relatives want to pool hop to our hotel...help!

[debm]

Everything makes so much sense. I agree with what every poster says and yet I have to make a good decision for the situation. Unfortunately now we've had a discipline issue with my MIL and our daughter. Oh how it tangles everything. I want to respect my MIL yet I don't think the issue was as big a deal as it has been made out to be and it has totally ruined my day and my daughter's. Right now it feels like one of those "how are we going to get past this" type of thing. She is only 6 years old. I believe she should respect adults but my DH and I should be the ones to discipline, NOT MIL who loses her temper and ends up hurting my daughter. Sooooo....I'm not feeling very room sharing happy right now. Also, I respect the other people staying at GF and feel that we paid for everything, yada yada, so I'm leaning towards just letting them know but not until the night before. Yes, I am such a people pleaser! Most of you hit it right on the nose! Well, I'm back to reading disboards for a quick getaway while kiddies are watching a movie and I can take a "time-out" for myself!! Thanks again all!!!

 

[Alicnwondrln]

dont let this stuff ruin it for you people work so hard
enjoy your vacation
its funny how family can make things sooo much harder

 

[Dznypal]

ours is with holidays not vacations though as my MIL never travels expect to go to dinky little towns wheres theres casinos but she wont go to Vagas as she puts it theres nothing in Vagas!!! whcih really gets my FIL mad cause he'd love to go to Vagas.

Last year it was the worst holiday season Christams we have pretty even as far as the 2 familes go but its mosty with Easter and Thankg. Since I work in a hospital we have to work every other holiday so since I had to work last Easter and couldnt spend it with my family (my mom already had planned brunch when she realized I had to work) so I just figured when Thanksg. came around there shouldn't be a problem oh was I wrong myInlaws thought since we spent last thanksg. with my parents that thanksg 04 should be with them!!! My mom works closely with my SIL so both of us can to the other sides so my mom planned and my SIL mom lets my mom pick first what she going to do since I have 2 brothers and a sister and there familes to work around so to keep peace with my Inlaws my mom had brunch even though dinner would work out better since she works yet that way we could spend brunch with them and we'd have something simple with my Inlaws. Ok all is set right----wrong!!!

4 days before thaksg. my MIL states she just going to make a chicken or somthing for her and FIL!!! my hubby goes everything is all set.

her reply was well my mom could just have everyone come later!!!!

I pipped in and said she has 20 people coming she cant just call them now and beside my DB and SIL and family were going to her parents for dinner!!!

They just dont understand!!

thanks for letting me vent!!!!

 

[PatsGirl]

I hope to remember this thread when I'm the MIL. I have often been typecast as overly-assertive but don't think I've ever gone to some (most) of the extremes I've read here. I never say never, but I hope I always have more respect for my children than to step on their toes or interfere with their vacations in such a way that they feel so belittled...

 

[pklein09]

It breaks our hearts to see someone else going through the same type of issues we've been dealing with for over 13 years of marriage. It gives us strength to think that there are people in this world who are put there to teach us something no one else can. For us, we learned from my family the type of parents we do NOT want to be.

Stay strong. You can get through this. With a little effort and a LOT of patience, you can learn to say "no". Don't make excuses, rationalizations, or explanations. They are just invitations for MIL to argue and wheedle more. The best I can recommend is to say "Sorry -- It's not going to work that way." Why not? "Because that's our decision." (Warn DH first -- it's even better if it comes from him). Then change the subject, don't allow it to shift back ("It's not open for discussion."), and get on with enjoying your vacation.

Change is hard, but they'll get used to it... Eventually... If they know what's good for them! As donaldbuzz&minnie said, you DO hold the strongest cards. It's never too early to be a role model for your DD on how to handle conflict gracefully.

Good luck. We're behind you 110%. We people-pleasers need to stick together!


-p

 

[Dznypal]

sorry to hear theres another chapter in the in law story.

my "kids" are none 23 and 21 but back when they were 13 and 10 we were going on our first family trip with my family and my hubby said if he folks would watch the kids we could have 3 days earlier and spend the time at WDW and the kids could come as scheduled with my family of course I had to be the one to ask!!!

After much himmimg and yawing they finally agreed but my DS was really upset he response was "why should we stay now when they never do anything with us otherwise"


I didnt say anything at the time but he was right. My parents have 8 grandchildren rangeing in age from 2 to 23 and they have stories about spending special time with each one of them!! (my two "kids" are the oldest)
and they are inlaws only grands and yet they dont have those special times with them. its sad but true

so just keep planning that special WDW trip with your family and have the best time there is leave your worries at the gate!!

hugs to you and your family

 

[pbharris4]

Regardless of what you do...I hope you all have a wonderful and happy vacation!

