Referring to people as Sir or Ma'am...

[daisax]

I do get so tired of anything being different labeled a "southern thing"

And I get tired of people saying that their local customs are "common courtesy" -- the implication being that people who don't follow their local customs have no common courtesy. (Count the number of responses here that said "Yes, we do - it's common courtesy.") The whole Mr./Miss First Name thing seems peculiar and awkward to me, but I wouldn't say that people who use it aren't using the common courtesy of calling somebody Mr./Miss Last Name. In my area, THAT would be common courtesy.

Yes, we say "please" and "thank you."

 

[Nik's Mom]

I was born and raised in Los Angeles, but now live in Kansas. I will usually say sir or miss if I don't know the persons name. For example "excuse me, sir/miss". I've heard the term used both in L.A. and here in Kansas City.

My husband's parents are from Mexico and they definitely believe in showing respect to their elders. My dh wouldn't call my parents by their first names for a couple of years. I finally had to tell him that it's too formal in America to call your in-laws "Ma'am/sir or Mr./Mrs.". I know dh wasn't trying to be rude and that he was just doing what was proper based on his parents up-bringing.

 

[Serena]

I wasn't taught any of that. However, I do use please and thank you. If I want a strangers attention I say Ma'am and Sir. Hey you! doesn't cut it.

But, I hear it all. I'm called Miss Laurie from people of all ages. I worked retail and now I've been at call centers for a long time. People call me Ma'am all the time.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Saying "yes" and "no", vs. saying "yeah" and "nope" is over-exaggerated politeness ??

Not the general use of it, but correcting someone (usually a child) when he or she says "yeah" in front of someone. To me, the correction is a lot more rude than the initial "yeah".

how does one to refer to a stranger in a polite way if not refering to them as sir or maam? There must be a lot of ways but I only know of that way

I don't say "thank you ... um person". I just say "thank you". Works for me.

Exactly.

"Thank you, have a nice day."
"Thank you, you too!"

Perfectly polite and a lot less pretentious.

We used Mr. and Mrs. Last name too. I really don't like the Mr./Miss First name thing....sound weird to me and bugs me.

It is totally disrespectful if you have asked them to call you by their first name and they don't.

I agree. My name is Sue. Drives me nuts when my friends insist that their kids call me "Miss Sue". It's not my name and I don't want to be referred to that way. And I CERTAINLY don't want to be called "Miss <Lastname>"

Just call me by name. It's what I answer to.

A lot of times, the overly polite thing comes off as being fake and too formal. I'm a simple chick. Say "please", say "thanks", don't push me out of the way... and I'm happy.

 

[MichelleVW]

And I get tired of people saying that their local customs are "common courtesy" -- the implication being that people who don't follow their local customs have no common courtesy. (Count the number of responses here that said "Yes, we do - it's common courtesy.") The whole Mr./Miss First Name thing seems peculiar and awkward to me, but I wouldn't say that people who use it aren't using the common courtesy of calling somebody Mr./Miss Last Name. In my area, THAT would be common courtesy.

Yes, we say "please" and "thank you."

I couldn't agree more!!

 

[KristaTX]

I know it's meant to be a sign of respect, but it drives me NUTS! So does the instance of using "yes" instead of "yeah" and "no" instead of "nope".

Overexaggerated politeness is just plain annoying to me.

Not the general use of it, but correcting someone (usually a child) when he or she says "yeah" in front of someone. To me, the correction is a lot more rude than the initial "yeah".

Sorry. From your first post I thought you meant that it was overly polite to say "yes" instead of "yeah", or "no" instead of "nope". That seemed like quite an odd opinion to me. I would agree that correcting someone on that in front of other people is rude.

 

[ma2jr]

I think it's charming..

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Sorry. From your first post I thought you meant that it was overly polite to say "yes" instead of "yeah", or "no" instead of "nope". That seemed like quite an odd opinion to me. I would agree that correcting someone on that in front of other people is rude.

It made sense in my head when I originally typed it. LOL.

