Well, she was stupid too.
How dare you say that about someone's mother.
It's OK, she was, when she was alive she owned it. Young and without choices at that time.
She just wanted to leave her family home (she later had some repressed memories of abuse from her father come back...not in therapy, just on her own...but everyone else in her family remembered her father as the most wonderful person ever...he died of a massive heart attack when my mom was pregnant with me, decades before those memories came back, so she never really knew what was real and what wasn't) but her father refused. Had a closed door meeting with my father, making arrangements for him to marry my mom. Only that way was she allowed to leave. So they left Florida (where her parents were by then), went to Colorado where his family lived (they'd met in California when both fathers had jobs there) and got married, and moved out to San Francisco. She officially graduated from high school, but left before the ceremony and got her diploma in the mail.
They lived a very poor life, though surrounded by up and coming musicians, for quite some time. Because of those days, she always made sure I had shampoo, because so many communal living roommates would steal hers. She had some great times...met Jimi Hendrix, lived in a big house with Paul Kantner, was friends with "Pigpen" who was an early part of what became the Grateful Dead and hung out with them while they practiced...
When my mom died, I called my dad to tell him. He started crying and told me that he regretted so much. That he could pinpoint when he changed to the night (a party where he forcibly made her leave a party, after they got a phone call that Paul McCartney was going to come over and my mom I guess was too happy about it).
But I was born when she was 25, and my brother when she was 27...my dad wasn't even living with us when my brother was conceived, and he always had a hard time accepting my brother as his (dad's old pictures and brother currently look like the exact same person, but until brother became an adult brother was spitting image of my mom...I always looked just like my dad with a girly layer, so there was no question about me).
She finally divorced him when she could financially do so.
He continued to be awful. The San Jose CA police department was useless. He would go out and schmooze wtih them...all 6'2" of him compared to my bruised 5'2" mom (my stepmom was lucky b/c she was 5'10" and a big Swedish sturdy woman...never had anything but verbal abuse from him and she doesn't care about that)...they'd leave, never arrested him...awful awful.
He finally stopped at some point...she became an advocate for abused women...helped them...was almost an underground railroad for acquaintances trying to leave...
It's really too bad a medical error killed her at 55, when I'd just turned 30, before I got married or had a kid...it's been 9 years next month...
Anyway, many people wouldn't take too well to what you said, but you didn't know she was dead, didn't know she'd figured it out (though the fact that she did divorce him might have been a clue), etc....wouldn't have been pretty with other people, but it's OK with me.
My mom was so glad when I didn't marry at 17. Had a proposal the night before I went off to college, but I said no and left. She was so happy. Her mom had been married at 17, too. She was very glad that I broke that cycle of deciding one's life while still a teen.
I have never hit anyone in my life, but that may do it.
