would ask you to look and see if as a group you are open to new people and ideas.

I wanted to ask all you room mothers is there a way to offer money without offending someone. One mother who was not part of our class but i knew from cub scouts told me how much she spent each year and that she could not be room mother anymore as a result and that a lot of mothers were not able to do it. I keep thinking that we need the mothers with time to team up with the working mothers who might have some extra cash. Not trying to start a debate here - just seems like this is a way i could help but am not sure how to go about doing it.

 

[chop456]

I teach first grade and do not have a room mom. I am a bit surprised to see how excessive some of these parties are! We had our "winter celebration" yesterday. It was 30 minutes and included watching Frosty the Snowman, eating a Christmas tree brownie (I provided) and receiving a gift from me (2 books and jump ropes for the girls/trading cars for the boys). The party was not anything extravagant but the kids had a great time. Another teacher friend had her son dress up as Santa and came to visit all the K-1 classrooms and passed out candy canes, too. They were well behaved, appreciated that we were able to do something, and best of all - not sugared up for music class which was at the end of the day. I teach at a very poor school (96% poverty) and the kids were just happy to have done something.

I guess I do question that when you "go all out" are you setting a precedence for what they come to expect? In my opinion celebrations/parties are privileges, not expectations.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

The highlight at my ds's parties is the all-school Bingo. Regardless of the treats and goody bags provided by various parents (we were assigned paper plates at Halloween), all the kids are really interested in is the Bingo. This solves alot of problems. At the Christmas party this year, we were asked to have each child bring a "party in a bag" - One sweet snack, one salty snack, one dessert, and a wrapped gift under $5.00. The kids drew numbers and then chose a bag. This was great -- no work for any given parent, and the kids were thrilled.

We don't really have room mothers, we just take turns for each party. We also have a "lunch parent" program, so we're all in there pretty regularly. Actually, my dh does "lunch dad", because it's closer to his work and easier for him to go.

My ds does attend a small parochial school, so perhaps that's why involvement is more mandatory (voluntary, but everyone does it). We actually have a lottery to see who's going on field trips -- too many parents want to participate!

 

[Whosemom]

Robsmom, just call the room mom a week or so before the party (before she has probably shopped) and offer. Or even if you know who it is early on the year, call.

"Hi, Mrs Smith. I'm Rob's mom. I travel alot on business and will have to miss the parties, and can't really even committ to being there come time to shop for party stuff. I'd like to go ahead and give you x-dollars towards the party, so I can be sure to do my part. Then, if I'm home I'll come help chaperone as well."

Who could be offended or judgemental about that?

 

[MiniGirl]

I wanted to ask all you room mothers is there a way to offer money without offending someone. One mother who was not part of our class but i knew from cub scouts told me how much she spent each year and that she could not be room mother anymore as a result and that a lot of mothers were not able to do it. I keep thinking that we need the mothers with time to team up with the working mothers who might have some extra cash. Not trying to start a debate here - just seems like this is a way i could help but am not sure how to go about doing it.

My best friend is a working mom. She usually just calls whoever the room mom/party organizer and says she'd like to donate. She says she's a working mom and often can't be there. Sending things (or money) in is the only way she can contribute and she would like to do that. I don't think anyone has ever been offended by her offer. Just appreciative.

 

[MariDisney]

I am the "head room parent" for DD7's 2nd grade class. There are also 8-9 "room parents". For the Halloween party we had treats (soft pretzels, some candy and juice) and a few games. One room parent FREAKED OUT o me that it was such a crying shame that the kids did not get goody bags. Now, we live in a very nice area and the kids brought home an activity book and prize from the games we played. I didn't feel like goody bags were needed, but I was apparetly wrong. She emailed me about 4 times about this and wanted to know Nov. 1 what my intention was for holiday gifts for the class because they were so "let down" for Halloween.

For our holiday party yesterday we did a pj party. We had pancakes that the kids decorated with various toppings (whipped cream, marshmallows, etc) and juice and hot cocoa. We had a simple "pass the snowman" game, made cut-out snowflakes and did some freeze dancing. It was fun, but not extravagent at all. I have to admit that I bought plain white paper plates and cups. So, I guess they technically matched.

