relatives want to pool hop to our hotel...help!

[Matt'sMom]

Add another vote for complete honesty. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness... particularly in a situation like this, where it would involve compromising your own personal values.

You or your husband can make the inlaws aware that WDW definitely frowns on this sort of 'pool hopping' activity, and you simply are not comfortable with being involved should they choose to break the rules. If they are determined to pool hop regardless, then they can change clothes in a restroom/lounge area. But at least you will not be 'guilty by association' if they do so. As was mentioned in another post, I do believe it may be a different story if they want to come over later, and join you at the pool as your guests. Check with the cm's at the front desk, and see if that may be an option--then you can let your inlaws know when you plan on going to the pool, and invite them to join you for a visit then.

Also, it is true that you will likely each need your room keys for park admission, assuming you have your park tickets encoded onto your key card (which is far more convenient than trying to keep track of multiple cards). So, leaving a key behind for them is not an option. No need to make excuses about that issue.

Uncomfortable as it may feel to say "No" to your inlaws, in the end it's probably going to feel a lot better to be honest with them... as oppossed to continuing to stuff your feelings and comply with their every whim. You can ease the impact a bit by acknowledging their feelings ("I understand that you may feel disappointed about not being able to pool hop & use our room while we are away at the parks..."), so that they know you are not acting in an entirely inconsiderate manner. But their feelings should not take priority, when their 'wants' (not needs!) obviously conflict with your own personal values.

 

[LisaS]

Add another vote for complete honesty. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness... particularly in a situation like this, where it would involve compromising your own personal values.

The statement above, and everything else in Matt'sMom's post, was extremely well put!

I too believe that honesty is best. When someone tries to push you into doing something that you're not comfortable with, you need to stand up for yourself and your values.

And please do not ask the GF CMs to resolve your family issues by asking them to deal with your inlaws on your behalf. The same applies to "forgetting" to leave a key. You may not like your inlaws all that much, but why encourage them to travel over to the GF while you're at the parks knowing full well that you've primed the CMs to turn them away once they get there?

To have any hope that your inlaws will ever treat you and your family with respect, you and your DH have to stand up for yourselves, nicely of course, but firmly.

 

[pbharris4]

Here's my opinion: (and things like this FREQQUENTLY happen to me because we so close to my DH's parents and they are always taking advantage of me and us). And my DH is afraid to tell his parents no too, but after the first time it gets easier and he's 35. Here's 2 ways to handle it:

1. Just say that of course they can use the pool, but you have to take your keys with you and you don't feel comfortable with anyone there when you are gone. Yeah, they'll be mad, BUT you are taking the 1st step in letting them know that they can't always have there way! It's gets easier after you do it the first time. They'll love their son anyway and will get over it. Just MAKE SURE your DH doesn't say that it was YOUR idea or he's setting you up to look like the bad person. (even though you both wanted it)

2. And second option: there is none. Why? Because whatever else you come up with they'll either know you are lying or will come up with an alternative idea. My sister in law is great at this. She keeps after you until you cave in or finally flat out tell her NO!

Now, I don't know your inlaws, but it sounds like they really want to check out the hotel (and pool). I mean..can't they get dressed at THEIR resort and put clothes over (like most people)? I would NEVER give my KTTW card out (not even for my parents) because it is linked to your credit card and they could use it to go shopping or buy drinks and say I'll pay you back later (although THEY might not do that), but also..what if they lost it?! Personally, I find it VERY rude that they put you in this position. My parents (may the RIP) would never IMPOSE on me and my family like that. Don't cave in either. This is YOUR vacation that YOU are paying for. Maybe instead..you guys can offer to take them for dinner..maybe that would get the room out of their minds?

 

[tlbwriter]

Honesty is best, but sometimes it just doesn't work. With certain types of people, you must give a reason that is beyond your control, or they just won't give up. "Oh, but you could do X." If you need your key to get into the park, you need your key to get into the park. There's very little they can come up with to try to talk you out of that one.