 

[eeyore45]

I cant offer any advice, but I want to offer up more

You really have to communicate with your dh,, if your dh is wishy washy, if your dh doesnt see a problem, than you really will be alone and you are the mom. It hurts to see your child hurt. My problems in this area come from my own mother! DH is not happy my parents are coming to WDW with us, but I felt is a compromise! I'd rather have them with us, than to leave our dd with my parents for a week, alone, unsupervised!!

I just want you to know, you are not alone, we can give advice, but bottom line you have to follow your heart! you have to convince your dh that it is about YOU, and dd, and YOUR family.

And then go to the most magical place on earth.. Somehow you will have to communicate with each other on how to leave the "bad stuff" at the gate to the happiest place... make a plan, and stick with it!1 Love the advie - "JUST SAY NO" but make it a united NO!

No matter what you decide, if you do it with the best intentions, do it for what is best for YOUR family... and smile, and enjoy!!

Good luck!

 

[tlbwriter]

I think you should all visit Mother In Law Stories to see how bad MILs can be... and I know some of you on this thread could share your own stories there!

 

[k_k_100]

debm - Have you thought of trying to accommodate them honestly? Give them the heads up that they probably won't be able to use the pool at the GF. Tell them that you are going to explain your situation to the front desk (that you CAN NOT leave YOUR key for them) The front desk will probably say "sorry - you need to be here if you are going to have guests"

You might be surprised - I'm amazed at how Disney accommodates their guests - they may just say - OK - and issue your in-laws their own key. I've read many stories about people who have last minute additions to their rooms & are not charged the extra $25/nt. when the check in and are honest.

Either way you will come out looking good to the in-laws. If they are allowed to use the pool you are a good DIL. If not - they know you did everything you could & tried to make arrangements for them.

Some battles are just not worth fighting. If the GF wants to allow your MIL to use the pool then so be it – If they stick w/ Disney policy then that’s that. You tried – you are off the hook. You MIL will know of the situation in advance & can make plans accordingly.

 

[redmomof4]

They are allowing you to spend a few days with them at their house, free of charge, right?

I understand the pool hopping rule, but if they can legitimately be "guests" at the resort, wouldn't that be the best thing. To share a little hospitality with them as they have shared with you?

I am totally sure there is more to this, history with your in laws and such (been there, done that) and hope you have a BEAUTIFUL vacation no matter what you decide.

 

[Missus Toad]

Unfortunately now we've had a discipline issue with my MIL and our daughter. Oh how it tangles everything. I want to respect my MIL yet I don't think the issue was as big a deal as it has been made out to be and it has totally ruined my day and my daughter's. Right now it feels like one of those "how are we going to get past this" type of thing. She is only 6 years old. I believe she should respect adults but my DH and I should be the ones to discipline, NOT MIL who loses her temper and ends up hurting my daughter.

The first hard line that needs to be drawn is on this issue. My strong and heartfelt suggestion is to work on this before worrying about the pool-hopping. Best of luck to you.

 

[stlrod]

Compromise is typically the best solution. If you are uncomfortable telling them how you feel, then change your plans a bit. Either don't go to a park that day and relax at the hotel with them as your guests or pay their way into MK as a "thank you" gesture for allowing you to stay with them. You can tell them to bring a bag with swimwear, all go to Mk for awhile, then all take a midday break at your hotel. It would be worth the $100 or so.

 

[megrod74]

Well as we now know from your more recent posts, the pool-hopping/key-sharing is just indicative of a bigger issue. Regarding all those that say to just 'suck it up' I strongly disagree because you need to clearly define boundaries that you are comfortable with. If this were just a pool hopping problem I might agree with giving in, but you brought it up because you feel taken advantage of. Those are legitimate feelings. I don't really think it matters that they are sharing their home with you. That's great, but it doesn't mean you have to then give in to their every request.

BTW Is there any reason they can't just spend their one night at the GF?

Just my 2 cents from another DIL of a manipulator.
Good luck and I hope everything works out.

 

[Took]

Although we normally don't have big MIL/FIL troubles (my folks and his are generally great), DH and I do have to say "no" in a united way sometimes, to set absolute boundaries around our privacy (and DD's). At any rate, I recently allowed MIL to do something that was against my better judgment (nothing major but still made me very uncomfortable) and I am still regreting it.