Each child is supposed to pay $5 class dues at the beginning of the year, but I am only actually able to collect from about 15 of 22. This is supposed to cover expenses for 3 parties, which of course it doesn't. Some people are happy to send in things we need, others not.

For the teacher's gift I asked for a donation for a gift card. I did not specifiy an amount. We are not even allowed in our school to list who gave money, it just has to be from "your class" or whatever. That rule is fine with me as I am sure some of the students couldn't afford to donate.

I am generally of a minimalist attitude about the class parties. It's nice for the kids to have a break in routine. But, the truth is, my DD has plenty of games, crafts, and snacks throughout the season at home. I'd rather her spend more of her time at school learning and less partying. The hour we have 3 times a year is fine for me. I am confident that the cut out and glittered snowflakes will be enough of a memory for her. I personally don't feel the need to get more extravagent than that.

 

[poohfriend]

Really not trying to the "uber room mom" but, I do realize why others may choose to think that. So not me though. Spending $125 for each party is not a lot to me. Just being truthful. Maybe I am odd but, I enjoy making parties fun and special. Others may want the snack, craft, and go party. Quick and simple. Where is the fun in that???? Just less work for the grown-ups. Sure the planning takes time but they are only little once.

Everything I buy is for the kids. All things they use their creativity to make for their loved ones.

I get kinda uptight when I have to spend an extra $25 on the room parent thing. I'm a room mom and love it, but don't have the extra cash to do such overwhelming parties.

When I see other room moms doing this, I have thought in the past that it was such a waste of money.

But, after reading your original post, I can see you just enjoy it, you've got the funds, it's not a waste. Sounds to me like your motives are pure...and perhaps some of those other room moms I've been judgemental about their spending habits have the same motives.

Thanks. It's kind of you to serve the kids in both classes this way.

 

[TMB1203]

I'm the room mom for my sons 5th grade class. I should also mention that I have never been the RM before, this year I did it because nobody volunteered and if there isn't a RM the kids can't have holiday parties. It's very difficult to get the time off to go to the parties, since it's right in the middle of the day. I probably won't do it next year, hopefully, somebody else volunteers. This year I will enjoy the time I get to spend at my sons school. I have to say, he was originally very upset. He didn't want me there..it took away his coolness....

I send home a letter before each class party with an "assignment" of what to bring. He goes to Private School, there are 18 kids in his class...3 parties...makes it simple...6 students per party. I try to assign evenly so nobody spends more than $7-$8. Luckily, I haven't had a parent not bring in their assigned item. I also ask for parent helpers, but so far, only 1 parent per party has shown up. Which I do understand...the parents work during the day and it's hard to take alot of time off.

I spend a little OOP for each party, I try to limit it to $10.00 and that's only for the games and the candy. I hope the kids have had fun. They only get 1 hour for their party..this is to eat/drink and play games. One of the girls complained that Halloween bingo was "lame". Yesterday they played candy cane horseshoes and a relay race scooping up candy with a spoon and running it back to the other end of the class. There are 15 boys/3 girls in the class. It got a bit rowdy!!

I don't think anybody notices whether things match perfectly (again 15 boys). They just want candy.

 

[Loriannf]

While I applaud those of you who volunteer year after year to be room mothers, how about letting some of the rest of us have a chance? Every year for the last three years I've volunteered to be room mother for my daughter's class, only to have a repeat room mother appointed. Some of these mothers are room parents for several rooms at the same time (say for their Kindergartener's room, their 2nd grader's room, etc). Then they are always asking for volunteers because they're too busy!!! Give the rest of us a chance.

My two cents, anyway

Lori

 

[MariDisney]

While I applaud those of you who volunteer year after year to be room mothers, how about letting some of the rest of us have a chance? Every year for the last three years I've volunteered to be room mother for my daughter's class, only to have a repeat room mother appointed. Some of these mothers are room parents for several rooms at the same time (say for their Kindergartener's room, their 2nd grader's room, etc). Then they are always asking for volunteers because they're too busy!!! Give the rest of us a chance.

