relatives want to pool hop to our hotel...help!

[macs4us]

Please don't be passive agressive and perpetuate the problem by coming up with fake excuses. It's time to step up and tell your dh he needs to tell his parents that you would both be uncomfortable with them using your room and the pool. Don't allow a discussion - you don't need to explain. Just no. If you start explaining things (we need our keys for the parks, it has a credit card on it, pool hopping is not allowed) they can find a way around it. That's how certain people work, and that's what I gather from your description. The fact that you feel they would "disown" you both reminds me of a bully who makes subtle threats; but remember if you call them on it they will back down. The behavior only goes on as long as you allow it.

My husband's family is the ultimate in passive agressive, and I am not. They think I am a "bad influence" as their son doesn't buy into the games anymore - but he is the one who has to do it. Life has gotten a lot better for us since he has taken a stand, and he is more relaxed around his family now because he feels he can just be straight with them. Nevertheless, I am still glad they live a couple thousand miles away.

Personally, I wouldn't mind if any of my inlaws used my room and pool (they wouldn't smoke or leave a mess as they now know they would feel our wrath, lol), and I would just call the GF and check if it is ok - but don't do that unless you would really consider letting them use the facilities. Don't get the info as a crutch to tell them no.

Good luck, and, most of all, have a great trip!!!

 

[VSL]

No! No! and NO!

Yeah, you may be staying at the IL's house for a few days or whatever, but the fact that MIL decided to take it upon herself to discipline your daughter (whether physically or verbally) would negate any 'claim' she has for you to do her a favour back.

Also, pool-hopping is not allowed. End of.
And the credit cards being attached to your room key.
And EMH's.
And YOU'RE paying for the GF (she isn't coughing up any cash).
AND the fact that you just don't want her to do it. Isn't that the most important thing?

Like other have said also, you hold the cards here anyway. So what if you upset her? She's upsetting you - you MUST stand up for yourself (and so must your DH!).
It is so hard to stand up if you're a people-pleaser (Jay is one and I USED to be one).

My problems are more with my own mother rather than my future MIL!
Just the other day she was like, 'oh, when you and Jay have children, can we come with you the first time you take them to WDW?'
I may sound like a b*tch, but I looked her smiling face in the eye and said, flat out, 'no', because I want it to be just MY family when we go.

Either way, good luck! I'm in full support

 

[back2disney]

No! No! and NO!

My problems are more with my own mother rather than my future MIL!
Just the other day she was like, 'oh, when you and Jay have children, can we come with you the first time you take them to WDW?'
I may sound like a b*tch, but I looked her smiling face in the eye and said, flat out, 'no', because I want it to be just MY family when we go.

I invited my dad, for one: he just loves the place and two: he doesn't do any thrill rides only kiddie ones and so (we don't go until December) when my wife and I want to ride something my 2yr old can't, he can take his granddaughter on those again again and again

Back to the original post
I wish I only had this SMALL problem. I kept my mouth shut when my inlaws wanted to move 15 miles away from me after being more than 2000 miles away(they needed jobs). Its been over a year now and I'm still trying to cope with the stress..
So I say let them swim and don't worry about it - your not going to even be there and it could be alot worse.

 

[Lewisc]

Forget about pool hopping rules or even the key question. I could understand if the in-laws wanted to join your family in the park, at a character meal or even join you when you're enjoying the pool. It seems weird that the major goal isn't to spend time with the grandkids.

It really sounds like these are relatives you talk about your "last minute vacation" plans after you come back.

 

[VSL]

I invited my dad, for one: he just loves the place and two: he doesn't do any thrill rides only kiddie ones and so (we don't go until December) when my wife and I want to ride something my 2yr old can't, he can take his granddaughter on those again again and again

That's kind of a good point.. but my mother does like to invade a bit, and we squabble a lot.

 

[megrod74]

I could understand if the in-laws wanted to join your family in the park, at a character meal or even join you when you're enjoying the pool. It seems weird that the major goal isn't to spend time with the grandkids.

I totally agree.

