Reusing a wedding band

[Jill in Chicago]

My brother married a wonderful woman when they were both around 43. She was divorced and had a gorgeous wedding ring/engagement ring from her ex who was physically and mentally abusive to her. She and my brother have no money. She took the stones out and hand the ring re-made. Personally, I would have never, ever done this, but she and my brother are fine with it. She wanted a gorgeous ring and there was no way they could afford what she wanted.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Just want to say I would not want to be married to a man like this
BUT for some people material things don't mean much I am sure he is thinking it is still in good condition, I am sure he paid for it so why bother with a new one

although I would run.

 

[violetrose]

Stupid question, but was he a divorcee or a widower? If the latter, I don't see it as any different than using a family heirloom. If the former, it says "cheap" to me.

Agreed.

 

[bankgirl05]

Now you know WHY he's divorced! Just sayin'...

 

[iheartdisney]

My first thought is if he is divorced, how does he have his ex's rings? i know you have to give back engagement rings if the marriage doesn't happen, but who gives back a wedding ring after the divorce? (that is a serious question, I'm not divorced. )

My brother married a wonderful woman when they were both around 43. She was divorced and had a gorgeous wedding ring/engagement ring from her ex who was physically and mentally abusive to her. She and my brother have no money. She took the stones out and hand the ring re-made. Personally, I would have never, ever done this, but she and my brother are fine with it. She wanted a gorgeous ring and there was no way they could afford what she wanted.

That I wouldn't mind compared to re-engraving an old ring.
If my marriage didn't work, i would want my ring made into something else, or save it for my daughters if they wanted it. The diamond is absolutely beautiful, and it is the first time i owned my birthstone. I just don't know if my daughters would want to bring a "cursed" ring into their marriage. lol

There are so many choices besides just using the old ring. Even lack of money isn't an excuse. You could take it into a pawn shop and exchange it for one of your choice. You could sell it an buy a new ring. Reusing an ex's ring is just thoughtless.

 

[luvmy3]

New marriage means new rings, even for a widow/er.

 

[tvguy]

Well, devil's advocate here. At least he is willing to wear a wedding ring. That's been a big debate among some of my co-workers lately, men who refuse to wear a wedding ring.

As for me, my wedding ring is an antique ( well, if just over 100 years old is antique that is) . It was my dad's...he passed away before I got married. He got it from his dad, who passed away before he got married.
My son is going to have to buy his own ring, I plan to be alive when he gets married.

Oh, and yes, discussing wedding rings on the first date is beyond bizarre. Although I know more than one couple that made the decision to get married after only a few weeks of dating, and no, NONE of them is still married to that person!

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Just want to say I would not want to be married to a man like this
BUT for some people material things don't mean much I am sure he is thinking it is still in good condition, I am sure he paid for it so why bother with a new one

although I would run.

I agree that to some material things do not mean much, but a wedding band is much more than a material thing. It is a symbol of the vows you have made to each other regarding love, respect and commitment. Not like it's a watch. "Hey my ex wife gave it to me but I still need to know the time so no harm." Not quite...

 

[disykat]

I don't think I'd be so hard on him as people are being here, depending on how it came up. It could be a scary dealbreaker or not.

I can actually envision some scenarios where something like this would come up, admittedly very strange on a first date, but somewhat plausible.

What if somehow Prince William giving his bride his mother's ring came up and a discussion about whether rings carry the mojo from previous marriages started. He could have said something like "I liked that ring so much if I could erase the engraving and wear it for another marriage, I would."

Personally, I've been married 22 years and, although my marriage vows are very important to me, I don't really see the ring as very significant.

 

[tinktinktink]

What a crazy topic to discuss on a date! I would say no way!

 

[Piglets Mommy]

Well, devil's advocate here. At least he is willing to wear a wedding ring. That's been a big debate among some of my co-workers lately, men who refuse to wear a wedding ring.