 

[thumpersfriend]

I think you need to put yourself in the place of other guests staying at this expensive hotel. How would you feel if someone else on this board asked if they could let their in-laws pool hop to a very expensive resort? Just coming from vacation from the Poly where we couldn't get chairs or even in the volcano pool it is aggravating to me! If you were or they were to pay the $25 extra a person for this privilge then I have no problem. It wouldn't be right to ask the GF CMs to handle this, sounds like your inlaws get their own way and you are subjecting someone else to their miserable behavior. I would pay the $25 per person and be done with it.

 

[cmonroe]

Our last trip to Disney we drove down to WDW with my in-laws. It was actually a fairly pleasant trip other than they went so slow, we saw half of what we wanted to see.

On the way home as we're driving through New York, the conversation came up for our next wdw trip. I said we (myself, dw, dd and ds) are going to try to go again in 05. My mother-in-law said that we (all of us) shouldn't go to WDW in 05, we should go to Canada instead. Yes, I had been driving for many hours, and could've been slightly irritable, said that with all due respect, I will not be going on vacation with them for our next one. We'll be going to WDW by ourselves.

I simply told her that I enjoyed their company, but we shouldn't spoil things by going on vacation with eachother every year.

My point? My wife is like your husband. She does not like confrontation. Sometimes she will stand up to her parents. Other times she will not. That's when I step in. I'm fairly easygoing. Quite frankly, I want my daughter and son to spend as much time with their grandparents as they can. They won't be around forever and these are the good times. However, that does not give them the right to invite themselves on a vacation, etc. Because of it, they understand the line for the most part.

It's up to you if you want this to be the line in the sand. If not, and you're both not on board for the possible consequences, then you'll have to continue to live with it the way it is.

Finally, I agree with the above posters. You're going to need your keys to get into the park. That should do it for you.

Just my two cents.

 

[poohluvrs]

thumpersfriend - this was my exact point in my post at the bottom of pg 2 of this thread, I totally agree....

 

[cmonroe]

I would go to the front desk and tell them the whole story, and then ask for help. I know you're asking them to do some of the dirty work for you, but they don't have to live with the consequences. They can politely ask the in-laws for I.D. (a CM probably would do this anyway) then say they are not the guest registered for the room and deny them the card.

oooh. now that's a good idea!

 

[Michelle2]

I totally agree. I would never be without one of our room keys, and I could never see the resort holding a key for someone not on the reservation... My word, they don't even tell you what room someone is in due to security reasons nowadays. I mean, if someone had a RPC or SL room and left a key at the desk for some family member staying in a different resort to come and partake in all the lounge offerings and drinks for the day, etc...that would kinda be along the same lines, and there is no way the hotel would do that. That should be an easy out right there....no lie or confrontation needed.

I have inlaws that are the same, so I know what you are going through.

 

[NancyIL]

The in-laws aren't merely "guests" who are visiting your family for the day...they are resort guests at another WDW resort. They have their own assortment of pools that they can use. While there's no rule against them visiting you in your hotel room, it has already been stated that resort guests can't use the pools at other resorts. Saying, "I'm sorry, but resort rules do not allow you to use the pool at the Grand Floridian" ought to be enough. If the in-laws persist, suggest they get their own room at the GF!

 

[Princess Mommy]

Honestly, I don't think you can leave a key for someone who isn't registered in the room, like everyone has said. And if you leave your key there- you will need it for the park b/c your park tix are on it... if they aren't for whatever reason- I still don't think a CM would hand over a key to an unregistered hotel guest- Even if another, registered guest gave them permission.
You could call the GF to be sure, but I wouldn't stress about pissing them off~ b/c Disney will be doing that- not you

 

[joannwalton12]

Your room key is like a credit card-it contains you admission tickets into the parks and if you have a meal plan that info is also on your card, as well as a room key. So you will be unable to leave the card for anyone.