My two cents, anyway

Lori

Thanks for sharing. I am a repeater (1st and 2nd grade). The way it works at our school is that you fill out the form saying you want to be a room parent and then check off if you're willing to be "head room parent". I am not sure what the appointment procsess is, exactly. For all I know I may have been the only willing one both years. I feel like I should check it off if I'm willing, because I don't want the teacher to have to go look for someone else. Maybe next year I'll make a note that I've done it twice, but would do it again if teacher is stuck.

 

[Starr W.]

I usually put down call me last on the party list. I usually get the Xmas parties as so many moms are already gone or too busy packing to come on the last day before break.

Our neighborhood was moved to a different school this year(growing district that hasn't realized that we are going to need a 5th elementary school in 4-5yrs), so I have a new bunch of moms to get used to. The #2 in the parents club, likes me(I think she is a crazy driving snob, luckily her oldest is is in his last year) because DH & I have the "proper" autos and we both help out frequently.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

Another RM here. DS5 is in Kindergarten and he is my oldest so this was an experience for me At the beginning of the year anyone who wanted to be a room parent signed and sent in a piece of paper and 2 names were drawn for each class. DS is in 1/2 day kindergarten so when they have parties (4 per year) or other events - books fairs, graduation, etc. it is up to the 2 room parents what will be served, etc.

Myself and the other RM have worked together as far as separating out jobs. But we do alternate as to who is in "charge" of the party - she had halloween, I had Christmas. We are expected to call parents for donations - cupcakes, cookies, paper goods, and do specify that all 25 items be the SAME - all apple juice, all red cupcakes, etc so that the kids do NOT argue over the "little" things. What we decided was to divide the class into 4 groups and contact each group of people for contributions. This was so that each parent had the opportunity to help with at least 1 party. Parents are not allowed in for school parties - only the Room parents. These kids are only in school for 3 hours and parties are kind of a minimalist approach. A couple treats on holiday themed paperware (usually picked up at Walmart for $1 a package) with matching themed or coordinating colored napkins (also $1 per package at Walmart), a goodie bag or chocolate pop to bring home - again small maybe 50 cents each kid and that is it. For the Christmas holiday party we had Christmas tree cakes, cupcakes, juice boxes, a chocolate pop, and a small candy cane. Each child brought in a $3 present and boys swapped with boys/girls swapped with girls. The teachers gave all the kids a present - coloring books bought 3 for $1 and a couple of sweets in the bag. We (I) called all the parents and asked them to donate $5 for a teachers gift. Out of 25 kids I got about 18 to contribute (although all said they would send $$$) I purchased 2 Dr. Suess books and had ALL the kids sign the inside cover of the books - 1 for each teacher to be used as the card. I also made some of the quick snacks/treats from the recipe board here so when time came to present the teachers gift 8 random children presented the 2 teachers with chocolate covered pretzels, choc covered popcorn, the book/card, and main present (amex GC) It was our way to show the kids this present was from them but to make sure all kids were involved (all of them signed the card regardless of $$$ contribution).

While I do appreciate the effort of room mothers and all the extra time & money that it requires I personally have a hard time believing that a kids school party would require spending upwards of $100 and more. If you can and choose to that is a personal choice but in this area I would be shocked to see it. Maybe parties are different for full day students - more time, need to do a craft or game??? - as I expect to find out over the next few years but with parents contributing the food aspect, even with designer bakery bought goodies it would never reach that height in this neck of the woods.

 

[Va-bear]

Bless you!!!
I am one of "those" mothers who is neither creative or very good with kids. My own kids and I get along just fine of course...but they know me!

I work full time, and I totally and honestly thank God for parents like you! Please...send me a letter, ask me for money, tell me what you think the teacher and children would like. You know them best! You spend one on one time with all of them. You know the lesson plans, and you put the time in. Please, by all means...do whatever you think is best.

There are things that I am good at, and there are things that I am not good at. I usually tell my kid's teachers what I do for a living,(veterinary technician) and that I'd be happy to come into the classroom and do a career day, or something that involves animal health. I have brought x-rays in for them to look at and try to figure out what's wrong with the pet. I have done animal safety for the younger kids, and career choices for older kids.

Please...pat yourself on the back for being such an involved mom in the classroom. I for one, can't say THANK YOU enough!!

Pretty much my exact thoughts (even the job - I'm a research tech) - so I'll just say DITTO and THANKS!!!!