 

[Kathymcbain]

I label it as a "southern thing" because I have lived in the North and have lived in the South and the only place that it was commonly used was in the South.

I don't know about it being a Southern or Northern thing - but I've lived all over the place and the only place I've heard it used consistently was in the south. When I grew up, in Florida (which is south but not southern, IMO), we had to call everyone Mr/Mrs and their last name. When we moved to Chicago, most kids called adults (except teachers and other authority figures) by their first names. My mom still insisted I used Mr/Mrs.

When I lived in Hawaii recently, all the kids called every adult Auntie or Uncle. I asked my kids what their bus drivers name was. They told me Uncle. What?? All their friends just called me auntie - I hated it, but let it go. When in Rome and all that...

I will say that when we decided to leave Hawaii we had no clue where we were going to go and I specifically chose the south because I perceived it as a place where my kids would be exposed to better manners and small town values. I haven't yet been disappointed with the area I chose. So, I think it being labeled a "southern thing" is a complement! After living all over the U.S. I think more kids should be more "southern" - including mine!

 

[Planogirl]

Texans say "yeah" a lot but in a sentence. "Yeah" by itself sounds pretty bad but "yeah, that is correct" or something like that is pretty common.

 

[TanyaLovesPooh]

I use it every day, to anyone, any age.

So do I. My children are both in karate and the instructor teaches them to address people this way as well, regardless of age.

 

[Pin Wizard]

The biggest offenders of using "Ma'am" to me are the military. Why on earth they think this is a respectful form of address to someone is beyond me. I want to smack every person that says it to me. To me, it's an age thing. If you're being called "Ma'am," you're getting up there. The first time I heard someone use it was a kid who was a cashier in Publix.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Texans say "yeah" a lot but in a sentence. "Yeah" by itself sounds pretty bad but "yeah, that is correct" or something like that is pretty common.

Yeah, I do too

To me, saying "Yes, I do too" sounds too formal.

 

[Robinrs]

to me is is weird and very disrespectful to answer what to a parent, my mom would have let me have it is I said what to her, just like my kids no better than to say what to me. I have plenty of friends from up north and they don't seem to have a problem with ma'am and sir, in fact I have a friend from up north that is way more strict about it than I am.

I do get so tired of anything being different labeled a "southern thing"

What's wrong with having a nice affection considered a "southern thing?" NYer's have LOTS of things associated with them that are not applicable to every NYer but it's considered a NY thing. Doesn't bother me.

I spent 30 years in NY and 20 here in Ga. The only people in NY I ever heard say "sir" or "ma'am" learned it from a Southerner. It's a good thing, a polite thing. I knew NYers who ate biscuits and grits, too... and that's a southern thing.

 

[DawnCt1]

I live in New England. It doesn't really bother me, but I would rather never heard myself referred to with that title. It's kind of offensive up here to call someone ma'am. Nobody here uses it.

I always thought it is a Southern thing. I hear it when I call states like Georgia for work.

I have lived in New England for most of my life, and while we do not generally use it, it is far from offensive when it is used.

 

[daisax]

I wouldn't call it "offensive" either, but it's somewhat jarring (outside of "Excuse me ma'am/sir" when trying to catch the attention of a total stranger).

I will say that I grew up calling adults Mrs/Mr./Miss/Ms. Last Name (unless they were very close family friends and given the title "Uncle/Aunt"), and while the Miss/Mr. First Name thing is strange to me, I really, really don't like children calling adults by their first names.

Parents of my friends whom I grew up calling Mr./Mrs Lastname have invited me to call them by their first names and I can't!

 

[CowboyCO]

Not the general use of it, but correcting someone (usually a child) when he or she says "yeah" in front of someone. To me, the correction is a lot more rude than the initial "yeah".





Exactly.

"Thank you, have a nice day."
"Thank you, you too!"

Perfectly polite and a lot less pretentious.



I agree. My name is Sue. Drives me nuts when my friends insist that their kids call me "Miss Sue". It's not my name and I don't want to be referred to that way. And I CERTAINLY don't want to be called "Miss <Lastname>"

Just call me by name. It's what I answer to.