 

[Deb & Bill]

Your husband just needs to tell his family that they cannot swim at the GF unless they are guests there. He will not leave his room key for them to use his room. If they would like to use the pool at GF, they should get a room there. Leave it at that. Then ask them when you should stop by their house (I thought you said that they lived close by) for a visit. Or would they like to meet for dinner while they are staying at AS.

We have taken several family members with us to WDW. One of my husband's sisters will never go with us. She is a big downer, complainer and whiner. I will not have our vacation ruined by her.

 

[debm]

I'm the OP and oh I thank you all so much. We were in Sea World today and I came home to all these responses. I haven't even made it thru the 3rd page!! I thought maybe I was being silly about this so I appreciate everyone supporting me. As one of the posters said I hope they don't read the Disboards. I'm actually posting from their computer --we're staying at their house another day---and I feel really nervous about it!! They live just north of Orlando and we usually stay with them before going in to WDW. They never come to the parks with us. We are having dinner with them at the Poly Tuesday night and so that is why they chose to spend the night that night--at least that's what I thought until they emailed us 2 weeks ago with this plan. We didn't respond and then when we arrived last night they hit us with it again. That's when I was cringing. DH reluctantly said, "uh yeah" and I'm thinking "oh no." I know he realy doesnt want it but I don't think he'll say it. I really really appreciate all the supportive posts. I want to do the "right" thing but really don't want to cause a problem. MIL works on the "point" system and we might be in big trouble. Yes, it can be that bad at times. It is important to us though that we have a relationship so that the kids can. The kids do understand that there are things we disagree with. Won't go into everything. Feel funny enough posting here! OK--back to reading.....I am leaning towards just talking to the CMs at the front desk and go with that solution. I am not good at being sneaky or lying and don't feel comfortable with it so they would probably see right thru it. Oh and we are DVC members and AP holders so we don't need room key to get in. Thanks again all!!!!

 

[J and R's mom]

MIL works on the "point" system and we might be in big trouble.

So where does MIL stand on YOUR "point" system? Isn't she in "big trouble" with you and DH for putting you through this type of stress again (since I'm sure it's not the first time)? Your feelings are EVERY bit as important as hers are. Why must everything be on HER terms? What about your own? Don't live your life and make decisions based on where you fall on her "point" scale. It only leads to misery and resentment.

It is important to us though that we have a relationship so that the kids can.

I think that a relationship with one's grandparents can be the most special thing in the world. Mine is/was with my grandparents. HOWEVER, your kids can still have a wonderful relationship with grandma, even if there is a fallout between the ADULTS. The kids don't ever need to be part of it. If MIL chooses to pout and throw a tantrum as a form of manipulating you and DH to do her bidding, that's her choice. She'll be removing herself from her grandkids, not you and DH. IT WOULD BE HER CHOICE, HER FAULT.

I am not good at being sneaky or lying and don't feel comfortable with it so they would probably see right thru it.

Don't let her make you resort to this type of behavior. You're already uncomfortable with it because you know it is sneaky, dishonest and disrespectful...which is exactly what SHE'S guilty of doing to you and DH with her request.

I know that straight out honesty is very difficult for you and DH at this point (you have to take baby steps when it comes to learning to assert yourself and stand up for what you want), but telling them that you'd rather be upfront with GF and play by the rules and pay the fee for them to be your guests for the day is probably a good compromise (as indicated in previous posts). And asking her to NOT SMOKE in your non-smoking room/balcony is MORE than fair.

Good luck and best of wishes...