 

[vhoffman]

I've learned th shy away from contributing to those parties, unless its a monetary contribution. anything I bring in is seen with suspicion--like I'm trying to compete with "cookie Mom". Last party there was an email sign-up for about 8 items. I tried signing up for some of the cheaper items but was told as soon as I signed up that those items were alreaky taken. Finally I took the last thing on th list--a fruit tray! Well, a fruit tray is about 4x more expensive than the other items on the list, such as napkins, plain cookies, etc. I spent about $15 on that darned tray--do you think I get any thanks for it? Actually the opposite. I helped dd carry it in and the teacher looked dismayed then said she would have to go out on her break to buy ice to store it in her cooler. Well, what did she have a cooler for if she didn't have any ice for it? She was the one who asked for that stuff, did it ever occur to her she would need a place to put it? I got the impression she wanted me to volunteer to run get ice, but I had other time committments. I heard later she complained long and loud to anyone who would listen about how "stupid" I was to bring in a fruit tray and no ice to store it and how she had to run out the the store to get some ice on her break. Well, she never asked for ice--she should have anticipated that certain items need to be kept cold, why didn't she ask for ice when she asked for the fruit tray?

From now on I just don't bother with those parties. I only make monetary contributions, that way they can suit themselves and I don't have to worry if my cookies are better than theirs' or if I "forgot" to bring something that was never requested. Geez, I would have been better off not bringing anything at all!

 

[cinjam]

I was asked, by the PTO, to be a room mom for my son's PM kindergarten class since there were not enough volunteers this year. There are four of us all together - no one designated as lead mom, so we kind of appointed one of the girls who had done this before. We work well together and so far I've found it enjoyable. At the beginning of the year, we met w/the teacher & the AM moms to go over what we could & could not do.

Then we sent home a questionnaire asking if, in the future, parents would be able to volunteers their time and/or baked goodies, we also asked for a one time voluntary donation of $10 to help cover some of the expenses. We had 100% of the parents donate (which I am told is unusual).

So far we've had two parties (halloween & holiday). We do 1-2 crafts, have juice, have 1-2 items to eat, and play some type of game. We do keep it simple, but it does add up. We try and keep the snacks on the healthy side, but it is not mandatory. At the last party we had cupcakes & a veggie platter...and don't you know the veggie platter was a bigger hit than the cupcakes.

As far as I know we are not doing a group gift for the teacher (at least we didn't for the holiday party). The only exception is that if there is any money left over at the end of the year, which I doubt there is going to be...but you never know.

 

[texaslover]

I have been a room mom for my son in K, 1st, and 2nd. This year I completed my Master's degree in Education and am currently subbing and looking for a teaching job. I'm in the middle of a 4 month position as a Kindergarten teacher.

Having been on both sides I'll say that a simple party is a better party. Our district is fairly wealthy and had to put rules in place to limit the excessive spending. Each grade has to have the same party for each class and the room moms work together to create a schedule and items for the hour long party. It's harder to agree and coordinate but it does help keep the parties under control.

Since I was teaching during the holiday party I was very, very grateful for all the work that each mom did to make it fun. It is a great weight off a teachers shoulders to let the moms take charge. It wasn't what they brought or how much they spent but just their presence that mattered.

We spent the week leading up to the holiday making gifts for the parents, doing special projects and crafts, and incorporating the holiday theme into a learning experience. The kids have already made numerous items, eaten holiday fare, and seen every game and worksheet that has a holiday appropriate item on it (snowman, penquin, snowflake, gingerbread man, etc.). The excitement for the kids comes from having a parent or family member come and share the time with them and getting to "party" in a school environment (talk to friends, ,move around the room....basically let the structure go out the window). They don't care about getting anything or what the snack is, or taking anything home. I do believe that taking the time to be there with your child is more important than what is done with the party. And this is coming from a mom who couldn't be at her son's 3rd grade party for the first time ever and was practically in tears during my class's party because I felt so awful. And, I had several kids who kept saying, "My mom will be here any minute", even though I knew they weren't coming. An elaborate snack or craft can't make that ok.

Anyway, I will probably be teaching full time next year and, if DS is not at the same school as I am, I will make sure hubby shows up for all his parties. That's what matters.