A lot of times, the overly polite thing comes off as being fake and too formal. I'm a simple chick. Say "please", say "thanks", don't push me out of the way... and I'm happy.

I was raised to call all elders sir, or ma'am, as well as when addressing my parents. When mom or dad asked/told me to do something, it was "yes, sir". I'm raising my kids the same way. You address people by their titles or by "Sir" or "Ma'am". For a child to call an elder by their first name is disrespectful. It's Mr. Edwards, Mrs. Edwards, just as I would never address a teacher by their first name, out of respect.

When my my kid says "Yes" he gets an immediate"Excuse me?" And then comes the "yes, sir", or yes, thank you". My boys get it that good and proper manners earns them the respect of their elders. They've also learned that people do very nice things for them when they exhibit good manners.

It's not a southern thing. Go watch "Leave it to Beaver" or "Father Knows Best". The lack of good manners is the result of a degraded society. I goes right along with giving people the finger while driving, talking on the cell phone whie in the check out line or in a restaurant, or not giving up your seat on a Disney shuttle bus to a woman, child or elderly person.

 

[DebbieB]

I have lived in New England for most of my life, and while we do not generally use it, it is far from offensive when it is used.

It depends on how it is used. Say for example you are having a "discussion" with someone regarding a problem. If they keep saying "ma'am" I consider it condescending.

We also don't usually reply to people with "yes, ma'am, yes sir". When people use it here, it usually means they are accepting what you said but don't agree with it.

When I was a kid, we always addressed elders as Mr/Mrs/Miss. Even though I am older, when I see the parents of my friends, I still address them as Mr & Mrs.

 

[sue1013]

I was raised to call all elders sir, or ma'am, as well as when addressing my parents. When mom or dad asked/told me to do something, it was "yes, sir". I'm raising my kids the same way. You address people by their titles or by "Sir" or "Ma'am". For a child to call an elder by their first name is disrespectful. It's Mr. Edwards, Mrs. Edwards, just as I would never address a teacher by their first name, out of respect.

When my my kid says "Yes" he gets an immediate"Excuse me?" And then comes the "yes, sir", or yes, thank you". My boys get it that good and proper manners earns them the respect of their elders. They've also learned that people do very nice things for them when they exhibit good manners.

It's not a southern thing. Go watch "Leave it to Beaver" or "Father Knows Best". The lack of good manners is the result of a degraded society. I goes right along with giving people the finger while driving, talking on the cell phone whie in the check out line or in a restaurant, or not giving up your seat on a Disney shuttle bus to a woman, child or elderly person.

Saying Sir and Ma'am is not done in my area adutls are addressed Mr/Mrs. I had always thought it was a southern thing. But to think just because adults are not called Sir and Ma'am by children means they don't have manners is wrong. We were raised to always show respect to elders my children were raised the same.

 

[Inigo]

I don't see the Ma'am/Sir thing as a dig that someone is old. We just spent the last two days cutting up trees that had been knocked down in a storm. My SIL and BIL, as well as my other BIL, came down to help. SIL had her son and one of his friends come down. The friend called me Ma'am and referred to me as "that lady" several times during the day and maybe I seemed like someone who would be "that lady". The friend looked to be approximately my age (43). I don't know, maybe it was because I corrected SIL's son (age 48) for his language and attitude during the day. I got a little tired of hearing him cuss so much. (All I said was "watch your language." He's about as mature as a 11 year old. Long story.) This guy did this even though I was in there doing the same work they were, with the chainsaw and cleaning up debris.

I would be ashamed of my children (DD18 and DS22) if they were out and answered "Nah" or "Yeah" to people outside the family or friends. Just like I'd be ashamed of them if they failed to hold the door open for someone. To me, politeness is free and you can never spend too much of it. No, I'm not polite to everyone. I'm polite and respectful to people until they show me they don't deserve politeness or respect. I guess I'm just a prig.