As for me, my wedding ring is an antique ( well, if just over 100 years old is antique that is) . It was my dad's...he passed away before I got married. He got it from his dad, who passed away before he got married.
My son is going to have to buy his own ring, I plan to be alive when he gets married.

Oh, and yes, discussing wedding rings on the first date is beyond bizarre. Although I know more than one couple that made the decision to get married after only a few weeks of dating, and no, NONE of them is still married to that person!

Yours is a situation where I think it is perfectly fine to pass on a wedding ring. I see nothing wrong with using your Father or Grandfather's wedding ring as your own, or giving your wife your Mom or Grandmother's ring. I think that is very sweet and sentimental. It's the re-using a wedding ring that this guy already used in HIS previous marriage that sets my weirdo radar off.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I agree that to some material things do not mean much, but a wedding band is much more than a material thing. It is a symbol of the vows you have made to each other regarding love, respect and commitment. Not like it's a watch. "Hey my ex wife gave it to me but I still need to know the time so no harm." Not quite...

I agree but I love my wedding band and diamond I know like someone else said some men won't even wear one...he falls in the middle .....fond of recycling them.

 

[scrapquitler]

I recently went out on a date where the gentleman said he said he plans on reusing his wedding band if he gets remarried in the future and just changing the engraving inside . There was no next date, for other reasons but this was one one of the red flags. Agree or disagree? Poll coming...

I dont' think reusing the wedding band is a weird. I do think that talking about it on the first date was VERY weird

 

[denisem]

As usual, I chose "other". Many jewellers buy gold, so take the old ring and put it toward a new one.

I was previously married, so I took my freeform engagement setting (diamond/emeralds) and had it remade into a pendant. The thin wedding band was sold for the gold.

However, this was all done prior to meeting my present husband and I didn't hit him with the fact on our first date. That scares me!

 

[DebbieB]

My aunt was a widow in her early 70's and she married a widower who lived a couple doors down. He gave her his first wife's wedding ring set! Not only that, but she wasn't allowed to touch certain things in the house because they were his first wife's. Didn't last long...... She never even changed her name legally and after the divorce she still considered herself a widow, not divorced.

 

[Andtototoo]

What's engraved inside?

"Warning: I'm the cheapest guy you'll ever date."

For criminey's sake, a plain band is inexpensive. If the guy isn't willing to spring for a new one, that's too cheap for me. Did he also pay for dinner on the first date using a coupon?

And if he wants to reuse it for sentimental reasons, then that would be another, "NO way, Jose".

 

[Scurvy]

As far as I'm concerned, there's a "one wedding per person" limit when it comes to using rings. So giving your grandmother's wedding ring to your new wife is fine, because neither of you has used that ring in a wedding before. But any ring you actually used in a previous wedding ought to be off limits for any future weddings. The ring represents the vows you made to your spouse. I wouldn't want a physical reminder of the vows that my husband made to someone else to also be used as a reminder of the vows he was making to me. Even if it was a family heirloom, I wouldn't use it as a wedding ring for more than one spouse, though I wouldn't get rid of it and might use it as just another piece of jewelry if it reminded me more of the former owners than of the previous spouse.

I also find it really odd that the topic came up on a first date, though like a previous poster I can imagine a few ways it might come up that wouldn't be overly weird or creepy. If he just brought it up out of nowhere, though, I'd find that bizarre and I'd be running for the hills.

 

[I Love Pluto]

A new marriage - a new ring. Why would anyone re-use a ring from a failed marriage?! It would be doomed from the beginning!

 

[tvguy]

What's engraved inside?

"Warning: I'm the cheapest guy you'll ever date."

For criminey's sake, a plain band is inexpensive. If the guy isn't willing to spring for a new one, that's too cheap for me. Did he also pay for dinner on the first date using a coupon?

And if he wants to reuse it for sentimental reasons, then that would be another, "NO way, Jose".

I thought the protocol was the bride buys the grooms ring.

 

[leebee]

Sell it- gold prices are sky high right now!!