As another poster said, say "no." Don't justify, wheedle, "avoid," "please" or anything else. This is your expensive vacation. They were NOT invited. You don't have to be mean about anything but you must be firm. Pushy people (and these seem quite pushy--the nerve of them!) don't understand anything but firm, firm resistance in my experience.

Good luck. Saying "no" the first time won't be easy, but you'll never be free until you do. Talk to DH--he needs to see how much this is affecting you and him and DD!

Took

 

[ruttie]

there is definetly more to this story...
but i still take the unpopular route.. suck it up!!! They are your in laws They are letting you stay with them and they are spending time woth you guys at disney world.. even though it seems they live near the place... Just ask the front desk if they can have a key so that they can use your room while you are at the park.. If they say no you have your answer.. and speaking from experience with in laws... sometimes it is easier to just smile..... its not like you will be with them year round....

 

[back2disney]

inlaws-ugh
well i would talk to your spouse & compromise
yes pool, no smoking.. good luck!

 

[dreamflight99]

OK--I need my Disboard friends to help me. My DH and our kids are checking into the GF on Sunday. We used our DVC points to pay for room because we could not afford this! Anyhow, relatives living close by booked one night at the ASM and have *told* us that they are coming over early that day, Tuesday, so that they can use our "plush pool and accomodations" while we are in the park. They have asked my DH to leave key for them at the front desk so they can change in our room. uuuuugh. I don't feel comfortable with this at all. How can we get out of it without saying no?? Must understand these are my DHs parents and he won't tell them no even though he doesn't want them to. I feel really awkward. One problem is we are afraid she will smoke in our room or out on the balcony---we can probably tell her not to do that but....I really dont want this situation to happen at all. It is not supposed to happen and I don't feel comfortable. Anyone have any ideas for me other than just flat out saying no? They will probably disown us if we say it though. Can you tell we are still the 37 year old *children*?? Thanks!!

Simple...tell them the resort does not permit LEAVING any room keys for other visitors at the desk, etc. If someone other than you and your family are caught entering the room, using the facilites, etc.-- you may suffer the consequences. Simply stated: DO NOT do it!! Stay out & enjoy the parks for most of the day...etc., and be cautious when returning to your room (in case they are lying in wait for you, stalking, etc). The unbelievable AUDACITY of some family members or friends, just NEVER CEASES to amaze/astound me!!! Such a blatent lack of consideration, respect or courtesy...can not be excused or justified. Do not permit them to trapse over your plans, and intrude on your priceless visit. My family refuses to invade our planned family vacations, as they can visit us ANY other time of the year. This goes for BOTH sides, thankfully. Unfortunately, not everyone lucks-out in such a manner. Hope everything works out for you, and you enjoy every moment of your visit!

 

[dreamflight99]

Ah, In-Laws, can't live with 'em, can't strangle them and throw them in a ditch. What to do! First, some unsolicited advice. Either directly or subtly, don't allow anyone to 'self-invite', it's a sure path to relationship hell and loss of self respect. We have a cottage in the White Trash Mountains in PA to which fair weather realtives are constantly inviting themselves, as in your case, not to spend time with us, on our terms, but when we're not there. They also request we give them the key and we haven't and won't. We reply to these requests by giving a list of dates we'll be there and entertaining and invite them. None ever accept.

As for the advice you asked for, it's all been said. You'll need all your keys for EMH, they don't have to be informed you're not doing EMH. If you're one of those who refuse to blur the truth under any circumstances, go to the front desk, tell them exactly what Minnie the Moocher proposed and I'm sure the CM will shoot down the idea. Inform your dear friends of the reply. Good luck.

Bill From PA

You have the BEST perspective and advice Bill! All doused with an incomparable flavorful SPLASH of humor, the BEST way to SWALLOW the horridly BITTER PILL represented in the OP's POST! "Minnie the MOOCHER!" PRICELESS descriptive words~!! Free~loaders represent a personal idiosyncrasy with moi, detest...dislike...despicable...bordering dangerously close to the "H" word! Self-imposed idealists with imperialistic expectations of entitlement whom repeatedly commit such gaffes, represent the worst in our society/structure (especially when they are too close for comfort, as in FAMILY~!). Gag. Thanks again, for the laughs Bill!!

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

It's been said, and I'm just reiterating the point. Disney does not permit guests not staying at the property to pool hop. A GF guest can't use the Poly pool and so on.

Also, They are not permitted to give room keys out to persons not staying in the room. I'm sure there are ways people get around this, but CM's can't even give out room numbers. They would offer to call up to the room to see if you were there.

I'm sorry this is going to be a sticky wicket for you, but do what's best and abide by the rules. They're established for a reason, after all.