 

[dpic]

Bump to hear how it went.

 

[NancyIL]

Bump to hear how it went.

Thanks...I was wondering too.

 

[swincha]

my my those meddling inlaws. here you go planning a nice trip and maybe seeing them and they decide to "use" you. it would be one thing if they wanted to see you and swim but to see 'you" and not where you are staying. i wouldn't want to give my travel plans to them anymore. put it on dh. its his parents. if he "remembers" to leave the keys fine. don't remind him. however tell him if he does he must tell the inlaws no smoking in the room at all! will he just forget and avoid all of this? maybe, let him. he is stuck you are mad at him or his mom. i know i am 46. i dont get into these situations i keep my distance to my mil .

don't sweat it though. don't let their rudeness ruin your trip. you can always call and ask policy and tell dh it and its up to dh to handle all of this. you just have fun and have an extra glass of wine if you need it. buy yourself a present for having to put up with them

try your hardest to detach from this and enjoy your trip. try to make a joke of your inlaws and enjoy yourself

 

[swincha]

Can you call the GF and see if they have a changing area by the pool? Or at least a large bathroom nearby? I know VWL has a nice sized bathroom not far from the pool we used to change on the day of check-out.

don't you need some proof you are staying in this resort to use the pool like your room key or a the resort beach towel

 

[swincha]

I would just tell them no. I feel your pain... last summer when we started planning this first trip to disney for this July, my brother n law and sister n law "decided" that they would just come with us because " since you aren't much of a rider, you can watch our 16 month old while we ride" I told them that I didn't want to go to disney and watch a baby or I would have went when my kids were that age, instead of waiting until they were 13 and 8. Well, the crap hit the fan, MIL said we were mean spirited, and SIL and BIL said we hated the baby...go figure. Just do what you feel comfortable with and if they get mad, they'll eventually get over it....it's your vacation...Enjoy it!

unbelievable you plan a vacation and your supposed to babysit in the parks for them? then they get mad. better to detach from these family members

 

[swincha]

Well, technically it might not be pool hopping in this case and hopefully OP's in-laws don't read the DIS boards . At the GF, maximum room occupany is 5 guests. If the OP has 3 listed in her room, then I believe she would not be breaking any rules by having her MIL & FIL added to her room reservation for the day. It would cost her an additional $50 for the 2 extra adults, but that's all. They would be given their own room keys and be allowed to swim at their pleasure.

i don't think the poster then wants the inlaws smoking in her room and possibly spending the night and an additional 50 bucks added to the bill. just thinking this isn't the answer she wanted. i wouldn't want to do this.

 

[NancyIL]

The in-laws were supposed to have "dropped by" yesterday, and the OP had been using the PC at her in-laws' house prior to that. We may not hear anything until she returns home from her trip.

 

[swincha]

. MIL works on the "point" system and we might be in big trouble. Yes, it can be that bad at times. It is important to us though that we have a relationship so that the kids can.

mil just sounds nasty to me. you might be in trouble? unless they pay your salary you will not be. you want a relationship with the children with them by bowing down to them, breaking the rules? what an example to set for your kids. I will tell you know when your kids get older they will SEE what the inlaws are all about and it will make your kids pull away from grandparents like this. stand your ground but nicely and the inlaws can choose to see your kids. this point system? geez i would be running from her.

 

[swincha]

She is only 6 years old. I believe she should respect adults but my DH and I should be the ones to discipline, NOT MIL who loses her temper and ends up hurting my daughter.

this has now gone further. you need to set your boundaries. this might mean you do not stay with them anymore. but your children are more important. you make it clear no one discplines your children but you. if they do not agree you keep your distance and your children from them. this mil is a bully for sure.

 

[justcruisin]

OK, DEBM .... have you made a decision?

I'd say Disney will not allow the pool hopping ...

Just smile and nod ... smile and nod ... (did I mention the wine?)

 

[TammiMcMan]

i don't think the poster then wants the inlaws smoking in her room and possibly spending the night and an additional 50 bucks added to the bill. just thinking this isn't the answer she wanted. i wouldn't want to do this.