 

[Amy&Dan]

Either be truthful or just bite the bullet and do it! This reminds me of last summer and my father in law experience. He lives in LA and we take frequent trips out there and do Disneyland with him and our kids. Well last summer, dh was on business out there so I flew out while my mom kept the kids at home. (sidenote: we had just seen him the previous month and were going back two months later with the kids) So dh and I think, ahh nice romantic weekend just us. Well about two days before I flew out my fil calls dh and says something to the effect of what time should he meet us at Disneyland? OMG!!! So dh and I concoct some stupid story about his boss is also in town and we have to meet up with him for dinner. Unfortunately a few weeks later dh was back in the area again and realized if his dad came to the hotel to see him and ran into the boss he would probably ask him how he had liked his evening with us at DTD! Luckily that didn't happen but we realized we were running the risk of being caught in a lie in front of family and the boss! Now looking back we should have just told fil, sorry, its our weekend alone, we will see you in a couple of months when we come with the kids, know you understand or just enjoyed an evening with him. Either way at least we wouldn't have been coming up with crazy stories to keep straight! Oh the tangled webs we weave!

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

As a grandma myself, don't underestimate how terrifying it would be to your in-laws to have to face being in your bad graces and have access to their grandchildren limited. Of course you have no intention of doing that, but you hold the strongest cards by far. I think you have much less to fear about ticking someone off than they do!!! Like most bullies, your MIL is getting away with her inappropriate behavior because she's probably never been challenged. My guess is she'd back down pretty darn quickly if she had to.

Good luck. You don't deserve to be forced into compromising your values just because someone wants to use you to make their lives more convenient. Relationships are based on choice, not on "rights".

 

[NancyIL]

The fact that you are guests in your in-laws' home for several nights complicates things! Your in-laws have offered hospitality to you, and you will be expected to reciprocate for one day. Good luck!!!

 

[pbharris4]

As a grandma myself, don't underestimate how terrifying it would be to your in-laws to have to face being in your bad graces and have access to their grandchildren limited. Of course you have no intention of doing that, but you hold the strongest cards by far. I think you have much less to fear about ticking someone off than they do!!! Like most bullies, your MIL is getting away with her inappropriate behavior because she's probably never been challenged. My guess is she'd back down pretty darn quickly if she had to.

Good luck. You don't deserve to be forced into compromising your values just because someone wants to use you to make their lives more convenient. Relationships are based on choice, not on "rights".

VERY well put!!! I agree wholeheartedly! My MIL is the sweetest person and we get along really, really well, but there were several occasions where she just wanted to own way (w/o considering my feelings) and although freightening, I had to stand my ground (in a nice way). She was mad, but from that point on..she respected my feelings. She was sooo used to getting her way all those years that once she realized that I wasn't going to kiss her behind and I wasn't HER child, that I had my own values, traditions, and parents of my own, our relationship became better. Sometimes MIL's NEED to be put in their place and TRUST, TRUST, TRUST me when I say it will only continue to happen and after time your resentment will only grow. It's only small things, I know, but it will continue to happen. The OP was right..you are the one holding the cards..not her AND set a good example for your kids..yes.comprimise is good, but giving in (when you don't want to) all the time ISN'T good because then THEY will learn that they will always gcave in to people instead of comprimising or knowing when it OK to do something for themselves. For years I have have given to people, always being nice and constantly doing things I didn't want to do because I didn't want to be selfish and wanted to avoid conflict as well. Well, at 27 I started having anxiety attacks BECAUSE so many peole wanted things from me (because I let them take advantage) but I have learned that you can't make everyone happy and I deserve some happiness to. SO...do what will make you happy!!!

 

[EthansMom]

At most of the resorts, your room key is tied to a credit card in order that you can charge WDW purchases to your resort bill. Would you give one of your credit cards to someone just so they could use your pool? I wouldn't and I wouldn't be afraid to tell my MIL, "I'm sorry, but I really don't feel comfortable handing out my room key since my key is tied to my credit card. I just don't feel comfortable with other people having my credit cards. Maybe you could come over with your suits underneath your clothes?"

My MIL and I have had our issues, but I'm learning how to tell her how I feel in a way that avoids making her feel bad. I've finally got most of my boundaries set and I think we're starting to GET each other.