My response to the OP's question was on page 1 and I stated that she should keep her room keys and just meet the in laws somewhere from the dinner. My reply that you quoted was in response to another DIS'er who mentioned the rules of "pool hopping". I was just indicating that it would not be against the rules if the in-laws were listed on the reservation for the day.

 

[debm]

Hi all. I got home tonight to more pages to this thread! Wow! What did I start?!?! I wanted to let everyone know what happened. Well, first on Saturday I spent hours consoling my daughter, staying out of my MIL's way, and talking with my DH when we had a chance. I told him that I wanted him to tell her that "in the future, if there is a problem with DD then she is to tell us about it so we can handle it." He explained that this was so "it wouldn't put her in a bad position and we could discipline her as we saw fit." It actually went over well! At least she listened and seemed to agree. So one hurtle was over. On our way driving into WDW Sunday I told my DH how I felt again about the room/pool situation. Of course he says, "why didn't I speak up when they were asking for our key?" And that he didn't know that I didn't want them using the room. Anyhow, I explained about pool hopping rules and he agreed that he was feeling "used" too. So when we called them Monday night about what time we would meet them for dinner Tuesday he just explained that we couldn't leave our key, our charge card, pool hopping rules, and that there was a changing area by the pool if they chose to come over at their own risk. Otherwise we would be swimming at about 5 that afternoon and we would be happy if they came as our guests and watched the kids swim. They did spend some time on the beach with the kids and got in the pool for a very short time. The pool had only about 5 families there at the time and I didn't see a problem with it. I was very relieved that everything worked out. I'm also glad that we told them what their options were without letting them take advantage of us. They spent the night at the All Star Sports and continually remarked about their "cheap" "value" "super8" etc. motel. Kinda made me a bit mad because I think any of the Disney resorts are nice and we've stayed at AS Sports before and liked it. Anyhow....I think MIL was just trying to feel important at the GF. In answer to 1 poster, no, they wouldn't have paid the $400 to stay. They were planning on us paying it so they could use the facilities.

We went to Ohana's that night with them. We have eaten there before with them in January but this time FIL remarks how he doesn't remember so many children, and how loud the restaurant was. Whatever! (We have 4 kids ourselves.) Another poster remarked about them coming into the parks with us---I agree. Why won't they spend the time with us to see the grandkids? Repeatedly they tell us that they've been to Disney so many times years ago. Been there done that. BUT we say. You haven't seen all the new stuff and watched the kids enjoy everything. doesn't phase them. They went to SeaWorld with us the Friday before though. First time in years they have gone to a park with us. What an experience. Everything seemed about what they wanted to do. DH is pretty good about making sure our kids get to do stuff but it just shocked me. We had decided together what shows we were seeing at what times. But in between it seemed more about what they wanted. MIL needs a pastry---4 minutes after we've walked into the park when kids are chomping at the bit to see the animals. Then FIL wants to go get beer at hospitality house. We ended up splitting up from them. They actually walked away after a noon show as we were putting kids in strollers and we never found them again. I was feeling guilty but got over it. It was obvious they were not there to be with us.

So.....thanks again for all the advice and support. Overall it was VERY good when we were in the parks just US. And I feel out of this that I've grown better at standing up for what I believe in---or maybe not worrying about what MIL cares at all. Why should I? And our kids will never be there by themselves with them. EVER! OK---I feel better. Thanks to all who responded. Disney was definitely having the "happiest celebration on earth" because even with all the people and the heat we had a great time!!!

 

[redmomof4]

I am so glad things worked out for you and the honestly will truly help in your relationship with your in laws! HOpe you had a wonderful trip!

 

[tlbwriter]

but i still take the unpopular route.. suck it up!!! They are your in laws They are letting you stay with them and they are spending time woth you guys at disney world

Well, so much for that theory!

To the OP... I'm glad you stuck to your guns. They sound like people who need to be avoided whenever possible. And luckily, they're making that easy! I can't believe they just wandered off without at least telling you they wanted to go off on their own.